tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC July 26, 2016 11:35pm-12:37am EDT
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d.n.c. every year, it is a lot of work. >> hotel occupantly nearing 100%. >> a big payday for everybody. >> and the doors are set here to open any minute now. 2,000 guests are expected tonight. we're told it only takes about an hour to turn this reading terminal market into a ballroom that is fit for the 42nd president. live in center city, wendy saltzman for "action news." >> something we really want you to know. each night we broadcast extended coverage of the d.n.c. on 6abc.com. along with live action from the convention floor, it is an opportunity to talk in-depth with local public officials. here is some of what they had to say about this historic night and the theme of social justice at tonight's convention. >> we can't help but feel the history of it. it was a very emotional moment for almost all of us. >> it is black lives matter, all lives matter.
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at the end of the day. >> and we have to invent our time in the community, day in and day out. police officers, prosecutors, going out to the community to build that level of trust. >> and you can watch our special digital webcast starting every night at 7:30 live from the d.n.c. and our coverage continues around the clock at 6abc.com. tomorrow at the d.n.c. delegates officially nominate the senator as her runningmate, and hearing from the current vice-president, joe biden, before president barack obama delivers his speech in prime time. and that is the political story tonight from the democratic national convention. there is other news. isis claiming responsibility for a terrorist attack on a church in france. they stormed into the church in
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normandy during a morning mass and proceeded to slit the throat of the 86-year-old priest. and the police shot and kicked the two attackers. and they called the pope saying they are working to protect churches and places of faith in france. one person hurt after a car slammed into a restaurant in south philadelphia. it happened at 8:40 tonight on oregon avenue. they are determining what caused the driver to lose control. charging george mcgoldrick in connection to a deadly hit and run in south philadelphia. the crash happened friday night at 21st and jackson streets. police say mcgoldrick's car was hit by another vehicle, and then crashed into three pedestrians. a 40-year-old woman was killed. a 2-year-old boy suffered minor injuries. mcgoldrick has been charged within voluntary manslaughter and dui. the pennsylvania supreme
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court will notre-interstate the charge of lynn over his mishandling of sex abuse. the decision overturned twice. it could lead to two possibility. prosecutors could seek to retry lynn a third time or he could be released from prison serving almost three years. >> and the latest from accuweather and cecily tynan. >> jim, a dry storm-free night. stormtracker live double scan showing no storms out there. but for the party-goers tonight, if you are just driving home like we will be doing it is a warm night. 83 in philadelphia, 80 in reading. cape may 76 and wilmington currently 82 degrees. satellite 6, along with action radar, showing the system that blew through last night, the cold front that brought us violent thunderstorms, that has now stalled to the south. and there will be a wave of low pressure developing along this tomorrow that could bring some
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storms to part of our region south of philadelphia, south jersey and delaware. the dayplanner showing you it is going to be another hot day. by 2:00, 89 degrees. by 5:00, back into the 90s. day six of the heat wave humidity not oppressive dewpoints in the 60s time. and the afternoon we could see some thunderstorms developing, again mainly across south jersey and delaware. looks like more widespread activity thursday with a system that will officially put an end to our heat wave. the exclusive accuweather seven-day forecast, two more days in the 90s. tomorrow hot, partly sunny, 92 degrees. the heat index about 93, 94. really not oppressive. a few thunderstorms south of philadelphia. thursday it gets more humid. 93 degrees. some thunderstorms late in the day and thursday night could be strong to severe. and then the heat wave is over on friday. but it comes at a cost. showers and thunderstorms, very
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humid, 88 degrees. we keep the unsettled weather heading into the weekend, especially saturday. still a chance of a shower under, 88. next week temperatures slightly above normal. monday partly sunny, 88 degrees. tuesday, 88 degrees. but the heat wave likely will end by day seven, the longest heat wave so far this year. jim? >> cecily, thank you. former professional basketball stars jalen rose and lisa leslie in philadelphia tonight fighting for children's education. hundreds of people came out to hear the athletes speak at the kimmel center, part of a d.n.c. reception held by the person federation for children. ...it's a supercomputer. with this grade of protection... it's a fortress. and with this standard of luxury... it's an oasis.
