ha ha! [honks horn] high 5. yeoww! ha ha ha ha ha ha! from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show with jon stewart." captioning sponsored by comedy central [theme song playing] [cheering and applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." my name is jon stewart. oh, we got a big one tonight. our guest tonight, mr. tom hanks. he is man so likable, so polite that his name actually contains the word "thanks." [laughter] it's right in it. we begin tonight with the economy, which, as many of you are aware, sucks. [laughter] right now we're looking to pay down $14.3 trillion of debt. [audience reacts] [laughter] apparently i'm reading a scary story to my children. they're going to do all the noises like it's "peter and the [bleeped] wolf or something." we're going to pay down $14. trillion of debt with a economy struggling to produce jobs, in large part because american workers still stubbornly cling to the idea that they should be more highly compensated than say suicidal chinese computer part factory help

ha, ha, go, go, buck shot, kra e crack, crack, crack. hit lights. what you think you are. >> ha, ha, stick broke. in the brushes. in the rushes. put them back on. bufks head in the rushes. put them back on. to big thicket we go, hot we go to hit staggeringly along the frees. crack, a steak broke. we go, go, go, buck shot. we go, go, go. up the road. road kill. staggering bucks. head light rushes. pick up brushes. race broke, screeching. the big thicket we go, buck shot, crack. the road kills. crack e a broke stick. on we go on. [applause] >> omni bus program. and choose to muses are exciting because they bring authors together to read at once. there are times where a special guest has the stage all to themselves. the samurai's garden by gale suckiama has become a high school favorite. her appearance brought out a young crowd. possibly looking for answers to their next english exam. when crediting charls brought house of rain to main teenage the commenttator shown pictures searching for the can bols. the first discovery of a hidden chamber. >> i immediately started for t. climbin

ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. so? >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, that's what i've got for sure. [ laughter ] >> go ahead and bet. >> jimmy: $2. >> $5. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm all in. >> all in. >> jimmy: all right. all in. you had an ace. >> oh! ♪ >> jimmy: he is good! [ cheers and applause ] he's a good man! don cheadle, everybody! don't miss the movie "the guard." the amazing kreskin joins us next. he's hanging out in the bud light lime green room. dude, that was good. ha, ha, ha. that was so good. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] moustache. it's not right for every occasion. unless that is, you find yourself drafted into an old timey bare knuckle boxing match. ♪ there are some things best saved for the right occasion. but they make those occasions even righter. it's like under every handlebar moustache, there's a little heinekin light use the hand towel analyzer at kleenex.com and find out what could be on your cloth hand towel. [ ribbits ] upgrade to kleenex hand towels for a clean, fresh towel every time. music(lyrics):

what thelack in size, they more than make up with in personality, thanks to the man in charge. >> ha ha ha ha ha! how you doin', man? >> i'm doin' great. >> are you havin' a great time >> havin' a great time. >> in the wine business, everyone is trying to get their bottle of wine noticed, but for mac mcdonald, being noticed in a crowd has never been a oblem. from his overalls to his straw hat, mac is about as an original character to the wine industry as it comes, but he's banking on exactly that fact as he tries to bridge the gap between his heritage and a new blend of wine drinkers. >> it's to promote wine to all nationalities, but with special interest on the african-american community. and i think that it's good for the wine industry. i don't say you have to drink african-american wine. i just want folks to drink wine. you may not like vision cellars phnot noir. that's ok. >> and mac couldn't have come into the industry at a better time. new research shows that only a handful of wineries are actually owned by african-americans, yet they make up more than 10% of the nation's wine drinke

it was an animatronics robot who went "ha ha ha ha" all day and scared generations of san franciscansout of their wits. it has a month-to-month lease at fisherman's wharf. >> they moved it to this temporary location at fisherman's wharf. they left an unusual little treasure of the city. >> ingleside terraces, again, i was trying to show off the residence park. a lot of crazy building. for still has one of the great stairways -- forest hill has one of the greats their ways. -- great stairways. this looked like a ship. they used to decorate fire houses for christmas. >> on the side of this fire house is a wooden tower. the tower was for drying the hoses. after they get water in them, they have to be dried. >> a fire house like this is for sale. if you have $1.3 million, which is really cheap enough for a firehouse -- >> one in the inner sunset was just sold. >> was it? i want to buy a streetcar. i cannot pay my rent. >> there were two of these for pumping water out of the ground. murphy gave a lot of money for it. >> what decided the boundaries and the location of golden gate park? >> i

