mccain mccain. the response to the outcry egyptians are been jubilant that theytheir incompetent president morsi was ousted, but they're tired of americans-- >> morsi sucks. >> hey i love morsi. >> stephanie: i'm kidding. and some american journalists calling it a power grab. if there was one message that i heard repeatedly speaking to egyptians was this: stop calling our action as a coupe. she writes, yes, this is messy. it's not what americans envision when they think of a democracy but the u.s. has been at this for centuries. it's been a year for egypt. and the military stepped in on behalf of the outcry of the people. so there you jumpy old coot. what's a policy. >> i don't know, nothing is a policy. >> stephanie: dzhokhar tsarnaev not this story again. the boston marathon bombing suspect has pled not guilty. good luck with that. for the first count he leaned towards the microphone and said not guilty in a russian accent. they felt it necessary to point that out. >> not guilty. >> like the ballet dancer in chicago, not guilty. >> stephanie: you are so random this morning what? >> tango no no, nothing. he switched accents for the other one. does he still have the fan club that cover all the girls. >> like the menendez brothers. >> now they're old and ball. >> stephanie: dzhokhar tsarnaev is just dreamy. you're on "the stephanie miller show." >> caller: i would like to correct the misconception that two of your callers have and apparently you have. george zimmerman is not mounding a stand your ground defense. he's mound mounting the self defense defense, you know the difference. >> stephanie: yes, there is a lot of talk about the stand your ground law. >> they're trying to muddy the waters. but there is no talk about the defense about a stand your ground defense. let's get that clear. >> stephanie: a why was is cited so much in the beginning including zimmerman. >> he never said it. >> stephanie: why was there testimony about it. they have obviously an expert that said he took a course and knew exactly what was in the stand your ground law. >> but he's not mounting a stand your ground defense. >> stephanie: george lied saying he didn't know anything about the stand your ground law. he produced a witness that said he took a course on it. >> you're getting off the course. >> stephanie: i didn't say--that is not a legal--the legal defense of course is self defense. that's what you call it when that is your defense. that's a legal thing. there is a reason they had an expert on that said he is an expert in the stand your ground law. he took a course on it. >> he took a course on it, but it doesn't make someone an expert. >> stephanie: so he lied when he said he didn't know anything about the stand your ground. >> caller: i don't know. >> stephanie: i well i do. >> he's allowed to use deadly force in self defense if they feel their life is threatened. >> stephanie: the legal defense is self defense but because not every state has a stand your ground law but florida does in liberal circles kiss my-- >> you know what lovers. >> stephanie: for having skittles. mike i'm in a mood this morning. >> you are. >> stephanie: mike, it's not often that i tell people to kiss my liberal ass. hi mike in ohio. >> caller: hi, how are you. >> stephanie: hi, go ahead. >> caller: if the roles were reversed and trayvon shot zimmerman, trayvon would be in prison already. >> stephanie: of course. that was the outcry in the beginning, he wasn't charged. you can go now. jason in d.c. how hello jason. all right, jason is talking to somebody else. and that's fine. all right by the by, there is another piece by-- [ world news music ] >> glen greenwald. whistle blower edward snowden another interview about how we should not make it about him. not about me. denied that he made requests to governments of china or russia. i never gave any information to either government, and they never took anything from my laptops according to glen greenwald. okay. i will have more thoughts on this as we continue. and judy gold comedianic extraordinaire live next on the show. [ ♪ music ♪ ] ç] [ ♪ music ♪ ] >> stephanie: oh jacki schechner, be care of the fear some power of the stephanie miller. shark nation is trending on twitter. it's a tornado made of sharks. >> i missed that. i was busy doing news stuff. >> stephanie: it was the big news of the day. >> sci-fi is premiering a show called "shark-nato" where a tornado brings sharks on to line. >> that's fascinating. i'm guessing it will be late and i'll have to dvr. >> this is starring tara reid. >> this is a movie. there has never been a shark tornado. >> stephanie: she's from florida. >> there have been sinkholes why not shark-nado. >> how would i know these things. senator harry reid talking about the filibuster on the senate floor, and we'll turn it up on "meet the press." he is becoming angry about the nomination of the the cabinet nominees. democrats argue that the president was elected and should have