jimmy kimmel starts now. ♪ ♪ ♪ jimmy, hi. welcome to my dressing room. thank you for having me on the show. it's a big deal for me. my book comes out tomorrow, my show on cbs. my appearance on your show is the most important one of my life. >> wow. i was actually going to talk to you about that. we have a problem. >> oh, your infection flared up again? bigger than joel mchale? >> jimmy: oh, quite a bit bigger. >> you got beyonce? >> jimmy: no, actually, bigger than -- >> there's nobody bigger than beyonce.

>> jimmy: yes, there is and ow. >> dame oprah, it's dame oprah, it's her! >> jimmy: it's not oprah. >> you got stamos! you finally got john stamos on the show. that's amazing. >> jimmy: it's not john stamos, and he's been on the show a bunch of times. it's not oprah. it's the president of the united states and he needs this room. secret service is here and they have dogs who will bite you if you don't leave. i'm going to have to ask you to clear out. i'm sorry. >> i'm going to slap you again. >> jimmy: please don't, it hurt -- that time too. >> you got the president, huh? wow. it's a big deal. >> jimmy: he's got two months left on the job. >> good get, lame duck. anyway this one's from matt damon. i can sign that for you now. >> jimmy: make it out to -- [ laughter ] >> dicky: from hollywood, it's

"jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, president barack obama. and obama mean tweets 2. and now here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, everybody. thank you. i'm jimmy. i'm the host. thank you for watching.

thank you for coming. congratulations on making it here. through security. if you're wondering why you got sniffed by dogs on the way in it's either because the president is here or you have sausages in your pockets. it's a big deal when the president comes to visit. the secret service was very thorough this afternoon. i got my office swept and my prostate checked. [ laughter ] and guess what, obamacare covered the whole thing. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] never before has an outgoing president sat down with an incoming vice president, this is nothing short of historic. speaking of historic, tomorrow night the cleveland indians host the chicago cubs. the president of course is from chicago. he tweeted, i'll say it, holy cow cubs fans, even this white sox fan was happy to see wrigley rocking last night, #fly the w. i'm not sure how i feel about the president using hash tags. [ cheers and applause ] i am excited about the cubs. it's their first world series since 1945 and they're pulling out all the stops. the great former chicago bull scottie pippen was at wrigley field on saturday. he had the honor of leading the crowd in the traditional "take me out to the ball game." who knew scotty was such a big baseball fan. ♪ take me out to the ball game

♪ take me out to the ball ♪ i don't care if i'm ♪ boop boop boop >> jimmy: at least he got the team name right. [ cheers and applause ]e dodger they beat them in six games, although the dodgers are demanding a recount, this whole thing might be rigged. [ laughter ] imagine if we did that for everything. dodgers had a great season but ultimately the cubs were too much -- >> sure was! hi, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh my goodness! wow! >> hi! hi!

>> jimmy: legendary chicago cubs announcer harry caray, everyone! [ cheers and applause ] first of all, big congratulations on your cubs. what is this, pretzels? >> these are wetzels pretzels. yeah a little lady was handing them out down the road. who wants a pretzel, huh? [ cheers and applause ] get on in there! >> jimmy: it's great to see you. i'm so excited to meet you. we're in the middle of a pretty big show right now -- >> do you know where wetzel gets all his delicious pretzels? >> jimmy: i do not. >> he rolls them. out of dough. >> jimmy: oh. >> gives the offspeed pitch, smacks a chopper into shallow right, and the cubs have a runner on base with no outs. hey, johnny! >> jimmy: it's jimmy. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> hey, hey!

hey, johnny! did you know that the last time the cubbies won the world series it was 1908? >> jimmy: you know what, i did know that, that's a long time. >> long time, 1908. in 1908 our president was theodore huxtable roosevelt. [ laughter ] did you know that? >> jimmy: i didn't -- >> america's top export was fruit rollups. [ laughter ] and the number one television show was "the fresh prince of bel air." starring the six million dollar man himself lee majors. >> jimmy: i didn't know we had television. none of that seems accurate at all. >> madison russell gets a piece of that one, durham goes to second, two men on with none out. >> jimmy: no, this is interesting to me. clearly you've been following baseball even though you've been -- you passed away in 1998. >> 1998? >> jimmy: yeah. >> holy cow. i'm dead. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, if you're bringing attention to baseball,