has resigned. this is a message from rebeka brooks, which we're working to confirm, the ceo of news international has said she has resigned because she feels a deep sense of responsibility for the people we have hurt, that's her quote. that's rebekah brooks. she wants to reiterate, she says, how sorry i am for what we know to have taken place. she is resigning as the ceo of news international, which is the parent company of the news corporation newspapers. she's been there for 22 years. she's been under a great deal of pressure. she was one of the three people who has been subpoenaed to british parliament to testify. she is the one, she's a british citizen, so she is compelled to go, although we do have news this morning that both rupert murdoch and his son, while rupert murdoch is not a british citizen, will in fact testify before parliament. there she is, rebekah brooks, being supported by rupert murdoch, she has offered her resignation and has left the company. >>> can you guess which newsmaker made this statement about media mogul rupert murdoch and the news of the world's alleged hacking of 9/11 victims here

ha ha ha. i expect, i hope for, i don't expect anything. of understanding, a sense of trust that i really am there to tellÑi this story and a sense of trusti that there are certain things as far as acting's concerned, that i'm going to know a little bit more than they are just because it's my area of expertise. directing they're going to know a gazillion thingsment the when i'm working with directors, particularly first time directors, if i know this is a mont in the story that i'm not, i don't want to be too knowing about how it goes, i'll give them, i'll say let me just do one more a i'll give them an option like a watershed, what i call sort of watershed interpretation so if they want the story to totally shift a little bit at that point, they'll have the option. but i hope for understanding. i think that's what we really hope for is understanding. >> charlie: how about listen, you hope they will listen. >> we hope they'll listen. you hope that they're not to set in what they wan >> charlie: here's what amazes me about the question. it i

el tumor ha crecido se ha infectado, ha aparecido el pus. cÁncer del intestino grueso probablemente.not un >> hay posibilidad deque haya metÁstasis? >> asÍ del. creo que lo primero que habrÍa que saber es quÉ tipo de cÁncer tiene, desde que Órgano ha partido este cÁncer de la vejiga, de la prÓstata o mÁs probablemente del recto o el sismoide. cada uno de estos cÁnceres h@no siempre es una realidad.tr..h@ >> muchas gracias por haber po.bernossto en presidente chÁvez. >> gracias. >> por supuesto vamos a est dando seguimiento a la salud del presidente hugo chh@not uni@ otras noticias. el futbolista paraguayo cabaÑas hizo una revelaciÓn sorprendente sobre el ataque del que fue vÍctima donde recibiÓh@univisionnot uni@ ese atentado no ha termi y esto podrÍa cambiar la tr.h@h@Ó aquella madrugada del 25 de enero del aÑo pasado en h@not un h@not uni-ed.noctr.h@h@not uni-@ >> el jj amenazo h@not uni-ed.É@ te, tengo esto en tu frente..h@@ >> la riÑa comenzÓ a su verdno en not uni-ed.noctr.h@h@@ tras unisionnÓnot uno poco.noctr alentador, el futbolistaun

lo que ha sucedido es que el tumor ha ido creciendo pero como probablemente, porque no lo ha dicho elodrÍa ser de la vejiga, la prÓstata, pero podrÍa ser mÁs probablemente del recto. o la Última parte. el tumor ha crecido se ha infectado, ha aparecido el pus. se dan con la sorpresa de que ademÁs del absceso Él tiene tambiÉn un cÁncer del intestino grueso probablemente. >> hay posibilidad de que haya metÁstasis? >> asÍ del. creo que lo primero que habrÍa que saber es quÉ tipo de cÁncer tiene, desde que Órgano ha partido este cÁncer de la vejiga, de la prÓstata o mÁs probablemente del recto o el sismoide. cada uno de estos cÁnceres tienen una forma diferente. siempre es una realidad. >> muchas gracias por haber estado con nosotros. gracias por habernos puesto en perspectiva sobre lo que le puede pasar al presidente chÁvez. >> gracias. >> por supuesto vamos a estar dando seguimiento a la salud del presidente hugo chÁvez, pero por lo pronto vamos a otras noticias. el futbolista paraguayo cabaÑas hizo una revelaciÓn sorprendente sobre el ataque del que fue vÍctima donde recibiÓ un disparo