a leeway to pick his own staff. the rules change, four, would not apply to judicial nominees. >>> and the house is set to vote on the version of the farm bill that would expand tax-payer funded crop insurance but cut food stamps. president obama said if it passes the house he'll veto it. the bill went down in defeat in the house last month when far right conservatives want even more cuts in spending than who were already in it to avoid a repeat of that embarrassment. g.o.p. leaders are calling for today's bill without amendments. >>> working together to create a comprehensive farm bill that aid farmers and people who need the food and nutrition assistance. but this time the republicans split the bill to take out the food stamp component with the idea they could deal with that part later if ever. the white house said not okay to put forward a farm bill that intentionally leaves out food safety for the people. we'll be right back. >> did anyone tell the pilgrims they should self-deport? >> no, they said "make us a turkey and make it fast". >> (laughter). >> she gets the comedians laughing. >> that's the best! >> that's hilarious. >> ... and the thinkers thinking. >> okay, so there is wiggle room in the ten commandments is what you're telling me. >> she's joy behar. >> ya, i consider you jew-talian. >> okay, whatever you want. >> who plays kafka? >> who saw kafka? >> who ever saw kafka? >> (laughter). >> asking the tough questions. >> chris brown, i mean you wouldn't let one of your daughters go out with him. >> absolutely not. >> you would rather deal with ahmadinejad then me? >> absolutely! >> (singing) >> i take lipitor, thats it. >> are you improving your lips? >> (laughter). >> when she's talking, you never know where the conversation is >> it looks like anthony wiener is throwing his hat in the ring. >> his what in the ring? >> his hat. >> always outspoken, joy behar. >> and the best part is that current will let me say anything. what the hell were they thinking? >> only on current tv. (vo) next, current tv is the place for compelling true stories. >> jack, how old are you? >> nine. >> this is what 27 tons of marijuana looks like. (vo) with award winning documentaries that take you inside the headlines, way inside. (vo) from the underworld, to the world of privilege. >> everyone in michael jackson's life was out to use him. (vo) no one brings you more documentaries that are real, gripping, current. this show is about analyzing criticizing, and holding policy to the fire. are you encouraged by what you heard the president say the other night? is this personal or is it a lot of my work happens by doing the things that i am given to doing anyway. staying in tough with everything that is going on politically and putting my own nuance on it. not only does senator rubio just care about rich people but somehow he thinks raising the minimum wage is a bad idea for the middle class. but we do care about them, right? vo: the war room tonight at 6 eastern [ ♪ music ♪ ] >> stephanie: this is normally "the stephanie miller show," but this hour it's judy's show. judy gold comedian extraordinaire. >> you had it a little off. >> it's the ♪ judy show ♪ >> stephanie: thank you. >> i think everyone is awake now. >> stephanie: hello, you'll need to drop a few less f-bombs than the last 40 seconds you were in. >> i know. >> 40, that's what you get. >> stephanie: it suddenly became a loading dock with you and i in the same room. >> i've actually done this before. i have not done it, not dropped them. >> stephanie: i understand. we've been doing comedy together since the catskills. >> oh, my god right? >> stephanie: and judy is here with the one-woman show, the judy show. ♪ the judy show ♪ >> i tried not to be as loud. >> stephanie: it's been extended extended. >> and it could extend longer if everybody listening to buy ticket. that was my mother. yes, it's great, it's fun. i'm exhausted. >> stephanie: you're speaking my language. because it's 70s tv stuff. >> you're going to love it. it's about my addiction to sitcoms growing up, and how i always thought i would have a sitcom when i grew up--ugh. >> stephanie: this is the stephanie miller where dreams come to die. we have things to serenade you with. ♪ brady bunch music ♪ [ ♪ music ♪ ] >> stephanie: the judy show is your hill hilarious story as an awkward kid growing up in new jersey. >> i mean, 6'0" at age 13. and people in my new jersey neighborhood were lovely. >> stephanie: you must have been scarier than a shark-nado. >> that's funny. >> stephanie: now judy. >> giving me. [ bleep ] for 25 years. >> i said no s-bombs. >> stephanie: i have a box. >> that's what i heard. >> stephanie: i know you live in new york. i was asking if you were married. >> you know, we are--so i've been with my partner for six and a half years and we want to get married, but you know, first of all, i have two children. i live in a 950-square-foot apartment with one bathroom. one bathroom. i don't