attention to the election? >> hell, i'll too busy putting the stones to janis joplin. >> jimmy: what? really? >> hold on. yeah. i know. huh? >> jimmy: i never -- >> no, i don't have a chance to tell anyone about it ever. >> jimmy: that's incredible. >> i'll tell you this much, jimmy -- johnny, sorry. you get past the armpit hair and she's all lady. take another little piece of my heart now baby! >> jimmy: dating in the afterlife, that is amazing. >> i wouldn't call it dating. long slide to the wall, he goes back, he has it! and the runner's tagged, men on first and third, one out. >> jimmy: have you heard that donald trump is the republican candidate for president? >> what the -- are you trying to kill me again? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> hey, hey! watch out for crowds with machetes!

are they here? >> jimmy: no, they're not here. we're talking about donald trump -- >> yeah, donald trump. oh, boy. back with it. i knew him when he would sneak into the press box and throw kennedy half dollar coins at the dominican players. >> jimmy: he did? >> trump's got those little tiny mitts. [ laughter ] he looked like he was flinging silver dinner platters with those things. >> jimmy: you know, we have another prominent -- >> it's the contrast between the coins and the tiny -- >> jimmy: i understand. president obama -- >> there are no clowns here? >> jimmy: no clowns. president obama is from chicago, he's here on the show -- >> barack obama? [ cheers and applause ] >> he's a white sox fan but i forgive him. >> jimmy: that's very big of you. >> he's been terrific. you know what that guy ought to do now that he's got some time? >> jimmy: what? >> open a shrimp shack. >> jimmy: a what? >> yeah.

a shrimp shack. >> jimmy: a shrimp shack? >> everybody loves shrimp, jeffrey. >> jimmy: jimmy. >> there's something about them. they're tasty. he can call it something like, obama's world of shrimp. >> jimmy: oh, that's -- >> people digging in, enjoying their shrimp. he could come around. how are you enjoying your shrimp? >> jimmy: okay. >> are they hot enough for you? throw in a baked potato wrapped in tinfoil and we got ourselves a road win. >> jimmy: oh, that -- maybe some beer with the shrimp, i remember how much you loved that. do they have beer in heaven? >> hell, yes, they have beer. not just any beer. budweiser beer! [ cheers and applause ] aimed, served in a metal can, just like it's supposed to. give it a sip. >> jimmy: no thanks, i'm all right.

>> oh, come on, the dead guys don't got no cooties. [ cheers and applause ] >> there you go. >> jimmy: yeah. >> you know what i say. >> jimmy: what? >> why have one when you could have 12? budweiser! the king of beer. >> jimmy: harry, before you go do me one favor. vin scully was here. >> right, yeah. >> jimmy: dodgers announcer. >> i remember him well, good kid. >> jimmy: i'm sure he'll appreciate that. years ago i hit a home run in a softball game and it was televised. vin scully did the play by play for me. i was wondering if you would be so kind as to also do play by play for the clip of me hitting a home run. >> i don't know, i don't know -- [ cheers and applause ] i don't think so. >> jimmy: do you want to hear harry caray? [ cheers and applause ] >> all right. all right, timmy. all right. roll it. >> jimmy: jimmy kimmel, jimmy kimmel. >> roll it. okay. up next, jimmy kimmel, boy is he fat. i mean, if it starts raining we

can tarp the field with his uniform pants, he's that big. here's the pitch. he swings. it's a home run! swings for the fences, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom! the stadium is shaking! >> jimmy: it's not. >> obviously it wasn't built to code. >> jimmy: all right, we get it. >> the footsteps of a 900-pound man. hey, save some peanuts and crackerjacks for the rest of us. >> jimmy: harry caray, folks! [ cheers and applause ] >> my pleasure. >> jimmy: yes. >> my pleasure. night, everyone! let's go, let's go, show scottie pippen how it's done. a one and a two -- ♪ take me out to the ball game take me out to the crowds ♪ ♪ buy me some peanuts and crackerjacks ♪ ♪ don't give it to jimmy because he is too fat ♪ ♪ he has an eating disorder

>> jimmy: we have to take a break. president obama reads mean tweets. stick around! harry caray. ♪ the old ball game [ cheers and applause ] ♪

