is just a cool dude robot. all these frat dudes hang out with the robot.emely gay, and, like, spoils the mood of the party. >> they're kind of broing out, and he's like "hey, let's all shower." [ laughter ] and everyone's like, "oh -- or we could just hang out." >> jimmy: "let's all shower," he yells. >> "all right, or we could just hang out? >> jimmy: as you're watching a football game or something. >> yeah. >> jimmy: he's like "oh, touchdown. let's just have a shower together." [ laughter ] >> yeah. but my favorite part about the show is we were -- we were having all these writer meetings, and this is, like, a sincere movement, where i swear to god, i had to go to the writers for the show, and i walked in, dead serious, and was, like "all right, you guys, we got the new sketches in. we need sketches without dildos, blood, and cocaine. we've got to have that. none of those. we've got enough." >> jimmy: this was a serious conversation? [ laughter ] >> that's a serious conversation. >> jimmy: ridiculous. we've enough of those. >> all these adults are just l

that's right jon stewart called the president of the united states of america dude and the reaction has been pretty swift out there to take a look at some of the headlines this morning on the internet the wall street journal is asking should stewart have called the president dude if pointed out that this is the very first time that a sitting president has been a guest on the comedy central program and likely the first time that a president was ever called do an interview now the boston examiners headline read president obama talked politics on the daily show called the do and c.n.n. and fox also jumped all over this little slip. case you missed it mark just call the president dude can you imagine anybody calling your father do you know it's like well regular took his coat off never took his tie off you know in the oval office because he had the respect for all those who went before him the leader of the free world dude which was a. surreal moment but secondly he was calling him out of course heckuva job brownie the famous words of president bush speaking in wow so jon stewart a comedian

dude, you're the man. cheers. >> cheers, jimmy. >> jimmy: dude, i love it.ra linney,

and he is a dude guy character who has a dude guy buddy, and paul blart, mall cop, and he is trying to sell this stuff to a room full of squares. what is that stuff they used to say?

now instead of smelling like a dude with b.o., the office smells like a dude with b.o.rtcake. [ laughter ] "i got you a candle." you ever get those giant candles? they never run out. they're, like, so big. it's like a 20-gallon candle, man. ♪ thank you, wine tasting, for making people put a bunch of booze in their mouths, but then never actually letting them drink it. you're like the strip clubs of the alcohol world. [ laughter ] [ applause ] nuh-uh. give it up for merlot, everybody. [ laughter ] uh-uh-uh. not so fast. ♪ thank you, spare button that j. crew sews inside my shirts that chafe my back flesh. [ laughter ] i got my scissors, and i'm cutting you off. you losers ain't never making the big time, a.k.a., the front of my shirt. sew what? sew buttons. i don't think so, b-hole. [ laughter ] [ applause ] ♪ thank you, new seasonal beers that keep popping up in my grocery store. all out of miller lite? fine, i'll take a case of that delicious sounding cauliflower and acorn squash ale over there. [ laughter ] yum. that'll be delicious. our last thank-you note. [ audienc

but, man, you did such a great job, dude.cked it out of the park. we have a clip of the movie "the social network." here's jesse eisenberg as mark zuckerberg. >> mr. zuckerberg, do i have your full attention? ♪ >> no. ♪ >> do you think i deserve it? >> what? >> do you think i deserve your full attention? >> i have to swear an oath before we began this deposition, and i don't want to perjure myself. so i have legal obligation to say no. >> okay, no. you don't think i deserve your attention. >> i think if your clients want to sit on my shoulders and call themselves tall, they have a right to give it a try, but there's no requirement that i enjoy sitting here listening to people lie. ♪ you have part of my attention, you have the minimum amount. the rest of my attention is back at the offices of "facebook," where my colleagues and i are doing things that no one in this room, including, and especially your clients, are intellectually or creatively capable of doing. did i adequately answer your condescending question? ♪ [ cheers an

maybe not a bad idea for the kids. >> well, after that dude got a wax, he could do it. and the skinny dude needs more push ups. >> it would help with that. >> and you have been there, my man. >> brooke, you said people don't understand that healthcare is not a constitutional right. but in a country where social security and medicare are called entitlements, can you blame them? >> yeah. it is something we have to uncover, this invisible light in the constitution. and i'm from canada. i know what happens when you have a state healthcare system. and it is called long line. >> nothing wrong with long lines, just get me a straw. >> i believe a shrink will say the sense of entitlement is a symptom of knar saw cystic personality disorder. think about it. >> that's one to grow on, andy. >> take a second. >> digest. >> doesn't like kfc double down campaign. monica you said you like the double down because you like to hold meat. >> yes, that is a statement of fact. >> and you enjoy sandwiches? >> both. i say voar them both. >> -- i savor them both. >> i love this show. >> greg sa