even want to talk about that. she will not move in with me unless we have two bathrooms. now she wants two sinks in the bathroom. she doesn't want to share a sink. it's ridiculous. but you know how hard it is to find an apartment in new york. so she won't marry me until we find an apartment. can somebody please get me an apartment. >> stephanie: back to your fantasies as a tot you wanted to climb on board the partridge family bus or join the brady bunch. >> i wanted to go to their houses. didn't you sit at home and watch and say, i got to go--even the project on "good times" was better than clark, new jersey, where i was from. i would always dream--here's the thing. i feel like today when i think of my childhood i think of all these shows that were such a major part of my life. and you know, part of my growing up, like all in the family. mary tyler moore. you could only watch them once. everybody watched them together, and it opened up a dialogue that normally would not happen. even the norman lear shows. ♪ good times ♪ good times ♪ good times ♪ >> i'm sure the partridge family theme, my mom was not a strong singer so it would not have been a sing along in my case. but shirley jones. >> oh, my god, right? how about the theme song. how awesome were those theme songs. they were all amazing. >> stephanie: i know. what's happening? ♪ partridge family song ♪ >> i think one of the best ones was ♪ we're moving up ♪ wasn't that the best one. >> stephanie: yes. >> and mary tyler moore. >> and the hat. >> i actually have them on play lists when i go to the gym. really, if someone took my ipod. [ moving on up themeipod. [ipod. [ jefferson theme song ♪ >> we could live on the east side. but i live on the west side. >> stephanie: you don't even need a deluxe apartment. >> i need a deluxe toilet. that's what i need. >> stephanie: we have down sidessed our dream. >> just with a lid. >> i don't even need a lid. i need a toilet. >> stephanie: maybe you can propose over the second toilet. >> good idea. >> stephanie: oh, there goes the ring okay. now of course the only show on tv is the george zimmerman trial. >> like there is no other news. >> stephanie: right, the fact that we were talking about how they wanted to do an animation. >> yes they wanted an animation. >> stephanie: just of what the defense says happens. and the animations of the zimmerman trial, what is next, finger puppets? >> that's true. it's ridiculous. i can't believe that all of these networks are just covering this trial. nothing else in the world is going on. >> stephanie: because you know, it has the o.j. kind of element. where there is race, all kinds of things, and then you're having a flashback of marsha clark. >> i did hollywood squares with her. she's so great. i love her. >> stephanie: she's awesome and can knock back the scotch. and she has at my house a number of times. >> i want to be invited to the scotch party. >> stephanie: because you live in new york. >> oh, all right. it's so great i love this trial. >> stephanie: is this your jewish guilt voice? >> that's it, yeah. first of all we wouldn't even be watching this if he would have listened to the police who said, leave him alone. >> stephanie: right, we don't need you to do that. >> i wish they would phrase it more strongly like don't do that instead of wishy-washy don't do that. >> stephanie: we don't need you to do that deputy dog doofus get your fat ass back into the car. >> i don't understand you go to jail and you become fat? o.j. is obese, and this one's obese. i thought you don't eat in jail. >> stephanie: o.j. ate the original o.j. clearly. >> but zimmerman, you look at the other picture and he's so fat. >> i think his lawyers say hey encouraged him to get fat so he would look less threatening on the stand. >> i love the judicial system. it's great. >> stephanie: yes, awesome. >> thank you. she's not taking any crap, too the judge. >> stephanie: the thing on the other channel that we're obsessed with is "sharknado." >> yes a super storm sucks sharks into a tornado and then throws them on land. >> they're dead when they land without water. we don't know what happened. that's exciting. we should animate that. >> stephanie: the land sharks, how long can they live on land. >> do that right now. >> stephanie: and how they can-- >> wait, what movie is that from. god, i'm hilarious. >> stephanie: you're not a morning person, why? >> am i doing really corny now? everybody is looking at their screens. you cannot talk to people. i went out last night and my niece and i are playing four picks one word on my phone. like i'm trying to have a conversation. oh, my god, what word is this. >> stephanie: i know. that's what we're saying about this airline crash in san francisco. they're trusting the gadget. the runway is right there. no, it's not. the gadget says-- [ crash ] >> the runway was right. >> stephanie: the concrete was correct. >> too soon. >> that is ridiculous. >> the horrible spine