♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's so nice. [ cheers and applause ] welcome, welcome.hank you for being here. thank you for having us here. welcome to "the tonight show" from orlando, florida, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] i'm losing my voice. you guys are awesome. thank you very much. what an exciting week. this is our last show here at universal orlando resort. i just have to say that everyone here has been so nice to us. so accommodating, enthusiastic and friendly. so, as a new yorker, i just want to take a moment to say what's the catch? [ laughter ] are you trying to tell me something? is this a pyramid scheme or -- "i'm not trying to sell you anything, i'm trying to give you an opportunity." [ laughter ] "you ever think about time share?" [ laughter ] "just sign your on the thing, then we'll give you that free doughnut we talked about." [ laughter ] i gotta say, one of the craziest things about universal is they let you drink in the park. [ cheers and applause ] they know how to do it. although, you've got to be careful. there was one point when i asked for

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[ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: jennifer! oh, my god. >> hi!u're so beautiful! >> thank you. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: thanks for being here. this is super-fun. last time i saw you, we wore really tight pants. >> oh, my god. everywhere i go. >> jimmy: right? >> it's like --it's not about my work. it's not about my singles, my songs, it's about tight pants. everywhere i go. my daughter is doing it now. >> jimmy: no. >> emmy is doing the tight pants. >> jimmy: the idea, if you didn't see it -- we did a sketch. it's on youtube, but where -- i'm very proud of wearing my tight pants. i think i'm the only one in town wearing tight pants. and then you come on -- >> but little did you know -- >> jimmy: little did i know you came on and you had tight pants -- tighter pants on. >> it was so fun. >> jimmy: it was the most fun thing, and it blew up on youtube. i think it was like 8 million hits in four days or something. >> it was crazy. >> jimmy: so thank you for doing that. it was super fun. [ cheers and applause ] >> i was so embarrassed! i'm like, i am not

>> roll the credits. [ laughter ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> eat it!n't fear the reaper plays ] ♪ ♪ all our times have come here but now they're gone ♪ ♪ seasons don't fear the reaper nor do the wind the sun or the rain ♪ ♪ we can be like they are come on baby ♪ ♪ don't fear the reaper baby take my hand ♪ ♪ don't fear the reaper we can learn to fly ♪ ♪ don't fear the reaper baby i'm your man ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, gentlemen! congratulations to will ferrell, the winner of the 2014 golden cowbell drum-off. >> yeah. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: my thanks to chad smith and the red hot chili peppers! stick around, the chili peppers are performing next live! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] the mercedes-benz summer event is here. now get the unmistakable thrill... and the incredible rush... of the mercedes-benz you've always wanted. ♪ but you better get here fast... [ daughter ] yay, daddy's here! here you go, honey. thank you. [ male announcer ] ...because a good thing like this... phew! [ male announcer ] ...won't last forever. see your

♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, thank you very much! welcome!ers and applause ] hot crowd right there! hot crowd! welcome to "the tonight show," everybody. welcome to "the tonight show." thank you for being here. you look good. you look great. welcome to the show. here's what people are talking about. of course the big story is this donald sterling mess. last night was part two of the anderson cooper interview with sterling. and during the interview sterling said that people think of him as an ogre or frankenstein. which isn't true because frankenstein and ogres are still allowed at nba basketball games. they're allowed to go. [ laughter ] sterling also talked to anderson cooper about has having a mistress. here he's what he had to say about it. >> when you're so old, you don't think it's wrong anymore if you have a little bit of fun. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: my grandpa says the same thing when he leaves the house with no pants on. we just let him do it. he earned it. [ laughter ] guys, summer is almost here. you guys excited about it? [ cheers an

and applause ] we are having fun.about hosting "the tonight show" is that there's always something happening backstage. you never know who is going to drop by. like, just last week, jonah hill was a guest on the show. and so, i popped into the dressing room to say what's up and a few of his friends came by also to say what's up. here, check it out. >> jimmy: jonah. >> jimmy. sup? >> jimmy: sup? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy. >> jimmy: channing. >> jonah. >> channing. >> jimmy. >> jimmy: sup? >> sup jonnah. >> chan. jimmy. >> jimmy: jonah. sup? [ door knocks ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy. >> ice cube. >> jonah. >> iced cube. >> channing. >> sup? >> what's up? >> jimmy: sup? >> sup? >> sap? >> jimmy: sup sup sip? >> sup sup sup sup sup suh-hup. >> su-huh-ha-ha sup-sup? >> saaaaah? >> ssss. >> sup-wiches? >> jimmy: suppy. >> sippy. >> jimmy: duppy. >> patrick duffy. >> sippy cup. >> jimmy: sup. >> sip sip sip. >> jimmy: su-puh? >> whassup? >> watzoof. >> whitzip. >> what is it that is up? >> sup? >> sup? >> sup.

[ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to jonah hill, channing tatum and jump street" in theaters now. stick around. be back with dave chappelle, everybody! ♪ boring! yeah! ♪ if you want to see old faithful ♪ ♪ don't be such a couch potato ♪ ♪ yeah just go check out the thing for yourself ♪ highlander! ♪ we ain't got no room for boring ♪ ♪ ferdy gerdy ferdy ger boom! [ cluck, cluck ] ♪ no, we ain't got no room ♪ for boring ♪ for boring, we ain't got no room ♪ ahh! [ male announcer ] the 2014 highlander. toyota. let's go places. [ male announcer ] the 2014 highlander. yo,move fast fruit flavor,fe, watermelon, blue razz green apple. your taste buds dancing. it's the jolly rancher, we make it happen. untamed fruit flavor. jolly rancher. hay daaaaaaaaaaaay!!! download hay day for free. nobody ever stomped their foot and asked for less. because what we all really want... ...is more. there's a reason it's called an "all you can eat" buffet. and not a "have just a little buffet". that's the idea behind the more everything plan. it's more of everything you want. f

thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] really milked that applause.teve: the dairy company ca >> jimmy: yeah.ll, i ctuak us ka gooda. ar alat o thup o o e ar use now, getting elbowed by the stranger they're drooling on. i ad about a woman in massachusetts who recently had twin boys who were actually born 24 days apart.weirwhen the baby was born and his brother is like, uh, you again? [ laughter ] and the second twin said, man, maybe i should download that app that wakes me up when it's my stop. i'm gonna hop out now. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] we have a great show. give it up for the roots, right there! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, man, oh, man. thank you very much. we are having so much fun here at universal orlando resort. we're having a great time. tomorrow night, the beautiful rosario dawson will be here. plus, jeff musial -- jeff musial is coming back to the show for some reason. >> steve: you love jeff musial. >> jimmy: i just don't -- i don't like him. but we have him on the show all the time. he's an animal expert, and he

[ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> cue applause!ers ] >> seth: i guarantee he's going to want to get paid for appearing. [ laughter ] not sure what to think of this. a man in florida this week offered an undercover police officer a salad in exchange for oral sex. he was charged with one count of solicitation and one count of overestimating how much people like salad. [ laughter ] would a salad maybe change your mind? [ laughter ] what if i told you i had some croutons in my glove compartment? [ laughter ] this is pretty cool. a new study shows that kids are able to tell when adults only tell them part of the truth. you can read the entire study in the latest issue of your "father doesn't live with us because he's an astronaut" magazine. [ laughter ] this is a weird story. today a pair of frogs were married in india in a ritual to ensure more rain and a good harvest. witnesses say the ceremony was ribbitting. [ laughter and booing ] [ applause ] we can enjoy that. we can all enjoy that. we don't have to feel ashamed. [ laughter ] thi

please welcome gilbert gottfried. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and you're not letterman! [ laughter ] what the hell is going on here? i've been in the business a long time! i'll be damned if i'm going to stay here and let some 12-year-old interview me! [ laughter ] >> seth: no, you have to come back. you have to come back. this is great. this is the first time we've ever met. >> yes. >> seth: i've met your wife. >> yes. >> seth: you've met my parents. >> yeah, i was meaning to talk to you about that, too. [ laughter ] >> seth: well, i met your wife in the strangest way. i was in a pharmacy and she came up and introduced herself. and i told her i was a huge fan of yours. and then, she just got you on the phone, and we talked on the phone for a minute in the pharmacy. it's the strangest -- >> yes. and then your parents came to see me. >> seth: yes. my parents, like myself, are huge fans of yours, and they came to see you in boston and went backstage. you were nice enough to say hello to them. >> yeah, they were very nice until they suggested a threesom

