when i was a kid, cleto and i, our band leader, cleto broke into a boat and stole a bunch of cassettees -- where do you even find a boat in vegas? so, he had this bounty of tapes and the tape we listened to over and over again was a huey lewis album called "sports." and he's going to play with the band tonight. so, the lesson is, crime does pay. and we're going to have a contest to see who knows huey lewis' lyrics better, him or me. i think i'm going to do very well. then, huey lewis at the bud light stage. i will maybe become the first talk show host killed in the line of duty tomorrow. our first guest tonight has created one of the most obnoxious and yet enchanting characters on television. a gentleman named kenny powers. the season two finale of his very funny show "eastbound & down," airs sunday night on hbo. and he has a new movie called "due date," opening friday. please say hello to danny mcbride. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: good to see you. >> good to see you, too. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you -- i guess -- i don't know how i missed this story, but i found out t

just one dose, once a month. >> jimmy: thank you, cleto. thank you.ped by on a good night. many times i'll say we have great guests for you tonight and about 40% of the time, i'm lying. tonight, i speak only the truth. the best of the best are here with us tonight. one of the finest performers in pop music history -- his new record is out this week -- called "fly me to the moon -- the great american songbook, volume five," rod stewart is here to chat and delight us from the bud light stage. but first, dirty harry is here. our first guest is a five-time of carmel and, though i have not investigated all the countries, probably the coolest guy in the world. his latest directorial effort, "hereafter" starring matt damon, opens nationwide in theaters thunderstorm. please say hello to clint eastwood. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's great to see you. it's really great to have you here. >> what a nice crowd. >> jimmy: yeah, they're nice. they do seem nice. can i tell you a story just to start things off? >> all right. >> jimmy: all right. in, i think,

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, cleto. hi, everyone, i'm jimmy. appreciate that. to welcome all my unfriends here tonight and watching at home. it's our first ever national unfriend day celebration. today is national unfriend day, nud. thank you. you can see people are going wild for this. this -- national unfriend day is an idea that came to me two weeks ago, a day in which we say good-bye to those people on facebook who we made the mistake of accepting as friends on facebook. people who tell you how good "glee" is and send pictures of their kid dressed as a princess three weeks after halloween. we don't need to know you just put a pair of those shoes that tone your butt while you walk. no one needs to know any of that stuff. and i tell you what, we've apparently struck a nerve, because unfriend day was the fourth most searched item today on google trends. it was the number six trending item on twitter. and it's been all over the news. >> it's national unfriend day. >> it's national unfriend day on facebook? >> it's a day to weed through all the people you have f

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, cleto. thank you very muff. i'm jimmy.nks for joining us. thanks for watching. i want to thank all of you who participated in national unfriend day yesterday. the numbers are in and thanks to our efforts, facebook users unfriended more than 60 million unwanted friends yesterday. [ applause ] and how do i know that? i don't know that. i made that up. but it sounds good, right? sounds successful. national unfriend day was a big success. no one has any friends anymore. and that's what i wanted. my dream is that some day people will only be friends with their friends. i dream of a world where i don't have any idea what cities the guy i shared a junior high school locker with has visited in his adulthood. much like dr. martin looulter kimmel jr. the good news is, i've come up with a new social networking tool that you can use with your friends. it's called the telephone, and it amazing. i do feel bald for people who lost more friends than they unfriended. i've been hearing from some of them on twitter. losing friends, even fake

with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" ♪ >> dicky: and now that that's been said, here'sjimmy: thank you, fellas. thank you all. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. it's very nice i appreciate that. we're here on a very special night of competitive dancing. the gayest night in all of sports. the season 11 finale of "dancing with the stars." oh, what a season it's been, full of surprises, controversy, hasselhoffs, boltons. political intrigue. when all was said and done only one dancing star went home with the coveted mirrored ball. >> tom: after ten commanding weeks of competition, the winners and new champions of "dancing with the stars" are -- ♪ and the winner finally is -- jennifer and derek. [ applause ] >> jimmy: that's right. still wrestling with that puppet. tonight, you america, saved the abc television network by voting bristol palin off "dancing with the stars." [ applause ] i wasn't sure you had it in you. i'm proud of you. about 2:00 this morning bristol palin will be deported back to alaska. to dance exclusively with wolves. and -- and thank you for not putti

