from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart.ing sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) welcome to the daily show, my name is jon stewart. we have a good one for you tonight. mire guest tonight, edward conard, he argues in his new book that income equality may not be such a terrible thing. the rich could pay fewer taxesment i'm sure our conversation will be brief. but let's begin tonight with a morning, specifically morning joe whose host, one joseph p morning was a bit up set about an article he had seen in today's "new york times" home section telling the construction at mitt romney's la jolla home and what mr. morning felt was an unfair attempt to smear mr. romney as rich, an elitist, out of touch. >> did "the new york times" ever dispatch reporters to john kerry's homesment because john kerry is worth a lot more money, obviously, than mitt romney. >> if you or anybody else out there can show me this type of spread from four-- from eight years ago on john kerry and his massive accumulations,

. >>> plus jon stewart reviews the performances last week of mitt romney and president obama in front of latino leaders. a little pandering going on. that clip, later in the show. >>> first, the news live at 5:30 a.m. democrats, republicans, progressives, conservatives, cats, dogs, all claiming victory on the supreme court's immigration ruling monday. that threw out much of the state of arizona's controversial law. but kept its most controversial element, the three sections that were struck down required immigrants to carry immigration papers at all times, ban illegal immigrants from trying to find work and require police to arrest people wount warrants. >>> but the section that everyone focuses on, which allows law enforcement officials to ask people stopped by police to show paperwork proving they're in the country legally was upheld by a unanimous 8-00 vote. president obama said in a statement, quote, i am pleased the supreme court has struck down key provisions of arizona's immigration law, at the same time i remain concerned about the practical impact that remaining provision. ar

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2012, from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. ["daily show" theme song playing] [cheers and applause] captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to "the daily show". my name is jon stewart. good night tonight. our guest tonight supposed to be senator marco rubio from florida. unfortunately harry reid scheduled a lot of senate floor votes for this evening. senator rubio unable to get away. which leads me to sate -- say the thing i say almost every day, you (bleep)ed me again, harry reid. you (bleep)ed me again. [ laughter ] the senator will be here next week. in his police we got very lucky denisleary. graciously stepped in his lace. a young -- dlenis leary. both candidates face the task of solidifying the enthusiasm of their base while reaching out to the undecided to cover all of tonight's democalypse2012 panda express edition sponsor by panda express. when you need panda meat and you need it fast. [ laughter ] the first rule -- [ laughter ] -- i might have gotten their slogan wrong. [ laughter ] the first rule of e

from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. big show tonight. big show. my guest, cyber security expert and author parmy olsen. she's going to explain why you shouldn't broadcast your password to facebook. like mine is pink lady 61. all right. michigan last week republican lawmakers were introducing several bills that would create more stringent bills on abortions and abortion providers which would not be news by itself but it is news for this one glorious bit of floor debate >> finally, mr. speaker, i'm flattered that you're all so interested in my vagina. but no means no. ( applause ) >> jon: zing. that's michigan democrat lisa brown with a pretty decent vagina zinger. which by the way is my favorite celestial seasonings tea. mmmmm. oh, that's good tea. no harm, no foul. >> michigan democrat said the word vagina in an abortion debate. republicans barred her from speaking again on the state house floor >> jon

i'm jon stewart. our guest tonight is the author of a great new book on home gardening. [ laughter ] and -- [cheers and applause] -- anyway, we're excited to have the first lady tonight. first, real quick off the top. we've been out of office two weeks. when i'm on vacation the only news i keep up is the latest. obviously i read the huffington post my one stop source. the latest scoop involves miley cyrus and her side boob. next 20 that i crossing this story about how roger ailes said i admitted to him in a bar that i'm a socialist. now, i didn't doubt the story. [ laughter ] i know watching fox news makes you misinformed. but running it doesn't. but i couldn't remember so -- and this is true, i called him not on the phone. i sat in front of the mirror and said his name three times. so, sorry. no. he called me back. very gracious he called me back. roger ailes called me back and reminded me that 12 years ago we met in philadelphia at the republican convention in a bar and then it all came flooded back

>> 2012, from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome to the "daily show." i'm jon stewart. man oh, man oh, man oh, man. we have a program for you tonight. the lovely maggie gyllenhaal will be joining us. we're very excited about that ( cheers and applause ) excellent actress. as you know, presidential electionux less than five months away, it's a time when the american people reflect on the state of nation and the needs of its citizenry, examine which president's candidate would best address these urgent and critical time. ( laughter ). that's our job. their job is to raise as much ( bleep ) money as they can get their hands on. and it appears that is going to come down to the wire. tonight... ( cheers and applause ) that was our entire-- from what i understand, that may have been our entire graphics budget for the year. ( laughter ). president obama, as the incumbent, in terms of fund-raising, appears to have t

