below zero. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" night, david duchovny and gillian anderson. from "room," jacob tremblay. plus music from leon bridges with cleto and the cletones. and now, while we're at it, here's jimmy kimmel!

of winning the powball jackpot. >> you have a better chance of dating a supermodel. >> you have a better chance of hitting a hole in one in two consecutivele golf holes. >> the odds rf becoming an astronaut are better. >> roughly 25 times more likely to become president of the united states. >> to be killed by a vending chine. >> beiei hurt by a toilet. >> conceived quadruplets naturally. >> replace your gps with a monkey, your chances of reaching your destination are better with the monkey than winning the

way to know you have too much money is if you have a family spokesperson. they have, quote, loved these past months together and are thrilled to o getting married and excitit about their future. the future, he's 84. there's no future. it's like the grim reaper. he will be lucky if he makes it to the end of the hopneymoon. i'm tired, will you care ryery me? when the priest says will you

shared this with their friends. powerball, $1.3 billion divided by population, $300 million, everyone receives $4.33 million, poverty solved, which would be great except for the fact if you split 1.3$1.3 million, we get about $4.09 apiece, which is just enough to buy two more powerball tickets. assuming those tickets are winners, yes, povertysolved. we should use all that moneyey from the lotto to teach people how to do math. of course if you really want to

progressive insurance? uh, i save people an average of over $500 when they switch? did you pack your own bags? oh! right -- the name your price tool. shows people policy options to help fit their budget. [ scanner warbling ] crazy that a big shot like me would pack his own bags, right? [ chuckles ] so, do i have the right to remain handsome? [ chuckles ] wait.

gasp! what? oh wow. i mean with all this technology? that's a game changer, really. i want one. i'll take the house, too. all the hard work... time in the service... community college... it matters. it's why we, at university of phoenix, unyour relevant work and college experience as credits toward your degree. learn more at phoenix.edu.

getting -- your fac is now redder than your hair. >> i know. i'm sorry. >> let me just say i have no idea where it's going. >> jimmy: i don't either. >> it's kind of fun. >> jimmy: right. we're on a ride here. >> i just got to get it out. okay. >> i would finish the story if i had any idea what you were talking about. [ applause ] but i don't. >> oh, for god's sake. okay. i can't do it. >> jimmy: i feel like we've

here's jimmy kimmel! [ applause ] thank you for watching. thanks for all of you for coming.

and college experience as credits toward your degree. learn more at phoenix.edu. stress sweat. it can happen anytime to anyone. stress sweat is different than ordinary sweat, it smells worse. get 4 times the protection against stress sweat.