welclce the show. . we begin wh a port-a-pty gag t the comedy goes skykhigh. (audience e ughs)p (fufuf eleleric guitar musus) (audience lahs (audience ughs) anhouts)s) udience laughs) (audienclaughs) udience laug) (audience applause) (fky instrumenl music) next, when goaded, (m(m screams) this ltle ack belt kicks below the belt. (audienclaugugug (gfy organ m micic (audiee hs) an nan mesesarate e e e ) (audieiee e ug) (man grunts) ,,, (audud(audience ap) e what i iean? @ @ience lala (beleldingng (w(wan shoho (man shouts), omom scrcrms (aieiehs budnce e uls$, t `. ell dings) (audienclaughs) (audienc ` (audeh) (lelylb!nd mus) xt, thehs nose ying oveillem)lk t plentyf re to laugh o6er a s slledililha. udienclaughs (audience laughs) ,,, udie udiee applauses) - -voiceover] we'll be riback with more g gs ghter isis eat hous)% wommaea chs. up90% faho getng trient.. ..frood alon s moradd a women'. ..ometltivin vamin a calum to horneea ona da anat pgrve l youomprssat r r s! .aurperay-si, so kyore g grt sang dhe mooh.ch as, jae. whayou u in bei ype man not t id was gonna

welclce baba.. is we'rstartiti wh an 11 breakingews erer a sy rin pikikeak region is ckpen afte ettyig c h hpeningt powewelvd anrtrefree lorado sings. thatat`treree nd anews rtina esposito na, whhaening gh poloirec tff t becaus the trarfic sials are not ernight, a car crash into a ll@dt t e intersection of powers andorth carefree. lice say the dver has serious ines but is going toe okok. this is video i gaththed of crews witholorado springs utilities working to fix it the issue. en i arrived a mund two afc sialalwere wn. . this mororng, those lightstserer puback up. crs are still working on the wiring unknown whenhe lights will b b baba o o lili in n , ge, kkkk 11 ne npw l t's send things backver r ea wthth alele. y y dnesesy!y!y!ararstarting out with temperatures beteten t03 to 40for most. a few 20s.s.s.s.s are sctered acss the region. it'lbe a a nd w wdy day todod.... we'll warmrmk totohe 60s and 70s on weweesday with windsds picking g n the e ternoon and evening. fire danger wille a concern... a

cantartrt ldohis dog eeorti th socty, the phononmbererer ,3 473-1741 or t oror" 33 hsppr.r.3 333 welclc..imri no.. showingouou ve look k k outstakeook k your temperur...t t the teteitd rais sng n.@plananan o ooitfoe e e !! herer bus stop fofecast. if y are h hding out o totohererererehot t thehe ra dar.r. wililhave more on your seven dayorin centurylk k ism tv has ur f forititchch tons oveports, anmore -,- all cryal-cle h h tch whennd wre wt with advced feur o w weless t- whwh evr,,, d onon ansea riy atacge toour r mememememee cal, .n.andtataedititit e e e m esseiqiqtv bundle. yo getetvususp to 40 m% of centuryrynk i l for $65 a mth iseal undsreat, esescici if u loveveveveve geesseia anup t t40404040@f@f@rnet only $65 aonth. .e!e!e/ ifou l lelelelt ...... [ sorn accent y, cinininin on n d d@ esl tv u uto 4megs o fo6$ a m m m mhyah whck] rmal voi c.. @ mthor a ar.r. eee vailib yar only f f fceuryl 3 we areolbreang nene" th hourva ple has crashed nearlamer lake -- out ha-a-as thlake.. .it is a s)ng engine te e, pasascounty ers ` office is heininl. ght nono w.'ll l onhis fluid sisususuthro

kes ananbs as the o-p p candiditesefe off in the r whhous avthghlighghf la ,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, welclce ck.... today.y. rereased decades agogo. bk ustoton codo.. cucuofofol ahossomananapti i is s asi her f#r#ronlns! investstators say lae win"... was keeping the 26- year-old woman in his h he e gateway, abou mesesrom and juncon. . lice s -- over four months. the e e n was sedadad and chained toti bed... where she was repeateded sexually a a alted. thmesa county sheriff'ofce@e says a rway girlng at the me.. helped "lkersoth ve she eventually lefe home a alerted authoritabout what was going on. that's when a deputy wen the house tonvnvga. t t th mr. wilkersoand the young lady....dentntntd thatatatre w meing ong.coul't hihi fier on iti kbye way she tie wa she was interacting with mr. lkerson thatomething w not right victim evelly le wit thdeputy. heidentity hasoteen reas. right now ilkeon" is b held in the me coujail... tetes -- 30 ars s o becausof a technility in his case sthtas onee e st heatedededatesthe e 16 presidential election... th 3 of the t remaining g-o-p candidates fiercely atta

