ha! ha! ha! ha! >>> next week on "moyers & company," the nobel laureate joseph stiglitz on tax reform as a key to american prosperity. >> we already have a tax system that has contributed to making america the most unequal society of the advanced countries. that doesn't have to be. we can have a tax system that can help create a fairer society. only ask the people at the top to pay their fair share. >> at our website, billmoyers.com, you'll find more excerpts from my conversations with maya angelou. that's at billmoyers.com. i'll see you there, and i'll see you here, next time. >> announcer: funding is provided by -- anne gumowitz, encouraging the renewal of democracy. carnegie corporation of new york, supporting innovations in education, democratic engagement, and the advancement of international peace and security at carnegie.org. the ford foundation, working with visionaries on the front lines of social change worldwide. the herb alpert foundation, supporting organizations whose mission is to promo

said billionaires, "ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! ha, ha, ha, ha!" ause ] that's what they do. i've met billionaires. they always have their money in a pile right in front of them. [ light laughter ] this is crazy. this week a construction worker crashed through the roof of a london fashion week show. though in fairness, it was the fall collection. [ laughter ] i was worried by the noise he made that he fell through the roof behind me. [ laughter ] do you guys like krispy kreme doughnuts? [ cheers and applause ] krispy kreme has announced a new double hundred dozen box, which contains 2,400 doughnuts. experts hope it will become a safe and reasonable alternative to lethal injection. [ laughter ] that's right. the double hundred dozen box is 12 feet wide, 12 feet wide, and filled with 2,400 doughnuts. or as they call that in new jersey, governor. [ laughter and applause ] this is a cute story. this week a new york dog was found in florida after having gone missing two years ago. he went from new york to florida. so, it sounds like he wasn't missing, he

. >> jimmy: ha ha ha ha ha. ng to see you. no i -- i will be laughing. i will be like -- very silent laughter. no you're also -- you're in a a movie now opening now, "this is where i leave you." what a cast in this movie? >> yes, i know, phenomenal. >> jimmy: tina fey jason bateman. oh my gosh. >> jane fonda, adam driver. yeah. >> jimmy: it's crazy how everyone got together. it rarely happens in movies, that you get all those stars in one movie. >> it's an incredible cast. yeah. >> jimmy: must have been a a blast. >> it was great, i worked with jason mainly and he was so charming and lovely and i play an ice skating teacher so i got a bunch of lessons and i was pretty bad. >> jimmy: yeah. >> pretty bad? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i disagree, i thought you were pretty good. >> well, that was my body double. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: she was fantastic. >> she is amazing. >> jimmy: yes. >> she's a pro. >> jimmy: she's a pro. >> i can go backwards and i can go forwards. that's about it. >> jimmy: that's one direction more t

. ♪ >> ha ha ha ha ha! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! >> perhaps no surprise. and have so much in common. both of them certainly know how to roar. and that is "pop news." >> thank you. >>> heat index, coming up, ginner has a check of the weather first. >> and right when i walk out here, you said you are from where? >> mississippi. >> this whole group was not going to let us miss them from mississippi and miami. and the gulf coast, start in new orleans. gulf coast. a nice day today, rain on the way for much of the weekend right there. the portion we'll see. coastal, and corpus christi, and even right there, i have someone next to me from there. go to killington, nashville, chicago's going to be great, a >> reporter: thanks a lot, ginger, david murphy on the terrace. lots of sun. it's cool, but winds are light, but we're definitely moving on up. climbing out of the 50s to a high of 77. accuweather says partly sunny 0 to mostly sunny day. on the weekend, 80s. on monday, sun and clouds, 80. showers at night and cooling down with mostly cloudy skies on tuesday, back

. ♪ >> ha ha ha ha ha! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! >> perhaps no surprise. and have so much in common. both of them certainly know how to roar. and that is "pop news." >> thank you. >>> heat index, coming up, ginner has a check of the weather first. >> and right when i walk out here, you said you are from where? >> mississippi. >> this whole group was not going to let us miss them from mississippi and miami. and the gulf coast, start in new orleans. gulf coast. a nice day today, rain on the way for much of the weekend right there. the portion we'll see. coastal, and corpus christi, and even right there, i have someone next to me from there. go to killington, nashville, chicago's going to be great, >> good morning, washington. we're doing fine with visibility here in the city with some sunshine out there, but visibility still an issue north and west of the city. our dense fog advisory stays in effect until 9:00. temperatures are pretty comfortable but enough you want long sleeves. 58 at martinsburg -nd 63 at reagan national. temperatures will warm to the mid t

. ♪ >> ha ha ha ha ha! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! >> perhaps no surprise. n common. both of them certainly know how to roar. and that is "pop news." >> thank you. >>> heat index, coming up, ginger has a check of the weather first. >> and right when i walk out here, i've got to say, you said to me, you are from where? >> mississippi. >> this whole group was not going to let us miss them from mississippi and miami. and we are talking about the gulf coast. first, start in new orleans. we will go gulf coast. a nice day today, rain on the way for much of the weekend right there. you can see the portion that will see it. coastal, especially. but look back at corpus christi. and even right there, i have someone next to me from corpus christi. you want to be nice, you wanted to have a gorgeous weekend? >>> sun is on the way but there are isolated showers and mostly sunny for the week with dry for the next week. we will have early clouds moving out and then, in the north bay we have a chance of showers in santa rosa and vallejo and cloverdale so keep the umbrella man

>> well, first of all a part of it was ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, but the rest of it was that we did it, young, holding on, challenging, whatever it was that the greater hollywood embraced what we had done. >> so before i ask you another question of the chairman here, what's on this that's different than we saw in the show? there's got to be some extra stuff in here. >> there are many extra moments. >> tell me about it. >> we were in the editing room cutting things by fractions of a second because we only had two hours and we had, you know, basically four hours of show. so we put back a lot of the things that were missing, performances that never aired like jose feliciano. and we extended stevie's medley, we extended the jacksons' medley. we just put it back to a more holistic of what happened that night. >> and there are interviews on this, too. >> oh, interviews and featurettes where we made little mini documentaries about marvin, about smokey and what we're really trying to do is surround what was a two-hour show with letting the audience feel what the impact was 31 years ago. so there's

ha-ha oh, tackle! where'd the ball go? i don't know! he picked it up. he's running. ha-ha running. ha-ha running. ha-ha running. and applause ] >> jimmy: he should do that! >> steve: oh my gosh. >> jimmy: where is he? we got to get him on the show again. i love that guy. he is one of my favorites. this one's from josh guffey. "hey jimmy, i'm about to be a a freshman in college. can you give me some advice?" well, i don't really have a ton of advice. but i know someone who might. ladies and gentlemen, nick offerman! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] welcome, nick. [ cheers and applause ] nick, now i understand that you might have some advice for college freshmen? >> that's right, jimmy, i do have one piece of advice that's incredibly important and it is as follows. if you find one of your roommate's pubes on your bar of soap, save it. [ laughter ] because in the future, when we're be able to clone people using just one strand of dna, you can use said pube to make a a clone of your roommate and then make them fight each other. [ laughter ] because it's not cool to use your roommate's soap, is it derek? [ laughter ] is it