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it's a pretty simple question: is pat toomey's agenda your agenda? toomey voted seven times to defund planned parenthood. he even tried to shut down the federal government in order to eliminate funding for planned parenthood. and toomey's against a woman's right to choose and supports overturning roe v. wade which would allow states to criminalize abortion. pat toomey: he's focused on his own agenda, not us. majority forward is responsible for the content of this advertising.
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ducis rodgers, no matter your political preference, the democrats had a better night here than the phillies did in florida. >> yeah, no pop, no offense down there in south florida for the phillies. the phillies and marlins pay a tight one. and tight until giancarlo stanton flexes his muscles. and the first pitch from jerad eickhoff appears to be trouble. and ichiro leans into one. deep to right center and check him out at the wall and 1-0 marlins. and stanton comes through with an automatic double, driving in 2 runs on the night. the phillies lose 5-0 in a game they managed just four hits. the eagles linebacker turned
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himself into the miami beach police, arrested in connection with the assault of a hotel worker last week. the team says it is aware of the situation and expects him at camp tomorrow. the o.t.a.'s and training camps -- and the mini camps are nice but the training camps is where they hope to make space. and commenting on the style, he is keeping things simple for now. >> we're not rocket science now. we're not trying to, you know, re-invent anything. we want to put guys in a good position, communicate well, play what fits them. all of those things are important to us. ben simmons gives back after the break. i'm hillary clinton and i approved this message.
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well, i watch the shows. i mean i really see a lot of great - you know, when you watch your show and all of the other shows... while donald trump watched tv, as secretary of state, hillary clinton negotiated a cease fire in gaza. a reduction in nuclear weapons... took on vladimir putin... and stood up against the trafficking of human beings. a steady leader in an unsteady world.
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ben simmons made kids smile this morning. he was at a sixers camp in wayne. in addition to autographs, the campers got to take pictures and pick the rookie's mind about basketball. >> i remember when i was a kid i used to go to camp and i remember we never had nba players. and doing the right thing off the court, and hopefully will do things right on the court. and tonight's philadelphia's art and food scene on display during the d.n.c. fundraiser they mingled and listened to music exploring some exhibits. and "jimmy kimmel live."
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and guests david spade, ozzy and jack osbourne and music from the strokes. and "action news" continues at 4:30 with tampa edwards, matt o'donnell, david murphy and karen rogers with traffic. for the entire "action news" team i'm jim gardner. good night. : from hollywood, it "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- david spade -- ozzy and jack osbourne -- "the baby bachelorette," the boys tell all -- and music from the strokes, with cleto and the cletones. and now, what'd you miss -- here's jimmy kimmel!
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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thanks for coming. glad you're here. we have a lot to get to. have we swung the national anthem yet? has that happened? we have so much to get to. starting with day two of the democratic national convention in hill-adelphia. hillary clinton became the first woman to be nominated by a major party in the united states, which even if she doesn't win that's going to look great on her resume. the theme of the convention tonight was a lifetime of fighting for children and families, which is definitely better than a lifetime of fighting children and families, which makes yous. the word "for" can make a very
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big difference. bill clinton spoke tonight. he was the major speaker of the evening. of course he strongly supported his wife to be our next president. in a surprise move asked melania trump to be his first lady. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] if hillary wins, it will be interesting to see because bill clinton would be our nation's first first man. which is interesting. we've had a first man on the moon, a first man to climb mt. everest, a first man to run a four-minute mile. nobody ever thought to be just the first man. i guess adam maybe was the first first man. the democrats have had some impressive speakers so far. last night michelle obama delivered her second convention speech of the week. the first lady, she made a very powerful point. she noted that she and her husband wake up every day in a house built by slaves. to which donald trump replied, really, can i get the name of your contractor?
