jon batiste knows that. jon, would you come over here and join us for a second? ( applause ) >> the wonderful cue of d-flat-- >> jon: yeah, i like that. don't cry for me argentina the truth is i never left you all through my wild days my mad existence i kept my promise don't keep your distance hey-ya-yay-yeah ( cheers and applause ) >> beautiful! >> stephen: "phantom-- phantom-- phantom of the opera," which, it's still running on broadway, it's been running since the mid- 14th century-- ( laughter ) >> 13th century, actually. >> stephen: 13th century, okay. my apologies. ( laughter ) the great song from that, everyone knows, of course, is yeah, we can do that. night time sharpens, heightens each sensation darkness stirs and wakes imagination silently the senses abandon their defenses helpless to resist the notes i write for i compose the music of the night >> stephen: did you write that about yourself? >> jon: yes, he did! ( applause ) >> stephen: did you write that about yourself? ( cheers and applause ) andrew, thank you so much for being here. >> thank you so

now, that sound right there is jon batiste and stay human. say hi to the band, everody. ( cheers and applause ) jon, i understand-- i understand you have someone special sitting in with the band tonight. who's that? >> jon: oh yeah, he's very special. how about a handndor brandon niederauer on the guitar? >> stephen: brandon! ( cheers and applause ) wow, wow. brandon, you look like you're 12. how old are you? >> 12. >> stephen: that's impressive, man. okay, that checks out. want to give us a few licks, there? play something hot?? ( brandon plays ) ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: wow. wow. brandon! welcome to the show! thananyou for joining us s s much! about to kick it, but before they do... what the hell is that? hey, what are you doing up hey, get out of there. get out of there! thdt's the wrong door, buddy! i'm coming for ya! i'm coming for ya! hey, recognize that signature graffiti. that was strt artist "invnver," defacing my set with valuable artwork. dammit, now i'm going to have to have the whole theater re- appraised. before we get

oh, that is jon batiste and stay human, everybody. say hi, folks. they're about to jingle your sleigh bells. but before they do, one more thing: a canadian company that sells bottles of fresh air is selling out of their product in china. if only they could find a place that manufactures cheap bottles. >> tonight, stephen welcomes quentin tarantino. actor jonathan groff. and a musical performance by squeeze. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now it's time for "the late show with stephen colbert"! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen! stephen! >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen. how are you all doing? you feeling okay tonight? ( cheers and applause ) i am also fine. folks, we really love doing this show, and one of the things that i feel good about is that in the three months we've been on the air, we've had a lot of big guests, but we've also distinguished ourselves by introducing some great but lesser known projects. for instance-- and i don't know if you've heard about this little movie coming out called "star wars: the force awakens

featuring jon batiste and stay human! and now, it's time for "the late ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: whoo! i go to work i go to work i go to work ( audience chanting stephen ) >> stephen: hey! that was great, brandon. ( no audio ) man, that was amazing. ( cheers and applause ) brandon, thank you for being here! incredible; that was amazing. brandon, i'm so glad you're here, so glad you're here. these guys treating you all right? >> yeah. >> stephen: you let me know, okay? i'll talk to these guys if they give you any trouble, okay? no hazing. >> okay. >> stephen: no wedgies, jon. >> oh, we all had to get one! >> stephen: it's against company policy. folks, i don't know about you, don't want to tata about isis, or "isil" or "daesh" or "p-diddy" or whatever they're going by this week. here's the deal: if you want to live in the seventh century, you don't get to be on tv. but, after that senseless tragedy, the question of whether to let syrian refugees into this country has become the new political issue, completely overshad

featuring jon batiste and stay human. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: hey! hey! >> stephen: hey, everybody! welcome to the show! >> jon: bang! >> stephen! stephen. >> stephen: it's a friday crowd. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: thank you. ( cheers and applause ) thanks everybody. thanks, everybody. thank you, jon. thank you, band. thank you, vulfpeck, for sitting in with the band tonight. they've got a new album here called "the thrill of the arts." can't wait to check it out. they'll be playing a little something later for the audience here. and, you know, folks, i like talking about the news, i like talking about movie stars and stuff like that, but i've got a i'm not particularly athletic. i'm more graceful. ( laughter ) i didn't play a lot of sports when i was younger. in fact, on our first date-- and this is a true story-- my wife asked me if i play any sports. i said, "i play a fair amount of hacky sack." and yet, and yet, she went on a second date with me! ( cheers and applause ) that is a keeper. ( cheers and applause ) ta-ping! i still got it.