ha ha ha! [laughter] craig: as hagrid had said what would come would come and he would have to meet it when he did. geoff: that was wonderful. craig: yeah, that is a good one. "harry potter and the goblet of fire." now i read that entire book during the commercial break and only slowed down for the last paragraph. geoff: that's right. you're a speed reader, you are. craig: that's right. i'm a speed reader. geoff: we want to apologize to tom hanks, dustin hofman . craig: rob schneider. anyone else? >> cbs. our audience. to each other. i'm sorry, craig, to you. craig: and anyone else who thought that the cat's head blew you have and is on fire. that is not true. it is just a joke. we're not advocating that at all. we love the cats. is that tonight's show or tomorrow night's show? geoff: what night is this? craig: well, you know, it is late so now it is friday. geoff: that's right. craig: or saturday. or if this is a rerun, tuesday. geoff: sure. rerun. haha! we're the air in december. ♪ captioned by the national captioning institute --www.ncicap.org-- compared to a dry duster, a can of pledge picks up more dust and cleans 100% of messes. pledge multi surface. dusts better. cleans more. >>> it's planet unleashed with your host byron allen. tonight byron hosts johnny sanchez,sleapburg, and mario! and now a man whose fine as a picture of tyra banks, byron allen! >> yes! let's do it. yeah. all right! say hello fc >> all right, welcome to comics unleashed. say hello to an. >> hi! >> johnny sanchez! mario joyner! and carol leaper! mario, how's your family doing? >> good, good, real good. i've got a bunch of brothers and sisters and i took a cross-country trip to visit my family and everyone's been telling me, take a cross-country trip and i did it. i used one of those magellan road mates, gps that actually talks to you. fantastic. if you have $600 and own a car, get yourself one of these. you cannot get lost. i tried to get lost. it was impr

ha-ha oh, tackle! where'd the ball go? i don't know! he picked it up. he's running. ha-ha running. ha-ha running. ha-ha running. -hmm. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he should do that! >> steve: oh my gosh. >> jimmy: where is he? we got to get him on the show again. i love that guy. he is one of my favorites. this one's from josh guffey. "hey jimmy, i'm about to be a a freshman in college. can you give me some advice?" well, i don't really have a ton of advice. but i know someone who might. ladies and gentlemen, nick offerman! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] welcome, nick. [ cheers and applause ] nick, now i understand that you might have some advice for college freshmen? >> that's right, jimmy, i do have one piece of advice that's incredibly important and it is as follows. if you find one of your roommate's pubes on your bar of soap, save it. [ laughter ] because in the future, when we're be able to clone people using just one strand of dna, you can use said pube to make a a clone of your roommate and then make them fight each other. [ laughter ] because it's not cool to use your roommate's soap, is it derek? [ la

did not follow up on so we can we can do that as well as following up there has been as the last speaker mentioned there has has been promotion that we'll look towards as well as continuing to strengthen the enforcement and i think the county of the collaboration with the pd and parking control officers as well as the cpuc i think there's a lot more we can do we can do for that we will look at the credit card non use fine as well as getting event information to drivers and i like the idea of the research -- the study that mr. rathbone mentioned during general public comment while i think there's a lot of questions about some some of the methodology but they did ask that question i don't recall what the sample size was but we have some of that data and i think one of the issues was ease of payment and so as mr. corn gold pointed out if people are using an an ap that issue becomes a non issue which the the board suggests maybe better promotion is part of the solution here but we'll look in our survey to see if there's more or better information we can get and why people are making the choices they are making. >>

ha ha ha! hatchet jim, you have excellent taste. cheesy skeleton mix bag of bones. (cheers and applause) >> jon: my guest tonight is a journalist and her book is called "the underground girls of kabul," in search of a hidden resistance in afghanistan. welcome to the program jenny nordberg! ♪ (cheers and applause) >> jon: hello! thank you for being here! >> thank you. >> jon: this is a fascinating story. story. story, the underground girls of kabul. looking at the cover, i assumed it was this idea of trafficking or women having to hide from the taliban. it's a much different, stranger and at times a sadder story. what is it? >> a story of afghan girls who are made into boys. they dress like boys with a short haircut and a pair of pants, by their parents essentially because boys are what county in afghanistan. if you don't have any sons, that's a problem for a family, and parents choose sometimes to bring up the daughter as a son. >> jon: and they bring up the daughter as a son because of the superstition that gets them sons at some point? >> that's one reason. other families will have a different reason. >> jon: right. and this is not uncommon in afghanistan. many times it's also to add prestige to the family. it's a patriarchal society. so a son will carry on the family name, the legacy, will inherit the property, so you need a son to show to the outside world that you have strengths in the family and the family isn't weak. it's incumbent upon every woman and every family, in a sense, to have sons, and then it will also afford them a sense of movement. if they're girls, many times in dangerous areas, it might be hard for them to get to school. >> jon: right. and disguised as a boy, you would have right of passage in a way that a little girl wouldn't have, normally. and then there's also the practical element. maybe you need a son to bring income in to the family, and you disguise the girl to go out and work in a store and support the family. >> jon: this is not basically a purely rural or outside. this is endemic? >> it cuts the cost, social class, level of education, ethnicity, it's been going on a long time in afghanistan and essentially a creative way to buck the system in an impossible society of gender segregation. you know, men do certain things, women do other things. little girls from the time they're born have essentially very few rights. so it's a way to pass over to the other side. >> jon: and this is where it gets really tricky. you know, this comes with an expiration date. >> it does. >> jon: when the girls reach a level of maturity, they must give up this identity and lose all those rights. >> well, mentions they can play with -- well, as much as they can play with gender, it's kind of a don't ask don't tell. everyone knows this is going on. when a girl enters puberty, she must take the trajectory of a traditional afghan woman, which is to have children, ideally sons, of her own. so there's no real discussion about that. that's what you have to do. then there are, of course, those who resist very strongly because they have been brought up on the other side, so to speak, with all the rights and freedoms usually not afforded girls in afghanistan. >> jon: so this is a part that i think must be incredibly difficult. you're going through the difficulties of being in a war-torn region, an impoverished region, going through puberty and losing all of the freedom you experienced as a boy and watching other little boys going through the same process, enjoying more freedoms, it must be devastating in terms of their emotional state. >> it's a psychological experiment. it's a nature versus nurture experiment. like you're saying, in a constant heightened, tense atmosphere of war that's been going on for decades. when i spoke to all of the subjects in my book and what my research shows is that many times, you know, there are so many layers of psychological issues and problems. >> jon: right. so, certainly, if you've grown up as a boy and a young man, many times it can be practically very difficult, you know, from a practical standpoint, because you don't know if you have been on the other side how to greet women, how to talk to women, how to cook, how to walk like a woman. >> jon: do they believe that they deserve to be put back from having their rights? is there something in their society that haskay, at this point, you go back there and you deserve that? is it a rebelling? >> it's important to know this is a choice by the parents many times. some girls are born and introduced to the village and the neighbors as the family's son. >> jon: right. so, you know, what you think of as the right to choose may not be applicable for these girls. however, when you've grown up for 10, 13, 12-rbgs 15 years -- >> jon: sure. -- on the other side, you do see a society segregated. like one of these 15-year-old girls said to me, i see how women are treated here, why would iÑi want to be one of the? i want to remain a boy, i want to remain a boy always. >> jon: it's unbelievable. stick around for a second. i want to find out, in societies that undergo this type of tumult and war, generally rights advance, but and it has not happened in afghanistan and some of these other patriarchal society. i want to know what you think about that. the underground girls of kabul, on the shelves now, jenny nordb

. >> and owner is like haha she's an owner ha, ha. >> ha, ha. >> we'll see you good day coming up at 7. >> hi, sue. >> all right, we'll have any sunshine we get or most of it anyway in early part of the day today. clouds on the increase as we get ready for the rain. we've been talking about this coastal storm in north carolina now. high temperature surpriseable and comfortable we're off to a chilly start. temperatures in the 40s around the suburbs. 6:55 is sunset time and that's planner for wednesday. now let's see what's going on with traffic and it has been a rough wednesday morning and you're trying to take turnpike southbound towards delaware memorial bridge. we have had all morning an over turned tractor-trailer out there three lanes blocked and traffic getting by right lane. because of this 295 southbound is also blocked. so best bet if you head down towards that area is to go over the commodore barry bridge to pennsylvania and take i-95 southbound to avoid thatal together. also in camden, route 30. admiral wilson boulevard westbound approaching baird boulevard water main break

ha ha ha. just shut up and sit over there. come on. come on, trust me. you won't be disappointed. and we have liftlif. hi. something to drink first? uh... beer. it's a little early. i like it with pizza. but i don't know, what do you think i should have? because i'll change . i drink eight glasses of water a day. water. i'll have water. pitcher of water. ok. and you? yeah, ok, water. i'll just start with a glass, though. and then--what, we're going to have the usual? i just started on saturday. nobody hasices, everything on it. that should be an occasional. [laughs] how about that? that's nemo's niece, angelina. i think she was standi a little close. oh, man, look at her. if i wasn't married, you know what i'd do? you'd wear the same underwear every day.