"call of duty: black ops" party with metallica and from "dancing with the stars" kurt warner with cletohe cletones. and now, here's jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: hi, everyone, i'm jimmy. thank you for watching, thank you for being here. thank you for applauding with your hands. i have a lot to tell you tonight. good thing i have a show. we'll start with the shocking event on "dancing with the stars." once again, bristol palin, despite the fact again she had the lowest score lives to dance another week and instead quarterback kurt warner finds himself to be the latest moose in the palin crosshairs. who knew bristol palin was the most popular person on television. what if she win this thing. how afraid could america possibly be of her mother? i'm sure she's a nice kid. but the show is called, danci"dg with the stars". she can't dance and she's not a star. the only part that applies to her is "with the." somehow she made it to the top four. i never thought a dancing competition would have me question whether or not i live in a democracy. this is bad news for todd palin, but now he's going to be

with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's jimmy kimmel live and now, what do you know, here's jimmy kimmel!ers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much. that's very nice. hi, everyone, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. pleasure to see you. thank you for joining us. it's monday. i hope you had a good weekend. i had a pretty good weekend. except for one thing. they're playing christmas music on the radio, which -- it's not even thanksgiving yet. i still have a jacko lantern in front of my house. it's too soon, right? there needs to be a month between "jingle bells" and "the monster mash" the way i see it. they're supposed to wait until after thanksgiving. isn't that the -- this is a violation of the geneva convention going on here. i mean, seriously. the human brain can only here "jingle bell rock" so many times before it orders the body to kill itself. i may be at that point already. while we're at it, somebody please tell starbucks we don't need eggnog lattes in november or ever really. [ laughter ] it's partly my fault for still having a radio in my car. sometimes i turn it on like,

with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> dicky: and now, in so many words, here's jimmyheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, hello, everyone. thank you for coming. thank you for watching and for the clapping. it's -- i tell you something -- and a baba booey to you, too. it's a special day today. it's veterans day. i want to say thank you on behalf of all of us here at the show to our veterans and our men and women in the military right now. [ applause ] that's right. and i also want to salute a very special veteran of the korean war, especially because it happens to be his birthday today, uncle frank. >> oh, jimmy, thank you. thank you, jimmy. [ applause ] >> jimmy: he's 77 years old today. which is four justin biebers and an olsen twin. not including -- i tried to figure it out. he's the fifth oldest person on national television. mike wallace is 91. then andy rooney is next. then barbara waters. then regis. then uncle frank. >> wow! thank you. [ applause ] >> jimmy: and -- then fire. uncle frank, did you know you're exactly eight days older than larry king? >> i knew we

"call of duty: black ops" party with metallica and from "dancing with the stars," kurt warner with cletohe cletones. ♪ it's jimmy kimmel live >> dicky: and now like it or not here's jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: hi, everyone, i'm jimmy. thank you for watching. thank you for being here. thank you for applauding with your hands. i've got a lot to tell you tonight. it's a good thing i have a show tonight. we'll start with the shocking events tonight on "dancing with the stars." once again, bristol palin, despite the fact that again she had the lowest score lives to dance another week and instead quarterback kurt warner finds himself to be the latest moose in the palin crosshairs. who knew that bristol palin was the most popular person on television? i mean, what if she wins this thing? how afraid could america possibly be of her mother? i'm sure she's a nice kid. but the show is called, "dancing with the stars." she can't dance, and she's not a star. the only part of "dancing with the stars" that applies to her is "with the" and somehow she made it to the top four. i never thought a dancing compe

with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" and, now, once and for all, here's jimmy kimmel[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. that's very nice. hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for coming to it. thank you for watching it. i'm glad to see you all in normal clothes. i'm tired of the costumes. sunday is a terrible day for halloween. it winds up going the whole weekend. hollywood is the weirdest place. a two -- i took a two-mile drive to the supermarket yesterday. i saw 50 men dressed like women. usually, around here on a saturday, it's maybe half of that. and i got a lot of pictures in the e-mail this morning of babies dressed as ladybugs. babies love to dress as ladybugs. it's weird. halloween really is a terrible idea for children in general. you understand this is a night on which we encourage our kids to go into dark houses and take candy from strangers. it's on the bad idea scale, halloween is second only to get in the back of my van day. my favorite part of halloween is when the sexy nurse turns into the wasted vomiting passed out in the bushes