that is jon batiste and stay human. say hi, everybody. jon, oh, jon, i almost forgot to mention. i understand you have some distinguished funky guests with you tonight. >> jon: yes, indeed, super funky. how about a hand for vulfpeck? >> stephen: vulfpeck, everybody. welcome, fellas. nice to see you. these fellas are about to tear the roof off this mamma jamma. but before they do, one more cases are at an all-time high, and some blame dating apps like tinder or grindr. so please, remember to use a condom, or at least an iphone case. ( band playing "late show" theme ) >> announcer: tonight, stephen welcomes michael caine... host of "the nightly show," larry wilmore... and a performance by boots. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, it's time for "the late show with stephen colbert"! ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: hey! >> stephen: hey, everybody! welcome to the show! >> jon: bang! >> stephen! stephen! stephen. >> stephen: it's a friday crowd. >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: thank you. ( cheers and applause ) thanks everybody. thanks, everybody. thank yo

featuring jon batiste and stay human. show with stephen colbert"! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thanks, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen! stephen!n! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: oh, yeah? yeah. ( cheers and applause ) thank you, everybody. thanks, everybody. man, you guys sound great tonight, amazing. >> jon: thank you. >> stephen: have you got any plans for this weekend, jon? >> jon: i'm goioi to g g some rest and -- >> wow, you live a wild, jazz life. >> jon: yeah. >> stephen: anything else? no? >> stephen:?>> jon: i might go to a musical. >> stephen: really? "hamilton"? >> jon: i saw it, it's great. >> stephen: isn't it incredible. good research, too. >> stephen: it is. that's what i look for in my musicals, excellent research. >> stephen: yeah. >> stephen: i didn't have to read the bible because i saw "jesus christ superstar." >> jon: yeah. >> stephen: i'm very excited for him to come out here a little bit later. i want to take a moment to say how much i like the opening credits of the show. i want you to know, they were crea

that right there, that's jon batiste and stay human. say hi, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) they're about to do the thing with the things before the other thing, but before they do those things, one more thing. adidas has unveiled plans for a new factory where robots make running shoes. now, if they'll just make a robot that will run for me. playwright lin-manuel miranda. actor ike barinholtz. and a musical performance by sharon jones & the dap-kings. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now it's time for "the late show with stephen colbert"! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thanks, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen! stephen! stephen! stephen! >> stephen: oh, yeah? yeah. thank you, everybody. thanks, everybody. man, you guys sound great tonight, amazing. >> jon: thank you. >> stephen: have you got any plans for this weekend, jon? >> jon: i'm going to get some rest and -- life. >> jon: yeah. no? >> stephen: ?>> jon: i might go to a musical. "hamilton"? >> jon: i saw it, it's great. incredible. >> stephen: nice lyr

featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now it's time for the late captioning sponsored by cbs >> stephen: whooo! (cheers and applause) whooo! >> stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: thank you very much, thanks, everybody. i got to tell you, i got to say rubbing cheat owes dust on jon stewart is a great-- is a part of this complete breakfast is what it is. i got to do that more often. now i think a lot of you know that i am a roman catholic. but i am so busy doing this show every night, i don't always have time for my favorite catholic rituals like sunday mass or saying the rosary or feeling guilty for not going to mass or saying the rosary. but of course without a doubt my favorite catholic ritual that i confession. with my priest, i still have a and i feel like i can say anything to you, my audience. >> no! >> stephen: thanks. this is stephen colbert's midnight confessions. just for the record, i'm not sure the following things are sins. but they are things i feel really guilty about, okay? i will be right back. for

featuring jon batiste and "stay human"! and now it's time for "the late show" with stephen colbert! (cheers and applause) ♪ (audience chaptering stephen) >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen! thank you so much, everybody! thank you, jon! thank you, band! let's get right to it, because it's not every night i get to talk about the world changing. because we are witnesses to history. on friday, world leaders shocked doubters by agreeing on a plan to combat global warming. someone talk about it. >> a historic climate agreement was reached by almost 200 countries yesterday in paris. the accord hopes to limit average increase of global warming to 3.6 degrees fahrenheit, which scientists say is a breaking point for catastrophic events, such as mass extinction and mega floods. >> world leaders are hailing this deal in paris as a milestone to keep planet earth hospitable for human life. >> whooo! "hospitable for human life. (cheers and applause) look how excited they are! i've got to say... that's setting the bar about as low

that is jon batiste and stay human. say hi, everybody. (cheers and applause) >> very nice! >> stephen: now before-- before they kick things off, one more thing, here in new york city burglars broke into gwyneth paltrow's goop store and made off with $17 3,000 worth of merchandise. >> $17 3,000, that's right, they stole two pillows. >> tonight, stephen welcomes bruce willis. author michael lewis. and a musical performance by lizzo. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now it's time for the late show with stephen colbert! captioning sponsored by cbs >> stephen: whooo! (cheers and applause) whooo! >> stephen, stephen, stephen! much, thanks, everybody. i got to tell you, i got to say rubbing cheat owes dust on jon stewart is a great-- is a part of this complete breakfast is what it is. i got to do that more often. now i think a lot of you know that i am a roman catholic. but i am so busy doing this show every night, i don't always have time for my favorite catholic rituals like sunday mass or saying the rosary or feeling guilty for not going to mass or saying the rosary. b