dude straight up busted the housing bubble. that dude is whack. what? whatever.ou guys later. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ look at my reflection >> jimmy: created a wormhole. apparently, justin bieber uses a wormhole to get around. he just hops around one place to another lickety split. very interesting. stick around, everybody. we'll be right back with whoopi goldberg. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ guy #1 ] ooh! i don't know about this. bro, you can't chicken out now. yeah. can't do it. uh! it's really high. look at that boat down there. those guys have a ton of bud light. here we go! oh! whoa! check it out. sweet! oh, aluminum bottles, anyone? mmm. deviled eggs, they're a little salty. bikini! [ laughs ] [ male announcer ] it's the sure sign of a good time. the just right taste of bud light. here we go. she wants it back. the craftsman hammerhead goes everyday. driving home nails quickly and easily in the tightest spaces. more innovation, more great values. craftsman. trust. in your hands. there's jason.th friends. wait, is that-- that's dave. and that's the forbidd

should call the president dude. i think that's like so uncool. >> the new kathleen is coming out. >> do you think it was a pun intended. >> no. >> i don't either. >> that's one of things that slipped out. he's the pres, you don't call him do. >> we call him pres, pres obama. i'm glad we agree on that much. we want to know what you think. log in to cnn.com/parkerspitzer and let us know. >> good night from new york. "larry king live" starts right now. >> larry: tonight, president obama goes on "the daily show." >> i don't want to lump you in with a lot of other pundits. >> larry: and jon stewart goes after him. >> i don't mean to lump you in with other presidents. >> larry: will his appearance help or hurt the democrats? was it okay to call the world's most powerful leader dude. >> larry summers did a heck of a job trying to figure out how to -- >> you don't want to use that phrase, dude. >> larry: plus sarah palin running for president, for certain? is karl rove trying to kill her career? election clock's ticking. ne

and then he kicked the dude -- but he kicked the dude through a glass window.n to a kerosene -- oh, he's on fire. i forgot to mention that. [ laughter ] landed on a kerosene tank and the tank exploded. i was like, "that is the way to kill someone on television." [ light laughter ] >> i saw barney do the exact same thing. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i wanted to tell you -- because i know you're on the twitter. >> yes. >> jimmy: you tweet out a lot of fun stuff. >> i tweet. >> jimmy: yeah, and i know that you got lasik. >> i did. i call it laser eyes. >> jimmy: you have the same side effect i got. >> i got the same side effect. >> jimmy: i can shoot lasers out of my eyeballs. >> they shot a laser into my eyeball and it worked. i want to you to know, it worked. i look like kirk rambis or an ugly buddy holly and now that isn't the case. >> jimmy: like the gary busey buddy holly, from the movie? >> yeah, totally. the angry one. the weird one. but now the side effect is that my eyes shoot lasers. >> jimmy: so do mine. >> what? >> jimmy: do you want to challenge me? >> yes

started the two dudes started getting mad at each other and then two dudes started fighting and then like whole bunch of the girls started getting mad because the dudes are fighting and the dude wouldn't stop beating 'em up so the girls started fighting and the girl fell down and like four other girls started jumping her. >> ultimately, order was restored. the students were returned back to their classes. there was no injury to either students or officers as a result of the incident. no weapons were involved. >> reporter: there was a heavy police presence as school got out but everything ended peacefully as the day ended. >> thank you, mike sugerman in hayward. >>> more than $1.5 million in new playground equipment and since school started, six broken arms. that math doesn't add up. jennifer mistrot joins us with the story. >> reporter: it's troubling math so the superintendent of the school district sent out notification to parents and children letting them know for the time being the playgrounds are closed at the eight elementary schools here in the district. the question, how safe

like, "listen, dude." "hey, dude." >> jimmy: yeah, you've got to say lady instead of dude.omething right now. >> yeah, exactly. >> jimmy: more with jane lynch when we come back, everybody. ♪ oh, boy. if you just ate a greasy dinner, chances are it was full of fat. now, we got a beef with that. 25 of our campbell's chunky soups give you 100% lean meat and a full serving of vegetables. so, come on. have the chunky soup from campbell's. it's amazing what soup can do. ♪ talking about nutrition [ female announcer ] "i can't believe it's not butter" with no trans fat and 70% less saturated fat than butter. butter taste, better health. than butter. swipe your card please. excuse me...? this belongs to you... o...um...thank you. excuse me... this is yours... thank you! you're welcome. with chase freedom you can get a total of 5% cash back in your pocket. fun money from freedom. this is yours! thank you! what? that's 5% cash back in quarterly bonus categories all year long. does your card do this? sign up for this quarter's bonus today. chase what matters. go to chase.com/freedom. [