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just serve classy snacks and bew a gracious host,iday party. no matter who shows up. do you like nuts? donald trump: i could stand in the middle of 5th avenue i'm hillary clinton and i approve this message. and shoot somebody and i wouldn't lose any voters, okay? and you can tell them to go f--- themselves! you know, you could see there was blood coming out of her eyes, blood coming out of her wherever...

you gotta see this guy. ahh, i don't know what i said, ahh. "i don't remember." he's going like "i don't remember!" ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back to the show. president obama is here tonight. first before we get to that, hillary clinton got good news this weekend. according to the latest poll from abc news she's leading donald trump by 12 points. she has a 20-point lead among women. a 3-point lead with men. and a 20-point lead among voters with college degrees. although she is still significantly behind when it comes to men who have large

plastic testicles dangling from the bumpers of their trucks. [ cheers and applause ] both hillary clinton and donald trump were at the al smith dinner thursday night. this is an annual charity event in new york where the candidates will show up, politicians show up, to make jokes and give each other a little roasting. it started off fun. then it took a turn. but we slowed it down for another episode of "drunk donald trump." [ tape playing slowly ] >> i wasn't really sure if hillary was going to be here tonight. because i guess -- you didn't send her invitation. by e-mail. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's all in the delivery, it really is.

whoever does win on november 8th will not have it easy. being president is a tough job. it's one of the only jobs where you get a new approval rating every single day. it's really just president and uber driver, those are the only two. and now that we have this thing called social media, the president gets hundreds of judgments every hour of every day. many of them unpleasant. tonight once again president obama has agreed to read some of them for our second-ever presidential edition of "mean tweets." [ cheers and applause ] >> barack obama is the nickelback of presidents. obama couldn't negotiate getting a whopper without pickles. woodstock dave. thanks, dave. i bet obama likes mustard on his hot dogs because he's gross. @duckpunks. just found out my daughter shares a birthday with obama.

puke. in caps. @momoffourmunchkins. barack obama dances like how his jeans look. you know, this jeans thing. this is so old. these are years ago, come on. my mom bought new conditioner and it sucks, it isn't even conditioning my hair, i blame obama. [ laughter ] barack obama, bro, do you even lift? well, i lifted the ban on cuban cigars, that's worth something. [ cheers and applause ] barack obama is the sharknado of presidents. loud, stupid, and overhyped. #sharknado4. president obama will go down as perhaps the worst president in the history of the united states, exclamation point. @realdonaldtrump.

well, @realdonaldtrump, at least i will go down as a president. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we'll be right back with president obama! [ cheers and applause ] omes in" by the hollies ♪ oh the fishes will laugh as they swim out of the path ♪ ♪ and the seagulls they'll be smilin ♪ ♪ and the rocks on the sand... ♪ it's so peaceful up here. yeah. [ eagle screech ] introducing the new turbocharged volkswagen alltrack with 4motion® all-wheel drive. soon to be everywhere. was she expecting to find ther perfect designer boots

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, there, welcome back. you are here on a big night. the president of the united states is here. he's backstage eating as many mozzarella sticks as he can before he gets home to michelle, she does not allow them in the white house. we have new shows this week with felicity jones, gordon ramsey, andrew garfield, mario batali,

science bob pflugfelder, jimmy eat world so join us for all of that. [ cheers and applause ] i am very appreciative tonight's guest can take time away from helping rig the election to join us tonight. he is the 44th president of the united states. he'll soon be out of work so please accept his linkedin request. please welcome president barack obama! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you! thank you! >> jimmy: how are you doing? >> i'm doing great. >> jimmy: you seem like you're in a good mood lately. >> first of all, the mozzarella was terrific. >> jimmy: it was good, huh? [ laughter ]