[ laughter and applause ] [ laughter and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] real cool, man.u did great. >> i did good. >> jimmy: you did great! >> let's just go. >> jimmy: here's the good news. we're gonna go again. >> we're going to what? >> jimmy: one more time! here we go! [ cheers and applause ] >> no! no! i can't. i can't. i can't. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you were quiet. i mean, look -- he's got tear in his eyes right now. >> i got tears. oh, my god. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: good news is, you never have to ride a roller coaster again. man, that was so fun, man. go see kevin hart in "think like a man too." it's in theaters this friday. we're talking to jimmy buffett after the break. stick around, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] tuna lovers rejoice...at subway! where the always-tasty tuna is this month's featured footlong. with everything you love like red onions and american cheese, served on freshly baked bread for just $6. the tasty tuna $6 footlong special of june. subway. eat fresh. the tasty tuna $6 footlong special of june

and applause ] >> jimmy: yeah.'m from -- i'm miss maryland. mystery -- mystery face. [ laughter ] i feel so bad for her. you know he probably practiced for hour, like mask off, say name. mask off, say name. name off, say mask? no. so, i'm watching this thing and they're narrowing down the field of contestants, and then one, did a great job, but one of the hosts said something pretty surprising. i don't know. listen to this. >> in just a few short moments we are going to start the impossible task, of narrowing down the 51 beauties to a top 20. okay. i don't know about the ladies, but i kind of need to take a a dump break, a deep, deep breath. >> jimmy: what -- i'm sorry, what do you need to do? that's too backstage for me. that's too much action, man. i don't want to do that. no -- >> steve: oh no. i got dumped. >> jimmy: now a lot of people don't know that donald trump actually owns the miss usa pageant. i didn't know that, but at the end it's pretty obvious. watch the end here. this is -- >> congratulations miss u

no. [ laughter and applause ] [ applause ] are you hungry? what, no. i ate last week. so i'm good.ou get fat. [ laughter ] then it becomes i'll have a a bite. i'll have a bite. she'll have a bite. i'll have a bite of a bite. you have a bite of a bit of a a bite. [ laughter ] i'll have a bite of my own bite. what's a bite of your own bite? [ laughter ] i'll have a bite of my own bite. what's a bite of your own bite? i'm going to take a bite and then i'll -- and then i'll catch the particles with my mouth. it's a bite of a bite. [ laughter ] basically if it's tiny not filling inexpensive we want to eat it. like, flat bread? every girl likes flat bread. you're like what is it? it's like thin crust pizza. like skinny. you know what i mean? one girl always suggests it. you guys want to do a a flatbread? you want to do one? [ laughter and applause ] you want to get flatbread? there's always the one girl in charge. taking the order for the table. she's the one that brought everyone together. she's the one that printed the groupon. [ laughter ] her name is usually something like "amanda."

. [ cheers and applause ] and the roots right there, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] stayuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- nick offerman and megan mullally, gilbert gottfried, music from kip moore, featuring the 8g band. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ and now, here he is, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everyone doing tonight? are we well? [ cheers ] everyone doing well? this is interesting. former microsoft ceo steve ballmer has offered $2 billion to purchase the l.a. clippers from donald sterling. and then, today, every other owner in the nba started making racist remarks. [ laughter ] because why not? at that point, why not? that's right. the clippers are going to be bought by the former ceo of microsoft. apparently he's looking for something to occupy himself while w

[ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to jonah hill, channing tatum and"22 jump street" in theaters now. stick around. be back with dave chappelle, everybody! what's with these a.m. crunchwraps? they put the hash browns on the inside? who needs a one-handed breakfast! have you tried one of these things! [ male announcer ] the next generation of breakfast is here. the new a.m. crunchwrap. eggs, bacon, cheese, and a hash brown inside. eggs, bacon, cheese, it's out there, convincing you (vo) thatage. one donut hole couldn't possibly lead to another. (vo) average sets the treadmill on mosey.... or stroll... or loiter. (vo) average...has memory issues... (man) i forgot to work out. i forgot to work out. (vo) ... and memory issues. (man) my workout. (vo) but average is average. you can beat it. and it starts at gnc. and here. but what about here? [ female announcer ] neutrogena® visibly even daily moisturizer with a clinically proven soy complex. it diminishes the look of dark spots in 4 short weeks. and just like that your skin will look radiant and more even.

