patton oswalt. comedian, nate bargatze. and featuring the legendary roots crew. >> questlove: 563, iowa! >> steve: and now, here he is, ? ? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh! that is a crowd! that is a great crowd right there. welcome! looking good. looking good, everybody. welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show." this is it, baby. [ cheers and applause ] this is it. you're here, you made it! you made it. you're here. we've got a fun show for you. here's what people are talking about. a new poll finds that donald trump and hillary clinton are in a a statistical tie just a week from election day. but on the bright side, at least trump's finally in a tie [ laughter and applause ] so that's -- >> steve: oh! [ applause ] >> jimmy: but the big story right now is the world series. tonight was game seven between the chicago cubs and the cleveland indians. [ cheers and applause ] the cubs actually came back from being down three games to one, to force a seventh game. that's right, cleveland had a a big lead, then it disa

patton oswalt will be performing in minnesota on november 11, and patton oswalt, everybody! we'll be right back with maz jobrani. ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ( applause ) >> stephen: hey, everybody! welcome back. oh, folks, my guest guest has performed at the white house and the kennedy center and now he's here to perform for us. please welcome the very funny >> thank you, thank you. i'm excited to be here. i'm a big fan of the show. this is fantastic. a lot of crazy things going on in the world right now. the elections are almost over. a lot of crazy-- ( applause ) yes, yes. a lot of craziness, islama phobia is on the rise. i'm originally from the middle east myself. i was born in iran. and i gotta tell you, it's a hard time to be middle eastern these days. it's a hard time to be middle eastern these days. and by "these days" i past 500 years. ( laughter ) yeah, that's the last year we had a good year, yeah. remember that? 1516, we were in the super bowl. but we didn't win. we didn't win. yeah. it's crazy because they've been kicking middle eastern people off of airplanes

ladies and gentlemen, please welcome patton oswalt! ? ? ? ( applause ) >> oh, hi. >> stephen: thanks for being here. >> thanks for having me. >> stephen: how are you doing? >> aaahh... i'm okay. you know, it's-- it's it's weird. doing-- like, me sitting here now talking to you, this part very easy. and then, also, staying home curled up in the fetal position and not leaving for days, super easy. ( laughter ). >> stephen: there might be a months ago you lost your wife michelle. >> yes, yes. >> stephen: for the people who don't know that, now you are-- you've been very public about it, about your grief, in ways that i think has been very appreciated by people who have experienced grief because there are a lot of times people don't talk about it, and they don't want to hear it sometimes because they feel almost like it's contagious. it's so terrible for people to contemplate, but you sharing with other people i think has been a beautiful gift for so other people are not alone. so thank you for that. >> i mean, it's a-- ( applause ) thank you. i

patton oswalt is stopping by. >> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: love him. >> steve: love him, too. >> jimmy: and we have great, great stand-up from my man, nate bargatze is here tonight! [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: i love this show! >> jimmy: the whole show is going to be fun. hey, guys, we are in week nine of the nfl season, and the big sunday night football matchup is between the denver broncos and the oakland raiders right here on nbc. now, as you know, at the end of player. but they also give out awards during the season, sort of like the ones in high school yearbooks. like, most likely to succeed, class clown. stuff like that. so with that in mind, it's time for tonight show superlatives. here we go. ? tonight show superlatives ? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first player is jordan taylor. he's a wide receiver for the denver broncos. he was voted, most athletic >> steve: wow. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: next up is broncos quarterback paxton lynch. he was voted most likely to kiss the tip

patton oswalt, everybody!plause ) ,, man: in cities big and small, newspapers all over say it's time. woman: time to legalize and regulate marijuana in california. man: time to "vote yes on prop 64." woman: it's "better for public health, for law and order and for society." man: "it makes sense to regulate and tax" marijuana. woman: "prop 64 would bring discipline and oversight." man: "prop 64 is the first step toward a rational drug policy." woman: "it's time for a new approach." man: vote yes on 64. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ( applause ) the time is long overdue... pharmaceutical industry. passes - the ballot. they prey on our children, spending billions. addicting 17,000 california kids each year. eventually killing one-third of them. now tobacco companies are spending millions to... defeat prop 56. because in every state that's raised tobacco taxes, smoking rates go down. so who are you going to trust? pediatricians, cancer groups and the califronia pta who all... support prop 56. or the tobacco companies trying to kill it.

