this baby ha ha ha ha to this baby ha ha ha ha cuts back to this baby on the right ha ha ha ha, but whent back to maddy, i believe this girl is named maddy on the left. watch this. >> oh. >> straight bedpan. doesn't mess around there. >> after that awesome deadpan, though, she does get right back into it. >> that's awesome. >> maybe she's a comedian. >>> a paddleboarder gets a visit from -- >> a baby orca. he said that baby orca hung around for 45 minutes. >> see who comes >>> the three of us aren't strangers on the speech jammer. >> i kind of remember this. i thought we all did good. >> i thought we did pretty well. >> remember what it does. it echoes your own voice in your head. >> it's got a delay and you can amp up the speed at which the delay comes back at you. in this case this fella is nick and he's having a hard time. >> it's impossible to say -- to say -- >> it's making him stutter. >> yeah. he's got, like, a speech impediment. >> flash on -- on -- >> they aren't making him read anything. >> a little later in the video his buddy tries to get him to do tongue twisters. >> it's --

ha. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. ha ha ha ha ha ha. ha ha. ha. ha. ha. ha. ha ha. ha ha ha ha. ha ha ha. ha. ha. ha ha. ha ha ha ha ha. this is what you adjust your mental training as a fellow children of the industrial revolution we come face to debate seems to be running out of steam as well as boil coal gas water and old trees. we supplied this energy crisis so i guess yes we are the rich assholes. as wise and more such as possible just futuristic yes the keystone x.l. pipeline. through the. winter is when the sahara comes to life. away says palm trees are being harvested. people are waiting for the biggest event of the year. the desert festival. this is true it is very out of this nation leading camel races have spent the last year preparing for the grueling marathon. the day before the race there's a heavy sandstorm overcoming the power of nature is a never ending challenge. a desert went up. to the wheel caught on the roadside just a car skidded at breakneck speed and fell into a ditch and i was thrown out of the car she was like a broken dome it wasn't a sing

ha ha ha ha! i'm a wiener winner. ha ha ha ha!

ha ha! thank you--ha ha ha! ha ha! thank--welcome to "family feud," everybody! i'm your man steve harvey and, boy, we got another good one for you today, folks. turning for the second day, from dawsonville, georgia, it's the simmons family. [cheering and applause] and from oaktown--oakland, california, baby, the bay area-- it's the calhoun family. [cheering and applause] everybody's here trying to win theirself a lot of cash and the possibility of driving out of here in a brand-new ford fusion.

. >> ha ha ha ha!t's beautiful to behold the majesty and wonder of a hawk in action but put a hawk with a slow-mo camera and you get to see something pretty incredible. that's what they did with bbc worldwide and they got a hawk and show you how it grabs its food in midair. they got some meat attached to a balloon and they got the camera rolling. >> yeah, it's pretty awesome. wow. >> oh, man. >> now, that's a shot for you. >> meat's not flying away. it's sti gotol the ba hoon with t balloon. still got the balloon and still got some of the meat. >> it got it. >>> we go from majesty, well, let's cue the benny hill music. ♪ what we have is the richmond center, a baby goes walking in circles or walking in squares. >> and goats are the weirdest animals. hopping around all strange and doing weird stuff like this. they are like lemmings. >> they are good climbers and they go around this thing. and they are just walking around like it's nothing. you see a couple over here on the side, like, we are not joining

ha ha ha. >> and the second thing is that we have just been dedicated to producing a quality product. and we love our work, as they say. i should be retired, but i'd probably be divorced because i'd be too much time at home. >> for "california country," i'm tracy sellers. >> brought to you by allied insurance, a member of the nationwide families of companies, which also includes nationwide insurance, on your side. >> from farm to feast, stay tuned for more of the tempting es of california. >> as californians, we're connected to agriculture. that's why the allied insurance partnership with the california farm bureau offers us discounts on auto insurance, whether we live on the farm or in the city. as a member of the nationwide family of companies, allied insurance is committed to protecting what's important for you and your community. contact your local agent today. ♪ nationwide is on your side [music playing] >> it's one thing to buy things in boxes and packages and just have it show up, it's a

ha-ha-ha. advocates of liquid cleanses and other detox ridge meants, aka morons say they remove toxins from our system. actual doctors say our liver, colon, kidneys, filter out harmful stuff. as one nutrition specialist notes. no one hasable to tell me what the toxins are. i think until more research is gathered. both sides should agree. cutback on andy and have more greg. any way, you know who needs to detox. oh, it wasn't dead after all. says the people at home. >> unless the tape was in reverse. >> the last squeak. a wilting, furry, flu ower in t wintertime. do you use a toxin cleansing regimen. >> no, no. i see why some do it. just eat in moderation. and eat healthy foods. lots of vegetables, fruit. and you know, enjoy yourself. right. have a steak. have truffles, do whatever you are going to do. >> i like that. >> do it in moderation. and then exercise. i am never going to get my own health show. you are saying it in a miserable way. eat vegetables. everything in moderation. coming up. still worked up by the snowden. i am going to have to juice. i am going to be bound up. that argument. these cleanses isn't that starvation. isn't that worse than toxins. >> yes, my mom is one of these people. i think you called he

ha ha. and i walked away. >> jimmy: you laughed. >> i did. i went ha hase. >> jimmy: that's the only way your allowed to laugh? >> they will also accept tee hee hee. so, anyway i walk away and my wife said i can't believe we're sitting with the first lady. and i said, "honey she's clearly joking." i think that's so adorable your husband would be able to sit with the first lady. that's really sweet that you would think that of your husband. besides we're at table 19. i think the president's at table one, don't you? so, we go in and give our card to the usher there. he said you're sitting there at the front table. and i go up and on the table it says mr. obama, misure hollande, misses obama, mr. colbert. [ laughter ] and i just put my hands in my face. >> jimmy: what is going on with my life. >> exactly and my wife -- my darling wife evy says to me she says you know when you were a a little boy you mother said sit up straight, put your napkin in your lap and eat with your best manners because someday you might have dinner at the white house? this what is sh

i think the quote was "ha ha ha ha ha." this is a great opportunity. e tax reform. >> we are moving forward on hearings in the house. we are working through the process, to make sure that we can be ready. we have a new chairman in the senate, senator baucus, ambassador to china. reform, health care reform, a better way forward on health care. it is impacting our economy. that is impacting every person in the country. a geisha are individuals and families have control over health care decisions, and he sure employers have some certainty. that would be of the top of our list. >> do you think we could see a republican in the white house without immigration reform? >> we are laying the foundation now. we have to get through the 2014 election first. >> foundations will be laid after the 2014 elections? >> i am still hopeful we will get it done this year. >> pleasure to have you here. congresswoman cathy mcmorris rodgers. fourth ranking republican in the house of representatives. a delight to have her with us today. >> i have to go wrapup radio. i am going to

. >> ha ha. ha ha. ah la-la-la-la-la. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: just a little bit. i right? >> steve: maybe. >> jimmy: i heard it. >> steve: maybe. >> jimmy: maybe. >> steve: maybe a little bit. >> jimmy: i don't know. i don't want to put words in your mouth. some tech news here. apple announced that it's working on a hearing aid that will sync up with the iphone. which would be great if people who wear hearing aids had any idea what iphone was. [ laughter ] [ old man voice ] will it plug into my cross word puzzle? [ laughter ] it doesn't make any sense. [ laughter ] yes, it will plug into your crossword puzzle. [ old man voice ] i'm going upstairs then. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i forgot something. >> steve: beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ theater of the mind. >> jimmy: and finally, next week, colorado will host a a marijuana job fair for weed companies -- [ cheers ] -- that want to hire new employees. yeah, organizers of the fair said if you're a hard-working, punctual driven candidate. thanks, but you're not who we're looking fo

ha ha ha! oh. [ woman ] g'day. welcome to the land down under. i'm your tour guide, bailey bungee.hooting ] mum said a monkey would be on the safari, so i begged to come along. this is my vacation too. [ chuckles ] my daughter, bindi. and you must be george. yeah! let's get going. your australian outback safari adventure awaits.

