so, sorry, i'll go and tell them to be quiet. sorry, sorry. excuse me. [ noises] hey! come and join us. sorry but can you be quiet please, samurai. samurai? samurai? sorry we forgot. sorry. samurai. okay. we'll be quiet. unbelievable. that was your fault. you were the one that started talking about, sum. that was you making all the noise. shhhhhhh be quiet. let's change the subject. what shall we talk about now. we talked about sports. the weather. no. i know. let's talk about [whistles] women, love, romance, passion. look at us. we're not popular with the ladies. we haven't got any stories. actually we've got no experience. wait! i've got a story. i had an experience. you? yeah. actually i've never told you this before but in my younger days i used to work in a kimono shop. you did? yes. and 8 years ago i went to the house of the samurai to sell kimonos and the samurais name was,uto,gotomosh. but when i arrived only the samurais wife was home. sam ris wife? i bet she was gorgeous! oh, yes, she was very sexy, beautiful lady and she invited me into the back room and ser

so, sorry, i'll go and tell them to be quiet. sorry, sorry. excuse me. [ noises] hey! come and join us. sorry but can you be quiet please, samurai. samurai? samurai? sorry we forgot. sorry. samurai. okay. we'll be quiet. unbelievable.

sorry. i am so sorry. don't worry. we didn't mean it. thank you. yeah, well, this is precisely how accidents happen. i am so sorry. it's fine, honestly. boys will be boys. i'm sure we've met before. were you at the hotel? no. we met on the way out... at gatwick. i didn't have the stick then. ah... the ramp lady. i am--i am so-- please, it's fine. well, at least let us get you another coffee. no, honestly, i'm all right. no, no. jake. jake, go and get this lady another coffee, you know, by way of apology. i'm worried about the floor. careful. all right, i give up. it's time. karen, you can't see time. you can, because otherwise why would people say "have you seen the time"? yes, but that's a manner of speaking. you can't actually see the time. but why would they say it? because... because if a person looked and they saw the time, they'd say, "yes, i did, i have seen the time." yes, but i can't see your i spy of time, can i? you can't see time. you can feel time passing, especially playing this game. did you get that lady her coffee? yeah, and i got

sorry? two million children die every year before the age of 5. no, i wasn't saying i approve of the cheapness-- human life is obviously very imp-- ( fluttering sound ) god, the fridge is going nuts again. jake, you take the phone for a bit and let me know if any real people come on. indians are real people, dad. ( doorbell rings ) mum: i'll get it! is it the same babysitter as last time? no. why not? you know why not. pete, this is draxi, and, uh, this is ben. hello, ben. oh. oh! that's karen. um, this is jake and jake's friend jo, but she'll be going home at some point. oh, you have nice children. ben: you take a turn listening. uh, right. there are snacks in the fridge. these are our mobile numbers, and this is a list of things that ben will try to tell you that aren't true. ( chuckles ) okay. and, uh, who is...? oh, that's my dad. he stay? yes. so, why i come to...? well, uh... he has early alzheimer's. uh...? dementia. they're saying he's... ben! oh, yes! i said not to do that. we told

i'm sorry. next door being noisy. sorry i will go and tell them to be quiet. very, very sorry. [loud party noises] come on in. excuse me. sorry. can you keep the noise down please? be a little bit quieter. huh? be quiet. look at this. three young men on holiday. three beautiful geishas and all this expensive saki we ordered from you and you tell us to be quiet. actually we don't mind but someone next door complained. someone complained? about us? tell them to come here and complain to our faces. no. no. wait! i understand. they're just jealous. we're here having a good time and they're all alone, right? that's it. they're just jealous. maybe so but actually it's not just an ordinary person that complains. what do you mean not an ordinary person? someone with three heads, six legs? a ghost? very funny, sir, but actually it's a samurai. samurai? next door? why didn't you tell us. we don't like samurais? sometimes they just kill people by mistakes. sorry about that. samurai? okay. okay. we understand and we'll be quiet. okay. ladies sorry. parties over. see you next time. sorry. w