i nto welclce e r special gugu batman and supepean in the hohoe, hitt! yoknow this soso. yeah. taka boy up ithisisole tcmerank it tch h ll superman and aaaaaahhhhhhh! h, mister, , u okay? you're on n rs. >> y y'vgot to be kiddininme. god. >> kimmel. >>>>re we the e ly oneup here? yeah. >> oh. oh -- so what do you do?>> besides grow poo tatoes? i mean, not mumuch. bubunow w at you're herere was png maybe -- let's a talk sho you coululhost it, i'll be yououou guest. every night. >> oh. yeah.. no, no that's- i'm going to pass on thth. but anks.. wiing e oscar. i'ju g gng#over ther d die alone.e. it g gd t/ seeou, , ouou [ cheers and applauses] i b bghus a zoo! >v jimim: there we go. ben afk, everydy! "batman versusuperman" mch 25th. thank you r inging that for me. 6> you're lcome. itit too good. jimmy: we'll be rigig b [ cheers a appuse ] icis: "jmy kimmel live after e os" " ouououtu you bybyamsusu. gear v-r heaeaetet ah, a classic caca of who dunnit luily, jayayhewswswsdent to hp clean and protect s teeth, so he can claim his innocenc with aonncing grgr. tohose whoeliver dinner..

welclce back. i'dave nancarrow. d i'm sarah schwe. to nea40isni. ve elos vingthasasell today. we'e e wawand breezy isis afteoon. highsill ach r r e s an70s ong mainly y condionsthe' ig cncpag show or two thugh h pipe reon aftno he. erer ll bmaly dase fr meoutsf hihiloude' stayil and d y, thrhrgh teeke. this sd great tch days to enj sosee ouoo. westt toeee ges s wa the gig ext rk week.k. g anfor inndnd swersthgh njo storor ar t day, onthoodowa tempmpand drier coitions return for theesond ha o o nene week. wn ymajo early ur mday e.gegeom utadioorthca, , ilta y about 1minutes s is m...f liviviv@v trc c ndndiouoa d&y, gto traicch b atktv.m...yor ne trafficatis cg in 10 mis.( looking ahead... fothe f t mestts inneth corachl ct w w buckle u the wato school.erare pls nsl sebeltlton sool busses 11 newrerterinin tinthis fors th morning. she'lidiststct 11's s tranortati dtment. gina, wh shoparentknow abououis dasarara t districsays pprents neededo apofhe conversation. theyant parents to talk to their ds about why its important tot me one of thest willllllheelts. dictays s s nts haveexpr

>> we don't h a >> jimmy: welclce back. frfr "the real o ols,"s you can see tuesdays on abc, martha plimpton is@ witit us. and later, h is a m mul-gmmy award winnnr witit troupady antebellum. this is his fst solom, lled hedrer,"rlrl green. >> jimmy: tomorrow night, jasoso batema aja naomi kg, and music from cee-lo gree anfriday, an encore rformance e ourh annualal "after the oscars" tv speciaiaia wi ben affleck, tracy morgan chririrockcknathan lane, matew brerick, henry yil jesse einberg, saronohen, aliciaikander,r*nd that no-good matt don, who was not t invived, b b did shoup urirst gue ian oscad goenenenbeinng actor, kendy centehonoe, and i feti achieve ard d nnerho tononls he rey be selecd foshririment at the smhsonian museum. his nemovie "london has ll" s ers friday, plea welcome morganeman. jim: always lovely to have you here >> thana you. nice crowd. kindnd >> yes. car with a chauaueu h frequently d d they mention ngiss daisy"y" >> i have t dame@river@ll theti 's only y ne ice [ [ uguger ] >>im: and u pt him h is nici