these are the brakes don't push me because i'm close to the edge i'm trying not ♪ ♪ to lose my head ha ha haow i keep from going under express yourself i'm expressing ♪ ♪ with my full capabilities and now i'm living in correctional facilities how low can you go? ♪ ♪ death row what a brother knows i wanna rock right now i'm rob base ♪ ♪ and i came to get down i'm not internationally known but i'm known to rock a ♪ ♪ microphone ♪ so let's go cause -- >> bring it jimmy. ♪ it takes two to make a thing go right it takes two to make it out yo-yo yo-yo baby pa ♪ ♪ yeah, you, come here, give me a kiss better make it fast or else i'm gonna get pissed ♪ ♪ push it push it push it good push it ♪ ♪ push it real good [ cheers ] ♪ ♪ all right stop! ♪ [ cheers ] ♪ engine engine engine number nine on the new york transit line ♪ ♪ if my train falls off the track pick it up, pick it up pick it up ♪ ♪ insane in the membrane insane in the brain insane in the membrane crazy insane, got no brain ♪ ♪ break it down ♪ ♪ put your hands up put your hands up let me clear my throat oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ have mercy babe i ho

forgot to mention that he has been a major player in breaking -- bringing consensus into his neighborhood on the fractious traffic issue that has been going on for some time. he has long experience giving has time to improve neighborhoods where he lives. as a practicing attorney, he is knowledgeable and professional. as a neighbor, he gives generously of his time and studies and works hard and gives his time on issues. as an entertainment commissioner, i believe he will represent neighborhoods while also giving a balanced consideration to all sides of an issue, which is as other speakers said, sometimes been sadly lacking on the commission. the entertainment commission needs fresh air. that is relevant and balance. i urge you to support gil spurloin. he is the candidate who spoke clearly and on a point about issues and how they relate to neighborhoods. that i understand is what this neighborhood seat is about and i urge you to support him. thank you. >> hello. i am chris shafer. supervisor kim, you asked that an excellent question. have you gone to and entertainment commission hearing? i have. i facilitated a retreat for the commission. i as a professional traine

has not been there. this is not like he has been doing bad things. i would not say that at all. most of what he has done has been good. but, there has not been a sharp focus on job creations. tavis: your colleague at princeton paul krugman has been much tougher, has he not? >> he has. i am much more favorably inclined than my colleague. tavis: you have raised the stimulus three or four times in this conversation as the best thing the administration has done. paul krugman and others have suggested that it was never big enough from the start. the white house cut a deal and they thought they could get through even when they controlled both houses of congress. >> right. a couple of things. let's remember that it barely got through. there was not a lot of margin. that is related to the second point. i am sympathetic as a peer of economists to the notion that it should have been there. -- i am sympathetic as a pure and economist. it did not look obvious that say a trillion dollar stimulus could have gotten through the congress even though both congress is had democratic majority. -- both houses had a dem

el tumor ha crecido se ha infectado, ha aparecido el pus. ambiÉn un cÁncer del intestino grueso probablemente.h@t uni- >> hay posibilidad de e haya metÁstasis? >> asÍ del. creo que lo primero que habrÍa que saber es quÉ tipo de cÁncer tiene, desde que Órgano ha partido este cÁncer de la vejiga, de la prÓstata o mÁs probablemente del recto o el sismoide. cada uno de estos cÁnceres h@h@@ >> muchas gracias por haber estadoponot bernosed.nocsto enh@ e chÁvez. >> gracias. >> por supuesto vamos a estar dando seguimiento a la salud del presidente hugo chÁvez, pero por lo pronto vamos a otranoticias. el futbolista paraguayo cabaÑas hizo una revelaciÓn sorprendente sobre el ataque del que fue vÍctima donde recibiÓ un disparo en la cabeza. dijo recortar mÁs detalles y estÁ contando su historia. Éste proceso judicial acerca de ese atentado no ha terminado y podrÍa cambiar la not uni-ed.noctr.h@univh@not uÓ aquella madrugada del 25 de ene h@univisionnot uni-ed.noctr.h@u@ en h@univisionnot uni-ed.noctr.@ >> el jj amenazo h@not uni-ed.n@ i-ed.noctr.h@tengo

has won 31 out of 31. >> this is my partner, my spouse now. ha ha ha. >> the next battle grounds over gay marriage may well be maryland and rhode island. but that's for another day. >> congratulations. because for hundreds of couples in new york. >> we couldn't be happier. >> this day was for celebration. tim axelrod, cbs news, new york. >> later, the new push for nuclear power in the united states. the girls who won this year's google science fair and just how safe are the streets of afghanistan's capital. . those stories when the cbs news continues. and a i have copd. if you have it, you know how hard it can be to breathe and what that feels like. copd includes chronic bronchitis and emphysema. spiriva helps control my copd symptoms... ...by keeping my airways open... ...a full 24 hours. plus, it reduces copd flare-ups. spiriva is the only once-daily inhaled copd maintenance treatment that does both. and it's steroid-free. spiriva does not replace fast-acting inhalers for sudden symptoms. tell your doctor if you have kidney problems, glaucoma, tro

