one of the theologians i interviewed, will ye -- willie james jennings at yale divinity school, one ofhe leading theologians on liberation theology and he said that grace is looking at somebody that may not expect that you may not like and you may even hate missing the possibility in them and seeing the possibility of a relationship or the possibility of what could be right. i think that as much as people, and i had a lot of people push back on this idea, as much as people push back on i think it's a very transcendent, like beautiful idea, and i feel like it is what we kind of, if we're honest with ourselves, urine for, is something that's more meaningful than what we're doing right now. and that a lot of what we're doing we are doing because it makes us feel safe. >> yeah. i mean, we're trying to protect ourselves from people that have caused harm or present as potentially harmful very often. >> yeah. and you feel you know sometimes all to feel connected to other people. i talk about how i engage in a lot of, you know, some of this looks like, bonding, i traumatize it was then other p