ha ha ha! hatchet jim, you have excellent taste. cheesy skeleton mix bag of bones. maestro of project management. baron of the build-out. you need a permit... to be this awesome. and you...rent from national. because only national lets you choose any car in the aisle... and go. and only national is ranked highest in car rental customer satisfaction by j.d. power. (aaron) purrrfect. (vo) meee-ow, business pro. meee-ow. go national. go like a pro. and this is the iphone 6 plus. they come with a thing called health, so they can help you track a lot of stuff. like today, i walked 3.8 miles. well, i ran 4.2 miles. well, i climbed 11 flights of stairs. well, i drank a smoothie that had 362 calories in it. well, i had a funnel cake that had 1230 calories in it. ♪ you know that's not good, right? it was good. it was delicious.♪ (dootrick or treat! mmm! thank you! mmm! mmm! >> jon: here it is... your moment of zen. >> a statement from the queen has details. what does it say? ♪ (eagle caw) (cheers and applause) (audience chanting "stephen") >> stephen: whoo! (cheers and applause) welcome to "the report," everybody! thank you so much for joining us! (cheers and applause)

ha ha ha! hatchet jim, you have excellent taste. cheesy skeleton mix bag of bones. so why treat your half mouth any differently? complete the job with listerine®. kill up to 99 percent of germs. and prevent plaque, early gum disease and bad breath. sfx: ahhh listerine®. power to your mouth™! >> jon: here it is... your moment of zen. >> a statement from the queen hasils. what does it say? ♪ (eagle caw) (cheers and applause) (audience chanting "stephen") >> stephen: whoo! (cheers and applause) welcome to "the

ha ha ha ha! hee hee hee hee! ho ho ho ho! heh heh heh heh! heh heh heh heh! thank you for everything. [ laughter ] holidays -- what? space -- man will never get to the furthest regions of space until he reaches into the furthest reaches of himself. that was a good quote. [ laughter ] that was like the first really good quote. [ laughter ] >> what is the secret to true happiness? >> fred: the secret to happiness is this -- get yourself a nice apartment, couple cups of coffee, two pairs of shoes, a windbreaker, a jump rope to work out in -- cable -- new towels. make sure the key works upstairs and downstairs. rug -- couch and a place to put your mail. [ laughter ] that's the secret to true happiness. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: thank you, fred. we miss you. but here's the good news -- we've got a great show for you tonight! harry connick jr. is here. [ cheers and applause ] can't wait to talk to him. he's an emmy nominated actor and star of the new film "bird people." josh charles will be stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] and we'll have music from nick j

ha ha ha! hatchet jim, you have excellent taste. cheesy skeleton mix bag of bones. t-mobile's network has more data capacity than verizon or at&t. igned differently. a network designed data strong. couple pieces of chicken, gigantic mashed potatoes. a biscuit, and a cookie. and a drink! it's amazing. yeah. all of this for $5. spork! ♪ (cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight a documentary filmmakers, his latee is pbs's a roosevelt, an intimate history. >> they belonged to different parties. they overcame different obstacles. they had different temperments and styles of leadership. but it was the similarities and not the differences between the two that meant the most to history. both were children of privilege who came to see themselves as champions of the working man and earned the undying em knit of many of those with whom they have grown to manhood. they shared a sense of stewartship. american land, an unfamed love for people and politics. >> jon: i love the broad coloured shirts back then. please welcome back to the program ken burns. (cheers and applause) ken burns, in a career of wonderful films, this is

ha-ha-ha! tonight, the story slapping a grin on my skull is about our arab allies in the war on terror. you are all brave men, with one exception. >> we learned today one of the pilots in the operation is a woman from the united arab emirates. mayor mariam al-mansouri flies an f-16. >> she is the first fighter pilot in the united arab emirates. she flies an f-16 and is a u.a.e. team leader. >> stephen: yes, a female fighter pilot flying airstrikes for the u.a.e. she hasglass ceiling. and the rest of the building as well. folks, i'm thrilled about this lady pilot-- or pil-ette-- because i've been a longtime supporter of women's equal right to fight in wars instead of me. ( laughter ) and i'm not the only one. >> hey isis, you were bombed by a woman. oh yeah. i hope that hurt extra bad from you because in some arab countries, women can't even drive. >> stephen: yeah! that is progress for women! any wayto roll that progress back? >> i hope that hurt extra bad from you because in some arab countries, women can't even drive. >> problem is, after she bombed it, she couldn't park it. >> i salute her. >> would that be considered boobs on the ground, or no? >> oh! >> stephen: wow! wow! i mean, how, how ignorant. how ignorant can you? boobs onthe ground? this mariam al-mansouri woman's a fighter pilot. show some respect. it's clearly a "pair in the air." folks, i want to be clear about something-- i think there's nothing wrong with referring to somebody by the

ha ha ha! ok. bye now. see ya. oh, hey! robert, listen, everybody was just leaving 'cause-- oh.. very dry. we're throwing it out. yeah. is--is that a spot on your uniform, robbie? what, oh, this? yeah. oh, no. that's just a little something that the lieutenant pinned on a particularly deserving ofcer at roll call this morning. what did you get, like a condemnation? commendation, dad. ooh, let me see! ok, go easy on it. ohh... what's it for? perfect attendance. 3 years in a row. hey, that's pretty good, robert. ok, bye now. marie: ohh... i'm so proud of you, robbie. that's my boy. ways...there. hey, ray, look at this letter. you're up for spsportswriter of the year. hey. what are y you talking about? yeah, look. your newspaper submitted you, and you got nominated. oh, raymond, that's marvelous! i kn i was submitted to this thing, but i didn't think this was gonna happen. 1,095 days of perfect attendance..

ha ha ha!od's magic circle is our church's women's auxiliary, and i volunteered to help organize their next fund raiser. and bravo, i say, bra-vo. now, if you'll please excuse me, i have to attend a meeting. it's, uh... it's very important, so... ok. now, as you all know, um, i'm stuck in a rut,

has oil. it has money. it has territory. it has weapons. and there's no doubt in my mind it has undertaken and is planning further plots in europe and elsewhere. specifically in belgium and brussels. it was an isis plot that went into a jewish museum and killed entirely innocent people. there are other plots they have been attempting including in my own country in order to kill and mame innocent people. the same applies to the united states of america. this is a fight you cannot opt out of. these people want to kill us. they have us in our sights and we have to put together this coalition working with right across the board all the countries i mentioned to make sure we ultimately destroy this organization. >> have you identified the isis executioner in the video? >> we have done a lot of work and we are very close to that, but the key thing is making sure that we find them and making sure they do not escape justice. it is an absolutely hideous thing that these people have done. we've seen the brutal beheading of two u.s. citizens. we've seen

have these statistics this year we did 670 thousand more or less not a major drop but our business has has has been steady we get 120 thousand calls a month these days unfortunately 25 percent of the of the people that call us never see a cab in this