. >> sorry, i'm sorry. >> jimmy: i'm sorry that you're saying i'm sorry. >> i'm sorry that you lost that: you start us off. >> okay. [ beeping ] okay. it's a phrase, you -- [ audience ohs ] how would i -- >> break it down, break it down. >> i call someone who is in the second person -- >> you? >> and -- >> me? you and me, together. >> and what is the space that it occupies -- that is occupied. >> wall street? [ laughter and applause ] >> the first word would be -- before those two words. it's -- say it's -- i can't -- ugh. it's -- oh. um. [ beeping ] [ buzzer ] >> jimmy: yeah. [ sad tuba ] >> the space -- >> between you and me. that's a difficult one, wouldn't you say? >> jimmy: so was the guitar pick. [ laughter ] >> i know. >> jimmy: it's a tied game. next person that wins is the uber champ. [ light laughter ] >> okay, all right, jimmy. >> jimmy: you ready for this? let's do this, devora. yeah. [ beeping ] >> okay. you're almost there, but not quite there, so it's a phrase, you might say -- >> home. >> no, you're almost there, like you're super -- to being there, but you're not quite t

i'm sorry to bring you the bad news tonight. /2 sorry to bring the bad news tonight. to bring you the bad news tonight. 2 sorry to bring y the bad news tonight. i'm sorry to bring you the bad news tonight. sorry to bring you >> good evening. >> first tonight we have developing news. pop star whitney houston has died. the details are still coming in right now. her publicist confirmed the 48-year-old singer died this morning. she didn't give any details on the cause. houston reigned as the pop music queen in the 80s and 90s. end of her career drug use took its toll on her voice. >> thousands are gathering to celebrate the year of the dragon at the chineser new -- chinese w year parade. >> reporter: we are where they are staging a lot of the pretty spectacular floats. you can see down market st

she was very sorry to hear about your father.your father looks so happy here. you know, nancy i found out what the problem was between my dad and uncle brendan-- why they didn't talk for so many years. oh? uncle brendan told me about my mom, that they were both in love with her. and that's why your father and i never got along. i always told your mother that brendan was the man for her. your father got very angry at me when he found that out. but your mother had a mind of her own. she went ahead and married patrick anyway. that's when they stopped talking. they had a chance to talk before dad... good. they made peace? hi, miss casey. hi, melissa, hi, katie. hi, miss casey. hi, carrie, hey, julie, how are you? hi. hi. hey, sandy. rebecca, how are you? o.k., i guess. i was so sorry to hear about your dad. thanks. how are things going here? frantic, as usual. listen, um... i hope you understand you know, i had to find someone for your old job. oh... i didn't know whether you were coming back, and, uh... we're so shorthanded. i... i.

sorry? well, you kept looking him up on the internet. well, yeah, as i-- as i-- what else did you find out? well, nothing, you know, of any-- what else? he was once investigated by a consumer watchdog program, but he was never prosecuted. why didn't you warn me?! well, because if i had, you would've accused me of being jealous. don't be ridiculous! ridiculous? you would've accused me of being jealous, so i just decided i would stand back and-- and let me fall flat on my face so you could have a bloody good gloat! i'm not gloating. yes, you are. there's a little voice inside your head going, "whoo-hoo! i was right!" pete! you should have warned me! if you recall, i think i did say that he was probably too good to be true, but, no, you decided to ignore that, because you want to listen to the little magic antennae that only women have! you pompous, supercilious... - i'm not pompous! - ...twat! - ( knocking on door ) hi, sweetheart. it's thundering. i know. can i go out in it? no. not at this time of night, no. i'll put my wellies on, and m

>> i'm sorry. >> just let me see the driver's license. >> i'm sorry. >> sorry doesn't cut it.f i wasn't here? >> i probably would have chickened out, sir. >> chickened out? do you see why that is hard for me to believe? >> i do, sir. but it's the truth. >> you say to him, are you straight, bi or gay? he says gay. i just don't tell anyone. and you say, sweet. i won't. i promise. and then you say, you are so f'ing hot, bro. i want to be your boyfriend, if you will have me. i'm serious. >> i was just chatting. >> chatting? you're sitting in his kitchen naked, john. that's a step beyond chatting. isn't it. >> yes, sir, it would be. >> i don't want to get new trouble, bro. i also don't want to get me in trouble either. you knew this was wrong when you walked in? >> yes, sir. "i think i can learn real fast to love you." 14 years old! do you know that it's illegal to have a conversation on the internet with the intent to have sex with a minor? >> yes, sir, i do. >> so you came here knowingly violating the law? kennely was significant because not only did he admit what he was doing wa

