motivation was. i was frightened. i was assaulted. and i was in imminent fear that they would run me over, kill me, burn my house -- and you have to have this in the context of st. louis where on june the 2nd of this year i watched the city burn, i watched the 7-eleven get smashed in, looted, and burned for 40 minutes on live television with nobody showing up to do anything, and i realized at that time we're on our own. when bad things happen, they unpredictably turn really bad real fast. that same night, retired st. louis police captain david dorn was murdered. when it was a mob i didn't take the time to see their birth certificates or anything else. i was defending my house, my life, my wife and what i spent 32 years building there. >> i understand what you say your rationale was. to be clear, did anything happen to you or your property? >> did anything happen? yeah, my life has been ruined. >> no, no, no, no -- we'll get to that, mr. mccloskey. i don't mean to cut you off. but i'm...