with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> dicky: and now, take my word for it.s jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's very nice. hi there, i'm jimmy. don't be alarmed. i'm the host of the show. thanks for coming. thank you for watching. i hope i have your attention tonight because i feel motivated. i'll full of energy because i finally have a cause. you know how oprah has her no phone zone and george clooney has everything else in the world? i found my thing. and it's friendship. i think we should have less of it. but not -- not real friendship, we should have a lot of that. the fake stuff that you get on facebook. wednesday, november 17th, last night, we announced, is officially national unfriend day. and i say officially without any authority to do that, but -- on national unfriend day i'm asking you to unfriend anyone on facebook who isn't really your friend. the annoying people, the people who feel the need to inform you of every thought that enters their head. jeff is watching "hoarders" and kate is tired. jacob lentz is feeling fat today.

tonight -- thandie newton, from "dancing with the stars", rick fox, and music from anberlin, with cletohe cletones and now, here's jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: thank you. om

with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's jimmy kimmel live and, now, i thought so, here's jimmy kimmel! cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. i'm jimmy. thank you for coming. thank you for watching. national unfriend day is only 24 hours away. i hope you're excited. this wednesday, november 17th, is national unfriend day or nud as we call it for short. nud is something i came up with. it's a special day on which facebook users, which most of you probably are, without guilt or fear of retribution, can unfriend those people who are not really your friends. because no one has -- no one has 800 friends. not even oprah has 800 friends. don't we all have at least one person in our virtual lives wed we'd like to get rid of? of course we do. probably have 100 of them. facebook has something called a news feed. this is a big list of news from your friends. tell me if you think this is news. >> this is facebook breaking news. >> this just in -- marlene barkin has changed her relationship status from in a relationship to it's complicated. >> jimmy: thank you, wolf. now, it sounds like news. b

with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> dicky: and now, let's be thankful. applause ] >> jimmy: happy early thanksgiving to each and every one of you. thank you for sharing it with me and with my husband guillermo. it's a pleasure to have you here. you know what tonight is? thanksgiving eve, you realize? this is the one year anniversary of the last time tiger woods had sexual intercourse. what a day this has got to be for him. in my family we don't give thanks anymore. we give big ups. we celebrate big ups-giving. we like to keep it fresh. thanksgiving commemorates the day in 1621 when native americans and pilgrims came together to share a meal. the first pot luck dinner. you bring the maize, we'll bring the smallpox. president lincoln made it a national holiday in 1863 and almost 150 years later, this morning at the white house, president obama granted the traditional pardons of the turkey. two turkeys, in fact. i would have loved to have been able to watch this with real prisoners on death row. hey, look, he's pardoning turkeys. the turkeys, who got the pa

with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> dicky: and now, above all else, here's jimmy cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much. i'm jimmy. thank you for watching. thank you for coming to my hous it's a pleasure to be with you tonight. we're exactly one week outside of national unfriend day. also known as nud. did you know that people on facebook have an average of 120 friends apiece. and the active users have a lot more than that. i think that's too many. no one has 500 friends. so, next wednesday, november 17th, i'm asking facebook users to gather around their computers, go through their list, determine which of those friends really are your friends and eliminate the others that aren't. in other words, i want you to kill people. i want you to drive them away. i want you to drive them out like st. patrick drove the snakes out of ireland. here's a good example of why national unfriend day is so important. this is allie cohen. she has 2,460 friends. here's how she rewards their friendship. this is her big announcement today. wore my reebok pumps today, yahhh,

