ho ho ho! merry christmas, everyone! ho ho! merry christmas! merry christmas, everyone! ho ho ho! s is not all holiday cheer, warm hellos and dancing bugs. ♪ ♪ the filipino national martial art kali is among the most brutal, the most remorseless defense systems going. it was developed to deal with some very harsh realities and a very tough, very bloody history. three centuries of brutal spanish colonial rule. invasion by the japanese. near the end of world war ii, the usa bombed manila, pretty much leveling the city. ferdinand and imelda marcos's extravagantly corrupt regime. martial law. although the philippines has remained a democracy since then, it seems, at times, fragile. ♪ [ crowd cheering ] >> anthony: cheers, everyone. now you're both photojournalists. >> ben: yup. >> anthony: based out of manila? >> ben: yeah, uh, me. marc lives in mindanao. >> anthony: mindanao. now does a journalist need to carry a firearm in this country? >> marc: for me, yes. >> anthony: in the philippines, a press badge is no defense, particularly in the south of the country where marc navales lives

(giggles) (laughing) oh-ho-ho-ho! that's so... homer: whoo-hoo!, each one of you has been assigned the mandatory honor of contributing to the springfield time capsule, where your arcana will lie dormant until the 31st century. and... (grunts) by the time you finish talking, we're gonna be opening this damn capsule. right. time capsule. nelson, give me something. i brought a picture of my dad. he's still at large... (voice breaks): in my heart! i brought my lucky rabbit's foot. i can have good luck without it. (gasps) ow! wish we could put this moment in the time capsule. consider it done.

ho-ho-ho! merry christmas. >> stephen: well pandered, god, well pandered. >> it's what i do.ant people to like me. >> stephen: now god, i have a difficult question for you. >> well, stephen, when a man loves a woman very much, they exchange a special hug and then... >> stephen: no, no, no, god, not that question. >> good, cause it gets pretty icky after that. >> stephen: god, why did you let donald trump be the republican nominee? >> the what? shut the front door! no way! the guy with weird hair who sold steaks at the sharper image? >> stephen: yes. haven't you been following the election? >> oh, my god. here's the worst. teachen, i've been pretty busy to following the election. i've been dealing with a supernova in another galaxy. i have got to decide who wins the nba finals. what happened to jeb? i thought he was a sure thing. >> stephen: a lot of people did. a lot of people thought that. he wasn't. it's going to be trump. >> what is with you people? i give you free will, and you nominate a guy who looks like a microwaved circus peanut ( cheers and applause ) okay, that's i

>> if you look at that joint statement, where i talked on april 30th, they talk about, ho, ho, ho, theanctions are actually good for us. like spinach, they make us work harder. you know, you can't catch me. you would be like the roadrunner. they are not going to ignore it. ready forrying to get this is going to bite. we don't need the goodies coming in. we can live without it. i don't think they have felt it. still traffic jams in pyongyang, then i am amazed. and i don't know how much the regime will try to offer this stuff. i think they have already warned about the possibility of another arduous march, which is -- they talked about what they used to describe not only the famine, but the third or the fourth arduous march. the first being during kim il-sung's activities in manchuria. 1956.began in then they use it again during the famine. but it is a period of really tightening the belt. just recently, they warned of the possibility of another arduous march. thatthink they realize they could hurt. they are not necessarily making secret of it. next? is hello, i was particularly interest

♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, hey, ho, hey, ho, hey, ho, hey, ho. elcome to "the tonight show," everybody, thank you so much for being here. [ cheers and applause ] fun audience already. i love you guys. welcome. well, you guys, may is finally here. may is here. [ cheers and applause ] it is that special time of year when the earth puts the weather on random shuffle. [ light laughter ] what if it rained snowballs and everyone got sun burned? let's get to some news, here. the white house correspondents' dinner was on saturday. and president obama ended speech by saying obama out -- [ laughter ] -- and literally dropping the mic. [ light laughter ] then hillary clinton caught the mic midair and said, "let's do this." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> steve: wowzer. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: get this, during an after party following the correspondents' dinner, a fight broke out between reporters at fox news and the huffington post. [ light laughter ] no major details came out about the fight because it was only witnessed by cnn reporters. [ l

>> if you look at the joint statements about how ho, ho, ho the sanctions are good for us. like spinach, it makes us work harder. you can't catch me. like the road runner. they're not going to ignore it. like the people, this is going to start to bite. we don't need all of these goodies coming in. we can live without it. i don't know that they felt it. there are still traffic jams in pyongyang and i am amazed. i don't know how much the regime is going to try to buffer this stuff. >> i think they've already warned about the possibility of another arduous march. the economy hand grenade is what they used to describe not only the famine -- actually, i think this would be the third or fourth arduous march. in 1956 during this in the party, then they use it again during the famine. but it's a period of -- i think recently they've warned of the possibility of another arduous march. so i think they realized that, you know, they could get hurt but they're not necessarily making a secret of it. >> who's next? >> hello. i'm from woodrow wilson center. i was particularly interested wh

if you look at that joint statement i talked about from april 30th, they make a big point about ho, ho, ho, the sanctions are actually good for us. it's like spinach. you make us work harder. you can't catch me. like the roadrunner. so they're not going to ignore it. i think what they're trying to get the people ready for is this is going to start to bite but we don't need all these goodies that are coming in. we can live without it. i don't know that they've felt it yet. and i don't know how much the regime is going to try to buffer this stuff. >> they've already warned about the possibility of another arduous march. the economy -- which is what they used to describe not only the famine. they actually, i think would be the third or fourth arduous march. e first being during kim yong-il's activities in north korea. and i they used it again in 1956 during this incident in the party and then used it again during the famine. it's a period of really tightening the belt. just recently they warned of the possibility of another arduous march. i think they realize that it could -- they could hurt