ha ha ha! i challenge my mom! >> his mom? >> i love this guy. he comes out can barely speak and he challenges his mom to do it next. >> well, do you know what, that's genius, because probably going to stop there and then nobody else haso go through it. >> wow, this is like net nominating but it's chilly. chill nominate. >> indigenous people have been doing it every winter as part of their culture and they say people will appreciate it. it is a form of a cleanse. waking up the body and soul. >>> this is a woman who is on the edge in desperate need of help and she gets it in dramatic fashion. according to media reports in china, this woman is a 30-year-old and she was suicidal and you can see in a different angle this woman was 22 floors up on a building. she looks disheveled and she's crying. >> wow. >> oh. >> and you see these men walking around kind of keeping a wide berth around her. but at one point she gets distracted. that's when her rescuer comes close behind her. she doesn't see he's getting close. then he grabs and pulls. >> oh. you can tell that he is desperate. that she is incredibly sad. i'm glad they were able to pull her off that ledge but hopefully they are also able to give her the care and services sh

ha, ha, ha, you had some lightning, so what? we only get five days a year athunderstorms. so yeah, that is pretty impressive for us. but yeah, if you're in florida where you get more than 30 days full of thunderstorms it's not a big deal. but around here it is and i'm glad we think it is because i think it is. here's your radar. you see some scattered light showers. the most impressive one is moving from santa rosa across the mountains and heading toward st. helena. so far they've been dropping about 100 to 200ths of an inch. the storm is still up to the north and it's mainly heading west to east but the trigger mechanism is slowly sinking south. i still think the north bay is going to have the best chance of a scattered shower in the afternoon. antioch, san jose, concord, fairfield 63. los gatos already 63. emeryville you can see some of the clouds hanging around, low mid upper-level clouds and same thing over san jose we'll use that as a background to talk about. next chance sunday into monday and next week sunny and spring-like warmth. mid to upper 60s for the rest of us. just a little shy of yesterday. tonight about five to ten degrees cooler but look at all that fog that's going to form. that will be the hardest part of tomorrow's commute at least weatherwise. here's what's happening. cold front sweeping through last night. a trough of low pressure. small wave of energy in the atmosphere that's taking the rest of the moisture and creating an unstable atmosphere. that and the sun. that's why we'll have this chance of showers. mainly north across the north bay. as that flies across the rest of us, kind of flies apart by the evening commute. overnight they're gone and you can see the fog especially in the central valley. a lot of tulle fog. probably in the evening hours when the rain starts to reach the ground overnight, and that means we'll have some slick streets for monday's morning commute. couple of hundredths in the south bay, maybe a tenth around the bay. quarter to half inch in the north bay. before it gets to sunday don't forget such set your clocks ahead one hour, daylight savings begins. and check out the warm weather storm, saturday, tuesday, and wednesday. hope you have a great afternoon. back to you. >> thank you, mike. >>> stilt to come, you've heard of stake and potatoes, but what about steak and eggers? the meaty breakfast arnold schwarzenegger is cooking up for charity. why you may never want to eat it. >>> and today on katie, bread-winning moves who bring home the bacon. how they balance career, marriage, and motherhood. that's today right here on abc 7. since i had had health insurance -- icy i needed. of since i had hwhat policy i needed.- within 4icy. [ female announcer ] everyone deserves health insurance. are you in? find free, confidential, local help at coveredca.com. >>> coming up on abc 7 news at 4:00, you'll remember this video we first showed you. the spontaneous salute to a world war ii veteran in san jose captivated the nation. the new honor he's now getting from a local sports team. >>> and on abc 7 news at 5:00, the security loophole with the playstation 4. 7 on your side's michael finney on how children are accessing inappropriate content and sony's response. >>> finally this midday, arnold schwarzenegger is known for his big muscles and now he's putting that power behind a big sandwich. >> he probably needs a lot of protein, right? the former governor appeared on the youtube show "epic meal-time" and made his epic breakfast sandwich called the steak and egger. >> schwarzenegger used ostrich eggs and did the cooking on top of a tank. the finished sandwich has 78,583 calories and 4,127 grams of fat. >> the video is a promotion to help raise money for an afterschool program. i hope a whole lot of people shared. >> and i hope that afterschool program also has a nutritional program as well. don't eat things like that. from all of us here at abc 7 news, thanks for joining us. >> "who wants to be a millionaire" is next. have a great day. we love this k! what's next? great! do you have measurements? yeah, i paced it off. it's about twenty by twelve of these. so, we can measure, plan and install it for you. yea, let's do that! ikea. professional kitchen services at a low price. ♪ [ male announcer ] spring is calling. save 25% when you buy two scotts fertilizers -- one to use now and one for later. save 25% when you buy two scotts fertilizers -- woah, this k l! the tour. give him tr. let me show you! soft-close drawers, farm sink! where's my room? we had to take just a little bit for the kitchen. because your kitchen dreams can be big. ikea has it

ah ha ha. ha ha ha ha. ha. that was. how. i was. silenced some. little bites of. the. paint on the young girls cam all for the future harder. between two and three hundred million guns the united states so you can act like they're not here and keep kids away from. the causes that is the law or you know i mean this teaches them a lot of rote sponsibility and since the gun debate through the eyes of children if we can't do it for our children move for our future what is the country. in two thousand and ten one of the first things released by wiki leaks was a secret video recording that actually looked like a video showing two american action political just opening fire of a dozen people in iraq this is going to commence to live in a society images of our lives become normal this is what the sense of isolation and lack of empathy look like. when we try and experience from place only disassociate our own in body and action. activity we also have a sense from certain kinds of. i absolutely am frightened of the potential of games desensitize people we know they can because th

. >> there's got to be some nats down in sunny florida right now going ha ha ha. >> laughing at us. all my sports scores, everything is in florida. nothing is being played around here. everyone is getting away. >> what are we doing here? >> i do not know. we need to figure out way down there. matt williams and the nationals are undefeated, winning their first spring game. the new manager said he was thrilled that the team played the way they have been practicing all week long. and he said hey, it was fun. guess what, coach? it's always fun when you win. first lesson, right? the skipper, the really happy one there in the middle, i think. bottom two, the nats showing off their defense. lucas takes one to center. perez tracking it, boom's, got it. comes up with the diving catch. holds on. perez robs duda with some great d right there. nats bats, they're going to start to heat up. wilson ramos at the plate. hammers one deep to center that drives in ian desmond. the rbi double is the nats' first run of the spring and they beat the mets 5-4, giving williams his first win as a manager. wel

so now that that has been said, when will you get here. ha, ha, ha.aiting, homey, hurry, please. love always your best bff, raven. they call her raven now. >> whether culberson joins her friend in prison or not depends on if she and her boyfriend are acquitted on charges of rape and sodomy. they have been offered a plea deal, which would greatly reduce the amount of time they could serve in prison versus being found guilty in trial. but they have turned it down. >> i don't know. i'm innocent. so i feel that i -- yeah, it's a risk that i'm willing to take. i am willing to take it because the jury, there's 12 people there. and, yes, they either are going to feel sorry for her or feel sorry for me. i don't know which one it's going to be. supposed to hit it again, bunky. >> life is a gamble in general. you don't know what tomorrow may bring forth. or i might just be able to be, hey. you can't find nothing on this man. all of this stuff is inadequate puffed up charges. more than likely, the jury will be able to see this too. >> for de'arborne, who is faci

ha ha! nice dad joke. >> thank you. >> ha ha ha! hey, do you let your 5-year-old watch "game of thrones"? not. no, no, the plot is way too complicated for a 5-year-old. [ light laughter ] >> no, no, i meant the sex and violence. >> oh, yeah. >> seth: dads, dads, i'm sorry, but i think you're getting a little off track. remember, i asked you to talk about the s.a.t's tonight? >> right. >> yes. >> sorry about that. >> sorry, yes. >> seth: so, do you think these changes will affect how your children study for the test? >> of course. >> absolutely not. >> what? >> what? >> how's that possibly going to change the way your kid studies? >> hey, what are you drinking there, a beer? >> this? no, this is a ah -- this is an artisanal root beer. i, ah, i decided it was time to cut down on the drinking in the daytime. [ light laughter ] >> you and your wife have a fight? >> yes we did. we had a fight. [ light laughter ] >> sure, got it. got it. >> hey, how do you get rid of skin tags? >> yeah, you just flick 'em real hard. >> seth: dads, dads, dads, dads. >> huh? >> seth: the s.a.t's. the s.a.t's. >>