injuries, and internal injuries. >> they hit their heads on the top. >> stephanie: and the news is that the pilot told them not to evacuate. >> yeah, what was that? >> stephanie: i'm guessing he wouldn't have taken that guff. >> oh please no. i would have been at the emergency exit which i would have paid thousands of dollars extra so i could have three inches more. >> that's what did i coming back from europe. >> stephanie: that thing when you say will you assist other people in an actual emergency hell no. >> how about if they ask you are you aware that you're sitting in the emergency exit. yeah, i paid an extra $200 to sit here so i'm well aware i'm sitting in the emergency exit. >> stephanie: do you think anybody has been honest? will you assist? >> oh, yeah, we'll raise our hand. and how about having to make eye contact with you now. yes, i'll do it. i'll do it. it's unbelievable. and half the people are 90 years old in the emergency exit. you can step on them on your way out. >> stephanie: get more lift out of the plane. >> i guess you shouldn't sit in the way back or the way front. >> i've been told the back of the plane is the worst place to sit. >> in most crashes they go nose first. >> that is revenge against the top one percent in first class. >> sure. >> but isn't over the wing the best place to sit? that's what my mother always said. >> and in water landing yeah. >> stephanie: did your more every explain why you should sit over the wing? >> no, she never explained anything. >> on the hudson river. go out on the wing. >> he was amazeing into maybe your mother is right. >> she's right apparently. >> they're cutting his salary, eliminating his pension after that. >> sully sullenberger. >> are you kidding me? i landed the plane on the. [ bleep ] hudson. >> don't drop the f-bomb. >> stephanie: don't be jealous of my box. >> i've always been jealous of your box. >> stephanie: well, you know, 18 minutes after the hour. right back with more judy show. ♪ the judy show ♪ >> call the political party line now. 1-800-steph-12. alright, in 15 minutes we're vanguard, the documentary series [ ♪ music ♪ ] that we cover. doesn't get any more real than this. (vo) and on the next vanguard >> this is what 27 tons of marijuana looks like. (vo) it is mexico's largest cash crop, and as it heads north onto american soil, current tv follows the money. >> this industry is just huge. alright, in 15 minutes we're going to do the young turks. i think the number one thing that viewers like about the young turks is that we're honest. they know that i'm not bs'ing them with some hidden agenda, actually supporting one party or the other. when the democrats are wrong, they know that i'm going to be the first one to call them out. they can question whether i'm right, but i think that the audience gets that this guy, to the best of his ability, is trying to look out for us. >> "viewpoint" digs deep into the issues of the day. >> has the time finally come for real immigration reform? >> with a distinctly satirical point of view. if you believe in state's rights but still believe in the drug war you must be high. >> only on current tv. [ ♪ music ♪ ] [ ♪ music ♪ ] >> announcer: stephanie miller [ ♪ music ♪ ] >> oh god really. >> stephanie: yes, judy gold with us. 70s theme song. >> wonder woman baby. >> stephanie: who doesn't look good in satin shorts, what? 1-800-steph-12. >> linda carter did. in she still looks great. >> she looks amazing, and she's really great. she's very pro gay rights and a great advocate. >> stephanie: she was on the show, and they went--you went to travis went to see her sing and jacki. >> really? >> yeah, she's great. very talented. >> stephanie: i wonder if she wore the bullet-proof bracelets. >> i think she did a jazz version of the wonder woman.theme. >> she did? >> yeah. >> how do you not remember, if i'm not mistaken. >> well, i didn't go. travis did. >> stephanie: a building fell on her, and she looked perfect the hair was all perfect you know, as you do. >> that happens to me all the time. >> stephanie: exactly. judy's show is at the clay house here in l.a. and i'm told that it's fabulous. i'm going to see it. >> you're gonna love it. >> stephanie: i've been terrified of you for 25 years. >> oh god, you better come. i'm not kidding into i'm going kidding. >> stephanie: i'm going. >> if all your listeners would all call up and buy ticket as soon as she's doing her jewish guilt trip. >> edward snowden i don't understand isn't his mother saying edward, what are you eating? why are you--oh i said not to be a tattle tell, what is wrong with him? >> stephanie: do they have good food in asylum in venezuela. >> the moscow airport. that's about it. >> stephanie: i don't know what you think, but i was talking about this, glen greenwald had a piece. it seems like--jim, i know what your thoughts on this, but it seems like they're making it all about them. so he gave two more interviews, edward snowden talking about how we shouldn't make this about him. and glen greenwald finishes the article like this, you know you americans believe it begins and ends at american borders. but there is reform around the world. doesn't that just scream me, me me. >> look at what i'm doing. what would prompt you to do that? i don't know. >> well, there are some things that shouldn't be secret, that we should know about. >> stephanie: but jim--we were talking yesterday about the pentagon papers. that's just a totally different thing in my opinion. he quote as poll which i haven't seen that americans now have positive views of snowden despite all the demonization. 