roy wood jr., everybody! comedy central app. roy wood jr., everybody! we'll be right back.rs, shuckers and sniffers, [ inhales ] all giant produce is triple checked. farm, crate, and store. we're focusing on fresh... ...so you don't have to guess. my giant. "the late show," everybody. tune in tomorrow when my guests will be hugh jackman, condola rashad, and musical guest, the flaming lips. now stick around for james corden and his guests, hayden panettiere and shirley maclaine. good night! captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ♪ are you ready y'all to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight don't you worry 'bout ♪ where you come from it's gonna be all right ♪ it's the late, late show ♪ ladies and ji, all the way

and roy wood, jr. featuring jon batiste and stay human. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! >> stephen: what's up? hey, chris! what's up, matt? ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> stephen: thank you very much. thanks so much. welcome to "the late show"." i'm stephen colbert. big, really big night, big night last night for donald trump, or, or whoever knav gave that speec. ( laughter ) because it really seemed like a different donald trump was giving his first address to congress, and it's getty pretty good reviews, pretty good reviews. "the washington post" called it "surprisingly presidential." ( laughter ) always comforting when the president surprises you by seeming plausible. and getting raves for being surprisingly presidential is nothing new. i mean, look at this 1863 review of the gettysburg address. "i like that four score and seven years ago thing. plus, he didn't stop once to mock the disabled." he's known for that. abe is known for that. >> jon: he was known for that, huh? wow? >>

so when the senators went for break, we sent roy wood jr.e hearing to ask more questions. ( laughter ). >> judge, look, i know you-- just a quick question. it's been three weeks, and there's still no winner of the nicki minaj rap beat. how would you rule? >> i can't talk about specific cases. >> here we go. >> or controversies that might come before me. and i can't get involved in politics. >> she said this about nikki. before the butt job you were a spongebob (bleep) the captain of the butt squad. please explain how remy isn't the winner. up to the listen to the song right now? >> i appreciate the invitation, but i know the other side has their views of it and your side has your views of it. that, by definition is politics. >> all right, fine, fine. final question. you see the video of the big-assed chicken? >> oh, my goodness, yes. >> huge. like a wolf. >> trevor: nice try, roy. we'll be right back. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ ♪boys are boys and girls are joys♪ ♪ ♪to you and me they're more than toys♪ ♪ ♪gonna find one so i won't be lonely♪

for more, let's go to roy wood, jr. and hasan minhaj to help break down the brackets! rs and applause ) >> yeah! >> yeah! >> trevor: "third month mania" guys! >> roy, this is going to be an amazing tournament. >> it sure, is hasan! what trump tweet is the greatest? >> not an easy question. this is a man who has tweeted nearly 35,000 times! >> and in order to narrow it down to our 64 contenders, we had to read through every single one of his tweets! >> sometimes i still see them when i close my eyes. let's talk about the four divisions this year. we've got celebrity tweets. tweets about trump's enemies, government affairs and a bunch of random (bleep) we call w.t.f. >> four very competitive trump tweet regions, hasan. >> let's start in the celebrity region where the number one tweet is trump going at his biggest foe rosie o'donnell, baby. >> huh-oh. >> sorry, @rosy is a mentally sick woman, a bully, a dummy and above all a loser. other than that, she's just wonderful! >> ooh! just an incredible flurry of insults in just 140 characters. >> i love how he tries to redeem it

. >> trevor: michelle wolf and roy wood, jr., everybody!e'll be right it's about time they gave left and right twix® their own packs. they got about as much in common as you, a mortician, and me, an undertaker. (chuckling) or you, a janitor, and me, a custodian. (laughing) or you, a ghost, and me, a spirit. (laughing) new left and right twix® packs. it's time to deside. it's a lightly fruit flavored, under 95 calorie, spiked sparkling water. so now you can make the ultra light choice. henry's hard sparkling. the ultra light choice. experience exciting offers on sales event is here. our most thrilling models ever. get up to $2,500 customer cash on select 2017 models for these terms. experience amazing at your lexus dealer. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is the host of msnbc's "all in with chris hayes" and author whose new book is called "a colony in a nation." please welcome chris hayes! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: what's going on, chris? >> not much, how are you? >> t

voting is now open at thirdmonthmania.com and to analyze the bracket we turn wince again to roy wood, jr>> oh, hasan, welcome back to third month mania. we started with 64 trump tweets in our bracket. now we're down to the flagrant four. >> four. >> that's right, roy, let's check out the finalists starting with this jugger naught of a tweet. i would like to extend my best wishes to all, even the haters and losers on this special day. september 11th. >> this has all the classic elements of a trump tweet. >> arrogance, petiness and the emotional hairpin turn of a true sigh cotteddic. >> yep. now that tweet is going head-to-head with quote. >> are you allowed to impeach a president for gross incompetence, trump tweeted so much more better stuff than that, this didn't even make it past the firs round. quote. i don't like seeing the pope standing at the checkout counter front desk of a hotel in order to pay his bill. it's not pope-like. i hate to say st, roy. trump's right. >> yep. >> he's right. the bigger question, what kind of hotel is charging the pope? why would you do that? the man talk

. >> trevor: michelle wolf and roy wood, jr., everybody!usic plays throughout] ♪ ♪ [music fades out] say goodbye to extra taxes and fees on your wireless bill... ...and hello to t-mobile one. right now, get two lines of unlimited data for a hundred bucks. taxes and fees included! two lines, a hundred dollars, all in, all unlimited. switch today. could bounce back like it used to? neutrogena® hydro boost water gel. instantly quenches skin to keep it supple and hydrated day after day. with hydrating hyaluronic acid, which retains up to a thousand times its weight in water. this refreshing water gel plumps skin cells with intense hydration and locks it in. for supple, hydrated skin that bounces back. the hydro boost skincare line from neutrogena®. see what's possible. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is the host of msnbc's "all in with chris hayes" and author whose new book is called "a colony in a nation." please welcome chris hayes! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: what's going on, chr

let's find out from our experts, desi lydic and roy wood, jr., everybody!se ) thank you so much for joining, everybody! so, desi, let's kick off with you. who should fall on their sword? >> trevor, you can blame this whole disaster on steve bannon, the man who looks like the before picture in a foot lotion commercial. he clearly sabotaged paul ryan to consolidate power in the white house. >> trevor: would you agree, jordan? >> no, if it's anyone to blame, barack obama, he's the one who refused to ignore the constitution and run for a third term, and if he hadn't given 20 million people health care, there wouldn't be anyone two take it away from. >> trevor: roy, your thoughts? >> y'all all crazy. here's my thought. i tell you who's to blame, the geico lizard. that little lizard makes getting insurance so easy. trump sees that if some british lizard can do it in 15 minutes, so can i! ( applause ) he sabotaged us, man! that lizard ruined us and where's that lizard now? up in a tree laughing his reptile ass off! >> trevor: the geico gecko is not a lizard, he's

tune in tomorrow when my guests will be patrick stewart, chris colfer, and roy wood jr.han and bradley ryitford. good night! he captioning sponsored by cbs staptioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ♪ are you ready y'all to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight don't you worry 'bout ♪ where you come from it's gonna be all right ♪ it's the late, late show