>> second of all, i think -- you know, that you pick on your audience a little bit during the breaks. >> jimmy: yeah, during the commercial breaks, yeah, i do, yeah. >> you're kind of tough on them. >> jimmy: i'm not running for anything. oh, wait, i'm running for vice president! no wonder my name's not on the ballot. >> should have gotten some tips. >> jimmy: i should have. >> you should have called. >> jimmy: i called, nobody answered. >> biden didn't take your call? >> jimmy: biden did not take the call. literally no one took the call, it was remarkable. when was the last time you went through a metal detecter? >> i don't go through metal detectors. [ laughter ] i apply metal detectors. or people do so for me. >> jimmy: when that day comes in the future, and it is going to come -- [ laughter ] you are going to be mad, aren't you? >> well -- you know, i keep secret service after i leave. >> jimmy: right. >> so -- >> jimmy: oh. >> they've got connections. >> oh, so forever? >> i'm not taking off my shoes. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: as i know you are a big sports fan, you're a white sox fan, are you really happy that the cubs are going to the world series? [ laughter ] >> yes. no, you know, i watched the end of the last game. and to see just how happy everybody was, i actually felt pretty good. >> jimmy: you did. >> i am rooting for my hometown team. even though it is not my team. >> jimmy: it's not your team. >> it is not my team. but you know, i was watching these press reports about how the last time they won a world series, thomas edison was still alive. [ laughter ] sliced bread had not been invented. so this was literally the best thing since sliced bread. for cubs fans. [ cheers and applause ] >> white sox got their championship a little over ten years ago so we're feeling okay. >> jimmy: bill murray may be the premier cubs fan of all cubs

fans, was in washington, d.c. this week. i happened to be there, we did a tribute to bill murray. he crashed the white house. >> he came into the oval office in a cubs shirt. and i don't usually allow that to happen. >> jimmy: yeah. >> first of all, most people come with a shirt and tie. it was bill murray so i figure, i get no tie. but don't rub it in with the cubs jersey on. >> jimmy: i'm amazed by him. he pretty much does anything he wants. >> what he wants. nobody checks him. not even secret service. >> jimmy: metal detects him. >> it doesn't matter. >> jimmy: did you speak? did you chat? >> well, he had won the mark twain. >> jimmy: mark twain prize, yeah. >> the mark twain prize. will had won previously. i should mention by the way, will gets this prize, we do this photograph in the oval office.

the board members presenting it, a big to-do, then he leaves without the prize. [ laughter ] which you know, somehow the board members didn't find funny at all. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they didn't. >> bill did not forget the prize. >> jimmy: he remembered the prize. >> we took the picture. then he agreed to do a little social media skit. about signing up for people who didn't have health care, signing up, because open enrollment's coming up november 1st. we thought of a skit, we decide we were going to putt on the carpet in the oval office. and somebody grabbed a glass, we were trying to putt in the glass. and he won repeatedly. i mean, he kept on -- the glass was rigged. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's happening a lot lately. >> i was a little frustrated. what makes matters worse, then he's giving me tips about putting. [ laughter ] serious. he's all, no, i think your right

hand's a little too firm on the -- bill, you're a comedian, not a golfer. he took money from me. and i paid him $5. so basically the whole visit was a disaster. >> jimmy: you have money? do you have any money right now? >> no, i have somebody. >> jimmy: you have somebody for money. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: in the movies when the -- or tv when there's something going on, some big event in the world, somebody always says, wake the president. >> yeah. >> jimmy: then somebody has to wake the president. >> right. >> jimmy: does that happen? first of all. >> well, first of all, i have a phone right by my bedside. >> jimmy: yes. >> and every morning, somebody calls and says, mr. president, it's your 7:00 a.m. wakeup call, and i pick it up. and it works just like a phone. >> jimmy: yeah. >> that's it. >> jimmy: nobody pokes his head in? >> no. >> jimmy: hopefully you're covered up or whatever? >> no. look, there have been maybe three or four instances where you do get a call in the middle

of the night. for example, when the typhoon hit japan. fukushima. >> jimmy: right. >> you're not sure exactly what is going to be happening, it's the other side of the world, so it's the middle of the night. we had to deploy our experts and our military to make sure that any potential nuclear disaster was contained and we helped the japanese. so things like that will happen every once in a while. but for the most part -- >> jimmy: they let you sleep? >> for the most part they let me sleep. usually the real serious problems that come up are ones that we've anticipated. we can kind of see coming. >> jimmy: do you hate -- >> knock on wood, i've only got two or three months left. >> jimmy: right. [ cheers and applause ] >> you have to be ready if something happens. >> jimmy: right, you have to be ready. >> but as i've mentioned before, what i don't do is like a 3:00 a.m. -- i don't tweet.