from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome to "the daily show," my name is jon stewart. you know who's going to be here? michael fass bender is going to be joining us from the new ridley scott film "prometheus." true story, the original title was "space is nice." (cheers and applause) and then they thought, what about "prometheus"? and people were like hmm. (laughter) let's start tonight, of course, in wisconsin in our latest installment of... ♪ ♪ (cheers and applause) yes, that was back in the days when cows smoked and drank. you know what i'm saying! back in 2010 conservative republican scott walker was elected governor of wisconsin by a margin of 52-46. it wasn't long before walker slashed budgets and constrained unions and did the kind of things you would imagine conservative republican politicians would do. so the people of wisconsin said "whoa! wait! what? what? you never said you were going to be t

>> 2012, from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome to the "daily show." i'm jon stewart. man oh, man oh, man oh, man. we have a program for you tonight. the lovely maggie gyllenhaal will be joining us. we're very excited about that ( cheers and applause ) excellent actress. as you know, presidential electionux less than five months away, it's a time when the american people reflect on the state of nation and the needs of its citizenry, examine which president's candidate would best address these urgent and critical time. ( laughter ). that's our job. their job is to raise as much ( bleep ) money as they can get their hands on. and it appears that is going to come down to the wire. tonight... ( cheers and applause ) that was our entire-- from what

from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: hey, welcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. got a good guest tonight. our guest is london mayor boris johnson whose name is -- fun fact -- what russian men call their penises. we begin tonight, more signs that this year's presidential race will be far more than a mere political contest as the mayans foretold we are enterin entering... (dramatic music)... tonight on democalypse 2012 we examine the life cycle of the candidate gaffe. in the old days the single gaffe could live for months, years. but there was an unfortunate photo op, an ill advised turn of phrase. >> read my lips. no new taxes. >> jon: or even being a decorated vietnam veteran. oh, gaffe. but in today's modern world, an exploding gaffe population forces each individual gaffe to fight desperately for dwindling resources. ♪ and i believe i hear a gaffe being born right now. join me as we watch president obama describe how job growth in the pri

this is dale dale with jon stewart. captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." my name is jon stewart. we have a program for you tonight. we're going to have a visit from our good friend and noted author steve carell. (cheers and applause) but first, breaking news. it is so (bleep)ing hot today. (laughter) i don't have a followup to that. (laughter) breaking news concerning the ongoing investigation into the administration's fast and furious program which from 2009 to 2011 sold american guns to mexican drug lords so that the drug lords... could... shoot... people? or perhaps accidentally themselves? the white house was on a high after cash for clunkers and this program might have just gotten away from them, i don't know. (laughter) the house oversight committee has been investigating the debacle but attorney general eric holder has refused to turn over some 80,000 documents that chairman darrell issa has demanded siting as grounds that they n

this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: hey, welcome to "the daily show," my name is jon stewart. our guest tonight, he is the libertarian presidential nominee gary johnson. vying to be the third american president named johnson and the first named gary. (laughter) let's begin tonight with the gubernatorial recall in america's dairyland, wisconsin. it's the subject of tonight's... ♪ ♪ (cheers and applause) (laughter) i don't even want to do this to you people but here we go. let's hear what's at steak. (audience reacts) >> it's a crucial day for voters in wisconsin. >> a recall election is being held. >> scott walker is a villain to some and a hero to others. >> the republican will either stay in charge of the state or suffer one of the worst indignities for an elected official: losing in a recall election. >> what? that's not the worst indignity. the i worst indiggity would be giving a speech and realizing you

from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. ( cheers and applause ) . captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: hey, everybody. wewelcome to the daily show. my name is jon stewart. good program tonight. an amazing program. going to be interviewing two guests, coauthors of book entitled "it's even worse than it looks." it's a book about this thing on my back. no. before we get the show started i do want to say something. tell me you know this. for the past 50 years or so, i've been a fan of the new york mets organization. for that entire 50 years the mets and i have had one thing in common. neither of us had ever throne a no-hitter. that all changed on friday night. i was there because i am a cotton candy vendor. you may have actually seen it on sports center. you have not seen the mets' first no-hitter in their existence from my vantage point. this is my eye report. i filmed this. this is the last pitch. everybody is going crazy. the players start running on the field. all that.

this is dale dale with jon stewart. captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." my name is jon stewart. we have a program for you tonight. we're going to have a visit from our good friend and noted author steve carell. (cheers and applause) but first, breaking news. it is so (bleep)ing hot today. (laughter) i don't have a followup to that. (laughter) breaking news concerning the ongoing investigation into the administration's fast and furious program which from 2009 to 2011 sold american guns to mexican drug lords so that the drug lords... could... shoot... people? or perhaps accidentally themselves? the white house was on a high after cash for clunkers and this program might have just gotten away from them, i don't know. (laughter) the house oversight committee has been investigating the debacle but attorney general eric holder has refused to turn over some 80,000 documents that chairman darrell issa has demanded siting as grounds that they n