with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's jimmy kimmel live and now, i've been inclined to believe, here'smy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. today is one of my favorite days of the year. it's a monday after daylight savings time ends. i like it when the clocks go back because it feels like you get an extra hour. you know how i spent my extra hour? i spent it setting 11 different clocks back. [ laughter ] some people question the need for daylight saving time. but most people like it. i mean, at this point, daylight is the only savings most americans still have. [ laughter ] daylight saving time. i looked it up today. it's an idea benjamin franklin came up with during a time when people used candles for light and wanted to save money. now we don't use candles. we have tanning booths instead. but the earlier daylight is still important to farmers and toddlers who need to wake up early to empty all of their stuffed animals on to the floor and throw things for no reason. the toddlers, not the farmers. so now it will get darke

with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> dicky: and now, you've got it.ere's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's very nice, thank you. i'm jimmy, thank you for being here, thanks for watching. i want to say also, i've been getting letters, phone calls today, i want to thank you for your congratulations, as you probably heard, i am engaged to prince william. that's right. [ applause ] i will soon be the queen of something. you know, people seem to really care about this royal wedding stuff. be honest, are you excited about this? [ applause ] mostly ladies. couple of fellas. the big news item today was that pr prince william asked his girlfriend kate middleton to marry him. i totally thought he was going to pick vienna. so, now there will be a mass five royal wedding in the spring of summer or next year, broadcast all over the world. it will be held at st. paul's cathedral, the sight of every royal wedding going back 100 years. either that, or cabo. still figuring it out. i've never been more excited. i hope oprah takes me as her plus-one

with cleto and the cletones!el live and now from what i've gathered, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everyone. thank you for coming. thank you for watching. is it christmas yet? if you're a turkey or a sweet potato and you're still alive today, congratulations on making it through the weekend. i did some research over the weekend. it turns out it's not the turkey that makes you fall asleep. it's actually the result of being drunk at 4:00 in the afternoon on a thursday. i hope you had a fine thanksgiving. i had a weird -- one of my native american friends turned into a where wolf and ate all of my vampire friends. other than that, though, it was great. this is pretty good. from a local morning show in san diego. on wednesday, they had a guy on to do turkey calls. i guess in case instead of going to the supermarket you wanted to lure one into your home. but i don't know what the reason was. watch very closely for what happened at the end here. >> one way to do a turkey call is with this g

with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" ♪ >> dicky: and now, don't move!s jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everyone. i'm jimmy. thank you for clapping. thank you for watching. is everyone here -- everyone -- are you ready to laugh harder than you've ever laughed in your entire life? [ cheers and applause ] well, you've come to the wrong place. hey, you know, halloween is on sunday, so make sure you have plenty of cigarettes for the kids. this year -- i'm not giving out candy this year. i'm giving out windex. if the kids don't like it and throw it back at my house, clean windows. some parents -- i think some parents ruin halloween for their kids by not letting them get candy. i think it's a mistake. in fact the way the economy is headed, it might not be a bad idea for kids to get as much practice begging for food as they can. i -- i'm not a big halloween guy. i usually don't like to dress up. but this year i'm making an exception. this year, i'm going as a large slab of meat covered with pieces of lady gaga. [ applause ] by the way, if yo

with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" ♪ >> dicky: and now, in so many words, here'sme age because we're from the same part of brooklyn. yeah. >> jimmy: in brooklyn, they try to do birthing in groups, it's -- but happy birthday. later on, we'll run you through the spanking machine -- >> what machine? >> jimmy: never mind. it will be fine. another big birthday yesterday. the 41st birthday of "sesame street." before "sesame street," the only place kids could learn to read was from books. it's meant a lot to many children, and adults, of course, including the rapper lil' john who just recorded a tribute to "sesame street" and prepared to be dazzled. this just might possibly be the greatest song ever recorded. ♪ sunny day ♪ ♪ sweeping the clouds away ♪ ♪ hey ♪ ♪ sesame street [ bleep ] ♪ ♪ sesame street [ bleep ] ♪ ♪ i don't know [ bleep ] ♪ ♪ i don't know [ bleep ] ♪ ♪ [ bleep ] ♪ ♪ sesame street [ bleep ] ♪ [ applause ] >> jimmy: i -- that's -- that's good stuff. i would like -- i would like to be -- that to be played at my funeral. is there anything better than that? i