todd: you robbed the wrong store, dawg.u don't rob a store where the guys have big-ass knives like this. mock commentator: how about some red sauce ? that's not a piece of sausage ! natalie: i mean, what was this place called ? "the norman bates pizzeria" ? verne: ( imitating psycho theme ) mock commentator: hey, bake him in a calamari pasta. todd: pow ! you know, and this guy's-- you see him drag the guy-- he's dragging the guy by the foot-- mock commentator: hey, tony, this one's to go ! todd: and you see the trail of blood. mock commentator: hey, that ain't ( blank ) tomato sauce on the floor, huh ? brad: at that point, the guy robbing the place is like, "please, somebody call 9-1-1 ! they are kicking my ass !" narrator: the pissed-off paisanos finally call the cops... who promise to deliver the perp to jail in 30 minutes or less. verne: i guess sometimes, you bring a gun to a knife fight, it might not work. mock commentator: how 'bout another one, huh ? how 'bout another one ? california: a woman enters a convenience st

todd: they get him up and he's like, "i don't know what you're "talking about, dawg.i ain't did nothing." mock commentator: yo, don't be forgetting my lid. narrator: before heading to lockup, the perp is whisked to the store's security office and checked for possession of any other merchandise. loni: you should see what he did in the lingerie department. trying to take off those panties was a bitch. narrator: at a fresno casino, it's this guy's turn to bet. mock commentator: place your bets. narrator: out of chips, he chooses to sweeten the pot-- mock commentator: yo, i'll raise you this. narrator: with some... pot. tonya: what is this guy thinking ? i mean, are they gonna accept weed as part of a bet ? mock commentator: what's up ? it's legitimate, man ! todd: well, he ran out of money and decided he wants to put a bag of pot on the thing. and he was so stoned that he didn't realize that he'd done something wrong. mock commentator: that doesn't look like chips. sir, i can't accept that. leif: i'm moving to fresno tomorrow, 'cause i wanna be able to go to a casino whe

. >> you got to tell me [bleep] to do, dawg. >> huh?[bleep] to do. >> how many rig moves you been on? how many rig moves? >> two. >> that's ridiculous. that's [bleep] ridiculous. >> shut the [bleep] up, dude. >> [bleep] ridiculous. >> yeah, i got it all, bro. 100%. >> well, hurry the [bleep] then if you got it all. >> i'm being sarcastic, idiot. i'm sure you had it after two rig moves, didn't you? >> what? >> i'm sure you had it after two rig moves. >> damn sure knew more than you. >> i doubt it. >> narrator: and everyone's noticing cheston's attitude, especially driller pee wee. >> i'll still have a mother [bleep] job out here while your ass goes to the [bleep] house 'cause you don't know a [bleep] damn thing. >> i already got a job. >> good, mother [bleep] get to it, 'cause i'm tired of seeing your [bleep] damn face out here not knowing a [bleep] damn thing. >> keep talking. >> get the [bleep] off my [bleep] damn floor, mother [bleep] all you want to do is stand around like you [bleep] big [bleep] get the [bleep] out of here. get the