of "your next big thing." >> you mean ben michaelis, don't you?s work. you think once the romance is gone, the relationship is dead. that's not the case. >> we we have to put a lot in, a lot of time, a lot of effort, a lot of self-exploration as well. >> why does that come as a surprise to people, ben? >> people don't realize when you're choosing to be with someone, you're choosing to be with the person and who they're becoming. as you change in life, a lot of effort is required to make sure the bond keeps going. >> what if you don't like the change? >> what if you evolve into something you don't enjoy. >> what if they start going down a path that seems dark to you and doesn't bring out the best in them, then what? >> that's -- sometimes is when you get some help from the outside to make sure you are working on something together, you have the same intention in the relationship. >> i think it is funny. some people are make -- they can say the right words and that's great, because you feel all warm and fuzzy, but it is more about when someone does

>> psychologist and author of "your next big thing" ben michaelis recently blogged about some of hisffington post". >> you have your greatest hits on the table. start with the first one and tell us why you like it. >> absolutely "the element" is a fabulous book. it gets at what is that passion that you have, that one thing that when you're doing it, time seems to flow and you don't even notice it. it is such a wonderful thing and it can encourages you to spend a little time every day doing that one thing that gives you joy. >> i like that. >> so smart. >> "the drive" is the next one. >> daniel pink talks about the fact that money is not a great motivator. things like purpose, and passion, these are the things that truly motivate us. and in fact, sometimes you pay people for a task, they become less motivated to do it. finding that one core thing allows you to push forward when days are tough. >> and many people with the most money have the least happy people that i've ever met sometimes. people should understand that doesn't automatically give you happiness. what is number three? >>