. - i'm sorry, sir. we are not open yet. no problem. i think you should know, sir, there are people who are placing... pieces of wood with stripes on them all over the street in front of your cafe. yes, we know. the city promised to remove them. but it hasn't happened yet. i see. excuse me, one moment. what a strange man. i can't help thinking he reminds me of someone. so-- has anyone seen my cousin ? i told him to wait out in front of the cafe. i should have guessed. okay, everything is much better now, huh ? hassan, what are you doing with those ? they were blocking the traffic. hassan is here studying english, so he can be a tour guide back in egypt. hassan, meet mr. brashov rosa and katherine. it's very good to make your acquaintance. same here. definitely a family resemblance. - thank you for at least trying to help. - oh, it-- it was my pleasure. - thank you for thanking me. - you're welcome. you are also welcome. - ah, good morning, jess. - victor. what is this ? my water bill. jess, i have enough problems paying my own bills. ju

i feel sorry for him. it's not easy being shipped back and forth. nah, she's his mother. i understand. she loves alex as much as i do. it's just this divorce has screwed everything up. i don't know. sometimes falling in love can be the worst thing. yeah, or it can be the best thing. i suppose. just don't get married. that's when all the problems start. what's with you? you're usually so positive. you sick or something? listen, i'm considering a vacation in aspen-- you know, spend the holidays skiing. maybe you can come with me. you know, spend some time in the great outdoors, take a break from the restaurant. let me feel your forehead. you must have a fever. cut it out! i'm fine. i thought we might enjoy the time together, you know, especially now since mama and papa are in mexico visiting relatives for the holidays. ah, it's a great idea, really. but i can't. not with the restaurant, and alex will want to be home for new year's. sorry, it's impossible. i guess this is what it means to be getting old. all my friends are either married or moved out o

sorry, veronica. hi, granddad. yep. no, you only have to say i live with you if anyone from my school comes round. yep. yeah. no. i'm at big school now. hmm. yeah. no, no, it's jake. you kicked me! mum: i'll email it later. yes, this evening. yes, i'm sure you will still be there. yeah. okay, bye. wouldn't need to stay in the office till ten o'clock if you had any friends or a life or a... chin. he wants to know when auntie angela's back. don't we all? hi, dad. no, i'm sorry, she hasn't seen fit to tell us when she'll be dropping by. karen: you kicked me! ben: no, i didn't! no, i don't know when she's coming back. you started it! i'm sorry, dad, i'm gonna have to ring you back later. karen and ben! now just stop it! mum: ben, stop! ( cell phone rings ) ben, you see? you did like it! well done! and well done to you too, deion. you've done very well. karen, eat up. don't like it. deion: who's angela? angela's our auntie. mum's older sister. she lives in america. comes round every now and then. then mum turns all creepy an

>> sorry, derek.'s a good partner to have. but don't look too deeply into his eyes. you're fall in love. >> i know. he's very handsome. >> jimmy: he is handsome. do you think that will be a problem for you? >> oh, no. [ laughter ] it's a good thing. it's a good thing. >> jimmy: how long have you been practicing? did you just start today? >> yesterday, was our first rehearsal. >> jimmy: it was. and how did it go? >> it went really well. and there was a lot of ah -- and sorry, sorry. >> jimmy: are your parents excited about this? i know you brought your parents to the show a couple times. >> my parents love you, as you know. my parents are hilarious. i go home and my dad's like, maria, you have to dance like that. and my dad is dancing around the house. and him and my mom start fighting. it's hilarious. they tell me, maria, you have to dance sexy. ew. you're telling me to dance sexy? you're my parents. it's weird. >> jimmy: especially from dad. >> but it's funny. >> jimmy: they're right. you have to be