[ cheers and applause ] ed sheeran in the house! [ cheers and applause ] that's a show!m it down, jimmy. [ laughter ] calm it all down. let's get to some stories here. here's what everybody's talking about. i saw that president obama's youngest daughter, sasha, turned 13 years old today. happy birthday, sasha. [ cheers ] yeah. great. [ applause ] of course, that means that now he has two teenaged daughters. but thanks to congress, he's used to people ignoring him. [ laughter ] so, he ought to be fine. "whatever, dad. you go to bed." [ laughter ] some more news on the president. in a new interview, obama said that he's sometimes tempted to go off on members of congress who deny climate change. congress would have been intimidated, but then they saw this video here. [ laughter and applause ] ♪ [ cheers ] >> steve: urkelbama! >> jimmy: you -- you're going to go off on me, flappy bird? yeah. well, this is too bad. the los angeles kings beat the new york rangers last night to -- [ audience boos ] to take the 3-0 lead in the stanley cup finals. but, hey. look at it this way, n

we all like "frozen." [ applause ] there's ariel. [ applause ] that's pretty great.ike they're kids movies anymore. [ laughter ] >> makes those characters a little bit hotter. >> seth: exactly. i think so, too. now, you have a new show on aol called "park bench," which is a very interesting take on the talk show format. >> last year i did these videos for the band vampire weekend. i had a lot of fun doing it, it was great. [ cheers and applause ] they're clapping for vampire weekend but not the videos. [ laughter ] >> seth: no, i think they are clapping for the videos. >> okay. and we had such fun making them and we shot them really fast, and in the course of making it i met this guy named geo orlando who is a -- he's a carpenter. we literally just pulled him out of the bar that we were shooting at because we needed to do something in the park across the street. and we sat him down on a park bench and me and him, we just did this little thing and the singer grimes was in it and it was lot of fun. and afterwards i went, "i should do a whole show with just geo and me,

♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter and applause ] i think he got blinded in one eye.e was concerned. >> steve: he was concerned with his friend. >> jimmy: all right. here we go, time for one more. it's from john kensey. hey, jimmy, i love the harry potter theme, but i also love rap. is there any way you can combine the two? [ cheers ] >> jimmy: i think i can. tariq from the roots is one of the biggest harry potter fans out there. isn't that right, tariq? >> yes, it's right. >> jimmy: would you mind doing a harry potter rap? >> tariq: not at all. ♪ ♪ lend me and extendable ears and then another ear ♪ ♪ here's a free broomstick give me a butter beer and i'ma tell you 'bout a half blood wizard boy ♪ ♪ this kid harry potter from the house of griffendor ♪ ♪ magical young man from the badlands on the run from the prizon of azkaban ♪ ♪ hey hermione was like his best friend and his home boy ron was his right hand ♪ ♪ students in the school started turning petrified harry and his squad knew the way to rectify it ♪ ♪ magic wand golden child on the special side play a quick game

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you? it's good to see you.ons on that. >> thank you. >> jimmy: did you watch the finale last night? >> yes, i did. >> jimmy: you did. with a group, did you watch it by yourself, how do you do it? >> we went to friend of a friend of a friend who i'd never met. >> jimmy: wow. >> but we took booze. and watched and drank all of it. and then -- which was great. and then my friends would not die. let's go karaoking! it was a very bizarre night. >> jimmy: what did you sing at karaoke? >> nothing. >> jimmy: you're one of those watchers, huh? >> i'm a watcher. >> jimmy: that's fine, the world needs watchers too. >> yes, dirty watchers. >> jimmy: a lot of people in our studio audience here, most of them are vacation, have not seen the finale last night. so you'll have to plug your ears or something or whatever. but, well suffice it to say it was the worst father's day ever for your dad. and, yeah, you gave him a different that no daughter should ever give her father. >> well, don't [ bleep ]. [ cheers and applause ] >> j