patton oswalt will be performing in minnesota on november 11, and patton oswalt, everybody! we'll be right back with maz jobrani. ? ? ? what's kelly ayotte costing you? you're paying more for prescription medicines. kelly ayotte blocked lower cost generic drugs. you're paying high interest rates on college loans. ayotte voted against letting you refinance at lower rates. and you're paying higher bank fees while ayotte voted for special breaks to wall street executives. kelly ayotte. she's siding with corporate special interests and that's costing you. she's not working for new hampshire. vo: ending funding for planned parenthood. taking away our right to choose. restricting our health care choices. this is senator kelly ayotte's record. ayotte voted six times to end funding for planned parenthood - putting access to birth control and cancer screenings at risk. but it's just an act. woman 2: voters definitely cannot trust kelly ayotte. vo: senate majority pac is responsible for the content of this advertising. ? ? ? every time a new charter opens, it takes money away from the

patton oswalt, everybody!plause ) i alone can fix it! bomb the [bleep] out of 'em. i'd like to punch him in the face. i like people that weren't captured, okay? he's a mexican! she ate like a pig... i moved on her like a [bleep] i did not say that... i love war. yes, including with nukes. blood coming out of her... they're rapists... wrong. there has to be some form of punishment. such a nasty woman. i wanna be unpredictable. ...on 5th avenue and shoot somebody... she's a slob... i don't remember! and you can tell them to go [bleep] themselves! priorities usa action is responsible for the content of this advertising. prioriat a neighborhoods a is rerestaurafavorite - a place for a good, family meal. she juggled customers, cooks, waitresses - and never complained. my dad was a police officer walking his beat. i learned from both what it means to be honest, to work hard, and love family. big banks, wall street, special interests - that's who pat toomey's with. in the senate, i'll work for you and your family. i'

patton oswalt! [ cheers and applause ] ? >> wow. >> jimmy: it's always -- it's always a good -- --part of the show. >> jimmy: thanks for coming back. i appreciate it. i know you had a great halloween. >> yes. >> jimmy: with your daughter. >> yeah, well, we both equally love halloween. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> we're both like equal fans of it. >> jimmy: me and you, you mean? or you and your daughter? >> you know what, i'll take it either way. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. sure, i enjoy it. >> however you want to do it, jimby. so the -- [ >> jimmy: kind of hoping the irish falcon would pick up. [ laughter ] >> somebody #irishfalcon and get it trending, please? >> jimmy: no, don't do that please. you went all out -- >> the thing was, she wanted to be raven from "teen titans go." because she loves that cartoon. and then she goes, you've got to be raven's dad, who is this demon named trigon, so -- that's your dad? how awesome is that. how cool is your dad. [ applause ] you did this last year, too. >> well, i did this a couple of ye

. >> hi, i'm patton oswalt, and you're probably feeling some uncontrollable rage. bitter results with "choke it down." choke it down's patented fiber bundled technology absorbs your screams of anguish and locks them away, so you can live a normal life. at work -- at home -- and perfect for thanksgiving -- sorry. i'm sorry. (bleep) the (bleep) rationality

patton oswalt. roots crew. >> questlove: 563, iowa! >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon! ?? ?? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh! [ cheers and applause ] that is a crowd! that is a great crowd right there. welcome! looking good. looking good, everybody. welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show." this is it, baby. [ cheers and applause ] this is it. you're here, you made it! you made it. you're here. we've got a fun show for you.

. >> hi, i'm patton oswalt, and you're probably feeling some uncontrollable rage. well, now you can swallow the bitter results with "choke it down." "choke it down's" patented fiber bundled technology absorbs your screams of anguish and locks them away, so you can live a normal life. at work-- at home-- and perfect for thanksgiving-- sorry. i'm sorry. ( bleep ) the ( bleep ) beacon for rationality and intelligence

. >> hi, i'm patton oswalt, and you're probably feeling some uncontrollable rage. well, now you can swallow the bitter results with "choke it down." "choke it down's" patented fiber bundled technology absorbs your screams of anguish and locks them away, so you can live a normal life. at work-- at home-- and perfect for thanksgiving-- sorry. i'm sorry.