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because much of the focus yesterday bawas on bernie sande who did his best to throw his support to the clinton camp. sanders said the democrats will work to break up the biggest banks. he said from it the wells fargo center, so maybe wait until next week. it was a big night for bernie sanders. you could tell. the first time ever it appears he combed his hair. his hair was very neat. even today some sanders supporters were still hopeful he would somehow come out on top of the delegate count. which either shows how passionate they are or how bad they are at math. or maybe both of those things. but when bernie did voice his support for mrs. clinton, this is how his supporters reacted. >> any objective observer will conclude that based on her ideas and her leadership, hillary clinton must become the next president of the united states.
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>> jimmy: what a face, like the end of the movie "the notebook." bernie looked out, what happened, am i dead? there are a number of current and former comedians speaking at the convention, including senator al franken who was a comedy writer for many years, sarah silverman, lena dunham, pennsylvania senator bob casey. >> donald trump hasn't made anything in his life, except a buck on the backs of working people. if he is the champion of working people, i'm the starting center for the 76ers. >> jimmy: good one, dad. [ laughter ] that's the mighty casey strikes out again. meanwhile, donald trump was in roanoke, virginia. he's on a roll. a new cnn poll has him leading hillary by 3 points. even though he doesn't drink
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here's what it would look like if he did to celebrate tonight's edition of "drunk donald trump." >> she'll go on, she'll take a nap for four or five hours, then she'll come back. no naps for trump. no naps. i don't take naps. we don't have time! we don't have time. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he is flying highlight now because the democrats are behind in the polls. actually, if you watch the convention today, you literally saw how far behind the polls they are. >> my name is nicholas mateola, speaker of the house of the great democratic state of rhode island. >> we proudly pass 21 votes for senator bernie sanders.
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>> our state cast our votes -- >> delaware is home to our favorite son -- >> madam secretary -- >> madam secretary -- >> i'm donnie deans -- >> new hampshire, where we bring democrats together! >> i'm proud to announce that oklahoma, where our state motto is -- >> the great state of kansas. >> the father of the new political revolution, 74 votes for bernie sanders. >> really. c-span needs to get some human camera people. how the hell does that happen? tonight on abc we had a very special episode of "the batch error ret." the men tell all. or maybe it's pronounced the mental all, i'm not sure. but these political conventions are making you lose faith in america, "the bachelorette" men tell all special will do nothing to change that. much of the interest was directed at bad chad who is one of the most unpopular contestants ever on the show. the other guys did not like
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chad. he threatened them, he got physical with them, he was always working out. tonight one of the fellows, nick, decided he'd had enough. >> chris, hold on, wait, wait. >> oh! >> it's the same egotistical [ bleep ] we had to listen to all season. >> you going to pop a squat? >> no, listen to me. >> we have to resort to violence? here we go. >> chad's really good at issuing threats, all right? >> wait, are you trying to get air time right now? >> chad, you're a coward that sits behind empty threats, dude, you got nothing. >> you want to fight me? >> any time, any place, whatever. >> hold on, guys. >> you're a coward, dude. >> don't worry, we got a security guard. >> jimmy: well, we kind of have a -- someone wake the security guard! was that a security guard or did cu kubio get a haircut? chad made no friends during his time in bachelor land. if he had to do it all over
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again would he do it the same way? chris harrison asked and chad gave a surprisingly poetic response. >> is there anything that you regret? >> you know, honestly, i mean -- i don't regret 99% of the things that happened. i think anybody's going to be mad when they're getting [ bleep ] 24/7, night and day in front of 10 million people watching. >> so did you like -- trying to think off the top of my head -- the jordan comment. >> right that one, i thought that would make them be quiet, didn't work. >> it seemed to egg them on. >> sometimes you use apples which you should have chose pickles, know what i mean? >> jimmy: kind of, i guess. like when you're -- when you have to decide whether you should have the apple pie with ice cream or the pickle pie? i don't know. apples and pickles, you know, you can't compare them. ladies and gentlemen, that is story that caught my eye. according to a new study, the united states is falling short when it comes to height. american men and women used to be the tallest people in the world. now we rank 37th and 42nd.