. >> larry: you say nothing wrong with dude. ben, you think anything wrong with saying dude to the president? >> i mean t president still has this full range of constitutional powers. he still has enormous juice for the press and with the voters and the people of the united states and the world. but i don't think it's right for a person in the media unelected person to be using a kind of condescending buddy buddy term to the president tp the president is not his buddy. the president is the president of the united states. this may be an old fashioned idea, but i think the president deserves more respect. i think at the beginning of the show when mr. obama said i don't mean to bum lump you in with other pundits and jon stewart said, you may. i thought that was condescending. >> what's more interesting about that is not jon stewart saying dude. that seems to be part of the phrase and not really addressing directly the president. what i thought was interesting was that obama clearly did not mean to do a reference to heck of a job fr

stop bumping him. >> i'm not. >> dude, you totally cheated. >> no, no, no.mmy: he said, "good job," to me. >> he's cheating! o, please, i hate this. >> ehren, ehren, ehren -- >> it hurts so bad. please. just stop. >> -- the bread basket. >> ahh! ahh! [ screaming ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's it -- stop playing the game. you got it. that's a win. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ our thanks to johnny knoxville, danger ehren from the "jackass" crew. i hope it's a big movie. >> thank you. >> jimmy: "jackass 3d," is in theaters this friday. go see it. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ you got take some snaps. you'll see these on the side of bud light packages. snap a photo. you'll get immediate access to everything in the bud light playbook all season long. look for the bud light playbook on your phone, on tv, and on facebook. bud lht. the sure sign of a good time. here we go. ♪ an accidental touch can turn ordary into something more. moments can change anytime -- just like that. and when they do men with erectile dysfunction cane more confide in their ability to be ready wit

but there had to have been a dude on the grassy knoll.y came from. okay, whatever, yo. [ laughter ] ♪ [ phone ringing ] [ laughter ] and so i'm not saying it had to be, like, a conspiracy or whatever. i'm just saying that, like, maybe we still don't know the whole truth. like, maybe it was the cubans or something. ♪ [ phone ringing ] [ laughter ] and, like, jimmy hoffa, i know where that dude is, too, yo. meadowlands! straight up fact, yo. everybody knows that. and i'm going to find out who took my xbox, too. anyway, i'm just a regular kid, and those are my reflections. i'll see you guys later. [ laughter ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ my reflections >> jimmy: some real food for thought there. my congrats to justin for a great job on "csi." [ cheers and applause ] stick around, everybody. we'll be right back with more "late night!" come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ what makes a hershey's bar pure? ["melt with you" playing] pure fun. pure joy. pure delicious chocolate. pure hershey's. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: tha

and the little bitty guys like these dudes right here, that's what they feed on. the bigger ones like this guy right here, is crapping and these dudes are eating it. >> reporter: oh, gosh. and it's not just the kitchen. >> the symbol of our country right here. watch this. >> reporter: oh, gosh. and why the pictures? >> it's the starch in the paper. they love it. see them loving there. >> reporter: look at that. once he flushes them out of their hiding spots -- this is forever ghost busters. >> pretty much, yeah. >> reporter: billy vacuums them up and fumigates the house. billy says too often people just don't understand what these household pests are doing to their health. >> fever blisters and temperatures and runny nose and people don't know why and it's because of the diseases and the germs we pick up from nature. okay, i'm going to start with the cab innocents here, get them flushed out. >> reporter: about now, you must be wondering how even the craftiest of reality show producers discovered this family. >> well, vex-con means the study of annoying things. >>

dude, i keep going off the backboard. >> you're getting more points for style than anything else. >>h. [ drum roll ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] i can't win. >> you cannot win. >> jimmy: i want to go for that ten up there -- >> get it! >> jimmy: oh. [ drum roll ] [ sad tuba ] [ audience ohs ] all right, dude, you won 100 bucks for the jimmy fund. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] go see "the town" in theaters. it's starting tomorrow. next "mad men," sunday, 10 p.m. on amc. jon hamm, again, everybody. amy ryan joins us next. come on back. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ate something loaded with fat? we got a beef with that. 25 of our campbell's chunky soups give you 100% lean meat and a full serving of vegetables. it's amazing what soup can do. what makes a hershey's bar pure? ["melt with you" playing] pure fun. pure joy. pure delicious chocolate. pure hershey's. myou could save hundreds on car insurance by switching to geico? female superhero: i totally knew that. male superhero: and 15 minutes is the exact amount of time we put into this commercial! female superhero: so, this half-baked commercial