has mr. spot on his lungs. don't you worry. we'll pop that lung out of there and get it off to the dry cleaners and have it back to you a little after 5:00. ha ha ha! we like to have fun. you know, i made up that whole hawk story. yeah. i know you're not as weird as you want people to think you are. [thud] whew. whoa! nana, how you doing? looking hot in the track suit. gym's on the second floor. [thinking] date time. dude, there you are. 2 things. first, the aliens are here and they're wearing track suits. oh, no, that's nana. oh. second, i got a job. nice. and if you hadn't pushed me to do all that extra-mile stuff, that probably wouldn't have happened. so thank you. so you got a hottie waiting for you at the bar. you go get her. whoa. ah. where were we? do i smell banana conditioner? that's one of my conditioners, yes. j.d.: as great as this was, i couldn't stop thinking about what turk said and how--whoa! this girl really digs hair. the point is, it's hard getting what happens at the hospital out of your head. aah! how was your first stress-free day? horrible. and you? worse. let's make a baby. if it doesn't work this time, i'll kill myself.

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by comparison, the arrangement that iran has -- mraimarini has has with shell, it is not all these terms are in flux, nothing is totally hammered out. that is the general [inaudible] of it. there is megawatt hours which do not change very much depending on how many customers you have. the more you have, the lure that becomes. -- lower that becomes. >> commissioner moran: how would they be selected? >> we were thinking that would be a geographic areas. 7% of the overall residential accounts. that would be across san francisco. the actual identification of which census tract or block or however we cut of the geographic areas, we have not finalized on that. the first crack out of the box, we do not want them to opt out. but what customers that want to stick with the program. -- we want customers that want to stick with the program. it might be more receptive. >> commissioner moran: in a market survey we went over, some parts of town for more inclined to stay in. are you -- is it to equalize? >> my goal would be those who have the most chance. >> the issue i am concerned about here is as we

you don't know because he has to answer to that crazy party. >> has there ever been a president in your life-time who haseen properly principled in your eyes? >> jimmy carter was an amazingly principled president. did what he said. didn't fire a shot. did not fire a bullet, a missile while he was president. he said, as the world's superpower, we have an an obligation not to attack other countries unless we are attacked. history has not been kind to jimmy carter an that is the fault of history. >> is that part of the problem of being the guy at the white house, there is a -- i was reading george bush's book. >> it attracts criticism? >> not that. there's a kind of expectation from this mass populus you have to do certain things. i read about the aftermath to 9/11, for example, when i actually read george bush's account, i was more understanding, not accepting because i kind of share your view of what went on afterwards but more understanding of why he is a guy from texas felt compelled to do what he did. he felt he had to do something for his american people. >> yeah, he did have to do something. he didn'

it has a remote control that allows you to be able to control the spray features. it has a rear-cleaning, cleaning, stopped cleaning. it has a heated sea. it has a blow dryer. it has a deodorizer. and you can't flush the toilet with a push of the remote. >> ice cube maker, everything. look at that thing. and this is a little more conventional. >> these are the more conventional u.s. type of toilets where you can actually see the trap passageway on the side. >> tell us what goes in where and how does it come out. >> the bull has the water right here, and when it flushes, it fills up around this curve here, and it basically creates a siphon. >> so here we have passage through to the bottom. i do not know if people have ever seen the bottom of one of these. there is. we have a couple of holes here that are for mounting. usually, there is a flange on the floor. we do not have that here. then, we use a wax seal, something like this. >> is has a little cover on the wax, but it has a throat that sits down in the pipe, and this wax seals it's down there to make the seal on the floor. >> right. you do not want to take this off and

has helped quite a bit in some of our areas. >> does she have support staff? >> she has to support staff. -- she has two support staff. we actually have the equivalent of two and half full time people helping which really helps out. >> under what category -- >> payroll and personnel. >> they are actually under administration. i would like to ask commissioner murphy -- all of these people were, first floor -- technical services is on the first floor. the commissioner is right. there is a wrong line to the permit center. the commissioner is right. i'm sorry. >> thank you. one other category -- with the large projects coming on line, are we -- do we have the staffing and within the budget to provide a review for civil to structural to the first page of document review? >> we are bringing on a new plumbing checker, and electrical plan checker will be coming on board. the mechanical plan review right now, we have several vacancies. we have put in recommendations to fill those vacancies -- the air-conditioning and all of the vacancies which will be quite extensive. we do have some vacancies in plan review which we will be fi