>>i'm sorry. i'm sorry, bro. >>and has this particular case been stressful, the aileen case?h, it's so important because this is the legal system in a phase where it's doing the most important thing it can ever do and that's taking a human life. it's more important than a money judgement, or a, you know, adjudication of guilt with 30 years in prison, and, um, we've really gotta be careful, i mean the whole system's gotta be careful. and, my opinion, and the whole just, our emotion is that she's been failed by the legal system. >>(narrator) joe hobson felt that aileen had been poorly represented by her previous attorney, dr. legal. >>most of us would probably never worry about spending time in jail, but if you're ever involved in the criminal justice system, you will need a laywer-- >>(overlapping sound) (narrator) joe hobson was hoping to get aileen a retrial by discrediting dr. legal, otherwise known as steve. this is the ocala courthouse where we're going to spend the next week. steve the lawyer had made no attempt to investigate the cops. he plead guilty to all the murders

i'm sorry. what? you were right. i heard steph and jeff talking, and the dream meant nothing. she thinks i'm disgusting. she called me... chewbacca. you are not disgusting. i feel so stupid. i was... walking around like i was a hot piece of man-meat. i'm sorry i ruined this whole thing. no. i'm sorry, t. i was thinking that i overreacted. i mean, so what if steph's dream made you feel good? you know, it's like-- it's like-- when i want you to do that voice duri sex, oh. that sounds lilike the pizza delivery guy? the voice i do is the pizza guy? mm-hmm. yeah. mario. you didn't know that? no. i just thought i was doing italian eddie. uh--mm. let's just-- let's get off this. ok? the point is i don't care what steph thinks. you are a hot piece of man-meat. is mario hotter? he's different. different how? hotter. but i love youou. i love you, too. you don't think i look like chewbacca, do you? which one is chewbacca again? well, he's the really ll and hairy creature who kinda sounds like-- [grunting]

so sorry. [ sad tuba ] unicorn is what we were looking for. so sorry, buddy. thank you so much, and go ahead and step down. good to see you. it's all right. it's all right, no problem. hey, how you doing, buddy? all right, very good. what is your name and where are you from? >> grayson from brooklyn, new york. >> jimmy: hey! [ whistle ] hey-o! you know what that sound means? it's time for a very short word from our sponsor. okay, contestant number three, it is time to spin-that-wheel-of-carpet- samples! all right, go for it, buddy. real soft, real soft, real soft. give it a soft one. [ drum roll ] you have carpeting in your house, right? >> no, i don't actually. >> jimmy: oh, get ready. oh! you almost got -- instead you got opulent gravy. there you go. ♪ this is one of the closest matches in the long and storied history of "wheel of carpet samples." higgins, who is tonight's winner? >> steve: they're called umbrellas. no, they are, they're umbrellas. >> jimmy: higgins? >> steve: contestant numb

>> i have not, sir. >> deeply sorry, though, deeply sorry? >> and found by -- >> have you suggested that maybe you ought to give your pay back and put it in a scholarship fund that is not going to go to college, a hog farmer trying to raise pigs. my dad raised pigs. you guys $1.2 billion and you're hiding around on the definition of whether it's legal, whether it's ethical or unethical? i don't think shame reaches wall street but if it did, maybe you should be looking at how much you're paid and what you're paid for. thank you. >> thank you, gentleman. and now mr. conseco from texas. >> okay. mr. stockman, one very brief question. >> sir, can i -- i apologize for interrupting. i wanted to just make sure that it was understood that moody's meeting i did attend. if there was any confusion on that. i'm not sure there was, but i just wanted to confirm. >> thank you. >> that's all right. let me ask a question now, mr. stockman. when did mf global first approach you? i know that you went through an agency. but when did you first meet? when did mf g

i'm sorry. i'll keep talking about the bird. [exciting jazz music] ♪ ♪ [cell phone vibrates] - where are you, tray? - i'm back, liz lemon. - tracy's back! - yeah! - yes! - i'm gonna need an obama cold open, a fart doctor, and you know what? write up that bum's empire state building idea. - fart doctor. - no, i mean i'm back to where i was yesterday. i can't get anyone mad at me. i even called a women's basketball team "nappy-headed hos," but apparently i'm allowed to talk like that. why? - tracy, come on. - tracy jordan? why isn't he here? - [stammering] - i just had a meeting with news down on four. brian williams sure gets close to you when he talks. very feminine energy. anyway, i thought i'd just swing by and introduce myself to tracy jordan, but-- - ah! he is here. you know, he just likes to learn his lines in the bathroom and communicate by phone. actors, am i right? - you know, i once had to speak to the screen actors guild. bunch of nutjobs. but you couldn't make movies and tv without 'e