. >> hi, i'm patton oswalt, and you're probably feeling some uncontrollable rage. , bitter results with "choke it down." "choke it down's" patented fiber bundled technology absorbs your screams of anguish and locks them away, so you can live a normal life. at work-- at home-- and perfect for thanksgiving-- sorry. i'm sorry. ( bleep ) the ( bleep ) beacon for rationality and intelligence

patton oswalt.

. >> hi, i'm patton oswalt, and you're probably feeling some uncontrollable rage. well, now you caal bitter results with "choke it down." "choke it down's" patented fiber bundled technology absorbs your screams of anguish and locks them away, so you can live a normal life. at work-- at home-- and perfect for thanksgiving-- sorry. i'm sorry. ( bleep ) the ( bleep ) beacon for rationality and intelligence

. >> jimmy: patton oswalt. go see him at the beacon theater! we'll be right back with comedian nate bargatze, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ?? this is my body of proof that i can fight psoriatic arthritis with humira. humira works by targeting and helping to block a specific source of inflammation that contributes to both joint and skin symptoms. it's proven to help relieve pain, stop further joint damage, and clear skin in many adults. humira is the number #1 prescribed biologic for psoriatic arthritis. humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. liver, and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. before treatment, get tested for tb. tell your doctor if you've been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if you've had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flu-like symptoms or sores. don't start humira if you have an infection. want more proof? ask your rheumatologist about humira. how's this for a tv show? sous chef. lawyer by day,

. >> hi, i'm patton oswalt, and you're probably feeling some uncontrollable rage. bitter results with "choke it down." choke it down's patented fiber bundled technology absorbs your screams of anguish and locks them away, so you can live a normal life. at work -- at home -- and perfect for thanksgiving -- sorry. i'm sorry. (bleep) the (bleep) rationality

viggo mortensen and patton oswalt. have a great weekend./// ? ? lookin' out on the morning rain ? ? i used to feel so uninspired ? ? and when i knew i had to face another day ? ? lord, it made me feel so tired ? ? before the day i met you, life was so unkind ? donald trump: she ate like a pig. does she have a fat ass? absolutely. boob job is terrible. she's a slob. lips are too big, solid 4. disgusting pig. flat-chested is very hard to be a 10. i moved on her like a b****. priorities usa action is responsible for the content captioning sponsored by cbs >> cnn's new national poll shows only four point separate the two rivals. >> stephen: i've got to find some escape from this election! just a moment of peace. i know, i'll relax by finishing my ship in a bottle. let's see, just straighten the mast here and then pull the rigging over the spar... you son of a bitch colbert! you stabbed me! as sure as the sea is wet, i will have my revenge! you will rue the day you tried to murder captain bainbridge! i have need to take my mind off this severe puncture wound.

. >> hi, i'm patton oswalt, and you're probably feeling some well, now you can swallow the bitter results with "choke it down." choke it down's patented fiber bundled technology absorbs your screams of anguish and locks them away, so you can live a normal life. at work -- at home -- and perfect for thanksgiving -- sorry. i'm sorry.

. >> hi, i'm patton oswalt, and you're probably feeling some uncontrollable rage. well, now you can swallow th bitter results with "choke it down." "choke it down's" patented fiber bundled technology absorbs your screams of anguish and locks them away, so you can live a normal life. at work-- at home-- and perfect for thanksgiving-- sorry. i'm sorry. ( bleep ) the ( bleep ) beacon for rationality and intelligence

. >> hi, i'm patton oswalt, and you're probably feeling some uncontrollable rage. well, now you can swallow the bitter results with "choke it down." "choke it down's" patented fiber bundled technology absorbs your screams of anguish and locks them away, so you can live a normal life. at work-- at home-- and perfect for thanksgiving-- sorry. i'm sorry. ( bleep ) the ( bleep ) beacon for rationality and intelligence

don't forget to stay up for the late show with stephen colbert and his guests viggo mortensen and patton oswalt. don't forget, you can always take 10 news with you just download the 10 news app. it's a fast look at breaking news, weather and traffic - and get alerts so you won't miss a thin news in the app store now. cameras captured a special honey nut cheerios ok that's still. honey. ahhh, there we go. were back to honey again. who's directing this? that guy, figures. we asked women to smell two body washes and pick their favorite- b. i would like to smell like this every day! but what was body wash a? ohhhh, i love bath and body works! and what was the one they preferred? ohhhh... is ave! really? that's quite a bit of smelling good. suave, three fragrances preferred over bath and body works now twice as much smelling good. buy one get one free with a coupon in sunday's paper. it hurts because mom is cool. she is caring, she works hard. whenever something is not right mom is on it. trust us we know from experience. mom put her career on hold for us. to raise our family. she is a role model fo