14th, 2012, from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome to the daily show, my name is jon stewart. we got a real good program for you tonight. actress catherine zeta-jones is going to be joining us in a little bit on the program. i'm excited tonight. i'm excited tonight. i just received terrific news. i'm apparently the newly elected president of vaginistan. (cheers and applause) >> jon: it's just received the votes tonight from-- (laughter) i guess the emmissary. anyway, as you remember, i want to take you back a little bit. somewhere around four years ago our economy experienced a cyclical fiscal phenomenon known as a catastrophe [bleep] when our largest financial institutions began to collapse after making incredibly risky bets basically using our pension money to gamble on the value of our houses. because apparently the business is just taking your money and then loaning it out to other people at slightly higher

from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with jon stewart. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome to "the daily show," my name is jon stewart. you know who's going to be here? michael fass bender is going to be joining us from the new ridley scott film "prometheus." true story, the original title was "space is nice." (cheers and applause) and then they thought, what about "prometheus"? and people were like hmm. (laughter) let's start tonight, of course, in wisconsin in our latest installment of... ♪ ♪

comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the "daily show" wall street with jon stewart. captioning sponsored by comedy central ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome to the daily show." my name is jon stewart. what a show tonight, dan rather, the legendary newsman dan rather is here. let's begin tonight with the big news in politics. >> this is a fox news alert. governor romney winning the texas primary and securing enough delegate delegates to bee g.o.p. nominee. >> jon: it is official after 28 years, $2 trillion, and three unsolved murders later, wilbeerdink cummerbund romney will be the republican presidential mom network or rom-in-ey. you want to use that? you want to use rom-in-ey? lawyer up. you want to use, that lawyer up. my lawyer from the firm ( bleep ) you and pay me. i guess that's it. the coney island mermaid's parade that was the republican primaries is done. we're left with five months of obama v. romney. yup. ( laughter ) five months of johnny pregnant pause... >> for years what we've heard is the piggest problem on the bench was judicial activism or a

my name is jon stewart. we've got a good show. our guest tonight, very exciting, andrew garfield, 20th president of the united states. and he looks amazing. listen, if you watched the show for the past couple of weeks you know i've talked a bit about governor cuomo in new york his plans to decriminalize small amounts of marijuana. you would be permitted to carry up to 25 grams for personal use without getting arrested. to remind you, 25 grams is is-- it's snuff to fill this. it's enough to fill this-- i think we must have mice here because it was up to here, and there were, like, five bags of doritos around here. ( laughter ). and they're all-- that's fine. never mind, just to show you. let me just get that. so it's-- by the way, i don't know if you can tell, this is labeled so that i know. ( laughter ). anyway, so i just want to refill it up to show you what would be legal, you know. >> governor cuomo today confirming his proposal to decriminalize small amountof marijuana is dead. so it went up in smoke following opposition in th

31st 2012, from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewartheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to the daily show, my name is jon stewart. we have a good show for you ton, jim parsons, star of the big bang theory and the new broadway show har vehicle a show about an invisible rabbit that kills and eats harvey weinstein. (laughter) i got to tell you though, manment i don't know if you have been in new york city man, but it hot and-- in new york city. i hope you don't mind, i'm going to just take a sip of a comically oversized movie theatre beverage, it's so hot. >> it could be the end of the big gulp, new york city mayor bloomberg wants to ban the sale of all sugary drinks that are larger than 16 ounces. he wants the ban at all new york restaurants, movie theatres, sports arenas and more. (laughter) (applause) (laughter) sorry, what? you are going to ban-- no! >> they can still sell 32 ounce of sugar drink to you but they have to put it in two containers. we're not taking way anybody's right to do things, w

jon stewart now breaks down the pandering. >> now the greeting at these events is everything.ond chance to make a first impression. first up, mottny. >> i come to you as a candidate for the united states of america. >> ooh. not so sure that was a plea for unity so much as a guy addressing a room where he's not sure everybody speaks english. are you comfortable? your chair-o? let's see obama's open. >> it's good to be back at naleo. [ speaking spanish ] >> now i know why the economy isn't doing so well, you spent the last three years doing rosetta stone tapes. [ speaking spanish ] >> goal! >> we mentioned this has been a big week for the supreme court, the most anticipated ruling coming thursdays on the president's health care bill. as expected, politicians across the country preparing their responses. some -- well some more confidently than others, in indiana republican senate candidate, richard murdoch tried to get ahead of the president's decision, by prerecording responses to all possible outcomes. fortunately for him, those responses all mistakenly posted to youtube. >> we