has a 13,000-foot landing strip on it and no obstructions. so he has got to make that left turn, is he going to the closest field. he has 13,000-foot landing strip on the island but by then they are overcome by smoke inhalation. they are unconscious. the plane -- they die. the plane keeps flying on that course right over the island. you got the smoke hood on. right over the island until it runs out of fuel. that's what happened. that could be what happened if it wasn't the alien or the black hole. >> okay. and you will never get those two minutes back, ladies and gentlemen. he they are gone forever. you heard dobbs and buy putin. you have to hurt him economically, right? >> that's the way we will hurt him. let me just tell you, i figured this out, too. >> was putin overcome by smoke? >> han will never be overcome by smoke. he will only be overcome by fire. here is what you do. have you got to strengthen a new arc, a new iron curtain from the balkan states that were part of the soviet union. ball can states. nato and the united states have to strengthen that border. >> with troops? >> that does not -- with troops, with everything we have, we have to continue making sure that he. >> saber rattling, you are proving troops in. >> saber rattling only means when you are not going to use the saber. what i'm proposing is we have to be serious about this now. we have to redraw the iron curtain. i'm not including ukraine though. >> okay. >> ukraine is a country that has to decide its own future. ukraine. >> that's what it was trying to do when it threw out putin's puppet. >> enormous. they have to figure out their own future whether they are east or west. >> mine is better. it gets quicker, faster are hurts putin and economies and everything over there. you might have noticed tha

ha-ha-ha. >> other than his hairline douglas "bozo" whitlow had little in common with his namesake and his crime was no laughing matter. when we met him he was in his 13th year of a 65-year sentence for rape and criminal confinement. when he saw his scars, it was evident being a sex offender made his time anything but a circus. >> i was burned with baby oil and hair grease. it got all over my arm. it burned my stomach. it burned my back, too. i healed up good. >> whitlow claimed to not know who exactly attacked him, but he offered multiple possibilities for why it happened. >> whitlow constantly changed his story about what happened and why he was attacked. at one point he told us he was actually defending a nurse who was the actual intended victim of this attack. >> someone threatened a gun, nurse [ bleep ] it, and so i didn't want the nurse hurt. i said throw it on me. >> another time he told us it was an accident that it occurred. at one point he admitted that somebody purposely tried to hurt him. >> i walked up to the bars because i thought someone said bozo. that's what the guys call me. i went up to the bars and splash they hit me with baby oil and hair grease and broke my arm off. i didn't see the person who did it, right? there were too many prisoners out, so i didn't see who it was. i'm not the type that would tattletale on somebody anyway. right? >> whitlow acknowledged what might be his biggest problem in prison. >> most of it, the biggest percentage is how much i talk around the guys. one of the problems, issues i had was talking a lot. excessive talking without -- you know, going on and on a lot of times. >> not only was whitlow a sex offender, he was a sex offender that constantly talked about his crime and even his current behavior which was disturbing. he talked about it to anybody who would listen. and this provoked the other inmates, in effect, to attack him. what did you feel? i know it's a stupid question, but what do you remember feels? >> it was very painful. it was a lot of pain. it is nothing like the pain i went through for the false charge for why i'm in here for the last 13 years. >> whitlow was also insistent that he was not a rapist, but just an exhibitionist. at times, though, he seemed unsure, himself. >> how many exposures? i don't know. i was charged, i think, it's been a long time ago, i think three or four or eight misdemeanors of this same thing. it looked like i showed a pattern that i was trying to stop women then i raped this female. but no, i did not. i learned my lesson to not be doing that. a christian now, i know i couldn't be necking a woman unless i was married. >> whitlow had recent write-ups for exposing himself, not for anybody he was married to, but prisoners. >> i have to do a rape charge i didn't do. i was mad. anyone out there seeing this -- >> he intended to blame other people for his problems, but the fact of the matter was he was exposing himself to nurses and to people and then he would talk about it, which in a way, it's an affront to most inmates. >> the exposures, i know for a fact, that were forced upon me, forcing me to be in my cell nude in rtu without clothing. every unit my clothes were either stolen or getting lost. the problem is starting to be fixed. i'm proud of staff here. it is continuing to be corrected. >> we would try to conduct an interview and he would just keep going. the manner in which he spoke and conducted himself, it was draining. it was absolutely draining. it was hard to keep him focused. >> you see i was dressed for yous when you came. i don't have any other clothes in here. you see there is no sheet. i got one blanket. i don't have any clothes. that is not something i'm worried about because the lord, in his word, says we don't have to worry about clothes, he'll worry about that for me. i just do the best i can and that's what i'll do. i know there's -- i wouldn't disrespect you like that. i love you. >>> coming up -- >> when i was arrested he took me down to my jail where i had worked. >> an ex-cop lands in one of america's toughest prisons. >> i'm the old school, and it's very difficult. very, very difficult. @ñ >>> coming to prison can be culture shock for almost anyone. for an ex-cop it truly is a private hell. when we met arman tiano at california state prison corcoran he was recovering from a shoulder surgery. that didn't help ease the pain of being here after a 26-year career in law enforcement. >> i worked in the patrol division, narcotics bureau, protective bureau, personnel training in the jails. i was promoted to lieutenant in 1984. what happened? >> what sent you here? >> good question. >> after retiring, tiano and a group of friends started a charitable foundation. they raised over $3 million in donations, but then questions arose about where the money actually went. >> to make a long story short, the judge said all the money was raised was fraud even though we gave away $70,000 to little league teams, hospitals, christmas drives, thanksgiving, easter basket drives, no, it's all fraud in money. so it is fraud money, the $3.5 million is income and you owe several million dollars tax on that. >> after donating $70,000 out of the $3.5 million raised, tiano was sentenced to 18 years in prison for fraud and embezzlement. >> it is one of those things in the beginning it seems surreal and as you go through it you start to devise ways to cope or go crazy, you know? i've -- it's no secret. i'm not ashamed to say, i've thought of killing myself, you know, in the beginning. i didn't know if i could get through this. when i was arrested they took me down to my jail, you know, where i worked. i have guys that were working for me putting handcuffs on me and they felt terrible. i mean, i had one guy telling me it's like putting handcuffs on my brother. >> the jury believed he used the million dollars he raised to live a life of luxury purchasing houses, boats and sports cars. it is a different life for tiano today. >> you have a table there. you have four walls that are cement. you have cement floor. you have to use a restroom where you have to eat. there are two people. you have to go to the restroom here. everything is just so -- i wasn't brought up that way. you know, i'm from the old school. and it's very difficult. very, very difficult. >> not only was he former law enforcement, he still carried himself like a cop and here he was incarcerated in a pretty hardcore prison. i could see he really hadn't come to terms with the fact he was once a law enforcement agent and now he was an inmate. he still obviously struggled with that fact. he was lucky. he was put in a protective custody unit because otherwise he would be in grave danger. >> i wouldn't probably last five minutes on the mainline. >> why? >> well, they don't like cops. you know, or ex-cops. >> tiano says if nothing else, his experience here hashelped him see the people he used to arrest in a new light. >> i have been dealing with these people for many, many years. and you know, there's a lot of them that aren't, i mean, you know, there's a perception, unfortunately, by the majority of our society that everybody in prison is really a bad person. and that's not the case. my heart aches for some of these youngsters you see come in here. 21, 22 years old that are facing life sentences because of a stupid mistake. i mean, you just wonder how is this 22-year-old kid going to get through to age 65, 70, 75, 80? this is it. there's no more than this. this is all there is for him. you can't help but have some empathy for that guy. >> how is your shoulder doing today? >> it is a little sore. i got it out of sling to try to get -- it gets too stiff if i leave it in there all the time. >> for 26 years in law enforcement, i have a very good friend of mine that is a retired captain. we write. i tell him it is like that whole point in my li