ha ha ha! hatchet jim, you have excellent taste. cheesy skeleton mix bag of bones.rge the physical freedom of the car, with the virtual freedom of wi-fi. chevrolet, the first and only car company to bring built-in 4g lte wi-fi to cars, trucks and crossovers. hi mom. you made it! anncr: it's the new independence. (cheers and applause) >> jon: my guest tonight, author whose latest book, "how we got to now: six innovations that made the u.s.." will also be a tv series. stephen johnson! (cheers and applause) >> jon: here's what i love about this, it's an innovative way to talk about history in a way that we don't do, that it's not lynnia. it looks at it from a macro perspective. >> we tried to start with the basic objects we take for granted in the modern world, like a glass of clean drinking water. we suppose we can go to spout and get water and it won't kill us with alcohol ray or typhoid 48 hours later, right? both of us do. >> jon: right. >> behind that ordinary object, there's a 500-year of history and innovations and ideas and creativity that made that possible an

ha, ha, ha. and got enough doe for the bridge toll? >> an asteroid discovered days ago will buzz us this weekend. this diagram shows the space rock's projected path. the 60-foot rock will pass a safe 25,000 miles over new zealand. but that's about 1-10th the distance and close enough to fly in the orbits of our communication and weather satellite. >> we mentioned the fires burning and all of that smoke is heading toward the north bay. >> abc7 news meteorologist sandhya patel is here with details. >> as you look at the imagery you will see the fires burning in northern california. the wind flow carried the smoke down toward the north bay and that prompted the bay area quality district to issue a smoke advisory. it includes napa and sonoma counties. if you are particularly sensitive to smoke and smelling smoke and you see it going into tomorrow, you might want to lem mitt your outdoor time. if you do have respiratory issues follow your doctor's orders. there is a red flag warning until 11:00 p.m. for this area. gusty winds and low humidity will keep the fire danger up until tomorrow night. as we look at our weather it is so quiet from live doppler 7hd. it is the usual pattern of the marine layer along the coast and in over parts of the bay. here is our view looking at coit tower there. there is low cloudiness and the temperatures are in the low 60s from san francisco and san carlos and oakland and it cools off there quickly. here is our view from the emeryville camera. visibility is fine and looking toward the bay bridge. in the 50s for the north bay and 62 in livermore. sfo camera so far no problems. if you are flying out keep in mind there may be fog around. low clouds and fog overnight and the average temperatures this weekend. and we are looking at slightly cooler weather early next week. it is slightly cooler. we will go with our typical pattern for the upcoming woke end. mild to warm weather expected. just about any outdoor plans the weather is going to cooperate. here is a look at a major category 3 hurricane norbert that hasened and packing winds of 115 miles an hour. it has been dumping rain and bringing some strong winds to the baja peninsula of california. we are expecting this to continue to parallel and eventually weaken. but watch what happens into sunday. even though it is a tropical storm, they are getting some rain up in the southern portion of the state. thunderstorms are expected which is why there is a flash flood watch in affect sunday and monday and widespread thunderstorm activity and torrential downpours and flash flooding in this area. if you are traveling there, watch out. you may want to stay away from the beaches. the same system is kicking up the surf. dangerous swimming conditions and south facing beaches expecting waves of 4 to 10 feet. this continues until monday morning. tomorrow morning here starting out with the fog and the low clouds and mid50s to low 60s for your early saturday plans. for the afternoon it is a mild to warm one. a beautiful day. 89 mor morgan hill and 80 a in s

ha ha ha! hatchet jim, you have excellent taste. cheesy skeleton mix bag of bones. (cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome back to the show! i want to talk about drugs. i want to rap to you about drugs. in that they have terrible effects on millions of americans in an epidemic almost too horrible to comprehend. man. michael che has long ravaged this nation. danny chu explains the toll drugs have taken on his district. >> overdose deaths are the tip of the iceberg. in santa clara county it's resulted in skyrocketing medical costs and rampant crime. >> what kind of drugs are we talking about? crack, heroin with, smiley, ping-pong, black flag, roach spray, crisco? opiates? bad back medicine? who commits crimes with bad backs? >> these chemicals are similar to heroin and millions are addicted. >> street drugs are one thing. pharmaceuticals are there to help, right? >> there's no evidence these prescription painkillers work well for chronic pain conditions. >> really? >> yes. nonetheless, the drug companies market these drugs for these purposes. that's why we filed this lawsuit to hold these companies accountable. >> they have a lot to be accountable for. studies shows prolonged use reduces effective necessary and increases risk of overdose. oxy requires a prescription. who's to blame? i wasn't adding up. >> i have a