[ cheers and applause ] love that dude! he's a great guy, tom selleck.m the show "no reservations," the one and only anthony bourdain! [ cheers and applause ] i love that show on the travel channel. that guy's a -- he's bad-ass. >> steve: keep him. [ in southern accent ] >> jimmy: "and we've got a great, great country music artist, trace adkins will be performing tonight." [ cheers and applause ] trace adkins. he's a legend. he's like 7'5", the deepest voice on earth. him, anthony bourdain, tom selleck -- >> steve: manly men. >> jimmy: i feel like richard simmons. [ laughter ] >> steve: well, you know, i'm glad you didn't get a perm today. you were thinking about getting a pro perm. good thing you didn't. >> jimmy: i had it straightened. i had it straightened. manly, manly -- >> steve: that was superman. [ in deep voice ] >> jimmy: "deep voice. he says, 'hey, jimmy, how you doing?'" stands up, i'm like, "hey, mr. adkins, how are you?" >> steve: tom selleck, manliest man of all. >> jimmy: tom selleck. dude's hanging out in jeans and boots like, "what's up

he was probably rejected by dudes. -- dudes. >> to make this just not a pure pylon literally or metaphor rickly, i will say in his defense that anybody who has been to a gay parade knows he is right about that. >> what is he right, they -- there is speedo wearing? now it is all different. >> before it was a lot of thongs and bumping and grinding. he watched. >> when it comes to a gay pride parade, there is always a debate about like, what do we do about the groups that go too far? they embarass us. there is a debate among gays about the tenor about the -- but who cares? >> why don't the irish have the same debate? they never say, there are certain groups that tend to vomit all over the fire poles. why don't they have the debate? i would rather see the speedos. >> it is the spinning pizzas and all that stuff. >> i find it morally offensive. i hate all pride parades. >> by the way, if the italians and the irish are gonna be self-hating, why can't the gays? what's with the gay pride? >> i heard a rumor he has a new theme song for his campaign. it is the flight of the concourse 2 many [ blee

it's kind of like dude perfect from down under. we're back in a moment. [ female announcer ] the independence to fix our schools? meg whitman. cut administrative overhead. put more money in the classroom. more charter schools. jerry brown? his union backers want to make it nearly impossible to fire a bad teacher. they oppose reform. oppose charter schools. oppose change. jerry brown: no changes in education. meg whitman: more money in the classroom. more charter schools. a chance for change. i was supposed to retire there. carly fiorina changed all that. [ cheri ] fiorina laid off 30,000 people. and she shipped our jobs to china. and india. i had to pack my bags and i was out the door that night. we even had to train our replacements. she didn't need 5 corporate jets. [ farrell ] one hundred million for herself. fiorina never cared about our jobs. not then and not now. [ boxer ] i'm barbara boxer and i approve this message. >>> the latest internet sensations are emerging basketball stars who take their game off the court. these aus

uber wealthy, i'm talking about spooky dude george soros billionaire wealthy.y are buying tons of gold. literally. according to reuters, ubs is recommending top-tier client hold 7% of their asset in precious metal like gold. jp morgan reopened the gold vault which had been closed since 1990 amid soaring demand and prices for gold. many are predicting that gold will start to become scarce. i would like to ask. weiner, are you investigating ubs or jp morgan? you should. they recommend buying gold, too. are they in on it, too? not coincidently, gold hit a day-high record. silver is at 30-year high. platinum and copper at high. according to reuters, the u.s. mint has run out of a type of gold coin it had been selling amid record high prices of gold, but the mint is out. the united states minute depleted the inventory of 2010. american buffalo one-ounce gold bullion coins. i have a hunch it isn't the demand of the popularity of the buffalo this season. there is an unusually high option volume right now. which is an indicator that insiders know the leaves are changin