>> i'm sorry. can you say that again? >> did she maintain or have access to control sheets for risk positions, including reap pose, proprietary positions and counterparties? >> i don't know. >> was j.c. flowers a trading partner with mf? >> i don't know. >> since j.c. flowers was a board member and member of mf and jon corzine was still employed by flowers, as an expert in your $350 thor,000 a experience, wouldn't that be a conflict of interest? >> i can't speak to specific conflicts of interest. >> i'm sorry. the gentleman's time -- we're going to have to -- i would ask -- i would let members know, if you have additional questions for these witnesses, we're going to hold the record open. you may submit those to them in writing. we would expect the people to respond to those questions as well. i know go to the vice chairman of the committee, mr. fitzpatrick. >> mr. stockman, i want to go back to the e-mail that the cfo wrote to -- i think it was a position and you indicated in response to the question you didn't have any

i'm sorry. can i leave, sir?> just like all of the men who show up at our house, he's free to leave. since he's seen our reports before, he probably knows he won't be free for long. and there's nowhere to run. >> get on the ground. get on the ground! get down now, now! >> and the parade continues. >> walking up the walk towards the door. >> hi, come on in. >> back up, back up. he's right there. keep going. >> here comes another man who despite seeing our previous broadcasts is willing to take the risk of showing up at a stranger's house to possibly have sex with a minor. he's 22-year-old matthew cogburn. yesterday was his birthday. he's here to meet a decoy pretending to be a 14-year-old. this clean-cut all-american looking man has a myspace page where he says jesus rocks and lists god as his number one hero. but when he goes into a yahoo! chatroom, he seems like another person. his chat with a girl he thinks is 14 is so graphic, much of it can't be shown. he does ask the decoy if her house is secluded so if they

[cocks gun] uh--[gasps] i'm sorry i judged you. - apology accepted. [cheers and applause] - thank you. thank you. you're a champ. awesome show. [beatbox music] goodnight, everybody! thanks for coming out! february 14, 2012. from comedy central's world e news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." my name is jon stewart. good show for you tonight. our guest, oh, so apropos. rickey jer vase. you know why? valentine's day. you're welcome. (laughter) by the way, that's not the only treat cupid's got for the fairer sex. oh, no, don't! don't. you deserve this. ladies? >> america's women in uniform may soon have new rules on the battlefield. the pentagon today changed its rules to give women jobs in more forward positions, closer to the front lines. >> jon: do you like it? (cheers and applause) that's right, ladies, front line combat roles, try it on! the helmet's supposed to be snug. all us guys thought it was a pretty swell idea.

[applause] >> sorry. i'm short, too, here. let's see here. i wrote it down because i get nervous speaking. leadership is not a school where children are numbers. the teachers are mentors and counselors in every child's life. my son is a freshman and was lost in the system a long time ago. he hated going to school due to how low his self-esteem had become from teachers not helping him move up in his studies and with trauma that our family had gone through. the care and motivation he has received at leadership has made him a student again. he loves going to school. he's even talking about stepping up his game to go to college. for children like mine, i ask you to look beyond test scores and look on how many of our students are staying in school and graduating because of the wonderful job the staff does on knowing each and every student individually. they make every child feel worthwhile and prepare them for life after high school. this is something other schools in the district aren't doing and the children fall behind. please renew the school'

deeply sorry park deeply, deeply sorry. did you call one of these, i've dedicated my district who lost 5000 bucks. at christmas time. did you call anyone? 1.2 billion divided by 5000, that's a lot of people. did you call one of the? >> i have not. again, i -- >> deeply sorry though, deeply sorry. i see. have you suggested that maybe ought to give your pay back and put it into a scholarship fund for these kids that are going to go to college sitting after some hog farmer? just trying to make ends meet. my dad raised pics. i know what it's like. trying to pay for the next sack of feed, and you guys have $1.2 billion you're hiding around on the definition whether it's legal. and whether it's ethical. or unethical. i don't think shane reaches wall street. but if it did maybe you should be looking at how much your paid and what you paid for. thank you. i thank the gentleman. now the gentleman, mr. canseco, from texas. >> thank you, mr. chairman. mr. stockman, one very brief questionnaire to fall up to some of the questions that