ha ha ha! hatchet jim, you have excellent taste. cheesy skeleton mix bag of bones. try zyrtec-d® to powerfully clear your blocked nose and relieve your other allergy symptoms... so you can breathe easier all day. zyrtec-d®. find it at the pharmacy counter. zyrtec-d®. some drinks are hardly refreshing. i think we'll grab a redd's wicked apple. (trailing off) haaa new redd's wicked apple refreshingly hard. >> jon: hey, welcome back! (cheers and applause) >> jon: the white house is home to the leader of the free world. as such, an impenetrable fortress of security -- or not. >> a frightening security breach at the white house. 42-year-old omar gonzalez of texas jumped the fence last night at 7:20 p.m. he made it all the way up the north lawn. he wasn't stopped till he passed through the threshold of the white house doors. >> wow. that's a good thing we don't treat white house intruders the way we treat human refugees. once again, when he reached the house, on the ground, then he would automatically become president. this guy must be a genius cat burglar to get through the defenses. >> he entered the unlocked door to have the first family's residence. (laughter) >> jon: or he could be fast. they leave the door of the most secure home in the country -- unlocked. i guess president obama thought it was too dorky to carry the key around. is that the problem? (laughter) what was the secret service doing? >> the incident happened just four minutes after the first family had left the white house grounds for the weekend. former secret service special agent says it's possible the breech happened because resources were focused on the president's departure. >> jon: that makes sense. if they all stay at their posts, who's going to wave goodbye to the president as he flies off in his helicopter? and what if the president looked back and nobody was waving? well, he would be heart broken! (laughter) for more, we turn to washington bureau chief jason jones live from the white house. >> jon, thank you very much. >> jon: jason, what's happening? >> jon, i am here -- >> jon: i'm going to have to interrupt. is that the president's closet? how did you get into their private residence? >> i walked in. >> jon there's zero security. >> jon: he's back at the white house. >> that's whoo why i'm hiding! i can't let the president catch me in his bedroom? ahhh! betsy truman! ours was a love for society -- and a loss of time and space. >> jon: come on out. there's no way to report on security breaches from behind the closet. come on out and talk to us. >> fine! >> jon: and give us the scoop on everything. (laughter) one of the dresses. jason. why not take a suit? >> because there was nothing in obama's closet but bomber jackets and jeans. besides, the shelter's going to donate this to the smithsonian. this is a thoroughbred, okay -- got to let it out th out to run! (cheers and applause) >> jon: where are your actual clothes? >> oh, no idea, jon, okay? these parties of the secret service are crazy! >> jon: now that they're on lockdown at the white house, how are you planning on getting out in that, yes, i agree, beautiful gown? >> i'm not. i'm going to lay low till i hear the all-clear sign. (loud music) >> jon: oh! it's like potus went to the climate change. let's get the party started! >> jon: jason jones, everybody. we'll be right back. at t-mobile, get 4 lines for just $100 bucks. with unlimited talk & text and now up to 10gb of 4g lte data. grab the hottest new phones. get the best trade-in value on your current phone guaranteed. let's see the other guys beat that. get 4 lines for $100 bucks. and the best trade-in value guaranteed. maestro of project management. baron of the build-out. you need a permit... to be this awesome. and you...rent from national. because only national lets you choose any car in the aisle... and go. and only national is ranked highest in car rental customer satisfaction by j.d. power. (aaron) purrrfect. (vo) meee-ow, business pro. meee-ow. go national. go like a pro. (cheers and applause) >> jon: my guest tonight is a journalist and her book is called "the underground girls of kabul," in search of a hidden resistance in afghanistan. welcome to the program jenny nordberg! ♪ (cheers and applause) >> jon: hello! thank you for being here! >> thank you. >> jon: this is a fascinating story. story. story, the underground girls of kabul. looking at the cover, i assumed it was this idea of trafficking or women having to hide from the taliban. it's a much different, stranger and at times a sadder story. what is it? >> a story of afghan girls who are made into boys. they dress like boys with a short haircut and a pair of pants, by their parents essentially because boys are what county in afghanistan. if you don't have any sons, that's a problem for a family, and parents choose sometimes to bring up the daughter as a son. >> jon: and they bring up the daughter as a son because of the superstition that gets them sons at some point? >> that's one reason. other families will have a different reason. >> jon: right. and this is not uncommon in afghanistan. many times it's also to add prestige to the family. it's a patriarchal society. so a son will carry on the family name, the legacy, will inherit the property, so you need a son to show to the outside world that you have strengths in the family and the family isn't weak. it's incumbent upon every woman and every family, in a sense, to have sons, and then it will also afford them a sense of movement. if they're girls, many times in dangerous areas, it might be hard for them to get to school. >> jon: right. and disguised as a boy, you would have right of passage in a way that a little girl wouldn't have, normally. and then there's also the practical element. maybe you need a son to bring income in to the family, and you disguise the girl to go out and work in a store and support the family. >> jon: this is not basically a purely rural or outside. this is endemic? >> it cuts the cost, social class, level of education, ethnicity, it's been going on a long time in afghanistan and essentially a creative way to buck the system in an impossible society of gender segregation. you know, men do certain things, women do other things. little girls from the time they're born have essentially very few rights. so it's a way to pass over to the other side. >> jon: and this is where it gets really tricky. you know, this comes with an expiration date. >> it does. >> jon: when the girls reach a level of maturity, they must give up this identity and lose all those rights. >> well, mentions they can play with -- well, as much as they can play with gender, it's kind of a don't ask don't tell. everyone knows this is going on. when a girl enters puberty, she must take the trajectory of a traditional afghan woman, which is to have children, ideally sons, of her own. so there's no real discussion about that. that's what you have to do. then there are, of course, those who resist very strongly because they have been brought up on the other side, so to speak, with all the rights and freedoms usually not afforded girls in afghanistan. >> jon: so this is a part that i think must be incredibly difficult. you're going through the difficulties of being in a war-torn region, an impoverished region, going through puberty and losing all of the freedom you experienced as a boy and watching other little boys going through the same process, enjoying more freedoms, it must be devastating in terms of their emotional state. >> it's a psychological experiment. it's a nature versus nurture experiment. like you're saying, in a constant heightened, tense atmosphere of war that's been going on for decades. when i spoke to all of the subjects in my book and what my research shows is that many times, you know, there are so many layers of psychological issues and problems. >> jon: right. so, certainly, if you've grown up as a boy and a young man, many times it can be practically very difficult, you know, from a practical standpoint, because you don't know if you have been on the other side how to greet women, how to talk to women, how to cook, how to walk like a woman. >> jon: do they believe that they deserve to be put back from having their rights? is there something in their society that hasthem, okay, at this point, you go back there and you deserve that? is it a rebelling? >> it's important to know this is a choice by the parents many times. some girls are born and introduced to the village and the neighbors as the family's son. >> jon: right. so, you know, what you think of as the right to choose may not be applicable for these girls. however, when you've grown up for 10, 13, 12-rbgs 15 years -- >> jon: sure. -- on the other side, you do see a society segregated. like one of these 15-year-old girls said to me, i see how women are treated here, why would iÑi want to be one of the? i want to remain a boy, i want to remain a boy always. >> jon: it's unbelievable. stick around for a second. i want to find out, in societies that undergo this type of tumult and war, generally rights advance, but and it has not happened in afghanistan and some of these other patriarchal society. i want to know what you think about that. the underground girls of kabul, on the shelves now, jenn

ha ha ha! which one is strickland's? g-7. must be the mooring number. g-9, g-8... must be this one.

ha ha ha! hatchet jim, you have excellent taste. cheesy skeleton mix bag of bones. is. >> jon: welcome back. now it's been awhile, been awhile since we checked in with wall street but that ends right now. >> chinese e-commerce powerhouse alibaba is set to make a debut on the new york stock exchange. >> one for the history books. >> investors are salivating. >> i saw ger halo, should i buy? >> i was like yeah, you should buy. sure. i mean come on, what are you doing there? you're at the office. yeah, that's wrong, i know. you're trying to go to bed, i apologizement well this alibaba operation sounds exciting. china's economy is booming, it leads americans to wonder what is alibaba. >> s there he's been a lot of comparison between alibaba and amazon. it's not quite the same. alibaba doesn't sell things, it connects buyers and sellers. (laughter) >> jon: craigslist with better graphics, is that what it is? do you like amazon but are sick of its reliability? >> could you sense at any moment you could i don't know order the new ban brown novel but instead be sent a box of discontinued chin ease gopher enemas? try alibaba. there's got to be more to if than that. >> really, it's like 12 companies. the the e bail and amazon, pay pal, it's a netflix, a groupon wz. >> jon: it is a groupon, tumblr, a cronut and lovingly fed to a jackahope. it is a business that makes no sense whatsoever. who cares what it is, just tell us, is there gold in them there hills? >> alibaba's profit for the second quarter jumped frm 179% to $2 billion. revenue increased by 46%, double that of u.s. on-line retailer amazon. those stats are enough to put even the most confident c.e.o.s on edge. (laughter) . >> jon: cnn, did you just make a joke about the amazon logo losing its boner? is that what that is. i not it was a smile turn turning in a frown, a slide whistle is the whole purpose of indicating the loss of one's boner first used by mozart that time he-- yes, i believe that was right. (laughter) so last quarter alone alibaba had $2 billion in profit, that sounds like the best thing in the whole world with no downside at all. i'm going buy me some shares in alibaba. >> you can't actually buy shares in alibaba. >> jon: hold on one second. >> shareholders aren't buying actual shares of alibaba which is headquartered in china. they're buying shares in alibaba group holding limited, incorporated in the cayman islands. (laughter) >> jon: so i pay for a share on an island and i don't own t you are selling us a time-share in a company s that what this is, without giving a free vacation. and another thing, alibaba is a chinese company y is it doing its stock offering in the united states. >> didn't list in hong kong because for hong kong you need certain management structures and corporate governance structures that weren't gok allowed based upon their listing requirements so that is why they are taking this show on the road to the u.s.. >> jon: i see. companies trading in the u.s. to escape more stringent regulatory environment of china, china. the company whose motto is hey, let's put lead paint in everything including the flag. china this is starting to sound shady. i'm sitting this out. >> shares soared, nearly $30 above the ipo price. >> it's opening $228 billion value made it bigger than coca-cola, jpmorgan chase. >> bigger than facebook. >> jon: why did i-- get on the phone. god, let me get this straight, with alibaba we have an internet start-up that make those tangible product with a hugely inflated ipo in the united states only due to a cayman island loophole that avoids regulations in that company's home country. do you understand what this means? the communists just beat us at capitalism. we'll be right back. (applause) bacardi family. the fire of 1880 couldn't stop us. nor did prohibition in the 1920's. or exile from our home country in the 60's. the bacardi family didn't just survive, we thrived. because true passion can't be tamed. (cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight, the founder and owner of the i havea lob os rescue center for pit bulls in new orleans, she and the center are the subject of animal planet pit bulls & parolees. >> they don't got no puppies. >> it told me that there is probably no puppies out there. >> all she wanted was to get out and get in here. and what is really probably the saddest thing is humans did this to her. and here she's asking a human again for help. and that's forgiveness. >> i promise, we won't leave you. >> jon: it's a really good show. please welcome tia torres. hello! (applause) how are you? >> hi. how are you? >> jon: how are you? thank you for being here. >> good, no, it's great. >> jon: i love this show. >> thank you. >> jon: what you do to rehabilitate the image of the pit bull and also parolees, it's these two groups. somewhat discounted by society. and you see them come together in common cause. and it's really quite beautiful. >> you know, the guys actually tell us, the pas rollees say that they can relate to these dogs because they feel very much in touch with them as far as the image that is portrayed by both groups. the difference being, and this is by their own words, is that the pit bulls have done nothing wrong to end up in doggie jail, unlike the guys who make mistake and end up in prison. so they say especially the dog does not deserve the treatment they get. >> jon: it's amazing. the only thing i want to make sure is because reality television, you just never know. this is real, right? this is isn't like people dressed up as dogs and other guys, this is a real show. you really do this good thing. because it's a remarkable and as i watch, incredibly taxing. you do it with your whole family. the two daughters, two sons, their significant others, this whole group of people. and it's relentless. >> yes. >> jon: and it never seems to stop. >> 200% real. 200% real. >> jon: that's a lot of real. >> yeah, we are the real. we are the real. >> jon: what are some of the stories that give you the heart to keep continuing as these dogs just keep coming. is there anything in particular. >> that's a story that gives me the strength to keep going. >> you know, unfortunately, we were actually talking about this in the green room with some of your people. since moving to louisiana, the way-- . >> jon: you came from california. >> from california originally, three years ago. and the way that dogs are discarded or treated in the sot is different. >> jon: really? >> it's a cultural difference. a lot of dogs are chained in the backyard, left to fend for themselves, running around your property, on the streets. so not everybody, but it is pretty common. and the sad part is the south, especially in the louisiana where we are at, they don't have the resources that we did in california or like here in new york, with animal shelters, the humane society you kind of feel like are you on your own, in ground zero when are you out there. >> jon: where do you get resources then, does the slow help with that? can they free you guys to do that? a couple dougie beds? >> unfortunately, you know, there's good and bad that comes with having a show. yes, we get a lot of people that notice us now and say i want to adopt the dog am but we also get quadruple the amount of dogs coming in, people needing the help. so it hast backfired as far as the number of dogs. we are up to a little over 400 dogs. >> jon: you have 400 dogs. and that is all in one studio apartment. that is amazing. (laughter) >> yes. >> jon: is the facility, you also probably don't have the land that you had. >> no, and california we had a big ranch. >> jon: right. >> so now we're living in a more urban type of environment so we have a big warehouse building, like an animal shelter. we have about three of them now. >> jon: what is it that it takes to rehabilitate a dog and then convince people and make that match? because the interesting thing about the show is people will come in and not only express interest. but you are very reluctant to mick a match with a dog unless it's right it there has to be a certain-- a certain dogs need a certain environment. and you are very strict about that. >> i will tell you why. because besides the obvious you want the dogs to have the best homes because of where they came from, we're dealing with a b