55% say snowden was a whistle blower and 34% say he's a traitor. >> i'm just talking like he knew this was going to happen when he did this. >> sure, right. >> i mean, i could knot--what do you pack? you know? i'm never coming back here, what do i want to bring? >> daniel ellsberg stayed in the country, but that was a different world. >> stephanie: the war on winning winning--women. ♪ world news music >> the war on winning? it's called losing. >> stephanie: no, it really is frightening what they're doing state by state with abortion stuff. texas, the house voted to give final approval to give abortion restrictions in texas. and house in north carolina house republicans pushing legislation that restrict abortion acts say attaching the measure to a motorcycle safety bill, and it passed in committee. >> oh, it's so infuriating. and it's all white men. all white men. you know what, if you don't want to have an abortion, don't have an abortion. it's like gay marriage, if you don't want believe in gay--don't marry a gay person. we already settled this whole thing. it's--it's so infuriateing to me. what about with the probe. >> stephanie: transvaginal probe. >> i didn't know if i could say vaginal. i'm getting these looks don't say it. vaginal, penile. you can't have a penile probe. anal. >> stephanie: i think you covered it now. thank you. >> you haven't said nasal. >> nasal, yes. >> stephanie: obviously it's good news of the supreme court on equality. the good news state by state there are a lot of challenges because it's ridiculous. you're married in new york, and you move. >> you get transferred somewhere, you know, the whole--yeah. it is beyond--the one that pissed me off the most. >> stephanie: the move to be closer to family. the family values party. >> if you think about gay marriage it is such a republican valuefamily valley value issue. it's about taxes and inheritance tax, how unfair that is. me marrying my partner how does that affect you? >> stephanie: well, it affects me personally because it breaks my heart. i worship you. >> oh god. [ sobbing ] >> stephanie: you're right other people, who knows. >> thank you, thank you very much. >> stephanie: lots more to get to with judy gold, comedic extraordinaire as we continue on the show. >> announcer: the following program is closed captioned for the thinking impaired. >> it's "the stephanie miller show"." [ ♪ music ♪ ] >> (laughter). >> she gets the comedians laughing. >> that's the best! >> that's hilarious. >> ... and the thinkers thinking. >> okay, so there is wiggle room in the ten commandments is what you're telling me. >> she's joy behar. >> ya, i consider you jew-talian. >> okay, whatever you want. >> who plays kafka? >> who saw kafka? >> who ever saw kafka? >> (laughter). >> asking the tough questions. >> chris brown, i mean you wouldn't let one of your daughters go out with him. >> absolutely not. >> you would rather deal with ahmadinejad then me? >> absolutely! >> (singing) >> i take lipitor, thats it. >> are you improving your lips? >> (laughter). >> when she's talking, you never know where the conversation is going to go. >> it looks like anthony wiener is throwing his hat in the ring. >> his what in the ring? >> his hat. >> always outspoken, joy behar. >> and the best part is that current will let me say anything. what the hell were they thinking? >> only on current tv. (vo) next, current tv is the place for compelling true stories. >> jack, how old are you? >> nine. >> this is what 27 tons of marijuana looks like. (vo) with award winning documentaries that take you inside the headlines, way inside. (vo) from the underworld, to the world of privilege. >> everyone in michael jackson's life was out to use him. (vo) no one brings you more documentaries that are real, this show is about analyzing criticizing, and holding policy to the fire. are you encouraged by what you heard the president say the other night? is this personal or is it political? a lot of my work happens by doing the things that i am given to doing anyway. staying in tough with everything that is going on politically and putting my own nuance on it. not only does senator rubio just care about rich people but somehow he thinks raising the minimum wage is a bad idea for the middle class. but we do care about them, right? vo: the war room tonight at 6 