ha-ha-ha. >> i understand what he is saying, man. they change the neighborhood up. he don't want the neighborhood to change. he wants the nabbeighborhood to keep cultural history. white people come, sometimes, the police definitely come with y'all. >> this is all real peace and love here. let's get some shouting in. let me posit the notion. it's not white people. it's rich people coming in. that's why, that's why the lattes, the price goes up. >> rich hipsters with internet scams. >> regular white people is rich in the hood. you know when they come to the hood. average, middle-class white person is a rich person to them. >> i've seen some pretty rich african-americans. maybe not -- >> you mention my name? >> yeah, yeah. >> they're all jazz players and stuff. off awe i can roll. >> no. i just, putting that out there. i wonder if the schools improve, in affluent black neighborhoods. there are such things? >> yeah. we have got to learn to live together. that's what it comes done to. we won't have to have the conversation, we are living amongst each other. >> that's a beautiful comment. >> we should tgo to commercial. >> the neighbor calls up spike's dad and tells him, calls the police on him, and, that, gee, what's the matter with these people. how about you knock on his door? hey, neighbor. this is somebody you are going to be living next to. that, that's kind of weird. it's interesting. the police, incorporated a lot of musical styles. you might have been accused of the same thing, right? >> cultural appropriation. >> yes, i have done that. >> looks like you are saying, cross pollination. >> it's happening in san francisco. where the google guys are moving in. >> true. >> they got their own train. their own bus. >> their own buses. and everybody, i can see how if your neighborhood has a cultural identity, even. and it gets, changed. that's not always welcome. >> soon as the you -- who is newen tnew in the neighborhood. >> joanne. ge you have often said openly that you would look to move into ugly neighborhood and get rid of the ugly people? >> i don't get rid of them. i just discourage them from living there. it's funny, if i were at pratt and i gave this speech as a white woman saying, low income housing is coming to my neighborhood, i am not okay with that. why do you have to change this? it is just, it's funny how that works. >> good point. rich people have rights too. the haves cannot complain about the have-notes. >> a complaint is a complaint. >> a have used to be a have-not, right? that's america. >> in some cases yes. in the perfect case. sometime, a have long time ago, keep passing on his have to the other have. >> i would like to have some of that. >> andy, as a jew, you are behind all of this? >> absolutely. either way my people win. either way we are th

ha ha has. >> jimmy: that's the worst. >> you basterd! >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah, don't get mad at that stuff. >> before i came here tonight he said, hey, tonight he said good luck on jimmy. don't worry. tv only adds 125 pounds. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i want to know if he wants to write for my show. i like this guy a lot. >> well, some of these guys you do, you feel like making them head writer. >> jimmy: but you can't get mad at that stuff. >> no, you can't mad. >> jimmy: but you've got to deal with a bunch of different people all the time. "the artie lange show" now it's on at 10:00 p.m., right? >> yeah, 10:00 p.m. >> jimmy: so what does your day start around? >> i have to get to work at 9:30 p.m. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's when your day starts. >> that's how my day starts. and i've had the job for three years and i've overslept like 18 times. >> jimmy: no way. you slept past 9:00. >> i overslept -- exactly, exactly. >> jimmy: no, sleep is good. >> i start my day -- you know, i get up. i watch "csi" and i go to work. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. do you watch -- do you read the papers? >> i try to read the papers for jokes. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and you know, it is great to be in new york city estimate because sometimes the "new york post" -- that's why it's so great that you stayed in new york. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i love this city. thank you. it's so exciting. >> as a comedian -- as a a comedian the new york papers write your jokes for you. like, i pick up the paper, the daily news about three weeks ago. this is a true story. a guy got indicted arrested and indicted on long island. they caught him having sex with four of his pets. >> jimmy: oh, no, no, no, no. >> he had sex with four of his pets. >> jimmy: no. >> listen to this. it gets worse. [ light laughter ] three of the pets were dogs. one was a parrot. the guy had sex with a parrot, supposedly. and look, a dog i could kind of see. they're cute. [ laughter ] but who hasartie lange show" airs weeknights on the radio and direct tv's audience network. beck performs next. i didn't think of it that way. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ amy: jonathon, my dog needs to go to yoga and then go to his therapist so make that happen. don't sit down. where did you get those amazing pants? jennie: oh! i got them at old navy. amy: can you spin please... jennie: sure amy: can you... double time jennie: again? sure. are all of these questions going to be about my pants? amy: uh, this is a law firm... so, yes. tell me about your shirt. jennie: it came for free... with the pants. amy: you know, i don't like when people lie to me. jennie: it's true. amy: how much are the pants? jennie: twenty-five dollars... amy: what?!? jennie: but not for long... amy: congratulations, whatever your name is, you got the job!! la, la, la, make sure to lock up on your way out!!!! move! sorry!! then a little time to kick back. earn double hilton honors points with the 2x points package and be one

ha, ha, ha. a little herky-jerky. i'm like yeah, cute. anyway, they straight ten out, we keep going down, it's like this the whole time. i'm trying to be really game, looking like a goober with my helmet on and the light, the miner's light. it's getting darker and darker. the light goes on. i'm trying to laugh. tears are actually streaming down my face. i'm terrified. >> jimmy: really? >> and i'm thinking, we're with professionals. this is cool. they do this all the time. they lower us down and down and down. the light just like a tiny little bit of light up at the top. and it's filled with these massive boulders. right? it's very treacherous, uneven terrain. i'm talking to this woman. what's your background? how did you come to do this? she goes, actually, a funny thing. i'm an actress. you're an actress? she's like, yeah, we're all actors. everyone here, we're all actually actors. i was like, so you're not like a rescue guide or something? you know, like emergency medical person or a geologist or -- no, no. we're all actors. >> jimmy: what? >> they tell us what to say. but okay, this is cool. and now what? she says oh, you can scramble around if you want. inside the volcano. [ laughter ] over the big boulders. and i was like scramble where? she said, oh, that's an amazing tunnel that goes down hundreds of feet and it's just like black. like this black long tunnel into darkness over these rocks with a bunch of actors completely unsupervised. no lights. just your little headlamp. with your kids. >> jimmy: so they were not real tour guides? >> no. >> jimmy: was it a real volcano or was it paper mache? >> yeah, it was a real volcano. like hundreds of feet down into the volcano. >> jimmy: this sounds terrible. >> this is like a wild, wild frontier. >> jimmy: i'm never going to finland or iceland now. [ laughter ] >> it was amazing. >> jimmy: jennifer connelly is here. the movie's called "noah." we'll be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by at&t. rethink possible. using night-vision goggles to keep an eye on my spicy buffalo wheat thins. who's gonna take your wheat thins? i don't know. an intruder, the dog, bigfoot. could you get the light? [ loud crash ] what is going on?! honey, i was close! it's a yeti! [ male announcer ] must! have! wheat thins! to the toughest test i could think of. i call it: canyon swing. ♪ the result, 48 hours of sweat protection. new speed stick gear. engineered for advanced performance. new speed stick gear. do you really think... that when you've been set up accused and convicted ...a new car can put it all behind you? depends on the car. see the all-new 2015 ford mustang in need for speed. now playing. catmaybe smarter than we know. so they deserve fresh step scoopable litter. because fresh step is made with carbon, which traps and eliminates odors. it's the smart litter your smart cat deserves. but sometimes, i still struggled to get going, even get through the day. so i was honest with my doctor. i told him i'd been feeling stuck for a long time. he said that for some people, an antidepressant alone only helps so much and suggested we add abilify (aripiprazole). he said that by taking both, some people had symptom improvement as early as 1 to 2 weeks. i wish i'd talked to my doctor sooner. [ female announcer ] abilify is not for everyone. call your doctor if your depression worsens or you have unusual changes in behavior, or thoughts of suicide. antidepressants can increase these in children, teens and young adults. elderly dementia patients taking abilify have an increased risk of death or stroke. call your doctor if you have high fever, stiff muscles and confusion to address a possible life-threatening condition. or if you have uncontrollable muscle movements, as these could become permanent. high blood sugar hasilify and medicines like it and in extreme cases can lead to coma or death. other risks include increased cholesterol, weight gain, decreases in white blood cells, which can be serious, dizziness on standing, seizures, trouble swallowing and impaired judgment or motor skills. [ terri ] since adding abilify, i feel better. abilify and my antidepressant make a pretty good team. [ female announcer ] ask your doctor about a free trial of abilify and go to addabilify.com. >>> loyalty. kindness. ham is integrity. good men. >> shem is blinded by desire. ham is covetous. and only to please. i'm no better. and you? is there anything you would not do, good or bad, for those three boys? we would both choose to kill in order to protect our children. >> yes. >> we're no different. >> they are children. they are our children, noah. have you no mercy? >> jimmy: that is jennifer connelly and russell crowe in "noah." [ cheers and applause ] this is the second time you and russell have been married on f

ha-ha-ha, 'cause that's a -- and then, so i did. >> jimmy: oh, no. >> i did a dance. you do then? >> well, i guess, i think -- i don't know how to do it, but did the funky chicken. and i kind of morphed into the robot. and so i heard some laughter going on. and i thought "comedy gold. this is brilliant." >> jimmy: and you kept doing it? >> i kept nailing it. yeah. >> jimmy: oh, no. so it's you doing the robot, and then doing -- what is the funky chicken, this? no, no. you can't do it now. no, i wouldn't make her do it. i wouldn't make you do it. >> thank you. really i can't. it's terrible. >> jimmy: no, i don't want to make you do ti. but somewhere -- it was hard because you didn't get the job at first. i got the job of your -- >> you did? >> jimmy: yeah, at first, yeah. >> yes, i remember there was someone else. >> jimmy: this is the original poster. that's the original poster. [ cheers and applause ] >> oh, so good. the dedication in your eyes is just unreal. >> jimmy: yeah, you can just tell. look, that's me here sprawled out. [ laughter ] looking as sexy as ever.

