this is "the daily show" with your host, desi lydic! and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> desi: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm desi lydic and i am so happy i get to host "the daily show" this week. [cheers and applause] god, i'm so excited, i just peed myself a little. i'm just kidding. it was a lot of pee. we got a great show for you tonight, so let's get into headlines! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] let's kick things off with something i saw today and i have to talk about it. okay, so last month, bud light did a social media campaign with transgender influencer dylan mulvaney. and conservatives absolutely lost their shit over it. they were filming themselves shooting cans, running over cans, hitting cans with a baseball bat. it was like a "saw" movie but starring bud light. now their meltdown has even its own merch. >> america presents real women of politics. ♪ real women of politics ♪ ♪ real women don't have to fake it ♪ >> real women. doing real things. >> ♪ real women work too hard for this ♪ >> some big companies can't tell the

this is "the daily show" with your host, desi lydic! ers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> desi: welcome to "the daily show," i'm desi ly lydic! [cheers and applause] [crowd chanting] oh, yes! [cheers and applause] yes, this is my last day behind the desk. i know, i know, but please, please, don't be sad. comedy central said they are sending me to a farm upstate with all the other guest hosts, so it's gonna be fun! we've got a great show for you tonight musso let's get into the headlines. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ let's get into anig tucker reemr the first time she was fired, regarding a personal video from his business on. >> good evening, it's tucker carlson. one of the first things you realize when you step outside the noise for a few days is how many genuinely nice people there are in this country. kind and decent people. the other thing you notice when you take a little time off is how unbelievably stupid most of the debate to see on television are. they are completely irrelevant. they mean nothing. in five years we won't even remember that we h

for more on this story, we turn to desi lydic. desi! [cheers and applause] how are you doing, desi? you. now desi come away from talking about the story around the building all week and i know you will agree me, the whole thing on this issue comes down to one word, and that word is... >> racism. >> roy: sexism. i'm sorry, you think it's racism? >> roy, i know racism when i see it, and this is textbook racism. a mostly white team getting an invite to the white house for losing is white privilege at its most insidious. [applause] if i may quote malcom x... >> roy: no, no, no. you may not quote malcolm x. >> got it, got it. >> roy: i hear what you are saying, desi, but this clearly sexism. this offer, this would've never happened in men's exports. but women are expected to get along and share the prize simply because they're women. if i could quote the great glorious dynamo... gloria steinem... >> nope, nope. look, roy, it is racist to honor white losers the same as black winners. trust me. i have a unique perspective on race, as a person talking to a black man right now. >> roy: desi,

this is "the daily show" with your host, desi lydic! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> desi: welcome to "the daily show," i'm desi lydic and i am back for night 3 of hosting, baby! [cheers and applause] to all the female viewers, i want to say thank you. to all the male viewers, i want to say haha, you are watching a girl, so that makes you gay! we've got a great show for you tonight, jameela jamil is here! [cheers and applause] we've got a lot to talk about, so let's get into the headlines. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ let's kick things off with tucker carlson, the world's most unemployed boat shoe. [boos] no one has heard from tucker since his surprise firing on monday, except the pillow he's been screaming into. and it turns out there may be a good reason for that. fox news executives reportedly have a dossier of dirt on him. yeah... to keep him from attacking the network. that's right, they apparently have him saying the most vile things you can imagine and the way they compiled it -- and this is genius -- it's by turning on his television s

to help me decide, here is desi lydic! applause] desi, which of these men do you think is the top alpha? >> not to out-alpha you, jordan, but none of them. these are all a bunch of beta bitches. ron desantis? he's losing a fight with the happiest place on earth. i haven't seen disney trample a leader like this since mufasa. and jim jordan flew all the way to new york just to talk about how scared he is of new york. relax, jim. go see that michael jackson broadway show. it also ignores abuse allegations. you'd love it! >> jordan: hold on. desi, hold on. there has to be an alpha. >> oh, i've got an alpha for you. today's top alpha male... is my girl senator dianne feinstein. and i'll tell you why. roll it! >> the california democrat senator dianne feinstein hasn't cast a vote since february because she's still recovering from shingles. her absence is holding up president biden's judicial nominees. some democrats called for her resignation. >> she's 89 years old. she's been away from capitol hill for seven weeks. >> the senior

let's go to southwest headquarters to get the corporate reaction from our own desi lydic. desi. applause] desi, is southwest's policy on baby attendance going to change? >> there's an even bigger question here, jordan, which is, how do planes even fly? like, they have wings, but the wings don't flap. i never seen a bird take off i never seen a plane take off like this. >> jordan: goddammit, desi, are you high? >> no! i mean, yes, but on weed. not high like in a plane. is that what you meant? >> jordan: no! that's not what i meant. honestly, desi! folks, i'm so sorry, this is a total lack of professionalism. you deserve better. it's unbelievable. let's try this one more time. michael kosta, are you here with us? [cheers and applause] >> yeah, yeah, yeah. don't you worry because i'm not high on weed, i am high on cocaine! >> jordan: very illegal. >> don't worry, it's medicinal. i bought it behind a walgreens. so we are good. >> jordan: did you at least interview anyone? >> oh, buddy, i interviewed everyone. i interviewed the guy. i interviewed the baby. i interviewed every piece o

this is "the daily show" with your host, desi lydic! ers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> desi: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm desi lydic. well, it's night two and so far, i've outlasted tucker carlson and don lemon. all i have to do is not harass anyone. that camera guy knows what i'm talking about. give us a little twirl, honey. yeah! we've got a great show for you tonight. so let's get into headlines! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] let's begin with some shocking news about the 2024 presidential election. it turns out that the guy who spent his whole life wanting to be president now wants to continue being president. >> we do have real breaking news this morning, as president biden is officially announcing he is running for re-election. the president launched his campaign with a video that took aim at republicans over abortion, social security, and culture wars. >> when i ran for president four years ago, i said, we're in a battle for the soul of america, and we still are. this is not a time to be complacent. that's why i'm runn