eastern [ ♪ music ♪ ] >> announcer: stephanie miller. >> the most perfect woman ever created like a young bo derek. >> stephanie: it is "the stephanie miller show," comedian judy gold, you can see her in l.a. in the judy show which is fabulous. and i'm going to see. >> thank you, and after you see it then you'll really know how fabulous it is. what about you two you're not coming? >> sure. >> o oh, wow. >> yeah, i'll be there. i would love to go, yeah. >> stephanie: toll-free from anywhere 1-800-steph-12. jim writes, over head oxygen masks are just there to muffle the screams, thank you jim. >> very true. >> stephanie: donna on the george zimmerman trial. you're on, good morning. >> caller: i want you to know that i've been watching it very carefully. they explained the reason why they couldn't be more adamant to mr. zimmerman to stay in his car is because of the stand your ground. had they ordered him to stay, and anything would have happened to him then the state would have been liable. >> wow. >> stephanie: oh interesting. >> could i be your official retired paralegal on "the stephanie miller show." >> stephanie: yes, please, thank you so much. let'slet'slet's go to garrick in los angeles. us your security guard and your i want to put my foot in here. maybe zimmerman they should have said are you following him? zimmerman would have said no. sit your ass down. you don't need to be curious george. you want to play gatekeeper. you meet us at the front gate, and don't forget to sit your ass down. >> that's a great accent, fantastic. >> stephanie: i mean, there was a cop who called in earlier who said i wouldn't have followed him. i would have waited for back up. we were talking about the kids and the gadgets. >> yes, the gadgets. that's how you know if you're old and crotchety. >> stephanie: so he's hugging me. >> ben is 11. he's going to be 12 in august. so i should say 12. >> 11.5. >> he's 5'8" and has 12.5 size men shoe. he loves me. the other one can't stand me. he's hugging me and i hear click, click, click behind me. he's texting while he's hugging me. i'm like, really? you can't even just a moment? >> stephanie: that's the moment i knew i was old when i saw a group of teenagers texting. they're all texting each other and they're right there. we've lost the art. >> it's beyond. i ask people in the audience when i'm doing stand up, have you ever taken a walk without your phone? no. it is--i really think it's bad. >> but you know what the kids learn the art of brevity. they keep their points succinct and short. >> and they don't know how to spell. >> and they don't know how to write an essay. >> u r. no, it's y-o-u. if they don't write correct i'm not answering. if you walk the streets of manhattan everybody is looking down. they're walking very slowly. just move, like you could get to where you're going faster. >> they're standing in the middle of the streets with cars bearing down with them. >> stephanie: i'm going to be late because i'm texting-- [ screaming ] >> i'm crossing the--street! >> running into manholes. >> stephanie: your oldest is 16? >> he's 16, he is going to be 17. you went to prom. you can't say the prom. he went to prom. wasn't it the prom? i didn't even go to the prom. he went to prom. his girlfriend is older than him, and she's going to william and mary, so you know, he's going to be a senior. who knows. apparently they had a good time at the prom--at prom. >> stephanie: i heard a gay guy who did not get to go to prom when he was in high school. he created a prom when he was an adult. he could actually have a prom. >> and? >> stephanie: it was fabulous, i'm told. >> isn't that just like a party where you get dressed up? >> stephanie: right. >> pretty much. >> stephanie: i don't know if he went for the powder blue tuxedo. >> who is we? >> did you go to tux. >> oh, you went. >> stephanie: i wore a horrible personperm. >> i permed my hair. i have curly hair, and i permed my hair. when you go to the hairdresser and you say i want a perm. shouldn't they say your hair is curly already. >> stephanie: i went japanese straighter now. here's my point. >> i did the same thing. curly hair and my mom gave me a home perm, also i did an orange spray tan. >> that's an attractive look. linc from "mod squad." my boyfriend came to the door, wow, it's big. >> blah-blah-blah, good night folks. you just made a--bleep-- >> stephanie: is that hard when the kids start dating? i'm a childless loser, as you know. >> yeah, you know, it's hard period. they get to an age where they eight you. you're the worst mother in the world. i hate you. you're not fun. it's great when your kids are like you're not funny. why can't you get a regular job like everybody else. >> that's so cute and supportive. >> i know. yet the friends always want to come to my house. they're like, your mom's really funny. and they're like, na-na-na. i think they like me under neither all of their you're annoying. >> stephanie: where could they