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[ crickets chirping ] trap the rainbow! taste the rainbow! mi'm a lineman here in oakland. day in, day out, a large part of what we do is about providing reliable energy to our customers. pg&e is dedicated to the community. i love working here because this is my home. oakland is my home. this is where i'm raising my children so it's important to me to make sure my family and friends have the power and energy that we provide. this is very personal to me. it makes me work a lot harder knowing that this is my family and friends. this is my community. (cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight, the founder and owner of the i havea lob os rescue center for pit bulls in new orleans, she and the center are the subject of animal planet pit bulls & parolees. >> they don't got no puppies. >> it told me that there is probably no puppies out there. >> all she wanted was to get out and get in here. and what is really probably the saddest thing is humans did this to her. and here she's asking a human again for help. and that's forgiveness. >> i promise, we won't leave you. >> jon: it's a really good show. please welcome tia torres. hello! (applause) how are you? >> hi. how are you? >> jon: how are you? thank you for being here. >> good, no, it's great. >> jon: i love this show. >> thank you. >> jon: what you do to rehabilitate the image of the pit bull and also parolees, it's these two groups. somewhat discounted by society. and you see them come together in common cause. and it's really quite beautiful. >> you know, the guys actually tell us, the pas rollees say that they can relate to these dogs because they feel very much in touch with them as far as the image that is portrayed by both groups. the difference being, and this is by their own words, is that the pit bulls have done nothing wrong to end up in doggie jail, unlike the guys who make mistake and end up in prison. so they say especially the dog does not deserve the treatment they get. >> jon: it's amazing. the only thing i want to make sure is because reality television, you just never know. this is real, right? this is isn't like people dressed up as dogs and other guys, this is a real show. you really do this good thing. because it's a remarkable and as i watch, incredibly taxing. you do it with your whole family. the two daughters, two sons, their significant others, this whole group of people. and it's relentless. >> yes. >> jon: and it never seems to stop. >> 200% real. 200% real. >> jon: that's a lot of real. >> yeah, we are the real. we are the real. >> jon: what are some of the stories that give you the heart to keep continuing as these dogs just keep coming. is there anything in particular. >> that's a story that gives me the strength to keep going. >> you know, unfortunately, we were actually talking about this in the green room with some of your people. since moving to louisiana, the way-- . >> jon: you came from california. >> from california originally, three years ago. and the way that dogs are discarded or treated in the sot is different. >> jon: really? >> it's a cultural difference. a lot of dogs are chained in the backyard, left to fend for themselves, running around your property, on the streets. so not everybody, but it is pretty common. and the sad part is the south, especially in the louisiana where we are at, they don't have the resources that we did in california or like here in new york, with animal shelters, the humane society you kind of feel like are you on your own, in ground zero when are you out there. >> jon: where do you get resources then, does the slow help with that? can they free you guys to do that? a couple dougie beds? >> unfortunately, you know, there's good and bad that comes with having a show. yes, we get a lot of people that notice us now and say i want to adopt the dog am but we also get quadruple the amount of dogs coming in, people needing the help. so it hasckfired as far as the number of dogs. we are up to a little over 400 dogs. >> jon: you have 400 dogs. and that is all in one studio apartment. that is amazing. (laughter) >> yes. >> jon: is the facility, you also probably don't have the land that you had. >> no, and california we had a big ranch. >> jon: right. >> so now we're living in a more urban type of environment so we have a big warehouse building, like an animal shelter. we have about three of them now. >> jon: what is it that it takes to rehabilitate a dog and then convince people and make that match? because the interesting thing about the show is people will come in and not only express interest. but you are very reluctant to mick a match with a dog unless it's right it there has to be a certain-- a certain dogs need a certain environment. and you are very strict about that. >> i will tell you why. because besides the obvious you want the dogs to have the best homes because of where they came from, we're dealing with a breed

has popped into my head. but i think, i think i am good where i am. ha-ha-hathing that you have got ahead of yourself. basketball, new baby on the way, raising your family in ohio, a word or two that comes to mind as you think about what as it head? >> wow, that is a great question. one word i can describe what is a head, is faith in myself, my family, the community. north east ohio, the whole state of ohio. all of the -- huge responsibility to myself. understanding playing the game of basketball is much bigger than dribbling, dunking, the faith is the thing i can use for the very near future. >> faith, indeed. there are a lot of people who will put their faith in lebron's move to cleveland. it will be an interesting season. for sure. if you want more. mark your calendar, cnn will air "more than a game" some remarkable footage in there. of course get more of your "unguarded" fix, following me on twitter, facebook, and on the web, cnn.com/unguard. see you back here next friday night on unguarded where the end of the game is just the start of the story. good nig

ha, ha, ha. >> really rick? any way. it's in my blood and it as you hasn, and i get thrilled on days like today because i get to talk about rain. it's raining on my parade now that rick is in the studio. and raining on rittenhouse square and as we look at double scan live radar. it's all good. we look at green on the radar, south and east of the i-95 corridor, that batch of light showers and even patchy drizzle, especially along 55, through the expressway and camden county, and the western part of the atlantic county we have a batch of showers as well. that we are dealing with on i-95 and 130 and florence and bristol, dealing with light showers, 62 in allentown and 62 in millville, it's a very raw evening with the left over clouds and the showers and the northeasterly wind driven in on the western side of that departing coastal low, heading south of new england, the clouds are starting to break up to the west and they continue to break up here tomorrow from the west to the east, with the sunshine returning as the low departs, high pressure comes in 77 deg