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the tallest men and the women now are from the netherlands and latvia. which it's like my mother always said, if you need to get something down from a high shelf, call a latvian. this is disturbing. bring me my podium if you don't mind. thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] my fellow americans. we need to get this country back on top. literally. america was founded by tall people. abraham lincoln. you can't tell by the dollar bill, george washington was more than 8 feet tall. are we going to let the netherlands tower over us? i don't know about you, but i'm not. are you, guillermo? >> guillermo: no way. >> jimmy: you actually are going to let the netherlands tower over you. but i don't believe the dutch are the tallest people. i think they're adding two or three inches with those wooden shoes. and latvia? is latvia even a real country? that's not a rhetorical
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question, i actually don't know. when i am vice president, i will solve this in my first 100 days. and this is how i will do it. if you are over 5'10", you can stay. you can remain here and make babies, long babies, with other tall people. if you're shorter than that, you may be relocated to mexico and canada. and i will build a wall to keep all the short people from sneaking back in. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] and it won't be as expensive as donald trump's wall because it won't need to be that high, really. in my america, you must be this tall to ride. so join me, full-sized people. let's make america tall again! [ cheers and applause ] and most importantly, let's bond together to teach these latvians a lesson they'll never forget! we have to take a break. when we come back, the boys tell all. the baby bachelorettes.
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welcome back to the show. david spade, ozzy and jack osbourne, and music from the strokes all coming. first, as you know, earlier tonight in primetime we had "the bachelorette men tell all" special but the telling september over. i produce my own bachelorette spinoff show starring children instead of adults. grab a juice box, sit back in a little chair and relax as the boys tell all in the most revealing episode of "the baby bachelorette" yet. >> this season on "the baby bachelorette." bianca's quest for true love introduced us to an amazing cast
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of characters. some were fan favorites. >> i'm captain america! >> some were more controversial. >> it's my ex. he came back into my life. >> i'm so humiliated. >> others were just too short. >> it's hard being little. >> tonight we hear from the boys. >> jimmy: tonight on the most shocking, dramatic boys tell all ever. tensions rise and tales are tattled as our most controversial contestants in "baby bachelorette" history come together for the first time since bianca sent them home. while bianca continues her journey toward true love. we'll hear from the men she lefted him. about mistakes, regrets, and heartbreak. fellas? thanks for being brave enough to be here tonight. i'm glad you are relaxed.
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dylan, let's start with you. you made the boldest first impression. i have to ask you, why captain america? >> um, because i was him yesterday. >> jimmy: you were captain america yesterday? yes, so it was my turn to be spider-man! >> jimmy: today you're spider-man? oh my goodness. wow. he really is spider-man. well. what prompted this change? what made you make this decision? >> i made the changes because i have -- i am spider-man! >> jimmy: because you are spider-man. how you doing? ease than lines that. i want to move on to the most controversial departure of the season, eisley. some viewers said it was unfair of you to lead bianca on. why did you come on the show if you already had a girlfriend? >> my girl and i weren't exclusive. i needed to play the field.
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>> jimmy: well, that's not what this show is about. and i have to say i feel like you were here for the wrong ropes, right? yeah. dean, where is dean? dean, hi. you mind if i -- i want to just -- yeah, put you over here. there you go. dean, spider-man. spider-man, dean. dean, what's going on with you since you left the show? has this been hard for you? >> yeah. >> jimmy: did bianca break your heart? >> yeah. >> jimmy: in how many pieces? >> five. >> jimmy: five pieces? that is a lot of pieces. do you think you'll ever love again? >> it would be hard to trust another woman. >> jimmy: you know, dean, they say time heals all boo-boos and i think you're going to be just fine. >> i'll probably be single forever. >> i'm spider-man! >> you're not spider-man. >> yes, i am. >> jimmy: well, we have a
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surprise reunion tonight. someone america fell in love with just three short years ago. please welcome the baby bachelor himself, wellesley, wesley. and the winner of wesley's season, jesse. guys, come on out. how are you doing, wesley? have a seat on the couch. where's jesse? >> oh, she's not here today. >> jimmy: why isn't she here? >> because we grew apart. >> jimmy: was there an argument? >> yep. >> jimmy: what did you have an argument about? >> well -- jesse wanted to do one thing and i wanted to do a other thing. >> jimmy: you couldn't agree, come to a compromise? >> yeah, uh sgluf may i ask, what was the one thing that you wanted to do that jesse didn't want to do? >> go to the park. >> jimmy: she did not want to go to the park? >> yeah. >> jimmy: where did she want to go? >> she wanted to go to the movies. >> jimmy: wow r. i'm so sorry that happened. so are you still married? >> no.