have gotten that kind of wise ass-ness, i wonder. >> it's a fake negative. it's good, you know why? in my whole parenting technique they can be abussive and nasty and mean, but they don't get in trouble if it's funny. if they get a laugh n.s.a. you're raising little don rickels. >> we laugh all the time. it's bad. >> stephanie: here is another story that tells me why i'm old. do you know what torquing is? >> yes. >> stephanie: probably because you have kids. >> that's when you bend over and move your butt up and down or side to side. it's a dance move. >> stephanie: oh right right. jay-z is blasting myiy cyrus' torquing obsession. the rapper has hit out at the 20-year-old singer which is described as an energic dance move made popular by nikki managenickiminaj. >> and she invented it. no one ever did it before she did. >> it's moving your butt up and down like that, like flapping. >> we're on radio. >> stephanie: it sounds like a seizure in some way. >> yes, a butt seizure. >> stephanie: she represents the old word's worse nightmare. >> my bullet goes up and down like that when i just walk. >> stephanie: maybe you invented torquing. >> i think she owes you a fee. >> she owes me a few squats and lunges. >> and you'll be going to the chiropractor. >> yes you're torqued. >> here is another thing. the thing in the "the new york times" about tattoos. there is a new book about women and tattoos. there was an elderly woman and her whole arm, you know how they do the whole--whatever its called. a lot of these people--it's not going to look good. do they understand that once they start sagging you know, it will all run together. this california raisin. >> right. it's weird not to have a tattoo now. >> stephanie: yeah yeah, i remember my ex-had--she grew up in israel. >> i love the israelis. >> she went and got a tattoo. she wanted a fleur r de test lise? i'm sure it says something like jews die. >> what are you doing to yourself. >> stephanie: judy gold in the role of the irate israeli parent. >> i can't believe what you do to this family. i miss having you in the family. >> stephanie: 45 minutes after the hour. back for the remaining moments of the "judy show" right here on "the stephanie miller show"." >> it even vibrates like real. >> it's "the stephanie miller show." (vo) next on current tv, vanguard, the documentary series that raised the bar for excellence. >> wherever the story is, we will go to get it. >> we dive deep into the topics that we cover. doesn't get any more real than this. (vo) and on the next vanguard >> this is what 27 tons of marijuana looks like. (vo) it is mexico's largest cash crop, and as it heads north onto american soil, current tv follows the money. >> this industry is just huge. i think the number one thing that viewers like about the young turks is that we're honest. they can question whether i'm right, but i think that the audience gets that this guy, to the best of his ability, is trying to look out for us. [ ♪ music ♪ ] [ ♪ music ♪ ] >> announcer: stephanie miller. [ ♪ music ♪ ] >> this sequential is repeated several times. >> stephanie: all right perfect. 49 mention after the hour. 1-800-steph-12 the toll-free from anywhere. judy gold, the comedic comedic comedic extraordinaire who evan is listening to. >> i' had facebook alerts that they are live to go steph. you have a lot of fans. >> stephanie: i love you back, and we've been serenading you with love songs all morning. [ gilligan'smorning. [ "gilligan's island" theme song ] >> you know, they created the "brady bunch" because wanted to put a blended family on family. he created that so people from different backgrounds. people think it's just fluff. >> stephanie: there was a point exactly. >> yes, he had-- >> stephanie: right. >> and mrs. brady was the first divorced character on television ♪television. [ oh, my god ] >> a divorced woman and how dare she move on. >> and they had a dead-beat dad because you know. >> stephanie: whisper--never mentioned that he was gay. >> and all you listeners you know, buy tickets. >> stephanie: it is described as a hilarious life story through the sitcoms that we all new and loved. >> that would be true. and you all would enjoy it. >> and making an appearance? >> stephanie: did you see that after marriage equality. my uncle is a gay warlock? >> that's hilarious. i love it. >> stephanie: okay, by the way speaking of america. [ world news music ] as we all know straight marriages are perfect. woman hires hit man to kill husband because it's easier than divorce. >> well, you're going to see a lawyer either way. >> stephanie: yes, true. and a video secretly recorded by michigan state police. a woman and her husband were getting along well enough, but she wanted to get away and putting a hit on him was easier than divorcing him. i wouldn't have to worry about the judgment of my family, all that stuff. >> what a quality person. that's great. >> stephanie: that's sweet she didn't want to break his