>> jimmy: you don't tweet in the morning? >> about people who insulted me. i try to sleep so that in the morning i'm actually ready for crises. >> jimmy: the debate, you watched donald trump, do you ever laugh? do you ever actually laugh? [ laughter ] >> most of the time. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: did you ever actually watch that "access hollywood" billy bush tape? >> i did. >> jimmy: you did. >> i saw it. >> jimmy: where did you watch it? on tv? >> we were in chicago. i think i was coming out of an event. somebody just showed it to me on their phone. >> jimmy: at that moment did you know that it was going to be as notable as -- >> yes. >> jimmy: -- it turned out to be? >> well, didn't you? [ laughter ] that's just not the kind of thing -- >> jimmy: i didn't know because -- >> i think that's one of those things where if your best friend who worked in the office

somewhere had that video, it would be a problem for him. >> jimmy: it would be a problem, yes. >> and he's not running for president. >> jimmy: right, exactly. >> and rightfully so. >> jimmy: do you have dirtbag friends you haven't been able to be in touch with for the last eight years? ♪

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23rd timshhh.e charm. (clink) boom. yes! 23rd time is the charm, cliff. yea, you showed me. yes, you did. (shelly thinking) this must be how odell beckham feels when he scores a game winning touchdown. touchdown! odell beckham jr. (crowd noise) (odell thinking) this must be how shelly felt when she won that purple bear. ♪ pepsi. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

[ laughter ] guys you miss and once you're out you're going to reconnect with them? >> you know, there are probably some guys who don't make the cut but they're still good guys. [ laughter ] known them since high school, you have fond memories. hey, man, i'll catch up with you. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the president is here with us. we'll take a break, be right back! dangerous thing.

when i come home and dinner's not ready i go through the roof. grab 'em by the p*á*á". when you're a star, they let you do it. you can do anything. more accusers coming forward to say they were sexually assaulted by donald trump. i'll go backstage before a show... yes.. and everyone's getting dressed. donald trump walked into the dressing room while contestants, some as young as 15 were changing. standing there with no clothes. you see these incredible looking women. i'd look her right in that fat ugly face of hers. she ate like a pig. a person who's flat-chested is very hard to be a 10. do you treat women with respect? uh... i can't say that either. alright, good.

i'm hillary clinton and i approve this message. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi there, we are back with the president of the united states, barack obama. [ cheers and applause ] so you voted already, right? >> i have already voted. [ cheers and applause ] and i want to make sure that everybody in the audience, anybody who's watching, regardless of party, regardless of how frustrated sometimes you may feel about the political process, do not give your power away. go ahead and vote. [ cheers and applause ] and it's easy. you know, most states now have early vote. so it's not like you've got to go right on november 8th. you may have a couple of weeks. you walk in, nobody's there, you can take your time.

but i always say that -- i quote justice lewis brandeis in saying, the most important office in a democracy is the office of citizen. it's not president. it's not congressman. senator or governor. it's a citizen. and each of us have a certain responsibility. we can't just sit back and complain. we've got to try to have an influence. >> jimmy: who did you vote for? [ laughter ] >> it's a secret ballot. and that's the way it should be. >> jimmy: why do you think so many people don't trust hillary clinton? >> you know -- a lot of this just has to do with the fact that she has been in the trenches, in the arena, for 30 years. and when you have been in the public eye that long, in politics folks go after you. and they're trying to find a weak spot. and any mistake that you make ends up being magnified and

ginned up. and there are commercials around it and a whole narrative begins to build. that has an impact on people. but i can say that having worked with her, she is smart as a whip. she does her homework. she works really hard. she cares deeply about working families in this country. and you know, she's not somebody who thinks the job is about flash and sizzle and making speeches, it's about just getting policy right and making sure that folks are doing a little bit better. and i think that at a time in our politics when everybody wants to get 100% of what they want right now, and the assumption is if somebody else doesn't agree with you then they're completely wrong, and we got no time for them, the brand

of politics that hillary represents which is pragmatic and says that you don't get everything done all at once, you do -- you make progress in little pieces at a time. that may not attract as much attention. it's not something that goes into 140 characters as easily. >> jimmy: right. >> but i think she will be an outstanding president. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: are you happy in a way, are you glad that there are term limits? that you're not being pressured -- >> yes -- well, not -- you know, george washington is one of our greatest presidents. not just because he helped to lead the revolution, but because he had the wisdom after two terms -- at the time there was no constitutional prohibition on him continuing, and he was being pressured by a lot of folks to say, you're the only person who can hold this together. and he had the wisdom to step