that's jon batiste and stay human. say hi, everybody. (cheers and applause) they're about to crank it up and rip off the knob, then replace the knob, because that knob is the property of cbs. but before they do, one more a man in d.c. is offering $100 classes on how to smoke pot. lesson number one: if you're willing to give him that money, you're already high. >> tonight... stephen welcomes jennifer lawrence! doris kearns goodwin! and a musical performance by sleater-kinney. featuring jon batiste and "stay human"! and now it's time for "the late show" with stephen colbert! (audience chaptering stephen) >> stephen: thank you, ladies and gentlemen! thank you so much, everybody! thank you, jon! thank you, band! let's get right to it, because it's not every night i get to talk about the world changing. because we are witnesses to history. on friday, world leaders shocked doubters by agreeing on a plan to combat global warming. someone talk about it. >> a historic climate agreement was reached by almost 200 countries yesterday in paris. the a

that is jon batiste and stay human. (cheers and applause) >> very nice! >> stephen: now before-- before they kick things off, one more thing, here in new york city burglars broke into gwyneth paltrow's goop store and made off with $17 3,000 worth of >> $17 3,000, that's right, they stole two pillows. (cheers and applause) >> tonight, stephen welcomes bruce willis. author michael lewis. and a musical performance by lizzo. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now it's time for the late show with stephen colbert! captioning sponsored by cbs >> stephen: whooo! whooo! >> stephen, stephen, stephen! >> stephen: thank you very much, thanks, everybody. i got to tell you, i got to say rubbing cheat owes dust on jon stewart is a great-- is a part of this complete breakfast is what it is. i got to do that more often. now i think a lot of you know that i am a roman catholic. but i am so busy doing this show every night, i don't always have time for my favorite catholic rituals like sunday mass or saying the rosary or feeling guilty for not going to mass or saying

that is the sweet sound of jon batiste and stay human. say hi toohe band, everybody. (cheers and applause) hey, everybody. they're about to deck you right in the halls am but before they do, one more thing, the u.n. has named norway the best place to though a close second is under the soft serve dispenser at dairy queen. >> tonight, stephen welcomes michael moore! u.n. ambassador samantha power. and michael c. hall with a performance from the musical "lazarus". featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now it's time for the late show with stephen colbert! z (cheers and applause) i don't know about you, ladies and gentlemen, but i could watch those credits all night long. i need to apologize to you for many reasons. but the first thing i want to apologize to to you about is it has been almost five minutes of show right now and you haveeet to see one commercial. i don't know about you, but i love ads. and they're everywhere these days. on the tv, on the internet, at the gas pump, even in your dreams. at least i assume that's why i keep dreaming about the trivago guy. se

that is jon batiste and stay human. say hi, everybody. jon, i really-- i really like your suit tonight. >> jon: oh, yeah. >> stephen: yeah. that is nice. is that new? that's nice. it looks like you took that from the skin of a flamboyant python. they're about to spark up this menorah, but before they do, one more thing: a british astronaut says he will run the london marathon virtually on a treadmill while in orbit. because when you're an astronaut on the international space station, you really want to feel like you've accomplished something. ( cheers and applause ) >> tonight, stephen welcomes author george saunders. and a musical performance by joanna newsom. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now it's time for "the late show with stephen colbert"! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: thank you! thanks, everybody. you know, i hope i don't have to remind you that we are all lucky to live in this country. i really do love everything about america: apple pie. baseball-- maybe not baseball. it's like watching grass grow with people in

that is jon batiste and stay human. say hi, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) jon, now, if i'm not wrong, i understand you have a special guest sitting with the band this evening. >> stephen: we have the soulful vocals of ceelo green. >> stephen: ceelo green, everybody. ceelo, thank you for being here. >> thank you for having me. >> stephen: thank you for being here. >> of course. >> stephen: and thank you especially-- ceelo green. i want to thank you especially for wearing your formal track suit to be here tonight. thank you for going the extra yard. would you care to join the band, my friend? thank you very much. always a pleasure. they're about to get this party started, ladies and gentlemen, but before they do, one more thing: a man in new york city claims that two psychics tricked him out of $700,000. and they were clearly frauds because they predicted they'd take him for a million. ( band playing "late show" theme ) julianne moore. burt reynolds... and a performance by public image limited. featuring jon batiste a