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we just grew apart. and i respect jesse and i wish her nothing but the best. >> jimmy: that's very big of you. do you have any regrets about the choice you made? i mean, you did choose jesse over gabby. >> yes, i did. >> jimmy: you do? >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: wesley, i have a surprise visitor for you tonight. please welcome gabby. gabby? gabby, how are you? very good to see you. have a seat right there on the couch next to wesley. wesley, say hello to gabby. >> hi, gabby. >> jimmy: how long has it been since you've seen each other? >> a long, long time. three years. >> jimmy: three years. well, wesley told us just a moment ago that he still thinks about you and he still has feelings for you. wesley, is there anything you would like to say to gabby? >> i think think about you and what we had was special. and you have pretty hair.
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>> jimmy: aww. >> a lot of things have changed over three years. >> jimmy: what kind of things have happened? >> i've lost my teeth. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> i broke my arm. >> jimmy: oh! >> i taught my sister a lot of curse words. >> jimmy: gabby, what do you think of that? do you ever use curse words? >> no. >> jimmy: no. well, that's very sweet. wesley, anything you'd like to ask gabby or say to her right now? >> gabby? will you marry me? >> i thought you'd never ask. [ applause ] >> jimmy: wesley? did you bring a ring? >> uh -- no. >> jimmy: you didn't bring a ring. where the hell is neil lang? isn't he supposed to bring rings out? oh, well. we'll get you a ring. and i am so happy for the both of you. wow. what a wild ride this has been. tune in next week as bianca makes her final decision. will it be alex or manny who
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wins her heart? next week we'll find out on the emotional season sin in all lay of "the baby bachelorette." congrats, guys. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: bianca's amazing journey comes to an end next monday night. tonight music from the strokes, ozzy and jack osbourne are here, and be right back with david spade! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" are brought to you by chobani greek yogurt. you can only be great if you're full of goodness. go to chobani.com to learn more.
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introducing t-mobile's most epic deal ever! get a free samsung galaxy for everyone in the family. that's right, a free samsung galaxy with every new line and get 4 lines with 6 gigs each for just 30 bucks a line. plus everybody gets unlimited streaming from their favorite services. don't wait. get a free samsung galaxy for everyone. so get t-mobile now. because our most epic deal ever is only for limited time.
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what's with them? oh, those two? they're always fighting for attention. there's more to a legendary city than its legends. plan your legendary stay at visitphilly.com it's a pretty simple question: is pat toomey's agenda your agenda? toomey voted seven times to defund planned parenthood. he even tried to shut down the federal government in order to eliminate funding for planned parenthood. and toomey's against a woman's right to choose and supports overturning roe v. wade which would allow states to criminalize abortion. pat toomey: he's focused on his own agenda, not us. majority forward is responsible for the content of this advertising.
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>> jimmy: hi, there, welcome back to the show. tonight, from the new father-son travel show, "ozzy and jack's world detour," which can be seen on history. ozzy and jack osbourne are here. [ cheers and applause ] then, this is their album. it's called "future present past." the strokes from the samsung stage. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night, andy garcia will be here, jack huston will join us, and we'll have music from the go-go's. and thursday, greg kinnear, dino archie, and dana white from the ufc. join us then.
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our first guest is an emmy-nominated actor and hollywood sex maggot who -- i mean magnet -- [ laughter ] [ applause ] anyway, he's got a show, it's called "fameless." it premieres monday night at 10:00 on trutv. please say hello to david spade. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: sorry about that. >> yeah. >> jimmy: that was not a freudian slip at all. >> you got all the other ones right. hey, i was going to tell you that this little walk, i had dinner last night. five-star restaurant. >> jimmy: oh, congratulations. >> congratulations. i like to throw that in. when the hostess walks you in, you might have this happen. first of all, all my friends think the hostesses are cute.