heart. >> the bullets sure, you don't want to hurt him. >> stephanie: okay. >> and gays can't get married. bachelor and bachelorette and all that, the sanctity of marriage. >> stephanie: yes, not to be in a feminist frenzy but just another example. guys are gross. covered man peeping on women inside a toilet. >> how do you get inside a toilet? >> stephanie: it's just gross, i'm saying. >> he's apparently very tiny. >> yes the tidy bowl man. >> stephanie: isn't that disgusting. >> women don't do this stuff. >> stephanie: exactly. >> was it a port-a-potty. >> stephanie: the keystone fire department were called to the white water park in oklahoma to help extract a man who was found peeping on women from a septic tank. >> oh, that is really-- >> oooh. >> he was caught after a woman and her seven-year-old woman spotted him peering from up the toilet. >> oh, my god, that kid is going to be completely screwed up. she's never going to go to the bathroom. mommy, i have to pee. go-- >> no, i can't. i'll never go to a public bathroom again. >> she's going to learn to pee standing up. >> stephanie: i thought i had shy pee syndrome. i always think in public toilet something is going to bite my ass. firefighters had to hose him down. he was covered in-- >> oh, oh god i'm going to throw up. [ farting sounds ] >> stephanie: he told deputies his girlfriend struck him with a tire arm and dumped him in while he was unconscious although they could not corporate rate corroborate his alibi. >> i have friends who are gorgeous and don't have boyfriends and he's he's got a girlfriend, and he's lying in a pile of crap and poop. >> stephanie: how about this headline. a man in jail because gambling addiction,. >> what did she like to play? >> stephanie: going to jail for stealing $30,000 from new york parishes to feed her gambling addiction. she pilfered money to play in grubby casinos in western new york. >> i love buffalo. i love restaurants, they have really good rice pudding and of course the buffalo chicken wings are really awesome. >> stephanie: cornelia in chicago, you're on with judy. >> caller: oh, my god, this is the first time i've gotten through in years. i adore you guys, but i'm calling to tell chris i'm totally in love with him. he's been sitting there all these years working so hard, and i hardly noticed him and he has this gorgeous--he has these gorgeous colors of these shirts. he's doing something with his hair. >> stephanie: he is fashion forward. >> i don't know what's gotten into him, but i love it. >> stephanie: oh my goodness. tree keep barking. barking dog meet wrong tree. >> what color is that? >> some kind of fabulous yellow. >> stephanie: look at those muscles. >> stephanie: is that yellow brick road. >> sure, i don't know. >> stephanie: judy. >> yes? >> judy garland. friends of judy understand what i mean. >> dorothy. get the phrase right. >> judy played dorothy. i apologize. >> stephanie: look what they've done to me. they make me get my references wrong. >> what the homosexuals have done to me. >> stephanie: john travolta said playing a woman comes natural. >> speaking of. [ buzzer ] >> stephanie: that was a completely unrelated story. >> right sure. >> stephanie: john travolta said playing a woman came naturally to him. he has always been inspired by erotic screen sirens. he had no trouble mastering the effeminate walk. >> wow i bet needs an images. did you see the dustin hoffman before? interview? it was awesome. >> stephanie: it was touching. >> he really was emotional. >> stephanie: talking about how when they couldn't make him more attractive woman it made him realize how many great women he missed because they didn't come to his standards. right. there is no reason for us to keep talking because lady gaga has shut down her twitter account. the end of civilization is next. >> why? >> stephanie: i don't know. >> can some of them come to me. isn't twitter like high school? oh my gosh, she has more than i do. >> stephanie: we're givers. come to us, lady gaga twitter followers. we will shelter you. >> where? >> judy gold, because i'm jewish please follow, follow, follow. >> i'm @radio guy chris. >> you need to have a cult. >> stephanie: you know who you need to follow is judy gold. do it. how do you get tickets. >> i guess go online the box office or just go there. >> stephanie: we'll put a link up. >> it's already up. >> stephanie: we love you, judy. >> i love you guys, thank you for having me. >> stephanie: thank you for being had. we'll see you tomorrow on "the stephanie miller show." >> i'm jacki schechner. it's noon eastern, and here's what is current. president obama met this morning with senators john mccainrepublicans who are refusing to move the issue forward. they decided they would rather work on small piecemeal bills rather than comprehensive solutions. they are disproportionately fixated on border control. here is michele bachmann proving once again they just can't seem to get over that fence.