back and say, i do not want to set a precedent where i am president for life. now personally for me, if i were able to run for a third term, michelle would divorce me. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] so it's useful that i don't have that choice to make. >> jimmy: i know you have to leave but can we keep her for another four years? [ cheers and applause ] >> she is spectacular. but i was telling somebody backstage, michelle was never wild about politics. michelle once explained to me, i try to organize my life not to have a lot of mess around. and politics is just a big mess. >> jimmy: yeah. >> she said -- i still remember, when i was thinking about

running for president, she said, you know, i think you would make an outstanding president -- and i would work so hard to make sure you were president, you're the kind of person we need, if i weren't married to you. [ laughter ] so she is not sorry. >> jimmy: they are looking forward, all the women in your life are looking forward -- >> all the women in my life are looking forward to being able to live a more normal life. >> jimmy: yeah. but still not entirely normal. obviously everybody's under the microscope at all times. >> a little bit more. >> jimmy: you're staying in washington, d.c., which is unusual for an exiting president. >> i'm like the old guy at the bar where you went to high school. >> jimmy: exactly. >> just hanging around. it's like shirt's been on too long, still thinks he's cool. >> jimmy: that's one of your friends you're going to be hanging out with. >> exactly right, me and that guy at the capitol hill bar. when's that guy leaving? >> jimmy: that guy's never leaving.

>> sasha is a sophomore. she's doing great in the school she currently attends. our attitude is that if you have a teenager and you really want to make sure they never talk to you again, then pull them out of high school right in the middle of sophomore year. >> jimmy: you're right. >> so look, they've made so many sacrifices. >> they have, yeah. >> i want to make sure that they get the ability to have what's best for them for a time. >> jimmy: do you ever wish you were running against donald trump? [ laughter ] do you ever wish you could climb there? the vice president said he wanted to fight him the other day. >> you know, i think hillary's doing just fine. i am enjoying campaigning on her behalf. and also campaigning for senate and house candidates. because look, we joke about donald trump. but i do think that part of the

reason you've seen michelle passionate in this election. >> jimmy: yes. >> part of the reason that we get involved as much as we have is not just because we think hillary's going to be a great president, but it's also because there is something equal qualitatively different about the way trump has operated in the political sphere. look, i ran against john mccain. i ran against mitt romney. obviously i thought that i could do a better job. but they're both honorable men. and if they had won, then i wouldn't worry about the general course of this country. i think republicans and democrats have some fierce disagreements and that's how

democracy works, we're a big, diverse country. and sometimes it's going to be contentious and noisy. but what we haven't seen before i think is somebody questioning the integrity of elections and the will of the people. what we haven't seen before i think is a politics based on putting down in very explicit terms of muslim americans who are patriots or describing women not in terms of their intellect and their character but on a 1 to 10 score. >> jimmy: right. >> you know, at a certain -- regardless of what your political preferences are and your policy preferences, there is a certain responsibility and expectation in terms of how you behave, how you present yourself. it doesn't mean that -- >> jimmy: i've heard this speech before, believe me, yeah. >> it doesn't mean that you're perfect. >> jimmy: no, i didn't mean from you, i meant guidance counselors to me. [ laughter ] >> yes, well the point is that -- you know, i said when i was running in 2008, i'm not a perfect man and i wouldn't be a

perfect president, but i'd make the effort. to, as best i could, be honest to the american people, to make sure that i was protective of the institutions, that there were certain norms and standards and values and customs that make it work. and if you are willing to say anything and do anything even when it undermines everything that's been built by previous generations, you know, that's a problem. and that's why i take this election very seriously. >> jimmy: you should have sold hats, though, when you ran. [ laughter ] one thing you have to take away from donald trump is that you can make a lot of money selling hats. >> yeah, you know what, we sold a lot of stuff. >> jimmy: we're going to take a break. president obama is here. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i struggle with bipolar depression,