has come to my house, no one has told me what has happened. bob, get ready, put these in your ears, feels like the families of benghazi, just saying, and we're better than that. >> very difficult. eric, your thoughts and reflections when you see something like this, it really tugs at your heart, it does. >> look, obviously the family members are still holding out hope. somewhere in the back of their mind they are hoping that it landed somewhere, probably an unlikely scenario, but what it is doing is when you see the media frenzy going on like that it keeps it on the news, on the front page of the newspaper, on "the five" and all the other major networks and forces the media in malaysia to focus the search and throw assets as it where if it was a quite story no one was talking about it and threw it under the rock, they may not be as willing to spend that kind of money to find out what happened to this plane. >> greg? >> i agreement originally i was like i just didn't see the intrusion of these cameras, but i'm thinking like, you know, you always hear about somebody who goes mission, and the family is trying to get press, somebody doesn't come home from work one day, and she haso the press, and, i mean, this actually -- it's perhaps the only way to get any progress happening. the problem with the press right now is that may is the new is. it's like we don't have any facts so this may be that rather than this is that, so the debris field is in a way the information that keeps coming out over a period of weeks now, and these poor souls have to keep digesting this every day. i can't believe how that must be. >> bob, how does it sit with you? how do you feel about it? >> i think frankly news of the debris field is probably the worst news they would get. they have held out hope that this plane has landed someone and now the potential for more debris. went through this once and it was a false alarm. if i was there and i were a family member, god, i hope that's not something else, i hope there's still a possibility. let me make one other point. the malaysians have not obviously handled this as well as they could have, but as large as this body of water is, and every

has leverage. he has those lovers. he has no cap she has those -- he has those levers, particularly energy. is has been about for the russian economy. the currency has fallen. the stock market is down. there was a reaction to this that may affect putin's economy. but i mention one other thing? here is this beautiful and large country called ukraine. suppose ukraine finally after failing in 2004 get it right -- democracy, gets rid of corruption, the economy is improving, and it is there of the border for russia. i think it makes him nervous if there were a success in ukraine in bringing about a free and open society and economic success, which is not the case in russia. >> what you do if the sanctions fail? what do you do it the pressure fails and he continues with his own ambitious ideas of expanding russia within his own borders and spears of influence? >> go back to georgia in nato. if you tried something like that say with one area that has a significant russian popularity -- population, he would be attacking nato. that would be an entirely different set of circumstances. i have no illusi

ha, ha, ha. you know, don't hold your breath. effectively is what that sounded like to me. how about you? there certainly is an element of that. i also think john boehner understands what this is all about. that the reason why this is moving forward is more so than not really political. darrell issa wants to have the this contempt vote regarding lois lerner. what's interesting is after talking with folks on the committee, lois lerner, what happens given more time, perhaps a week, was essentially to testify if granted immunity and if darrell issa does, in fact, believe this is a wide-scale fraudulent operation being run at the irs directly tied to the white house going after these republican-leaning groups, then why not offer someone like lois lerner, who's a low-level employee, this immunity and go all the way to the white house and get them? but the fact of the matter is this hasitical tone, it's something that feeds the base, the red meat that they have like sod much, and they're going to move forward on this contempt vote more likely than not, possibly as early as two weeks. and boehner, interestingly enough, alex, he sort of put the brakes on this when darrell issa had that exchange with elijah cummings a few weeks back, realizing the optics were not so good. since that cooled down a bit, the optics are better and they'll say this is the imperial presidency run amok and what that's what they want to play up in 2014. >> howard, is that not ripe with irony? this is the imperial presidency but we house republicans will ignore supreme court precedent and the rules governing holding someone in contempt of congress and march forward through the night on our partisan witch-hunt. >> i think luke has it exactly right. this whole scenario feeds into the distrust and the anger and the motivation that the tea party grassroots of the republican party. they work best whe

ha ha ha! we play baseball, too. let's go, tanner! all right, tanner. let's go.k. let's get a home run. come on, tanner. let's go. this one's going out of the u.s. of a.! all right, tanner! yes! run! lucky play. lucky play. wow. good try, tanner. off the rock? take away your rock, and you got nothing. all right, let's go. let's go, ahmad! go get 'em! let's go! come on! whip these guys! let's go! it's all right. you got two more. come on. aw. aw. come on. come on. yeah! strike! come on, ahmad. it's cool. let's go. don't worry about it. don't get mad. come on, engelberg! come on. send it home! let's go, engelberg. got a hit. go, go, go! go, man! he got it. i guess that's what they mean by the home field advantage. talk about luck. come on, let's get 'em! all right! hey, engelberg. come here. there's something that we got to talk about. and that's signals, signs. all right? now, one means fast ball, two--curve, three--slider, four--knuckler, five--sinker, six--change-up, seven--screwball, and eight-- dipsydoodle. if you want something like an intentional walk, just

ha ha ha! >> reporter: the number three trender. mike check. >> mike rogers headed the powerful house intelligence committee won't seek reelection come november. >> well, work is hard. >> it really haseen an honor and privilege to do what i do. >> intel committee chair mike rogers is leaving congress for cumulous. >> the michigan republican says he's leaving to start a national radio show. >> this was an opportunity hard to pass up. having a bigger platform to talk about things i care about. >> let 's have a tune, i'm sick of this silence. >> i do believe that we have to have a dialogue that believes in productive conservatism. >> shut that filth off. >> great, good stuff. i think people are getting cranked. >> the number two trender, high rollers. >> republican presidential candidate for 2016 are making a pilgrimage to las vegas. >> whoo! road trip! >> they want to go kiss the ring of sheldon adelson, trying to get to some of his money. >> do you think we'll get there by midnight. >> we'll be up five hundred by midnight. >> republican 2016 hopefuls bet it all on sheldon adelson's support. >> what's really going on out here is a sheldon adelson beauty contest. >> not a looker among

ha, ha, ha! what are we dealing with here? let's go to the board. who's got the credentials? who's the expert? a columbia university professor, nasa 32 years, degrees in physic, astronomy, mathematics. here we go. we've got a business degree from the university of minnesota. he was an accountant at a ring seller, enrolled in an mba program but never really worked out, didn't complete it. there is where the republicans are. this guy is questioning this guy. this guy is telling that guy where climate change is in this world. really? i got some news for senator johnson. the science surrounding climate change is settled, it's real, and it's a major threat to our nation and our planet. it's disturbing i think that the united states senator is so in denial of an expert. i don't know if he's an expert or not. do you think dr. hansen is an expert? yeah. any fair-minded american would say that that gentlemen is as credentialed as anybody when it comes to climate change. so this is the mentality you're dealing with when you ear tealing with republicans on climate change. now on the flip side, senator barbara boxer of california made a great case against the pipeline. she highlighted health concerns and dangerous by-products that are associated with tar sands oil. >> the national nurses united representing 185,000 nurses have joined me and senator whitehouse in calling for a thorough health impact study on our people, the people of america, when you look at the immediate 45% in importation of tar sands. this is pet coke, mr. chairman. you have to take a look at this, because a lot-it is going to be stored around our nation. already we've seen it coming. this is just a sample of what mesh's going to look like when you see this tar sands filthy, dirty oil. this is what remains of it after it's refined. and it is stored just like this. we had testimony from people in chicago who said kids were having a picnic in chicago, the stuff blew around, they were covered in soot, and had to leave. >> well, i'd say i'd side with 185,000 nurses and scientists toef climate changing denying senator ron johnson any day. president obama has a major decision to make. he can side with the republicans and the oil industry and the nonexperts who are at this senate hearing today. i mean, they were supposed to bring the best of the best. brought the chamber of commerce. or the president can sign with the experienced scientists, the experts, the authorities, and the environmental groups. i just can't believe that president obama would side with ron johnson. get your cell phones out. i want to know what you think. tonight's question -- would you let senator ron johnson teach your kids about science? text a for yes, b for no to 67622. you can go to our blog at ed.msnbc.com, and i'll bring you the results later in the show. and i got an extra star for saying that with a straight face. all right. let me bring in former montana governor msnbc contributor brian sweitzer, also with us tonight mark fulton, adviser for the carbon tracker initiative. let's go to you first, governor. i've changed. i mean, i think it's undeniably a risk to