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- charlie rose and gayle king, aidy bryant, linda fairstein, featuring the 8g band with fred armisen. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ and now, here he is, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody tonight? [ cheers and applause ] we're well? so we're well? let's get started. i thought this was kind of cool. president obama surprised tourists by walking through a starbucks near the white house. even more surprising, he traded five taliban members for a grande soy latte. [ laughter and applause ] it just seems like -- at least get a venti for -- [ laughter ] -- five, i don't know. not sure what to think about this. sarah palin is using an excerpt from hillary clinton's new book to claim that democrats started a war on women. that shocking story again. sarah palin read a book. [ laughter ] she read a book. [ applause ] donald sterling is still in the news. i know -- whoo! [ laught

♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: looking good. [ cheers and applause ] thank you very much.come. welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show" everybody. here's what people are talking about. a huge sports story here. former microsoft ceo steve ballmer is buying the los angeles clippers for $2 billion. some are saying he overpaid and may never get his money's worth. [ light laughter ] and then microsoft customers say, "welcome to the club." [ laughter ] too zune? too zune? [ laughter ] yeah. ♪ >> steve: come on. >> jimmy: a little too zune, yeah too zune, yeah. that's right, donald sterling sold the team for $2 billion after he originally paid 12.5 million. it's good news for the nba and great news if you're a racist. [ laughter ] i can make $2 billion. how much money did i make? i want to say congrats to the new york rangers who beat the montreal canadiens. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] to advance to the stanley cup finals. you watched it, right? we were texting during the game. we were texting each other, questlove and i cause we were watc

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh!y thanks to jennifer lawrence, craig robinson, the cast of "a gentleman's guide to love and murder"! and the roots right there, ladies and gentlemen! stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow. buh-bye! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- jonah hill. laura dern. comedian, nick turner. featuring the 8g band. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ and now, here he is, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] excellent. well, this is an exciting time. right now is an exciting time for basketball fans. tonight, the miami heat and the san antonio spurs face off in game one of the nba finals. it's the nba's annual contest to determine whose city will be set on fire. [ laughter ] and it started tonight. on

let's do this. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> go jimmy. [ cheers and applause ]my: after i win, i'm gonna go on a seven day, six night vacation to beautiful puerto vallarta, mexico. [ laughter ] where i'll watch the sunrise over the crystal blue waters then post a photo on instagram with a caption that says, "meh." [ laughter ] >> after i win, imma go get my hair did. [ laughter ] and i'm gonna hit up applebees because, you know, tonight is girls night out. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: after i win, i'm gonna stuff myself inside a a duffel bag so only my head is sticking out. [ laughter ] and then ride around on an airport baggage carousel yelling, "a little help!" [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> after i win, i'm gonna buy a a boat, and i'm going to name it s.s. h.h.h., so whenever somebody asks me how i pronounce it, i can be like, "syour honorh!" [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: after i win, i'm gonna send you a greeting card every year on the anniversary of this day and all it's going to say is "happy graduation, debra." [ laughter ]

[ cheers and applause ] i'm happy.esterday was easter sunday but also it was 4.20. [ cheers ] either way, a big day for guys who always wear sandals. [ laughter ] yesterday was easter and 4.20. i don't think it was such a big deal until i turned on joel osteen's service. take a look at this. >> you have to put your shoulders back and start acting like you're powerful. >> jimmy: yeah. [ cheers and applause ] maybe i'm in the crowd and you're on stage. no maybe you're on -- [ laughter ] i guess there is a new survey that found that 81% of parents admit to stealing easter candy from their children. while the other 19% of parents don't think it counts as stealing if you bought the candy in the first place. get a job, you little freeloader! give me those jelly beans! did you see this, a competitive eater. you know those competitive eater people? they win like a hundred hotdogs and win prizes. >> steve: why are you looking at me? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i don't know who else to talk to. i can't talk -- i can't win. i don't kn

applause ] ♪ [ crashing sounds ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh. ♪ >> jimmy: speed round!unds ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: tom cruise! "edge of tomorrow" is out on imax 3d in theaters everywhere on friday! kendall and kylie jenner join us next! tom cruise! you're the best. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ (vo) average. it's out there, convincing you that one donut hole couldn't possibly lead to another. (vo) average sets the treadmill on mosey.... or stroll... or loiter. (vo) average...has memory issues... (man) i forgot to work out. i forgot to work out. (vo) ... and memory issues. (man) my workout. (vo) but average is average. you can beat it. and it starts at gnc. when laquinta.com sends him a ready for you alert the second his room is ready, ya know what salesman alan ames becomes? i think the numbers speak for themselves. i'm sold! a "selling machine!" ready for you alert, only at lq.com. ♪it's so good to see you, got me dancing right out of my shoes.♪ ♪don't need a reason, all i really need is you.♪ ♪just for the fun of it, delicious crisp taste of it.♪ ♪just for t

