"little sparksy". >> major: we are working to confirm that austin sparks is simultaneously dating bellaon. >> magaret: remember, there's only one "sparks" airing on comedy central. anyone who says otherwise is trying to scam you. >> major: i for one, cannot wait. >> magaret: god bless austin sparks. >> edd: tonight on "sparks!," seaworld jail five timers club member bonnie davis, concussion protocol dodger, blake holiday, republican presidential candidate vivek ramaswamy, and me, i'm edd hall. and now, here's the host of the highest rated show in history, twice crypto-crash survivor, austin sparks. >> austin: thank you, thank you. stop. stop. seriously stop. we got a show to do. i love you too. all right. it's your boy austin sparks. but who am i really? i'll tell you in tonight's monologue. first of all, i'm a straight white man, and in today's america, that's a crime. have i been thrown in prison? of course not. i'm a straight white man, but every morning i feel like a prisoner. not to unforgiving masculine norms forced upon me from birth, but to wokeness. politically, i'm an independ

nanny, susan shepherd; and co-host who's king of the inappropriate adult kickball league tantrum, austin sparksis stealing valor from americans like me who've been getting trapped under stuff for our entire lives. this is hot take. >> what's up, mommy issue mafia? even though you never served in combat, you can still get ptsd from seeing a lego girl in a wheelchair. it's time for dispatches from the culture wars! up first: the rule of law. the rule of law has gone woke, now unfairly targeting propeller-hatted innocent dunce donald trump, just because he violated the law. trump attorney threatened with contempt to the next time he's late to court because he can't decide on the right pinky ring, joe tacopina, said it best. >> we all know, had donald trump not been donald trump and was john smith, this never would've been brought. >> that attorney who spent billable hours figuring out when the avn porn awards airs is right. trump is guilty, but this guy he made up is also guilty, therefore, trump is innocent. panel, back me up. >> this charade is ridiculous. they're indicting trump for paying off

>> unless you have been cryogenically frozen like my main man austin powers, you know i am the host of the world's number one show "sparkses body davis. mixed martial arts fighter turned political analyst blake holliday, and special guest, republican presidential candidate bedecked mama saw me. me like he. see you there. >> is it true that they watch your show from the moon? >> yes, is this real life. >> yes, is this real life. >> you rul - ♪ mtv ♪ [both chuckling] [rock music] ♪ ♪