del partido republicano el partido sÍ ha hecho ciertos, ha avanzado ciertas medidas el liderazgo ha mostrado. >> pero una cosas palabras y otras cosas hechos. >> pero haegislaciÓn. >> pero no ha habido nada dan, usted hay quien crÍtica al presidente por hablar y no hacer y cuando los republicanos hablan y no hacen y esas mismas voces estÁn criticando. >> hay que recordar cierta cosa que los republicanos no prometieron nada el que prometÓo fue el presidente y se ha mostrado inepto, incapaz de persuadir a republicanos que se reconcilien en diferencia, porque tiene el exclusivo derecho de definir la ley migratoria y tampoco el partido republicano tiene que reconsiderar las diferencia y llegar un acuerdo entre los dos e si ha hecho incapaz de hacer. >> y clarisa en cuÁnto a llegar a un acuerdo ha sido difÍcil para republicanos en la cÁmara baja llegar a un acuerdo interno porque como dice dan el presidente de la cÁmara baja hace unas semanas anunciÓ una serie de propuestas iniciativas conceptos e ideas que incluirÍa una reforma migratoria y su propio partido rechazÓ. >> asÍ es aqui desgraciadamente todos son cÓmplices la realidad que el presidente y debe

ha ha ha, stop." but the best thing my mom said was -- she wrote, because of the injury, she wrote "i'm going to be laying low for a couple of weeks." and i was like "laying low? you're a retired school teacher. when are you living large?" [ laughter ] it's like "i'm not going to make it rain at the library this week." [ laughter ] it's like she's acting like she's michael corleone in "the godfather", she's got to go to sicily for a couple months until this shoulder thing dies down. [ laughter ] but i love my mom, and i hope she gets well soon. and i just want her to know we're thinking of her and she should talk on the phone more, because she is not good at e-mails. [ laughter ] we have such a great show for you tonight. my good friend jason sudeikis is here. [ cheers and applause ] we have so much to talk about. one of my favorite castmates at "snl." also stopping by, the very funny and talented actress kathryn hahn. [ cheers and applause ] love her to death. and the editor of "the new yorker" magazine, david remnick is here tonight. we'll be right back with jason sudeikis. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ geico motorcycle. see how much you could save. all the natural energy found in peanuts? caramel works. payday. crunchy, roasted peanuts and soft, delicious caramel come together to give you sweet energy. payday. fill up and go. that's the angel's share. but a richer bourbon stays trapped in the wood. we've made history by extracting it. devil's cut from jim beam. ♪ ♪ ♪ we heat the room to 110 huh?ees. she's fine. in a world filled with fads, it's nice to get back to basics. new p3 portable protein pack. it's 13 grams of serious protein, without taking itself too seriously. it's the original protein. it's oscar mayer. 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[ sneezes ] on the first day you take it. whoa, what's that? umm...a flatizza. it's new from subway. what's a flatizza? tom, i'm patching you in. the latest invention from subway, the new flatizza. crispy flatbread loaded with mozzarella. now get 2 for $5. subway eat fresh. directions to the nearest subway. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night." you know our first guest tonight from his work on "saturday night live," and from films such as "we're the millers" and "horrible bosses." please welcome, my good friend, jason sudeikis. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: great to have you back in the building. >> it's great to be back. i'm trying to think. i haven't been back since bill and fred and i's last show. >> seth: that's crazy. that's the last time you were in the building? >> yeah, yeah. >> seth: wow. well, welcome home. >> i think i may have gone through the basement on my way. >> seth: right, well you still go to -- that's still your favorite subway, the sandwich shop? >> absolutely. >> seth: yeah. >> it's the best one. they cut the tomatoes perfectly. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] tip of the cap to them. >> absolutely. >> seth: the last time, i remember. we recently communicated via text during the oscars. you presented at the oscars. >> i did. >> seth: i mean, one of the great things about being on "snl" with someone is you just see them go do other things. you see them on billboards for movies and stuff. but seeing you present at the oscars, that was really surreal. it was like "oh, my god. i've known that guy forever." >> it was really weird looking out through that way, too. i haven't watched it. and all i know is that yeah -- where do i start? i got asked, myself and kate hudson, to present, right? >> seth: yeah. >> and we're presenting two awards. short subject documentary and live short film, i believe is what they were. and the names that i had to read -- [ laughter ] >> seth: they were foreign films. they were foreign films, i mean, but like, foreign short films, kate got to read them in voice over, in a booth somewhere that plays over the video package. and she used all of the correct pronunciation, and accents and everything. and me, i was like -- they sent me an mp3 of the actual names. and they were the craziest names, and i have a crazy name. sudeikis is a crazy name. i have a huge, like -- i want to do a good job by these people. >> seth: you want to get it right. now, just, in your defense. this is the title of one of the movies and two of the names, because this is not -- >> yeah, that's not a joke. [ laughter ] that's not like -- they don't give you the pronunciation phonetically. they sent me the phonetic thing, and then, i asked them just very casually about ten minutes before -- another great thing about "snl" is you've had crazy -- we've all had crazy ass stuff thrown at us at the last second. i just go, "uh, and i assume --" because of the rehearsal the day before. "they'll have the pronunciation, like the, you know, phonetic?" they're like "uh, we'll check on that." i was like "we'll check on that?!" [ laughter ] so i already knew, like, they don't have them on there. i'm screwed. but the whole time, i'm listening to the mp3 in the limo on the way there. olivia, next me, helping me out. she's much better at dialects and all that. and i'm just like -- pre-echa-en-un." that's how you -- >> seth: so many umlauts. >> so many umlauts. >> seth: it's like "umlaut: the movie." [ laughter ] >> it's like -- and so, the whole joke for liv and i on the way there was "i hope that helium wins." one of the short films was helium. i hope helium wins because it was, i believe, john anders and kim magnesson or something like that. i forget their exact names of the fellas that won, and i just wanted them to win. so when i read it, when i opened it up to read who it was, and i saw that it was "helium," i read with it so much enthusiasm. [ laughter ] because i'm already -- i'm laughing about the inside joke. i'm laughing as a huge sigh of relief. i go backstage, and you have to take the photos with the guys, the winners and everything. i show up down there. i'm watching them do best supporting actress, before lupita goes up there on stage, and i'm like oh, [ bleep ] shoot -- sorry. [ laughter ] i haven't been tv in a while. >> seth: you do those words in the movies, right? >> i do those movie words. those are movie words. [ laughter ] where the people already paid for it. advertisers don't like it when it's happening in the middle. i take out my phone, and i'm like i shouldn't have had this on the whole time, and it's you saying "great job, you read that like you had money on it." [ laughter ] >> seth: when helium happened, i was like "what is he thinking?" i was like "he either bet on 'helium' or you guys watched --" i was like, maybe they watched all the movies, and you were like "if 'helium' doesn't win, i'm out." [ laughter ] >> seth: i was like "okay, i'll stick around, kate. you've got me for another award." >> seth: do we have a clip of it? >> no. no, i don't. this is my one little bit of advice in regards to talk shows. it's not clips any more, buddy, it's gifs. >> seth: oh, it's gifs. >> it's gifs. the kids today, they don't have time for full clips. so i have the gif of reading it. >> seth: and you have a second gif, which is my favorite part of the gif. >> that's me in a wide shot. i didn't know i was on camera. it's me looking down at my lovely fiance, olivia, who is in on the joke, as you were then, after i returned the text and told you what the hell was going on. in on the joke. i look down and she is doubled over laughing in the middle of all of these movie stars while i'm like -- and i'm just like "i can't believe that just happened." she's doubled, actually quadrupled over, because there's a baby in there. >> seth: yeah, that's right, quadrupled over. >> she's quadrupled over. [ laughter ] that's not bad, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: well, for the first time in "late night" history -- i'm so excited about this -- let's roll the gif. >> there you go. >> all right, there's -- okay, wait. okay, that's -- there's me. [ laughter ] >> seth: look at that look! >> that look is like, can you -- >> seth: are you done? >> i mean it's also. it can also maybe be "how the hell am i presenting at the oscars." like, i tricked them. >> seth: you definitely dodged the "pitaako mun kaikki hoitaa" bullet. >> yeah, it was pita echa mun -- like pita echa mun -- kaki hoida, i don't know. [ laughter ] >> seth: that's exactly how you would've presented it, too. >> it would have been horrible. >> seth: you would've ended it with "i don't know." >> i don't know. you know who you are. pass this down. let them figure it out. >> seth: you know, it's best if you don't come up on stage in case i said this wrong. >> oh, man. it was tough. >> seth: that was great. so you texted back so fast. that was the other great thing, your friend presents at the oscars, you bust them, and then --- you were surprised you got a text. like 10 minutes later, i'm like "what's this? sudeikis?!" >> i've got nothing else to do. >> seth: i guess he's done for the night. >> i'm just chilling on the side, like, watching there. you know, hand out pizza, thinking "oh, man, why are all of these millionaires getting free pizza?" [ laughter ] >> seth: we'll be back -- >> like, why are they so excited about it? >> seth: they were very excited. we'll be right back with more jason after this. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ anybody have occasional constipation, diarrhea, gas, bloating? one phillips' colon health probiotic cap each day helps defend against these digestive issues with three types of good bacteria. i should probably take this. live the regular life. phillips'. to the toughest test i could think of. i call it: canyon swing. ♪ the result, 48 hours of sweat protection. new speed stick gear. engineered for advanced performance. new speed stick gear. so our business can be on at&t's network for $175 a month? yup. all 5 of you for $175. our clients need a lot of attention. there's unlimited talk and text. we're working deals all day. you get 10 gigabytes of data to share. what about expansion potential? add a line, anytime, for $15 a month. low dues, great terms. let's close! new at&t mobile share value plans our best value plans ever for business. i've been claritin clear for 6 amazdays. at the first sign of my allergies, my doctor recommended taking one claritin every day of my allergy season for continuous relief. 21 days! 28 days of continuous relief live claritin clear. every day. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: welcome back to "late night." we're here with jason sudeikis. we spent a lot of years on "snl" together. >> we sure did. >> seth: i think, like, ten or 11 years. >> ten. ten, yeah. >> seth: and -- you did so many great things on the show. mitt romney. >> thank you. thank you. >> seth: joe biden of course. >> yep. >> seth: i think -- we talk about this all the time. often times we have the best memories, for things that didn't go on the air. >> oh, absolutely. >> seth: you had a sketch called "juggling flier" that is just like, historic up stairs. some seventeen people still talk about it. >> that's very flattering. >> seth: somebody hasm the sketch. >> are you serious? >> seth: yeah. i think solomon has it. >> maybe solomon. yeah, yeah. >> seth: but you want to talk to me real quick about what "juggling flier" was with the audience? >> sure, yeah. i mean, "juggling flier" -- the basic idea was, it was a have a coffee shop where they have like, the cork board that has like, you know? if you need a sofa or like, you know, guitar lessons. you know, like, with that guy like dan wilson or -- i forget his name. not dan wilson but dan wants to teach you guitar lessons. i was walking down like 21st street or something on the way to work one time and i literally saw, taped on a mailbox, juggling -- juggling lessons. a flier for juggling lessons, and all of the tabs were there still. like, no one had torn off a tab. [ laughter ] and i was just like, "what does this guy feel like everytime he walks by?" so then we put up, i put it in a coffee shop and it's me coming in being super positive. and i've got like suspenders and a ri