ha ha ha! >> dj, we're gonna play. steve: i'm more stunned than you. >> [laughter] steve: i been playing with him for 3 days, and he ain't-- he ain't got a answer yet. he couldn't believe it. it turn up, "number one?" i-i can't believe it either, dj. pass or play, dj? >> we want to play! >> we'll play, steve. steve: they're gonna play. let'go

ha, ha, ha. >>> "action news" continues, here are stories we are following for on "action news" at 12:30, secretary of state, john kerry, is in baghdad ahead stf the president's address to the nation tonight. >>> and laid off casino workers are searching for new jobs at a career fair in atlantic city. >> now the details, a future in the nfl hast been ruled out for ray rice. >> more than 48 hours after the video of his domestic violence incident went public, commissioner roger goodell said he could return to the nfl after his suspension. >> the release of this video showing football star, ray rice, assaulting his now wife in an atlantic city elevator. the owner of the baltimore ravens writing to fans that changes everything and we should have pursued our investigation more vigorously and we didn't and we were wrong. roger goodell claim that before monday all they saw was this clip, rice dragging his then fiance janay out of the elevator. >> goodell told cbs news that once you saw what happened in the elevator, the nfl decided to suspend ray rice indefinitely. some say that that punishment should have came earlier. >> we didn't get that right. and i'm accountable for that. janay calling this a nightmare. now that other victims are going to social media, telling their stories. entitled why i stayed. >> i wanted to change the co

ha ha ha! >> good job. here we go. steve: hey, trent.100 women, if you ran your fingers through a man's hair, what would you hate to find in it? >> i'm gonna say another woman's hair. >> there you go. steve: another woman's hair. [audience groans] hey, mike. >> probably food.