i'm sorry. i'm so-- ( cheers and applause ) i-- i'm so sorry, dan diego juan carlos. it's just that i made a very specific promise to god. >> come on, don't leave me hanging like the serpent quetzalcoatl. >> stephen: it's lent. >> you used to be fun. you changed. >> stephen: man, i'm going to have to smoke so much crack to forget about this. ( laughter ) ( applause ) moving on. folks, you know, there was a time when americans lived in small communities. neighbors would look out for each other, lend you a cup of sugar, help you paint the house, band together to drive out the irish. these days, with big cities and the internet, we feel increasingly isolated, especially if you join google plus. of course, of course, we have faith that god is looking out for us, but you don't know for sure until you die. luckily, the free market provides an all-knowing power that's a little more tangible, and it brings us to tonight's word ( cheers and applause ) surrender to a bear power. as human beings, we all cr

i'm so sorry.o sorry." >> mary ann met with the cops and told them. >> "janos did it." >> janos? who was janos? detectives pressed mary ann for more. >> she told us that her boyfriend was responsible for this. >> that's right, boyfriend. she'd been having an affair with him. >> yes, off and on. >> his full name was janos kulscar, originally from hungary. once police got the gist of mary ann's tearful confession -- >> she had a picture of him, said "here's his address." >> reporter: they high-tailed it to his apartment at long beach, where they found his car, just about an hour after the murder, sitting all innocent-like, not far from his door. so the officers, having had some experience with this sort of thing, performed a little test to see just how innocent that car was. >> and the engine hood was hot to the touch, so it appeared that it had just been driven back. >> somebody had been pushing the old volkswagen bug pretty hard. so the cops laid low just across the street there and kept an eye on

sorry about that. yes. also, you may not know that richard also went to hillary clinton a little before this to get hurt your so she could draw attention to bosnia during her husband's administration so i just want to say that it did occur to me that when richard wanted to get things done he knew who to turn to, the women. so, anyway, kati has provided a marvelous introduction to the book in her words that's wonderful, and i just want to end and introduce them with one quote from the last line of the preface to the book which is written by garate and samantha, and they say holbrooke may never have been a quiet man, but he was the first to say that in love he was a very lucky man and with that please join me in welcoming strobe talbott and kati marton. [applause] >> thank you so much, lisa coming and it is a pleasure to be back at my favorite bookstore. i think this is my fifth event. i've written seven books, and five of them have been launched here, so i am just delighted that politics and prose has gone o

(cheers and applause) sorry. we didn't forget about you supreme court baby.on't you change into something more comfortable. actually, you wear robes, i mean, yeah. i guess you could make the public more plush but you probably just wearing a snuggie. any way, the point is this. the supreme court has been hearing some new cases, let's check in. >> the u.s. supreme court is now considering a challenge to government rules barring cursing and nudity on the major networks. >> right now profanity and wardrobe malfunctions can get broadcasters slapped with six figure fines. the networks including abc argue in this day and age that's just not fair. >> (laughter) >> jon: that is some fresh mellon. that person is in shape. but here's what i don't understand. abc got fined for airing that kind of sexy time footage on one of their prime time shows but it's okay for abc news to run that same sexy time footage in the evening because they're reporting on the fine? that doesn't make-- whatever weird works around and loopholes are we dealing with here. >> most of the televisio

sorry. >> help him out. weight weigh in on facebook if you know what's talking about. >> don't you remember the mr. potatoe head jingle. >> stay with us, the oscars days away now and you can add a new layer to the star studded event. the app create for you giving you a way to enjoy the big night. >>> a big arts and craft show to tell you about heading to charm city. we will look at the weekend's events happening with the baltimore craft show. >> >>> and all new reaction overnight from a juror in the yeardley love murder trial. how he felt about the conviction and sentencing of george huguely coming up. [clucking]. everyone wants to be the cadbury bunny. cause only he brings delicious cadbury crÈme eggs, while others may keep trying. nobunny knows easter better than cadbury! ♪ abracadabra. new hershey's milk chocolate with almonds in pieces. your favorites, in pieces. [ male announcer ] for our families... our neighbors... and our communities... america's beverage companies have created a wide range of new ch