has the details. >> reporter: letting off steam in los angeles.ifornia baron has the details. >> reporter: letting off steam in los angeles.fornia baron has the details. >> reporter: letting off steam in los angeles.ornia baron has the details. >> reporter: letting off steam in los angeles.rnia baron has the details. >> reporter: letting off steam in los angeles.nia baron has the details. >> reporter: letting off steam in los angeles.ia baron has the details. >> reporter: letting off steam in los angeles.a baron has the details. >> reporter: letting off steam in los ange baron habaron has te this is an e-cigarette bar where customers blow vapor, not smoke. the steam comes from a tiny chamber of liquid in the tip of the cigarette. when the user inhales an electric charge converts the liquid in to vapor. bar staff mix flavors into the liquid. melon, strawberry, the menu offers more than 150 aromas. >> it's with s'mores and chocolate so it's very, very good. very good flavor. the vapor disappears instantly. it doesn't stay around. >> reporter: the sight and smell of e-cigarettes is spreading in america. people smoking normal cigarettes have to indulge their habit in designated areas. not so e-smokers. most states h

ha, ha, ha. now, because you don't have that cold- war imperative, a lot of the aid is actually trying to uplift their health or agriculture, you know, get these countries to self-sufficiency. and so the aid community does a lot more measurement. we've learned. we have a lot more rich countries. korea was a huge recipient. now it's turned around and is a very significant donor. so you have more rich countries giving to far less poor countries china, brazil, mexico, thailand, they were aid recipients in varying degrees. now they're no longer aid recipients. india, the aid it needs is very targeted. a very small part of it is gdp. within 10, 15 years, they won't need to be an aid recipient. so this is a field that makes advances. and when you label it aid, it seems mysterious. when it comes to inventing the seeds of the green revolution that avoided famine in asia or the smallpox eradication that was a u.s.led effort, that a disease that was killing two million people a year hasn't killed a single person since 1979, when you look at that, you say, well, was that worth it? well, i guess it was worth it. there are so-called global public goods creating seeds, medicines or -- vaccines for these infectious diseases that the normal market mechanism does not work, that is, it's not rational for a profit-seeking company to do a malaria vaccine because there is even though it kills a million children a year, the parents of those children don't have enough money to justify the research. and so it's a market failure. now, markets are extremely good. they work you know, they're the best mechanism we have. the more you can use them, whenever you can use them, that is you know, that's one of the key mechanisms along with science and government that have led us to be so much better off than we are than we were hundreds of years ago. but for the diseases that we work on, there is no the r&d would not show up except for government aid and philanthropy. >> well, so your philanthropy is working alongside government aid to be sure. and you show that in your letter and we've known that for a long time. but there are a lot of people who believe very strongly that the presence of philanthropy like yours is evidence that the government simply isn't doing enough to help people. and i'm going to quote ralph nader, who once said that that's not a laugh line, you people. there's a rowdy crowd here. ralph nader once said, a society that has more justice is a society that needs less charity. what do you say to that? >> you don't want to depend on charity for justice. charity is small. i mean, the private sector's like 90%, and government's like 9%, and philanthropy is less than 1%. there are things in terms of trying out social programs in innovative ways that government is just because of the way the job incentives work they're not going to try out new designs like philanthropy can and they're not going to have volunteer hours coming in to leverage the resources like philanthropy can. so philanthropy plays a unique role. it is not a substitute for government at all. when you want to give every child in america a good education or make sure they're not starving, that's got to be government because philanthropy isn't there day in and day out serving the entire population. it's just not of the scale or the design to do that. it's there to try out things, including funding disease research or, you know, academic studies to s

ha ha falls in minneapolis, minnesota. as you can tell, completely frozen over, spectacular. but what's cool about mini ha ha falls in minneapolis, minnesota. >> the name. >> the cool thing about mini ha ha fall, it's in the city of minneapolis. let me show you a photo of mini ha ha in the summertime. >> nice. >> love. >> pretty. >> it's a park that's open to the public so that people can come in, enjoy the falls. however, right now, this is actually closed off to the public, you wouldn't know it, though, by looking at videos. >> right. >> i don't think they saw the sign. >> is this a rare thing to happen? >> usually freeze every year. reports say not to this extent. >> you can slide down that look that the. >> oh, boy. >> all right! >> this video of mini ha ha falls shot with a drone, shot with one of the quad copters, which is specta,lar. this gives you a sense how massive this frozen area is. >> looks like it just like froze instantly. >> yes. >> like someone cast a spell on it froze it. >> this video from behind the falls, it almost looks like you've got blue lighting on the other side, you've got some s

