i'm jordan klepper. it's already september 28.

the opposition with jordan klepper is up next. now here it is...r moment of zen. ♪ ( crowds talking ) buzzer. ( buzzer ) ( ding ) ( buzzer ) >> klepper: let me catch you up. it's starting to make sense. george foreman challenged steven seagal to a no-holds-barred fight in response to seagal bashing n.f.l. players for kneeling. two 60-year-old men duking it out over patriotism? that's the senate america needs. ( laughter ) also, activists are working to bring a steel sculpture of a 45-foot-tall nude woman to our nation's capitol. all right, calm down, washington monument. you dog. and, finally, every year, when i look outside, i notice the leaves all turn red at the same time. how did the communists get to our trees?

now he wants me to read, he is like a super vilan. >> trevor: jordan klepper, everybody.f zen. >> well, i think the press makes me more uncivil than i am. you know, people don't understand. i went to an ivy league college. i was a nice student. i did very well. i am very intelligent person. (applause) >> what keeps me up at night? china. china's starting to remind me of the muffins on the counter at my favorite coffee shop-- top-heavy and easy to steal.

the opposition with jordan klepper is up next. now here it is... let me catch you up. it's starting to make sense. george foreman challenged steven seagal to a no-holds-barred fight in response to seagal bashing n.f.l. players for kneeling. two 60-year-old men duking it out over patriotism? that's the senate america needs. ( laughter )

let's check into jordan klepper over app "the opposition." what's going on, jordan?re you doing? >> not happy. do you know about this nobel peace prize thing? >> trevor: they announce the winner tomorrow, right? >> yeah, and i'm not even nominated. classic lefty backpadding. i'm out there fighting for peace every single day. >> trevor: wow, you? mr. opposition? >> you kidding? i spread peace like warm butter on white bread. last night i brokered a high level peace deal between my wait around myself because he didn't bring my drink out fast enough. it could have been much larger conflict but i diffused it by skipping out on my bill. where is my prize, sweden? >> trevor: you truly are an opposition. here it is, your moment of zen. >> let me speak about fatherhood. i don't think there's any more important thing we do as men on this earth, outside of having a good relation with our wives, is being fathers. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ welcome back. i've been starring at this board for 17 hours straight, and i think it's all finally coming together. english novelist kazuo is

applause ) cheers ) >> trevor: that's our show for tonight, but we cowant to check in with jordan klepper the opposition. how's it going over there, jordan? >> how do you think it's going? we lost hugh hefner today, an american icon. >> you were a fan. >> people don't give playboy a lot of credit. there's a lot of substance to that magazine. >> are you one of the guys that read it for the articles? >> gross, no. i read it for the naked ladies. okay, once or twice my eyes may have grazed across an insightful interview or captain fating short fiction by one of our greatest living authors but i always flip past. >> trevor: you're embarrassed about reading? >> i don't like looking at somebody else's ideas. i'm not a pervert. >> trevor: now here it is... your moment of zen. >> if senator donnelly doesn't approve it because he's on the other side, we will come here and campaign against him like you wouldn't believe. you wouldn't believe. ( cheers and applause welcome back to the opposition. things are starting to come together. saudi arabia has announced it will now allow women to legally drive

. >> trevor: that's our show for tonight, the opposition with jordan klepper is up next.e it is, your moment of zen. >> you know, i followed the judges career for many years. and you know, he was deplorable and you know, he was deplorable before deplorable was cool. welcome back to the opposition. we're so close, i can feel it. twitter may be expanding its character limit from 140 to 280. looks like we have space to declare war -on a couple more countries. cool. -(laughter) also, the cdc says we've hit a record high in stds. they should know. they've been wiretapping condoms for years. it's a fact. -(laughter) -we all know that the surveillance state is everywhere. why else would america's fourth graders play recorders? we're about to crack this whole thing wide open. the opposition starts now. -(indistinct chanting) -(cheers and applause) -♪ -(applause and cheering)

stay tuned for the opposition with jordan klepper. now here it is...en called everything from a nattering nob of negativity to a female hygiene product these days. i don't pay much attention to that kind of stuff. (applause) >> come here. >> jordan: welcome. it is already october 16th.