>>>hh w womeback,if trump can't be oppe cou we be tneseshe eakupf t t t welclce to t t woror 2116, you can fly across tototon n n tess a a a athththobobobobobobnder a aho whwhwhe cocounununs are liling on m ms anansosotellites ide rtrtth mipor.r.r.in lesan c cty, bong theorldrororoapnes spalas,s,criverer a beyond. anou l that w, , you stai d n u exwhyo mmsynthetieredar "ser fd?istreal?? at school,s itt on s reallyny bette thone e gogost yr? if wate liwh's t sre?ulwe t rs? ...ois23 od you ask k t good questions... i think we should move you in our new fund. surere. ok. t are you asking enough about how w ururealth is maned?wealalagemenenat charschwab.thmicrd alaltoaccecetifrom a awh the miost cloud allows us to scale up. microft cloud anges our wod ic asast too logo wotakesese and alyza gew, wecan n hdrer day. e ost cl helping us to re-build and re-interpret our busissis helns si. th osofcld. w >>> wwco ba ththe ar six morereontes by y u in j next days. daememratsts theirr ucn ne.e. a th puerico holdsdsds i republanprar toy. en on tuesesy republins have caucuses in waii and a primary in

welclce to "thehtoninit sh." thankhyou for being he. [ cheers and applaus] grt new york citcrowd. hot t owd. oh, makes me feel good. good t te you guys. we're gonna haveveun tonight. this is a eat t ow t tbe at tonight. this is the on is is the one to watch.h >> audience:es i iis! [ cheers ] jmymywyllre's'what evyo's talng about. ourse,esterday wasasuper and it looks like it's gonna come down n donald trumum rsus h hry clinton for the presiden. ke, "this oo scaca to o watch." [ ughtht and applause ] that's rht. donald trump won the most candidates yesterday, but d crlso picked up enough @ dedegates keep p e ce ose.@. th righthtexpertrtsay they're now ckck and nenes.s. laughterernd applause ] >> s wve: at's a tight r re. jmy: yeah.. and chris christie sto rightht nd trump at his victory y - eech last night. [ auence ohs ] and a l/of people noticed at christie didn't lk o hahay about it. check this-$chchk thutlo at this >> the virginia win wa a aa eat wini bececsc it'a place e at is just --spectacular and placthat we have big investments in, as we ha in n ora. remember, we have thou

welclce, welelmememe"thehe totoght show."." this is it. [ cheers and appus] welc oh, darn, grgrt owd. thks so much for being here. here's what everyo'salking abou tuesday. [ chee ] and cou be -- yeah. this could be do or die for a lot of the candidates includg ted cruz, who could be knocked out of thrace depending on h thingngwent tonight. [ cheers ] cruz saithat dropping out would allow him to spend more time with his family. then his family said, "we gotttt get this guy some votes." laughter i can't -- i can't deal with it. [ [ plause ] me on. get out ther actuly tront-rrs for the publicans e marco rubio and donald trump. and if you haven't been following the election so far, this iwhere we're at right now. large rs. the biggest ears've ever seen. >> i don't understand why his hands are the size of some who's 5' have you seen his hands? iave never en any human being sweat like this guy. >> you know what they say about men with small hds. this guy couldn't be elected dog catcheright now if he ran. >> donald is not gonnaake ame

welclce bank >> whennouook at whats happening ininhe replicann y,s splti apararin of our eyes ionnknk a republican. i think he isunni for t y of trump. wasn't aware that in presidential politics you could use the d ate my ear pieie defenswhen you sd something. hoababthis word didivow, it isike a slanguage iind itrere g aedhr the otr daiih e eim iaiai sothin on t levisio just blat on t ear ece. >phat about this idea the attacks started tooatat from tecruzuznd marco rubi >> thi of where we e th ispaign. at are hri ihat ruohohaveon after anddize of hands and which one sweats m me before this. whwht ofay i i t to dede teaderee world? alwlws wonder whaople outss tr areing at. nkieyaid r tr v ompmp iversityhe are all failures. this is race f president. th ide the suppopo behind trump peoe think he is a t t busisissman and he will bring that great b bess to t governing of washininon. >> this information nbs beenut e all alg. i look a at this outrage and see. now 'r att super tayndnd cannyg hapap nit wil cnge e narrativ eventuly i isot about truth or beautyy o or the real housewives, it is si

od e eningngd welclc everyone. it n been n x dadasie hurricanananany firct t t t r cityty anwhwhwe'r'rnot the w y