craig: sometimes you talk a little bit like william shatner too. geoff: it is weird but -- you can call me bones. [laughter] craig: ok. bones. can you do anything about this? geoff: damn it, jim! i'm a doctor! not a bricklayer. craig: i know. i would like to thank danny devito and the lovely olivia munn and of course the fabulous ladies and gentleman of the moulin rouge of paris. if you get a chance to go to paris, please go there, it is $1.50 well spent. [laughter] off you go. . >>> you're watching cbs5 eyewitness news in high definition. >> obama being there and everybody figured this company can't fail. >> the feds gave a bay area a half billion dollars and it went bust. tonight the e-mails that suggest the obama administration rushed the deal. >> a dozen navy ships will soon be steaming into the bay. why one ship in particular is sure to get a loot lot of attention. >> marriage is for white people. >> a book with a sensational title. tonight the professor who wrote it explains. the advice he has for black women. >> e-mails suggest the obama adm

(male announcer) it's the comedy central roast of william shatner. with your roast master... roasters...

(laughter and applause) i mean, for the love of god, it's william shatner, captain kirk.should be able to get us a better price. i understand you have brought me something from the shuttle launch pad that you'd like to present. >> stephen: absolutely. and this probably bears a little explanation. the space shuttle is actually held to the launch pad with eight very large nuts. (laughter) >> stephen: and this is one of them? >> that is one of the nets and... (audience reacts) at the moment that the solid rocket boosters, the big white ones fire, there's charges in either side of that nut will that will split that nut in half and actually release the sputle from the state of florida so that it may ascend inor bid. so we thought we'd present you with this artifact of our last space shuttle flight. >> stephen: wow! thank you so much. (cheers and applause) you know, as if launching a rocket were not phallic enough, you literally bust a nut when you go into space. (laughter and applause) well, heroes all, thank you so much for joining us. thank you for firing the imagination of

william shatner and mike tyson of all people were among those taking aim at the star.known battle with drugs and meltdowns made him a prime target. >> you know what's amazing, despite all those years of abusing your lungs, your kidney, your liver, the only thing you've had removed is your kids. >> tell us, charlie, how do you go from being tv's highest paid actor ever to being the highest actor ever to be on tv? come on, man. charlie, if you're winning, this must not be a child custody hearing. the only time your kids get to see you is in reruns. >> sheen took it all in stride and even managed to turn the tables. >> yeah, it's true. i've hung around with a lot of shady people over the years, losers, drug addicts, dealers, desperate [ bleep ]. but to have you all here on one night is really special. >> good stuff. this morning on "the early show" jewel anna marcules from the hit show "the good wife." this is the cbs morning news. hit show "the good wife." this is the cbs morning news. >>> texas governor republican presidential candidate rick perry was campaigning in new

william shatner. there you saw kate walsh. they really let him have it.ook it really well. >> i thought it was really interesting that mike tyson was there roasting him. one of the jokes here by seth macfarland. he said how do you get fired from "two and a half men"? they haul you in and say, sorry, you don't suck enough? that was supposed to be one of the highlights of the night. >> i was actually invited to the roast. for me it was a lot to fly all the way -- >> you were invited out to be one of the goddesses. >> yes. >> you turned -- >> i turned down both, actually. but they aired some of my interview in the roast. >> yes. >> so i made a cameo without even knowing it until i watched part of the roast last night. >> and we have a new star on hollywood -- oh, no, actually, charlie sheen still. >> also the lawsuit. there's a lot of reports that this lawsuit that he has against warner brothers and chuck lorrie may be done soon and that he could end up a very wealthy man. one report over 100 million. so it could be a lot of money. >> now, we also have jon c

. >> william shatner was there. that was exciting.you have more fans that live with their parents than dora the explorer. what is up with the priceline commercials being shot like a 60s james bond film. it looks like "live and let you die already" come on. steve-o was there. you know, steve-o? "jackass." and he is famous for saying "i will sleep when i am dead." that is extreme because you will have plenty of time to sleep when you are paralyzed. >> that's a good roast joke. >> he takes risks. he takes dangerous risks. i wanted to make sure the joke was a lesson. >> she a daredevil. >> he stapled his buttocks together. >> who hasn't? >> i did that on sunday. >> he staple easy his -- [bleep] to his leg. he broke his nose on the roast. he ran into mike tyson's fist. that was actually a thing. mike tyson was great, surprisingly. he is so likable. everybody was afraid he would be like a situation thing from last year because he was such a train wreck. but just by being likable. you do you know corbin bernson? >> yes, lisa rinna and hairy

there is william shatner right there. >> i can't get in! >> steve: get yourself in, mr. ♪ ♪ . >> brian: do you at any point comb your hair? >> no. >> brian: you should hear them laying eggs. >> steve: we've got kids here. >> brian: here it is! >> steve: my goodness. there is brian, brian's going down! geraldo! >> steve: ready, set, go! >> i think gretchen all the way. >> gretchen: it's all about form , baby! >> go ahead. >> gretchen: i'd love to know who you're picking for the super bowl. >> well, i'm going with the steelers or possibly the pack packers. that's pretty good. that gets everybody right there. >> ladies and gentlemen, hally berry performing -- whoa! harrison ford. >> good morning. >> steve: what are you doing here? >> good question. >> steve: just so happens that the world's number one brittany spearologist lives at my house. >> when you were in the mickey mouse club, did you ever see the guy in the mouse suit with his head off? >> is that what you're saying? >> brian: have you ever touch yourself? >> excuse me? >> steve: it's not beer pong. it's juice pong.

. >> that is william shatner. aka clayton morris. we're in for brian, gretchen and steve. he have gotten the money? >> no. i would buy him something, but i may not even buy him something. >> a starbucks gift card. >> juliet: he didn't play for two months. it wasn't like he was home sick fort day. he hadn't played for two months. but we'll discuss it later. a fox news alert first, a serious story. dangerous explosives have gone missing from the phoenix airport and now the hunt is on to find them. here is what happened. police were conducting a training exercise. they had police dogs and so forth when somebody took this blue cooler. inside the cooler were two half pound tubes of cast booster explosives. these are the same kind of explosives that you use when you are mining, for instance. police believe whoever took them left the airport with them. the explosives cannot be detonated without other equipment, but they are products for explosions. so be careful. >>> a scary ride for passengers on board a united express flight traveling from chicago to canada. terrified flyers sc