it is "the daily show"'s "indecision 2024:" the democratic national convention with your host, desi lydicheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> desi: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm desi lydic, and we are in chicago! [cheers and applause] oh, i love this city! i am seeing so many famous chicago places from movies and tv! i ate at the restaurant from "the bear"... [cheers and applause] i went to the museum from "ferris bueller"... [cheers and applause] and tonight after the show, i'm going to go rob the house from "home alone!" chicago's the best! [cheers and applause] but of course, we're here for the democratic national convention. and last night was so jam packed with speakers, that even music legend james taylor got bumped for time. yeah. but good news: we've got him on our show tonight! [cheers and applause] yes. james taylor will be here! but first, let's get right into our coverage of "indecision 2024!" [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] it is day two of the dnc! all of the delegates are gathered from across the country to participate in this most hallowed an

for more on the dnc roll call, let's go live now to the illinois delegation with desi lydic! and applause] desi, i got to know what you think. "the adopted home of superman"? what do you make of that choice? >> that was a huge missed opportunity, jordan. the committee claims this was the best they could come up with, but there's so many better options when you're talking about a great state like illinois! [cheers and applause] >> jordan: right, obviously, of course. so what would you have gone with? >> well, i've been here since monday, so i'm officially an expert on illinois history. how about: "illinois, home of the notorious serial killer john wayne gacy!" [cheers and applause] >> jordan: i don't think that would have played, desi. >> okay, okay, or: "illinois: where four of our last ten governors went to prison!" [cheers and applause] >> jordan: desi, no, i don't think that one's better. >> okay, fine, what about: "illinois: in the winter, you'll freeze your tits off!" [cheers and applause] >> jordan: okay, i think we're good. desi lydic, everybody. [cheers and applause] l

this is "the daily show" with your host, desi lydic! ers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> desi: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm desi lydic. we've got so much to talk about tonight. republicans stage an intervention, donald trump tries to speak smart, and we get to know j.d. vance whether we want to or not. so let's get right into it with another installment of "indecision 2024." ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] kamala harris is crushing it. she's up in the polls. she's raising tons of money. she collected the "white man" infinity stone. it all poses a big problem for donald trump, who's been trying everything he can think of to stop her ascent. he's been insulting her race, insulting her race even more, oh! insulting her gender... even more race stuff... blah, blah, blah. but somehow, it's not working. so his allies have some radical proposals for him. >> the winning formula for president trump is very plain to see. it is fewer insults, more insights, and that policy contrast. >> donald trump needs to focus on the issues. >> hit her

on the importance of a balanced ticket, let's go live to the harris campaign headquarters with desi lydicd applause] desi. desi, does it have to be a white guy? why can't there be two women on the ticket? >> whoa, whoa, whoa, ronny, an all-female ticket? america couldn't even handle an all-female "ghostbusters." no, this is not the time to push voters too far. just pick a white guy. you can still have diversity! you've got the backwoods white, the space white, the eggshell white, the medium beige white. it's a whole paint swatch book if you were painting your kitchen "caucasian." >> ronny: desi, i don't think you're giving people enough credit. america elected obama twice. hillary won the popular vote. i think america can handle two women on a ticket. >> oh, ronny, you sweet, optimistic guy-who-can't-vote-here. look, i would love to have an all-woman ticket, but people would lose their minds. "what if they sync up their periods with every woman in the country? every month will be like the purge!" >> ronny: okay, but doesn't this limit harris's options? >> perhaps, but a male vp benefits k

for more on this extremely strange story, let's go out to rfk headquarters with desi lydic. ause] desi. desi, this is a really disturbing story rfk told. >> actually, kosta, the campaign is feeling quite confident about how rfk handled this potential p.r. crisis. it's like he saw the story by the side of the road and said, "i can make a meal out of this." >> michael: so rfk thinks that filming that video with rosanne barr was a good thing? >> oh, absolutely. by telling the story to a comedian, he transformed it from "disturbing story" to "funny anecdote." and word is, he's sticking with that strategy going forward. in fact, i'm hearing that he just confessed that he was the diarrhea guy who did diarrhea on that diarrhea plane. >> michael: wait, that plane last year that landed because a guy had diarrhea all over the aisle? rfk was that guy? >> that's right. that's right. he just sat down in rob schneider's garage to tell him the story. see, he was falconing along the hudson when he found a bunch of loose deli meats by the river. he was going to throw it out, but he was runnin

this is "the daily show" with your host, desi lydic! ers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> desi: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm desi lydic. we've got so much to talk about tonight. donald trump manages to make elon musk seem normal, kamala harris has a secret admirer, and olympian, gold medalist, gabby thomas is here! [cheers and applause] so let's get right into it with another installment of "indecision 2024." ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] donald trump is trying to reach out to undecided voters. but he also knows that sometimes, you got to work the base. luckily, there's one place where all the far-right mouth breathers come together: twitter! or x if you're nasty. what could go wrong? >> overnight, former president trump holding a free-wheeling, albeit glitch-filled conversation on x with its owner elon musk. >> technical issues delaying it from the start for more than 40 minutes. musk claiming a so-called denial of service attack, saying the massive attack illustrates there's a lot of opposition to people just hearing what pre

this is "the daily show" with your host, desi lydic! ers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> desi: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm desi lydic. we've got so much to talk about tonight. donald trump says he doesn't know all the people he knows, there's a new season of project 2025, and did you know that politicians don't have to be 1,000 years old? huh! let's get kick things off with another installment of "indecision 2024." ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] if there's one thing we all know about donald trump, it's that he's not a "policy guy." he's more of a "boobs" guy, or a "she'll have the salad" guy, or a "babe, i swear i have a latex allergy" guy. but definitely not a policy guy. so last year, the heritage foundation put out a policy for him. it's called project 2025, and everyone's talking about it. it's really having a brat summer. it's essentially a blueprint for transforming the government from a neutral bureaucracy to a conservative death star. and i'm going to be honest, it's very upsetting, but the most upsetted was donald tru

"the daily show"'s desi lydic will be your host tomorrow night.t -- we've got to get out of here and go get a cheesesteak. we are going to go get a cheesesteak after this. we are in philly. we are in philly. captioning made possible by comedy central - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ both: ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ - ♪ headin' on up to south park ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - ♪ [muffled] ♪ - ♪ come on down to south park ♪ ♪ and meet some friends of mine ♪ starbucks cold brew, in a can. what else might be possible? perhaps finding your dog twin. too good to be true can be true. new starbucks cold brew. ♪♪ the fact that this reese's ad showed up at this exact moment

before we go, let's check in with your host for the rest of the week, desi lydic! atie ledecky, and of course, that australian breakdancing lady. [cheers and applaus! >> jon: you know, the thing about her, her dancing didn't seem -- and i say this -- good. i do not seem so good. >> jon, she was inspiringly terrible. inspiringly terrible. because i can never do what simone biles does. but this? [cheers and applause] this? all this? i can do this. this! >> jon: and quite well, i might add. >> and all this, jon? i can do this. [cheers and applause] >> jon: great. >> i can do this all day! all day! >> jon: i could do it all day before covid but now i am tired. >> los angeles 2028, here i come! >> jon: good luck, desi! now here it is, your "moment of zen." >> sorry. captioning made possible by comedy central ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ ♪ going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woe's behind ♪ ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ ♪ headed o