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we invented an app that tells you where the three hostesses are in the restaurant. where's the one with the brown hair? table 26. didn't sell. >> jimmy: that's good. that is really stalking. >> we went to apple on all of them. >> jimmy: didn't like it, huh? >> the hose tells last night, this is funny, you'll hate it. i come in, i go to this place. she has to walk me but she wants to have a little chitter chat. mr. spade, thank you for coming. and how was your day? i go, i had a little bit of a health scare. she goes, here we are. that's it? no follow-up? just dead stop when she got to the table. pivoted. but sometimes, like last night was really scary. >> jimmy: why? >> i was running out of batteries on my phone. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, my god. >> have you ever had this happen? and everyone's looking at me, what's wrong?
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it's almost 9. 9:00? no, 9% battery, i've got to get home and plug it in. they go -- the hostess goes, i'll plug it in. i'm like, uh -- you know the panic? well -- well -- are you going to go way over -- she takes it. ahh! >> jimmy: what? why? >> because i'm terrified. >> jimmy: of what? >> because i'm like a dog looking at the owner. because she might find the 300 [ bleep ] pics. >> jimmy: oh, oh r. >> that didn't make the cut. >> jimmy: that's a lot of them. >> yeah. those are the ones i didn't send because i couldn't get it right. by the way, i'm finding my wiener is not photogenic. >> jimmy: is that right? >> yeah. i think it's a new thing with younger people. but mine, whoof. put my foot on a stool, get an aerial shot, i don't know how to do it. this girl says, i get it all the time, it's like hello for guys now. they're like, hey. they lead with it.
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used to come toward the end. >> jimmy: well. >> it's this guy from his feet up, sort of like this. i'm like, this i never would have thought of. plus who's taking it? you know? you've got to get your buddy and then that's worse than helping you move. you know? he's like, i'm going to grab it like that, choke hold, you know? knock off a few before dinner. i didn't think of that and i can't -- oh, i have a question, will you help me do something later? on the commercial? >> jimmy: i hope it's move. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i've been wondering about it. i wanted to wait until you were here. you've been posting photographs of a parking -- is this a parking ticket that you got? >> yeah, i got a ticket. and then i didn't think i deserved it. so i left it on my wind shield and said, i'll show them. and i don't know who i'm showing. [ laughter ] it's not -- the ticket's not going away and the cops don't seem to mind.
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now i just keep it on there in protest. >> jimmy: you've got to -- you're going into a hotel. isn't that the hotel people are not supposed to go in? >> the beverly hills hotel? no, no, no. >> jimmy: it's not? okay. and this is -- >> the ticket was doing nothing on my windshield so i showed it around town. >> jimmy: uh-huh. here's the ticket. >> looking at my backyard. >> jimmy: relaxing by the pool. is that your backyard? >> yeah, look at that cool star trek floaty. >> jimmy: that is pretty great. >> it's a captain's chair. >> jimmy: these are all your friends? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm sorry. >> i had a clear frame for the big photo shoot. >> jimmy: should i show this? why did you get the ticket? >> here's the ticket. no, because the meter was still blinking green. so i thought it was still good. then they gave me a ticket. so i said, i'll show them. anyway. i don't know what to do now.