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has fewer than 65,000 troops. russia's has 285,000. ukraine has just more than 1100 battle-ready tanks. while russia has more than 2,500. terms of warplanes, ukraine has about 230 compared to russia's nearly 1,500. ukraine also has eight warships but russia has nearly 50. meantime, fox news now confirms russia did successfully test fire an intercontinental ballistic test missile. whales do we know about this missile test? >> u.s. defense officials tell us that the russians tested a long-range missile earlier today but russia alerted u.s. officials several days ago before the ukraine crisis start. we are told it was not unexpected and that s.t.a.r.t. treaty notifications occurred. earlier today vladimir putin said he reserves the right to use force in ukraine. markets responded well to putin's its military exercises on ukraine's border but there is no indication that the administration thinks that this crisis is over. here's what secretary kerry said in kiev not long ago. >> i think it is clear russia has been working hard to create a pretext for being able to invade further. it is not appropriate to invade a country and

has which has only 64,000 soldiers. russia has twice as many thanks to twice as many tanks, 2,550 compared to 1,110 for ukraine, russia's air force 1,389 combat capable aircraft compared to ukraine's 221. that gives russia five times as many. and then when it comes to the navy, well, russia has surface vessels and that's compared to 11 for ukraine. russia has 64 submarines, ukraine has one. joining us now are army knight a historian of russia and the forum soviet union and andrÉ executive board member for the ukrainian congress commit foy america. lady and gentlemen, thank you so much for joining us this afternoon. >> you are welcome. >> amy let's start with you, ukraine's interim crumb government is not even 72 howard old. are they really prepared to handle all of this. >> i think they are facing a real crisis. they must have had in the back of their minds that something like this could happen. because it's been discussed and the potability is there. but, yes, i think that they -- this is obviously thrown them in to a bit of disarray, but on the other hand, it could be a uniting factor. there might be a positive angle to this because there has been criticism in the way the interim government out of thed yanukovych and now it looks like their fears of russia are justified. >

between russia and ukraine, the russian army has 285,000 soldiers, that's more than four times as many as ukraine has which only has 64,000 soldiers. russia also hasce as many tanks, 2,550 to be exact and that's compared to 1,110 for ukraine. russia's air force has 1,389 combat capable aircraft and compared to ukraine's 221. that gives russia five times as many. and then when it comes to the navy, russia has 116 surface vessels and that's compared to ukraine's 11. russia has 64 submarines, ukraine has one. joining us now is amy knight a historian of russia and soviet union, thank you for being with us today. >> thank you. >> a threat from ultra nationalists, who are they and thousand do they trent the three interests. >> that's a tempest in a pea tea pot. there is discontent going on in crimea. probably on a continuous basis just rumblings because of the different nationalities that are represented there. but -- >> so this isn't new? >> no no. but i think the russians used the same seclusion which they invaded georgia in 2008 saying they were moving in to protect the interests of russian speakers and russian citizens. and so they are saying the sa

he wants a port on the black sea. >> he has got that. >> he has got it, he has a naval base, he has had it for 200 years. it is the home bails of the black sea fleet of russia and it is now in a peninsula which in 1954 was given to the ukraine. >> you are right. and the russian admiral took me through a tour. and i went through a tunnel through the mountains. >> you can have six submarines side by side in the tunnel. >> that is correct. >> i was there. >> well, you know, what we are talking about. >> i want to know what this is- -the danger is and the vision is. >> well, also, there is something i want to raise, some human rights concerns, okay, and political rights and freedoms and other things, one of the things that has happened with the greatness that has happened, is a crack down on social freedoms, there is a very big anti-homosexuality campaign in russia. i am talking about government thugs going out and beating people up. >> what is your point? >> my point is that would explain one of the reasons why the american media does not so much trust russia and tells [ inaudible ] >> wel

ha, ha, ha. now, because you don't have that cold- war imperative, a lot of the aid is actually trying to uplift their health or agriculture, you know, get these countries to self-sufficiency. and so the aid community does a lot more measurement. we've learned. we have a lot more rich countries. korea was a huge recipient. now it's turned around and is a very significant donor. so you have more rich countries giving to far less poor countries china, brazil, mexico, thailand, they were aid recipients in varying degrees. now they're no longer aid recipients. india, the aid it needs is very targeted. a very small part of it is gdp. within 10, 15 years, they won't need to be an aid recipient. so this is a field that makes advances. and when you label it aid, it seems mysterious. when it comes to inventing the seeds of the green revolution that avoided famine in asia or the smallpox eradication that was a u.s.led effort, that a disease that was killing two million people a year hasn't killed a single person since 1979, when you look at that, you say, well, was that worth it? well, i guess it was worth it. there are so-called global public goods creating seeds, medicines or -- vaccines for these infectious diseases that the normal market mechanism does not work, that is, it's not rational for a profit-seeking company to do a malaria vaccine because there is even though it kills a million children a year, the parents of those children don't have enough money to justify the research. and so it's a market failure. now, markets are extremely good. they work you know, they're the best mechanism we have. the more you can use them, whenever you can use them, that is you know, that's one of the key mechanisms along with science and government that have led us to be so much better off than we are than we were hundreds of years ago. but for the diseases that we work on, there is no the r&d would not show up except for government aid and philanthropy. >> well, so your philanthropy is working alongside government aid to be sure. and you show that in your letter and we've known that for a long time. but there are a lot of people who believe very strongly that the presence of philanthropy like yours is evidence that the government simply isn't doing enough to help people. and i'm going to quote ralph nader, who once said that that's not a laugh line, you people. there's a rowdy crowd here. ralph nader once said, a society that has more justice is a society that needs less charity. what do you say to that? >> you don't want to depend on charity for justice. charity is small. i mean, the private sector's like 90%, and government's like 9%, and philanthropy is less than 1%. there are things in terms of trying out social programs in innovative ways that government is just because of the way the job incentives work they're not going to try out new designs like philanthropy can and they're not going to have volunteer hours coming in to leverage the resources like philanthropy can. so philanthropy plays a unique role. it is not a substitute for government at all. when you want to give every child in america a good education or make sure they're not starving, that's got to be government because philanthropy isn't there day in and day out serving the entire population. it's just not of the scale or the design to do that. it's there to try out things, including funding disease research or, you know, academic not starving

he has the presidential balls, he has the congressional balls. he has the cia balls. he hashe legal balls. he is trying to prevent an outcome that could either destroy the reputation of the cia or damage its ability to conduct counterterrorism in an effective way. i have a lot of sympathy for the guy. he is a cia lifer. he was involved in some of these programs. but he believed, and i trust him at his word, he says he believed that they were wrong. he ought to testify to that too. tavis: there are some who will watch this and say that you sound awfully harsh on the bush people, but you sound awfully charitable and generous in your words about john brennan. not everybody in washington sees him how you see him. >> well, that is true. he has a very good reputation. he is a straight shooter for a guy who spent his life in the cia. where it is your job, i should remind you, to lie, cheat and steal overseas -- tavis: you say he is a nice guy. this is the same john brennan reported evidence about drones. he danced around questions, even at his hearings. these are drones that are ki

ha ha ha ♪ five whole days we're here with tongue in cheek and the world news polka ♪ ♪ not lip synch ♪ it's the world news da da da ♪ ♪ polka news da da da ♪ ♪ polka >>> this morning on "world news now" -- the search is shifting. that's the big development in the quest to find flight 370. why experts now believe crews may have been searching in the wrong place. >>> dramatic increase. >>> the number of american children diagnosed with autism. the disturbing development and new serious questions about the autism puzzle. >>> baggage bust. thieves caught helping themselves to valuables in luggage. the biggest airport crackdown of its kind and what it means for passengers. >>> and adele anticipating after her blockbuster success. we're getting hints about her next new album. that's in "the skinny" this friday, march 28th. >> announcer: from abc news, this is "world news now" with john muller and diana perez. >> good friday morning, everybody. it's been a long five-day week for some of us. it's been a two-day week for others. >> it sure hass a good call, right? >> yep, i agree. >> plus, i got a two-day week out of it. not bad. >> love it when that happens. >>> let's get started. we begin with new developments in the search for malaysian airlines flight 370. >> the search area has been shifted, about 700 miles closer to australia. the weather has cleared and that search is under way again today. this morning's "new york times" reports the pilot's flight simulator investigated by the fbi reveals no new clues and that just adds to the mystery. abc's david kerley reports. >> reporter: high above the rough indian ocean. new satellite images from thailand. a picture it says shows 300 floating objects. japanese provided images too. planes were grounded by bad weather but another high-tech sub hunter p-8 is headed to australia. in the past week we have seen nearly a half dozen countries provide images of what they suspect is potential debris and all of those photos are in the same basic area. so why isn't a vessel on the water a