, i would have problems with being lethargic, heart problems, sometimes heart would go into atrial fibrillation, various things because of the diabetes, as well as having a lot of problems with the tips of my fingers, there would be problems that i would have with feeling tingling and numb and things of that nature, so. i was really feeling very down on myself. it's not a very reassuring feeling to yourself not being able to have children. and the fact that i couldn't, you know, hold on to a pregnancy, i didn't have a problem getting pregnant. it was just staying pregnant. and i just -- i really came down hard on myself because you just -- you blame yourself for what happens even though most of the time it's out of your control. so it was -- i put a lot of pressure on myself. but the pain was so severe that i felt that, like, i can't live with this, and at times i felt almost that i didn't want to live with that. although, of course, with three children and a very good life, i was, you know, i knew i needed to take care of myself and do something. ♪ ♪ with this vicious cycle of stress attacking