i call it the, "ha ha ha ha, tase her." [ laughter ] here's another expression from a couple months agobama met the queen of england. this is the "i loved you in 'titanic.'" [ laughter ] >> steve: [ as an old lady ] "and then my jewel fell off the boat. [ laughter ] and i saved a naked picture of myself." >> jimmy: "here's a naked picture of myself when i was --" >> steve: [ as bill paxton ] "oh, lady, i don't want to see that." that was bill paxton. >> jimmy: that's a pretty good bill paxton. "oh lady, get those away from me. i don't want to see that." [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: here's another lesser-known facial expression. [ laughter ] this is called the "oh my god, please don't eat my face. [ laughter ] please! ah!" here's another lesser-known expression. take a look at this one. this is the "what are you smiling at, dip [ bleep ]?" [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] here's one from a joint news conference with canadian prime minister steven harper. this is the "pretending to pay attention while actually thinking about the 1990's tgif sitcom, 'family matters.'" [ laughter and ap

has been -- the family has been mother, father, dodd, etc.. and our job to be reflective of what is going on america of 2011 is to be open to all families. we are setting up policies later this year that decision making on housing cannot be based upon sexual orientation. it can't be based on gender identity or marital status. ñ9q back and we can maybe shape regulation or law to be responsive to be reflective. >> what about the communities so that we know how this is going to be -- so we know something tangible that actually came out of this not a part of the processes we are taking this downhill when we're taking it back to the white house. will develop a report and will be confused in the different departments. and depending on how the information shakes out, it could lead to a particular programs or legislative changes. that could mean greater communication. a lot of what we're doing is supporting local communities. the decision making about how dollars are used are made right here in san francisco. in that respect, this information today will feed into our own process and certainly with the city officials. i learned a lot from today. i would love to come back and say that we met -- what did we learn in the days or 120 days? and others being held accountable to you. we will come back and say this is what we have learned in other parts of the country in here is what we think we will go forward on a. and what will we do to get a lot of this done? >> san francisco's i is a big important city. you have access to your mayor, to supervisor cohen, president of the board of education, and a lot of people. these other people that make the decisions. we'll let you know what we have done so there is not just one opportunity but multiple opportunities. >> [inaudible] >> the media process, the national one is going to be done a little bit quicker than that. there'll be an indication of the next couple of months about what we have learned a we can do with the information to happen to come back earlier than annually to continue the dialogue. >> how does the process of the other services other than housing hopefully here in san francisco? >> affects all properties. if you have an apartment or a home and you have been discriminated against, we can take action. in housing decisions, where you live as an impact on some the other things. what your access is the hospitals, healthy foods, playgrounds, etc. pierhead as a platform for advancement and empowerment, it is really important. is is an indirect way of dealing with education issues. it is also just as important. >> and beyond the individual decisions that need to be made, i can't stress the importance of the communication enough. and also, we are obligated to let you know what is going on whether it is washington or city hall. the young people, 20 or 25 years old, they made major changes because they were able to communicate and go through the various social media being used. they turned around the leadership of the country. the conduct of an international level they can certainly be done in terms of getting issues on the table and having been treated seriously. they're about 20 young people and seven cisco. by virtue of what you have done, your leaders. you're speaking for many others. you have the ability to go back and talk to people. and your focus on making sure that the under youth know about what their rights are and about what they're different choices are. when you're a junior in high school, things may be too late. a junior in high school is the best person to be talking to a sixth grader or seventh grader so they can speak the same language and get them focused on the right road. each one of us hasa responsibility. you are more than fulfilling your responsibility today in helping us and helping others. the the words are going back to washington d.c.. analysts accountable to see what changes need to be made. >> i want to say that the work that you guys have done today has been phenomenal. this has been re. of a second of the name of participate in forms like this. you have the power and you have the knowledge. i know you'll take the world by storm. the ideal communities that you came up with, the different programs, we're going to be nationally at locally. we're going to take that information and do something with this. it is revealed here from that and hear from you guys. i want to hear from her you if you have any closing remarks before we wind down. we're going to give you guys the opportunity, hopefully nonetheless, but to be able to tell president obama was one recommendation on one thing that you want him to know before you leave here today a very >> it is important to have