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waiting here awhile. good thing you all had your phones with you. [ cheers and applause ] as the father of two teenaged daughters, i know the whole time you were just like -- and then he said. girl, i couldn't believe it. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: talking about your daughters, who i assume keep you up to date on all the technology. >> they do. now, sasha gave me instructions on snapchat. >> jimmy: oh, really. >> one night at dinner we're sitting there. and i had read that snapchat was becoming really popular among her age cohort. so i said, tell me about snapchat. so she starts explaining stuff. then you can make little faces on your picture, this and that and the other. and at the end of it, michelle and i are sitting there. i said, isn't this interesting. i started talking about the

implications of social media, what all this means. come to find out she was recording us the whole time and then sent to her friends afterwards, "this is my dad lecturing us on the meaning of social media." she took a picture of herself sort of looking bored. >> jimmy: wow. >> you know. >> jimmy: as if you don't have enough security problems right now. [ laughter ] >> michelle of course loved it. malia thought it was a riot. they distributed it to all their friends. this is what i go through during dinner. >> jimmy: would you tell young people that they should never write anything in an e-mail that might possibly be controversial in any way? >> it's interesting. i have e-mail, i don't have texting. because my phone function is disabled. i now have an iphone but it is like the phone you give your 2-year-old.

>> jimmy: yeah. >> they can press things but nothing actually happens. >> jimmy: right. >> so my phone has no phone. no camera. >> jimmy: what? >> no music. all it has is the internet and i can send e-mails. i think it has a weather box too. >> jimmy: yeah, right. >> so i send e-mails. my rule has been throughout my presidency is that i assume someday, sometime, somebody will read this e-mail. so i don't send any e-mail that -- >> jimmy: yeah, no. >> that at some point won't be on the front page of the newspapers. >> how's the wi-fi at the white house, is it good? >> we just updated it i think a year and a half ago. and the girls threw a party. it's an old building, the walls are thick. we weren't getting real good signals. >> do we know who hacked netflix friday night? to me, that is an act of war. >> yeah? you didn't know what to do? >> jimmy: what are you going to do? people are sitting down to watch "narcos" or something and

nothing. do we know, do we have any idea who did that? >> we don't have any idea who did that. but what is true is that we are all connected. we're all wired now. and one of the biggest challenges for the next president and the president after that and the president after that is going to be how do we continue to get all the benefits of being in cyber space but protect our finances, protect our privacy? how do we balance issues of security? because people expect the government to monitor this enough to protect them from bad guys. but they worry that if government is in there too much, then who's going to be protect them from government? and we're going to have to come up with frameworks and some of it's going to involve technology, some of it's going to involve law. this is going to be a big debate we're going to have for a long time. >> jimmy: i bet we will. i want to say thank you to you for being our president. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you.

i've had a great run. [ cheers and applause ] it has been the privilege of a lifetime. but i do have to remind everybody that michelle and i will still be alive in three months. [ laughter ] and hopefully you invite me onto the show once in a while. >> jimmy: no, this is it. i'm just saying good-bye. >> this is terminal? >> jimmy: it was really nice knowing you is what i'm trying to say. >> well, at least i'll still enjoy watching the show. >> jimmy: thank you. president barack obama! [ cheers and applause ] be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i miss my daughter every day. she was shot and killed in a movie theater.

jessi's murderer used an assault weapon with a high capacity gun clip. these clips allow killers to keep shooting and shooting. senator pat toomey opposes banning these clips, and he opposes an assault weapons ban. pat toomey stands with the gun lobby and not you. i hope you remember that when you vote. majority forward is responsible for the content of this advertising. at a neighborhoods a restaurafavorite - a place for a good, family meal.

she juggled customers, cooks, waitresses - and never complained. my dad was a police officer walking his beat. i learned from both what it means to be honest, to work hard, and love family. big banks, wall street, special interests - that's who pat toomey's with. in the senate, i'll work for you and your family. i'm katie mcginty, and i approve this message. >> jimmy: all right. i want to thank president obama. thanks to will ferrell, thanks to joe mchale. apologies to matt damon, we did run out of time. i wanted to make sure we got you on the show before we ended. >> guillermo: thank you very much, jimmy. >> jimmy: thanks for watching, everybody. "nightline" is next, good night! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

this is "nightline." >> tonight breaking news. a trump accuser stepping out of the shadows. >> that's why i'm here today, to show we shouldn't be afraid. >> the "people" magazine reporter alleging donald trump assaulted her now in the spot lite with just four days till the election. plus inside the final 30. tarnished trump? are his businesses in decline? >> women are turning their backs on him, women of color are turning their backs on him. >> he's playing a dangerous game. >> and political "family