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i painted myself in a corner. >> jimmy: just pay the ticket is a good thing, maybe. >> that's one idea. >> jimmy: that's a good idea. >> it bit me in the ass because i got a ticket jet skiing in arizona. i didn't know how that could even happen. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i had a cop and he was on a boat. i thought he wanted an autograph. he goes, come over here. i go, hey, who do i make it out to? he goes, you can't drive your jet ski and spray your friends with it. i go, what the [ bleep ] else do you do with a jet ski? that's all a jet ski does. and he goes, no, you have to be 100 yards away from each other. i go, who wants to jet ski, then? so he goes, it's so dangerous. so i get the ticket. i put it in the nose of the jet ski. and then later, naturally, i'm going to close and i hit my brother. exactly predicted in what they said, it's dangerous. almost took his leg out. and his sank. then mine, my ticket got wed. wet. and then there's a warrant out
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for my arrest. >> jimmy: no. >> it was on tv in arizona. >> jimmy: really? >> my mom goes, davey, turn yourself in! [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> i go what's happening? >> jimmy: did you turn yourself in? >> stay in my backyard! i go, can i stay? your house? she said, they'll check the house. i went to some court in like a strip mall in arizona. honestly, it was next to like jimmy john's and stuff. and then it was no one there in the middle of nowhere except me and a tmz guy. >> jimmy: oh, great, yeah. >> david at jimmy john's! i paid it. >> what did you eat at jimmy john's? >> that's the better story. no i paid it and the judge was like, we should all go jet skiing. he didn't care. >> jimmy: really, wow. how about that. you had a nice judge. the jet ski bandit is here, david spade. be back with david. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪
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>> you're with us. run, run, run. ready? go, go, go, go! come on go, go! >> whoa, hands up, hands up, hands up! hey, hey, hey, hey! hands up, hands up, hands up! get down, get down, get down! matthew, what's going on? >> i'm on a television show! >> what do you mean? >> this is all fake! i don't know what's going on! >> sure, yeah. everyone says that, man. >> everyone says that they're on a television show? >> jimmy: that's david spade's show, "fameless." starts monday on trutv. tell about the people you play the pranks on. >> the people that play the pranks have been prepped to be in a reality show. >> jimmy: they're people that want to be on -- >> they really want -- they have to go through a psych evaluation and everything. i don't know if you know this. you see "the bachelor," some of them obviously didn't pass. >> jimmy: right. >> but they're all ready to go through testing, i want to be famous, i want to be on any
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show. so we make up a fake -- because there's a line of people who can't get on any. we make one up, like "blind blind date." sounds like a real show. "what's in your mouth," a food show. we make up stuff. so that one's like a prison -- it's a reality show about jail. this guy gets -- there's a breakout, he gets grabbed by the criminal. so then you tell him. then everyone -- it's so funny because i get cringy when i do them. >> jimmy: you do? >> because i do them sometimes. try to help and i'm horrible at it. they don't want me to do them anymore. because i get scared. we did one where this guy's -- i'm judging the music, like "x factor." they're telling me in the ear piece he's bad. i tell him he's bad and he's so nice, then he goes, what do you know? i go, huh? he's like, you're a comedy guy, you don't know music. i'm like, no, i know talent. then he goes, you ruined "saturday night live"!
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what? then he left. no, get him back here. and he wouldn't come back. >> jimmy: who's the prank on then, i guess, huh? >> me, i guess. >> jimmy: you. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: you have been named roast master of the comedy central roast of rob lowe. >> rob lowe coming up, yeah. >> jimmy: have you done roasts before? >> i have not and i'm scared of them. i see them and i sort of -- maybe an o.g. roaster from the "saturday night live" days. but it's hard to think of the -- rob's a super-cool guy, he's a friend. obviously good-looking. he's like 7. >> jimmy: yeah. >> it will be fun. he's got a lot of sordid things in his past. we'll find something. >> jimmy: you've got to show that video. that would be a great way to start. >> go right at it. re-enact the video. that's a tough bye these days. >> jimmy: it's a different world now. >> you and i will be in montreal
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this weekend, canada. judges on jeff ross roast battle show. that will be good prep. >> yeah, get to watch it, i'm not part of it. >> jimmy: you're not? >> i'm judging. we're not going to get the shrapnel, i don't think. i hope. >> jimmy: well. you've got shrapnel from your own reality show. >> i sort of catch it. that will be super fun. i got that, i got twitter. things are clicking. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: david spade, everybody. the season premiere of "fameless" airs next monday on trutv. we'll be right back with ozzy and jack osbourne. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ state for the first time... gilman: go get it, marcus. go get it. ...coach gilman used his cash rewards credit card from bank of america to earn 1% cash back everywhere, every time. at places like the batting cages. ♪ [ crowd cheers ] 2% back at grocery stores and now at wholesale clubs. and 3% back on gas. which helped him give his players something extra. the cash rewards credit card from bank of america.
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