] cheap applause, thank you.ss three continents, 12 cities, over ten months. and i did over 200 performances as richard iii. >> jimmy: oh my god. >> so it's a wonder they didn't find my bones in some parking lot. [ laughter ] and we decided that we wanted to capture this experience because it's so unique now for a company to go around the world and do theater. and it was the most incredible experience. and so this film is really a a chance for people to see what it's like to be an actor in a a company. and it's also a bit of a a travelogue. and it was also, for me, a bit of a precursor to playing frank underwood in "house of cards" because maybe people don't know that francis was actually based on richard iii, when it was originally written. >> jimmy: i did not know this. >> yeah, that's why i talk directly to the camera in the show because i know you may think ferris bueller invented that -- >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter and applause ] [ frank underwood voice ] >> but actually shakespeare did. [ laughter ] [ cheers

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- al roker. jenny slate. paul haggis. featuring the 8g band. ♪ and now, here he is, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers, this is "late night." how's everybody doing? are we well? is everybody well? let's get started. i thought this was very cool. the smithsonian unveiled a 3d printed sculpture of president obama that is detailed enough, you see his pores and wrinkles. [ laughter ] the sculpture is so realistic that joe biden won't leave it alone. [ laughter ] "sir, the museum is closing." "i know, but he's finally not cutting me off." [ laughter ] this is a bummer. yesterday, all 156 passengers of a las vegas-bound flight were removed and rescreened at a washington airport because a tsa screener fell asleep at a checkpoint. [ laughter ] typical man. a little groping and then they pass right out. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] typical. you guys still on facebook? [ cheers ] well, early this mornin

[applause] no amnesty. [applause] let us get started. [indiscernible] we will do the presentation of colors. willscout mason jeffries lead us in the pledge. please stand and remain standing until the end of the national anthem. thank you. >> let us pray. god our loving father, as we gather, we lift up our hearts to you in a moment of gratitude. grateful that you have marvelously created each of us in your own image and likeness, and thus gifted us with the divine origin and divine destiny . from this derives our unique human dignity, precious, and upheld by the fundamental human rights, rights that come directly from you. inalienable.re the rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. give us to recognize our divine origin, giving dignity to each human being, regardless of their class or culture or condition. grant us the courage and desire to secure that dignity by upholding the fundamental right to life from conception to natural death. help us to create a culture of life, to offset the darkness of the culture of death. in se

applause. >> seth: yeah, thank you for the applause. >> it makes it all worth it. >> seth: that is thek you so much for being here. you're such a delight to talk to. and you have to come back any time. we'd love to have you. jennifer lawrence, everybody! "x-men: days of future past" hits theaters nationwide this friday. we'll be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ stuck in a contract ? switch to t-mobile we'll pay your early termination fees so you can get the galaxy s 5 for $0 down right now! ♪ refreshingly sweet and intense.d hard apple cider. and bursting with a crisp apple bite. so try a johnny appleseed hard apple cider tonight and let the stories flow. ♪ yeah ♪ don't stop now, come on mony ♪ come on, yeah ♪ i say yeah ♪ yeah ♪ yeah ♪ yeah ♪ yeah ♪ yeah ♪ yeah ♪ 'cause you make me feel ♪ like a pony ♪ so good ♪ like a pony ♪ so good ♪ like a pony [ male announcer ] the sentra with bose audio and nissanconnect technology. spread your joy. nissan. innovation that excites. ♪ mony mony who feel like there's a brick on their face. who are so congested, it fee

