suzanne craig and her colleagues, russ buettner and david barstow, the other two journalists working on the story, i had plans to meet them at my house at 1:00 with whatever i managed to struggle out. i texted sue with the news i'd be late. at 3:00, not 1:00, i drove to the loading dock beneath the building and 19 boxes were loaded into the back of the truck i had borrowed. i was driving a borrowed truck because i couldn't work the clutch in my own car. remember she had a broken foot. it was just beginning to get dark when i pulled into my own driveway. the three reporters were waiting for me in david's suv, which sported a pair of reindeer antlers and a huge red nose wired to the grill. when i showed them the boxes, there were hugs all around. it was the happiest i'd felt in months. when they left, i was exhausted and relieved. i hadn't fully grasped how much of a risk i was taking. if anybody in my family found out i was doing, there would be repercussions. anything would pale...