th"the opposition" from jordan klepper is up next.e track from her album "all american made," please welcome margo price. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ i woke up from a movie i immediately forgot ♪ ♪ got a heartache on the bottom and a headache on the top ♪ ♪ but the part of me that hurts the worst is the one i just can't spot ♪ ♪ and it's all american made ♪ everywhere i go somebody puts me in the dirt ♪ ♪ and everything i say, somebody says they've said it first ♪ ♪ . >> but i don't need ten million, baby just give me one that works ♪ ♪ and it's all american made ♪ all the midwest farms are turning into plastic homes ♪ ♪ and my uncle started drinking when the bank denied the loan ♪ captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jordan: american hero kid rock told howard stern today on air, "(bleep) no, i'm not running for senate," and i say

stay tuned for the opposition with jordan klepper next. now here it is...president, in march of 2016 you said the potential for a donald trump presidency, "i hope that we will not face this evil" and i wonder after spending time with the president you have change your mind or you're of the same mind? >> i wish i knew that before my speech. >> jordan: you made it! now shut up and listen: sources claim russian trolls studied netflix's "house of cards" to learn about american politics and influence voters. but that's just the tip of the iceberg. the trolls also watched "girls" to learn which foods americans eat in the bath... and watched hgtv to learn how to destroy a marriage using nothing but carpet swatches... but that's just the middle of the iceberg. the soft part. the trolls also binged "the simpsons" to learn how to pose as ivy league comedy writers. and they studied "dancing with the stars" to learn america's true weakness: watching failed sitcom stars do the mambo.

. >> trevor: that's our show for tonight, let's check in with jordan klepper over at the opposition. >> hey, trevor, moving my work emails to my private account. >> trevor: oh. wow, like hillary clinton. >> no, jefer hillary, like jared and ivanka, they have a fun private family email where they collect recipes and white house communications. >> trevor: jrd an, that is exactly what got hillary in trouble. >> jordan: trevor, that's the past, which we totally moved on from, jar jarvonka are like an a dorkable couple sillily is a cybercrew whose emails point to a crime i'm on the verge of figuring it out. >> trevor: good walk that, now your moment of zen. >> an and schwarzenegger calling on the supreme court of the united states to terminate gerrymandering. >> it is time to say has a la vista-- hast a la vis aye to gerrymandering. and it is time to terminate captioning sponsored by comedy central ( cheers and applause ) >> jordan: this is "the opposition." it's already october 4. my guest tonight is michael crowley, senior foreign affairs correspondent at politico.com. but first, i am f

let's check into jordan klepper over app "the opposition." what's going on, jordan?py. do you know about this nobel peace prize thing? >> trevor: they announce the winner tomorrow, right? >> yeah, and i'm not even nominated. classic lefty backpadding. i'm out there fighting for peace every single day. >> trevor: wow, you? mr. opposition? >> you kidding? i spread peace like warm butter on white bread. last night i brokered a high level peace deal between my wait around myself because he didn't bring my drink out fast enough. it could have been much larger conflict but i diffused i

. >> trevor: that's our show for tonight, let's check in with jordan klepper over at the opposition.emails to my private account. >> trevor: oh. wow, like hillary clinton. >> no, jefer hillary, like jared and ivanka, they have a fun private family email where they collect recipes and white house communications. >> trevor: jrd an, that is exactly what got hillary in trouble. >> jordan: trevor, that's the past, which we totally moved on from, jar jarvonka are like an a dorkable couple sillily is a cybercrew whose emails point to a crime i'm on the verge of figuring it out. >> trevor:

>> trevor: that's our show for tonight, stay tuned for the opposition with jordan klepper coming up next>> jordan: tom hanks is taking shots at our president, saying trump's comments to the gold star family in florida was "one of the biggest ( bleep )-ups on the planet earth." this from a 12-year-old masquerading in an adult man's body... a liberal who defied traditional marriage by falling in love with a mermaid... a globalist who breaks into museums and tries to read jesus' diary... tom hanks is a simpleton and should stick to what he knows best: cooking shrimp. sorry tom, hanks but no hanks we'll think for ourselves. this is the "opposition."

stay found for "the opposition" with jordan klepper premiering right after this. now here it is... >> what's your strength in school? >> mmm -- >> huh? science? >> yes. >> good at science, right? what's your strength? >> class. >> thank you, honey. >> thank you, honey. ( laughter ) welcome back to the opposition. things are starting to come together. saudi arabia has announced it will now allow women to legally drive cars. your move, mississippi.