new dudes are too soft and soggy. no good. should be nice and firm. slurp.... h hum... disgusting again. to soft a noodles. it's good for my -- it's hard to pick up a noodles without breaking them. ha, ha, do you use a fish cake? yes, really? really? i have been looking for it. [laughter]. but i cannot find any. i got one. oh , no wonder i could not find it it is so thin. i can see through to over there. [laughter]. that's okay. sometimes at the noodle shops you use sponge cake it's terrible. hum, hum, yes. this is real sponge cake. that's okay. that's okay. i am a [inaudible] person anyway. do i have to eat it all? slurp... hum, yuk. slurp, hum... disgusting. i'm almost done. [laughter]. slurp, slurp. i gave up eating noodles. thank you, thank you. >> sometimes notable authors come to main stage and do more than read passages from their work. they sit in a live conversation with a reporter, playwright discusses the relevancy of his work with one of his theatre critics. as part of the yearly 1 city one book event. fields questions from sm scott chauffeur. >> before writ

spooky dude is there every single time.telegraphs things by writing an op-ed piece like hey, i don't know, maybe you should get out of this country's currency. i'm just saying. it's time, vastly expanding his wealth by positioning himself to win big in the demise of a currency. nearly each time he is headed to the press to stoke the fear about the currency and say it's just not feasible anymore. yeah, to make it look like he cares, basically to provide cover. i've been warning you, especially in my last op-ed piece. well, since he's a billionaire, people believe him. panic ensues. currency collapses. and he makes billions. wuaaahhh is what he usually says, i'm guessing. which currency does the brilliant economic mind think will falter next? last year he said the decline in the dollar was necessary because the u.s. economy will continue to drag down the global economy. and there would be a slow and should be a slow decline. in fact, a "managed slow decline" of the dollar. ahh. oh, my goodness, look what i found! i found a ne

again, dude, you're knocking them out of the park, my man. that's very good.the movie "conviction." here it is, sam rockwell. >> hey! hey, tommy, what's so funny? i got my clothes off. you guys wanted to get me alone naked for years. >> making an honest man of me now, you know that? >> what's going on? >> i'm picking you up. >> picking me up? i love you. look at my sis -- isn't she beautiful? here she is to save the day. >> yeah, pay bond. >> listen, now don't leave town for a while, all right? i ight have some more questions for you. >> there goes my trip to aruba. okay, so long, gentlemen. and lady -- [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: there you go. good m. "conviction" is in select cities this friday. sam rockwell, everybody! brad performs next. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ son ] my parents have always lived in the states. until two years ago, when my dad transferred to istanbul. they settled in quickly. found their local deli. a few shortcuts. and a neighborhood hangout. buthere's one thing they miss. their beloved hometown team. so i asked cit

watch these dudes on syfy, sunday at 7:00 p.m. the book is in stores now.good son. i'm so glad you dropped by! i love coming home mom. patty, call the doctor. it's been more than 4 hours... hi jack. from his frere jacques... [ speaking french ] [ mom ] ...so he decided to study in paris. ♪ to see french masterpieces with his very own eyes. we even linked our citibank account to his so when his account ran low we just transferred funds. i just hope the language isn't a barrier. bonjour. [ mom ] my ryan can be very shy. [ male announcer ] from linked accounts to citi mobile we make it simple to manage your finances. what's your story? citibank can help you write it. we make it simple to manage your finances. as an unhappy choice between a longtime politician with no plan for the future and a billionaire with no government experience. well, let me tell you my story. my husband and i came here as newlyweds. we raised our family here and the california dream came true for me in ways i could never have imagined. now i'm running for governor to restore the califor

the dude called dude perfect. from the top deck of cowboys stadium, nailed it. one more look. if it's a fake, it's an incredible fake. it looks pretty real to me. that's your early look at sports on "early today." i'm fred roggin. >>> and the sexiest woman alive title goes to -- all right. got to wait for it. your early morning entertainment headlines are straight ahead. >>> plus, a soldier's return home from iraq is one of several reasons to celebrate. >>> you're watching "early today." >>> welcome back. a look at your tuesday forecast. very nice conditions in the west oesh the next two days. a storm bypassing to the north leaving much of the region dry an also very war. look at san francisco. 92 today. relatively warm is phoenix. toast any albuquerque, 70s. kansas city beautiful, 64. excuse me. salt lake city, 64. tomorrow, 69 and wednesday looks better around much of the west with clear skies and warm conditions continuing. so what a stretch of fall weather. >>> if you're waging on kc 24 news in cheek oh, california, bring the family to cobb ranch corn maze and pumpkin patc