to start spying on wolf blitzer. ( laughter ) ( applause ) fair warning, guys. ( cheers and applausefair warning! fair warning, n.s.a.-- bring some no-doz. ( laughter ) the only other way the obama administration could have known about this is when the the bush administration told them about it. >> this memo, prepared for president-elect obama's transition team by the george w. bush administration, outlined the difficulties veterans faced in obtang timely health care. it urged the veterans administration to properly document desired appointment dates and ensure patient waiting times are accurate. failure to do so, the memo warned, would affect quality of care bay dlieg and potentially denying deserving veterans timely care. >> stephen: there was a memo. it warned them. bush even personalized it-- p.s.: v.a. totally eff'd up. see ya. wouldn't want to be ya. smiley face. ( cheers and applause ). folks, these veterans are suffering under obama's watch, after he declared them a top priority, and his team had been alerted to misconduct. do you know what that means? it means we finally hav

applause ] tonight!steve: here! >> jimmy: insane. welcome to the show everybody. here's what people are talking about. tonight clippers owner donald sterling broke his silence in an interview with anderson cooper, where he insist that he's not a racist. [ laughter ] because what better way to prove you're not racist than by sitting down with the whitest man on tv. [ laughter ] hair is even white. in the interview, sterling apologized for his racist remarks and said that his girlfriend v. stiviano baited him into saying those things. when asked him how she baited him he said, "by asking what i think about black people." [ laughter ] that was unfair. totally out of line. >> steve: underhanded. >> jimmy: she asked me what i thought and i told her. [ light laughter ] sterling also said that he's entitled to make one mistake. come on. which would've been a better defense if he didn't make like eight mistakes at once. [ laughter ] you got caught on tape being racist to your mistress. [ laughter ] that's at lea

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: how are we doing, 8g band?d excellent tonight. j. mascis, thank you so much for joining us all week long. it's been great having you here. [ cheers and applause ] and we look forward to your new record coming out this summer. and fred, it's always a delight to have you here. i feel like we've known each other a long time, yet every time you're here, i feel like i learn something new about you. it's so great. >> fred: oh, great. thanks. [ laughter ] >> seth: i do. my one fear is like i do worry that sometimes people watching at home might think, just because of your so many accomplishments, that you might be making them up off the top of your head, you know? [ laughter ] i mean, i don't think that. i'm your friend. i believe everything you say. but i do worry that other people might think that. did you save someone's life last night? >> fred: yeah, i sure did. [ laughter ] >> seth: you did. you saved another person's life last night? >> fred: yes, i did. there was a champagne introduction at a museum. [ laughter

and we wanted to -- [ cheers and applause ] yeah. of the things we love about this great place. so we've hired -- we're very excited about this. -- we've hired amateur new york historian tom jankeloff to show you parts of the city you might not know about. so, here is the first in a series of 155 videos -- [ laughter ] -- that he is calling "my new york." ♪ >> hello, i'm tom jankeloff. [ cheers and applause ] i know everything about new york. and today we're going to talk about statues! [ laughter ] this is the very famous christopher columbus. we all know him. a lot of people think that he's holding a flag. and what that is, that's his jacket. that's his coat. [ laughter ] and he's got it up on this stick. you know, back then, in the 1400s, they didn't have, you know, coat hangers and stuff. that was called a coat stick. [ laughter ] they didn't need that many words back then because there weren't that many people, so people got it. ♪ all right. this is walter scott. this is a pretty well-known story. uh -- he's a little crazy. he g

we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: my thanks to charlietuned for carson daly. we will see you tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ film festivals and went on to become a cult classic. now he's back with "the raid 2", which received a standing ovation at sundance. it finally lands in theaters this week. for more, we go to 1 oak for tonight's "last call" spotlight.

featuring the 8g band. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ and now, here he is, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause >>> seth: good evening. [ cheers and applause ] i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everyone doing tonight? are we well? [ cheers and applause ] excellent. here for you all is a little political news. president obama is expected to meet with vladimir putin this friday at a celebration for the 70th anniversary of d-day. that's right. obama is celebrating d-day by meeting with the world's biggest "d." [ laughter ] so fitting, a fitting tribute. this is cool. this summer marks the 75th anniversary of little league baseball. 75 years, or to put it in little league terms, 6 innings. swing the bat, guys, we got to get home. swing the bat guys. [ laughter and applause ] i was playing a dad clapping for his kids and you all started clapping. now, i've figured you out. [ laughter ] congratulations to kourtney kardashian who is pregnant with her third baby. luckily, she's been practicing her baby talk for 35 years. she is -- she is the definition of ready to go. [ laughter and applause