. >> hi, i'm patton oswalt, and u' uncontrollable rage. well, now you can swallow the bitter results with "choke it down." choke it down's patented fiber bundled technology absorbs your screams of anguish and locks them away, so you can live a normal life. at work -- at home -- and perfect for thanksgiving -- sorry. i'm sorry.

. >> hi, i'm patton oswalt, and you're probably feeling some uncontrollable rage.

patton oswalt.

. >> hi, i'm patton oswalt, and you're probably feeling some uncontrollable rage. well, now you can swallow the down." "choke it down's" patented fiber bundled technology absorbs your screams of anguish and locks them away, so you can live a normal life. at work-- at home-- and perfect for thanksgiving-- sorry. i'm sorry. ( bleep ) the ( bleep ) beacon for rationality and intelligence

. >> hi, i'm patton oswalt, and you're probably feeling some well, now you can swallow the bitter results with "choke it down." choke it down's patented fiber bundled technology absorbs your screams of anguish and locks them away, so you can live a normal life. at work -- at home -- and perfect for thanksgiving -- sorry. i'm sorry.

. >> hi, i'm patton oswalt, and you're probably feeling some uncontrollable rage. the bitter results with "choke it down." "choke it down's" patented fiber bundled technology absorbs your screams of anguish and locks them away, so you can live a normal life. at work-- at home-- and perfect for thanksgiving-- sorry. i'm sorry. ( bleep ) the ( bleep ) beacon for rationality and intelligence ( bleep ) this, all of it!

. >> hi, i'm patton oswalt, and you're probably feeling some uncontrollable rage.itter results with "choke it down." "choke it down's" patented fiber bundled technology absorbs your screams of anguish and locks them away, so you can live a normal life. at work-- at home-- and perfect for thanksgiving-- sorry. i'm sorry. ( bleep ) the ( bleep ) beacon for rationality and intelligence ( bleep ) this, all of it!

patton oswalt.

. >> hi, i'm patton oswalt, and you're probably feeling some uncontrollable rage. bitter results with "choke it down." choke it down's patented fiber bundled technology absorbs your screams of anguish and locks them away, so you can live a normal life. at work -- at home -- and perfect for thanksgiving -- sorry. i'm sorry. (bleep) the (bleep) rationality all of it! >> choke it down, now available everywhere. >> (bleep) over here. >> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert! tonight, stephen welcomes sting! thandie newton! featuring jon batiste and "stay human." and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheend ? >> stephen: hey! thank you down here, up there! nice to see you! nice to be seen. thank you! audience chanting stephen ). >> stephen: that's nice. thanks, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) ? >> stephen: welcome to "the late show," everybody. thank you so much. welcome to the "late show." i am your host, stephen colbert. ( cheers and applause ) hey, so this is all still happening. donald trump is

. >> hi, i'm patton oswalt, and you're probably feeling some uncontrollable rage. down." "choke it down's" patented fiber bundled technology absorbs your screams of anguish and locks them away, so you can live a normal life. at work-- at home-- and perfect for thanksgiving-- sorry. i'm sorry. ( bleep ) the ( bleep ) beacon for rationality and intelligence ( bleep ) this, all of it! available everywhere. >> is the( bleep ) exit over here? >> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert! tonight, stephen welcomes sting! thandie newton! featuring jon batiste and "stay human." and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: hey! hey, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) ( cheers and applause ) hey, everybody! thanks so much! nice to see you! nice to be seen. thank you! ( audience chanting stephen ) >> stephen: oh, that's nice. that's nice. thanks, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) you're very kind. welcome to "the late show," everybody. thank's so much. welcome to the "late show." i am your