- stanly, i didn't know you were miserable! - neither did i! or become an alcoholic like grandpa? - huh? - well if you really think your life is so bad, stan, why don't you take what you have out your bicycle savings? - well, but that's my money. - yeah, well, just like the rest of us you have to make choices with your money. you want a bike or do you want to not be depressed? - michelle! our friend stan wants to have auditing! - oh, good for you! you're gonna be so happy! - i hope so. - it's the beginning of a whole new life for you, stan! see ya afterwards! - great, so do you have the $240? - perfect, we're on our way! come on over here and i'll fill you in on how the church of scientology works. you see, stan, scientology was founded by a great man named l. ron hubbard. mr. hubbard discovered that negative emotions are actually caused by things called "body thetans". - really? - yes, and being the genius that he was mr. hubbard invented a way to get rid of the bad thetans. this is called an "e-meter". it's the main tool of scientology. you j

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. >>> the quest for lord stanly's cup, the best cup in sports officially begins tonight. 16 nhl playoff to face off for a chance to claim the coveted cup. and a pair of matchups in eastern conference, including the eastern conference series between the toronto maple leaves and the defending champion it be lightning, looking to win the cup three consecutive seasons when the new york islanders won four in a row in the 1980s. >>> the bruins on the road against the carolina hurricanes. i'll be watching that. >>> we won't want to watch much major league baseball after what is happening these days. the new york yankees followed the perfect home stand with a sweep on the road in kansas city and wrapped up with a 6-4 win over the royals. which was powered by a pair of aaron judge homeruns. one was an absolutely bomb. the yankees will aim to extend its nine-game win streak and maintain the top of the east against the blue jays tonight. that will be a good one. and if you couldn't tell, the yankees are the division leaders by looking at the standings on the screen now, you could hear it echoing t