difficult in my growing up that the idea of being a movie star, i was alone in an attic memorizing john gielgudches from "richard iii" because i wanted to be loved, and most young actors if they are honest will tell you why's why they wanted to be actors, the people below the attic didn't know me, didn't know who i was, didn't love me for myself, it was -- i grew up in a very volatile italian family where everybody was out doing mad things. and i was a very sensitive kid with big glasses and awkward and shy so i was up there somehow i saw this movie and i saw these speeches and i thought, oh if i could do that maybe someone will love me. now that puts me among millions of people. i am not singling myself out. that is an absolutely common thing. it is just that most actors forget that was the initial reason -- it was to be validated, it was to be loved, it was to be -- you are something special. and then most actors make a mistake. which is they then become the thing for which they were initially loved all their lives. they don't evolve. they don't change. i can't be loved for what i was like wh