ha ha ha." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: things are not going to great for you. your endeavors -- [ applause ] >> not winning. not a winning personality. >> jimmy: i don't know where that magazine i had, but there was a magazine, i saw something about you, it was like, 25 things that you don't note about ty burrell and one of the things, you said, was, your mother was a professional drag racer. >> yes. well, not professional. but she raced competitively. >> jimmy: and that is true. >> it's 100% true. >> jimmy: when was this? >> in the '50s, she had a '55 chevy and she had a partner, like, another gal, actually, who took care of the car. and she had a car that, the door opened, had spotlights on the door and you move the spotlights and it would open the doors to this car. she got some hardware. she was like a drag racer, which -- is -- okay, so, my dad didn't know her at the time, when she was doing that, but i'm pretty convinced that most of the kids were conceived after riding in the car with my mom, because when my mom drives a car, she drives a car. >> jimmy: even now? >> oh, yeah. she's 75 and she hasn't driven that slow in 50 years. she -- she -- >> jimmy: she goes over her age speed limit wise? >> all the time. my favorite thing is getting in the car with somebody new that hasn't ridden with my mom who gets in her car, which is -- always, like, a week after she gets -- if she gets a new car, she puts like 19-inch rims on it and, like -- >> jimmy: what? >> and pulling onto an off-ramp at 85 and -- >> jimmy: wow. i guess you take after dad, huh? >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's unbelievable. [ applause ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: get her a job as an uber driver to scare the hell out of people. >> her rating would be, like, half a star. >> jimmy: half a star. we -- when we come back, we're going to talk about this movie, which is a great movie, and you are absolutely fantastic in this movie. i really mean that. unbelievable. it's called "the skeleton twins." ty burrell is here. we'll be right back. yeah! vo: don't just dream of being the hero. make it happen. i can't believe we're missing the game for this. we're not. i've got xlte. vo: it doubles our 4g lte bandwidth in cities nationwide, so be that guy with verizon xlte. now get 1gb of bonus data, and our best pricing ever on the more everything plan. and we're new to the pacific northwest. the rain, the mud -- babam! it's there. the outside comes in. it's kinda nasty so you start the towel-mop shuffle. where are you sun?! 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(snap!) what just happened? check your wallet. no. ...no way. your debit card should arrive in 7-10 business days. it's time to bank human again. get debit cards on the spot, and no monthly fee checking with just a $100 minimum balance at td bank. america's most convenient bank. >>> it's like i gave you, like, a copper figurine for your birthday that i got at -- wow. you carry that with you? >> i don't know, it's a little good luck charm or something. >> well -- it's working. >> is it? >> yeah. mr. fancy l.a. agent. i should have kept that whale for myself. >> it's not that big of a deal. >> i think it's incredible. i always knew you'd do something amazing with your wife. >> jimmy: that's ty burrell and bill hader in "the skeleton twins." well, both of you, your characters in the movie are gay. and you are his, well, i don't want to give too much away, but -- >> yeah, it's -- it's a dark story line that the director actually does an incredible job of walking a fine line between it being funny and dark at times. >> jimmy: the director really did do a great job with this movie. >> kind of crazy. >> jimmy: everybody is really, really excellent in it. you and bill hader make love. >> we do. i'm sorry if you didn't know, it's a 90-minute love scene of bill hader and me. was that not clear? i'm sorry. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: when you're making a movie like that, mostly a serious movie, and you guys are both very funny guys, is it -- and you're there in love -- >> what's funny is, i think -- >> jimmy: maybe not love. >> you know, sometimes there are people you come across, your main form of communication is in bits, you know what i mean? >> jimmy: yeah. >> just going back and forth doing jokes. that's what bill and i did on the set of the most serious movie we've ever done, so -- basically, we would do these -- we would be doing, like, character voices and making horn sounds and it would be like, action. and it was like, you're back in town. [ laughter ] because, that tension is real when you're making a movie like that and you do look for ways to lighten it. ill think it was probably interesting to the crew, us making -- >> jimmy: probably not encountered that before. >> yeah. >> jimmy: this is the sixth season of "modern family." how many episodes into this season are you? >> i think we're at five right now. >> jimmy: okay, you're at five. >> it's been going really well. >> jimmy: you just jump right back into it? >> yeah, i mean, it takes awhile to shake the rust off a little bit. >> jimmy: we should skip the first couple of episode snls. >> yeah, definitely. >> jimmy: the kids on the show are getting big. like, nolan is like a muscular kid now. >> yeah, he's ripped. >> jimmy: he looks like he's going to beat somebody's ass on the show now. >> mine. >> jimmy: i guess that's how it goes in real life, too. even dhully. >> he's the best, man. you know, because we do a lot of scene work together, we've become pals, and he actually puts -- he puts all of the music on my phone. like a 47-year-old guy, i don't know anything about music. i don't note anything about the young people's music. and he just puts all of my music on my phone. >> jimmy: what does he put on there? >> i'll show you. >> jimmy: oh. >> he puts -- we have filler music, i'm sure. >> jimmy: no, we don't have anything. >> he puts -- marbles swear and shake. oh, from, that's from maple ridge. modest mouse, march into the sea. i'll spin down. >> jimmy: cool music. >> he's a very hip dude. >> jimmy: and now you are by proxy, i guess. >> i am. >> jimmy: very good to see you. i'm excited the show is coming back. "modern family" comes back on wednesday and "the skeleton twins" is in theaters now. we'll be right back. sweet! spicy! savory! enjoy it all... 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[ laughter ] if you have a question for me, please e-mail me at dearauntchip dearauntchippy@gmail.com. >> jimmy: thank you, aunt chippy. we'll be right back with len goodman. in a friendly competition... when does the mercy rule come into effect? new fusion proglide rebuilt with flexball technology. makes maximum contact, and gets virtually every hair. gillette. ugh,they're the most tender, appirresistible ribs ever,bs. they're even all-you-can-eat and you still haven't had any?! fine, you know what? i'm going to drive you to the nearest applebee's. crosscut ribs are all-you-can-eat for a limited time, only at applebee's. and come in late night for half price apps. right here. with a control pad that can read your handwriting, a wide-screen multimedia center, and a head-up display for enhanced driver focus. all inside a newly redesigned cabin of unrivaled style and comfort. ♪ the all-new c-class. at the very touch point of performance and innovation. ♪ at the very touch point of performance and innovation. charlie, the demand on this network, it is increasing by the second. it's crazy, huh? and people are relying on it more than ever. we cover more than 99% of all americans. i know, i can't imagine living without it. it's a place where people can come share knowledge and ideas. it's beautiful. that's deep charlie. my selfie just hit a hundred likes...(gasps) a hundred! at&t is building you a better network. ♪ ♪ introducing made to matter, handpicked by target. exclusive innovations from brands that truly care about how things are made. only at target. hardcore fitness based on 19th century farming practices. pick it! pick it! pick it! pull the plow son! this is not a one man joobbb!!! [ male announcer ] however you stay fit start with delicious low fat sandwiches like the subway club. subway. eat fresh. >> jimmy: there, stihi there. still to come, music from polo knew tee knee. our next guest is the sharp-tongued british judge who makes sure our celebrity dancers never lack fluidity. watch him on "dancing with the stars" monday and tuesday nights at 8:00. please say hello to the honorable len goodman. [ cheers and applause ] >> this is what i do when i'm excited. >> jimmy: is that right? >> i get this thing going. >> jimmy: lo >> jimmy: i'm excited to have you here, because you've never been here. the show's been on -- >> you love bruno. >> jimmy: of course i do, but i love you, also. >> do you love me more than bruno? >> jimmy: well, we'll see. take it slow. >> we'll see how it drops. >> jimmy: you and bruno will fly to england -- >> next tuesday, after the show. >> jimmy: usually you go right after the show. >> the show in britain hasn't started yet. starts the following friday and saturday. next week, we do monday and tuesday here, do the show, and then we fly to britain, we do their show monday and tuesday -- friday and saturday, sunday we fly back here, do that -- >> jimmy: do you fly together? >> well, we always come out together, but -- and we're going to fly out together, but bruno loves to lay naked in the sun on his balcony, where as i -- and, you know, i've got my mother still ail live, my wife, my kids, so, i like to get back as soon as i can. >> jimmy: i see. >> he usually stays an extra day. >> jimmy: how did you wind up in ballroom dancing in the first place? >> well, i used to play soccer. >> jimmy: i have a photograph of you -- >> yeah, that's it. that's when i was a boy. you know which one's me? the good-looking one at the back. this guy here. look at me. >> jimmy: that's -- one what die guys on the team say when you left them for -- >> i hurt my foot and i couldn't play. and i was mad, so, i was a loose end. it was february and one of my mates, mike, jewish boy, mazel, we used to call him. we're having a beer and i was 21 and i said, you want to go out tomorrow night? he said no. i said, what are you doing? he said, i'm going ballroom dancing. i said, shut up! ballroom dancing? you're having a laugh. he said, len, there's 30 girls and four boys. i said, i'll come! [ laughter ] i had my dad's carpet slipper on one foot, a shoe on this foot and up i went and i liked it. >> jimmy: what is -- >> a pointy shoe. >> jimmy: you have phrases that i have never heard before. >> you know where they come from? >> jimmy: where? >> my granddad, you know, you got to know, we came -- i don't know what the roughest part of l.a. is, or new york or whatever, the roughest part of london is the east end. that's where -- that was -- it's a slum. so, that's where we were brought up, outside toilet. my granddad, from a kid, i remember the first real bit of advise he gave me, he said, lenny, your money's like your willy, it only grows if you play with it. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: really? >> what do you know? >> jimmy: that's pretty funny. >> we had a toilet in the backyard, there was an outside toilet and there was a knock at the door, i was about 5. i opened the door and it was a man there, he said, i'm here for the rent. so, i went back outside to where my granddad was in the toilet. i said, granddad, the man for the rent's here. he said, i can only one [ bleep ] at a time. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's pretty good. >> very funny, huh? there we are in the kitchen, me and about eight other kids, all playing. in our street, every door was open and we'd play in one house or, anyway, it was -- they were all in my kitchen. we're all playing. in came my granddad, all you kids, get out. i said, granddad, why did you chuck the kids out? he said, kids are like -- we only like our own. that was my granddad. >> jimmy: you've been around -- do you know who these stars are on "dancing with the stars" -- >> no. this is -- it's not a problem, because you get to know them as the shows go along, but you got to know, i live in england, so, we don't get "general hospital" or whatever you -- the shows, of course. >> jimmy: like us, you have no idea who these people are. >> listen, i live in britain, i look at the list, i think, who the hell is this? but what i love, they always get an interesting cast. and so, they have on "dancing with the stars," you know, you got older people, like betsy and tommy, but they're both in their '70s, young kids, teenagers, you get everything in between. >> jimmy: like, tommy chung, you have no idea who he is. >> i know a bit about him, he likes the wacky baccy. i grew up in the '60s, right, i was a teenager, so, i know all about wacky baccy, i grew out of it. but obviously tommy still likes it. good luck to him. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, when they opened that coffin, a puff of smoke is going to come up. >> out it will come. >> jimmy: who, in your opinion, is the worst celebrity dancer of all-time on "dancing with the stars"? >> oh, there's been a few, i guess. >> jimmy: personally, i go with master p. >> oh, he had the worst feet. honestly, his feet were -- and he insisted on wearing these great big black boots. >> jimmy: yeah, right. >> you know, with -- i have to get to grips with this thing. >> jimmy: okay. >> why do people wear the maker's name on the outside of their clothing? what's that all about? where does that come from? and they wear it, like, it's a beige bei badge of honor. what is it about? you don't wear your labels on the outside of your clothes. and it's become -- i saw somebody, i don't know, hollister or something, write right down their leg. it's -- what is -- >> jimmy: it's the wacky tobacco. >> hey. >> jimmy: well, i'm glad you finally made it. i hope you will come back again soon, because i feel like we just -- we're just getting going here. >> that's it? >> jimmy: that's the end. >> we haven't talked about my pet -- >> jimmy: we're going to get that to the next time, show. >> i've been over here for ten years, so, i'll see you in 2024. hey! >> jimmy: len goodman, everybody. watch "dancing with the stars" monday and tuesday on abc. we'll be right back with paolo nutini. don't believe tom corbett's tv ad. the facts speak for themselves. tom corbett cut a billion dollars from our schools. he took an ax to education. twenty-seven thousand educators were laid-off. class sizes increased. and now almost eighty percent of school districts plan to raise property taxes. tom corbett. can't trust him on education. can't trust him to be for us. that's all i crave.e that's where this comes in. only nicorette gum hasorette gum gives you intense craving relief. and that helps put my craving in its place. that's why i only choose nicorette. >> jimmy: i want to thank all of our guests. apologize to matt damon, we did run out of time for him. "nightline" is next, but first, this is his cd called "caustic lo love." here with the song "iron sky," paolo nutini. ♪ ♪ we are proud individuals living for the city ♪ ♪ but the flames couldnt go much higher ♪ ♪ we find gods and religions to paint us with salvation ♪ ♪ but no one no nobody can give you the power ♪ ♪ but to rise over love over hate through this iron sky ♪ ♪ thats fast becoming our mind over fear and into freedom ♪ ♪ oh no no ♪ all that life left dripping down the walls ♪ ♪ the dream that cannot dream in its harsh reality ♪ ♪ mass confusion spoonfed to the blind ♪ ♪ serves now to define our cold society ♪ ♪ from which well rise over love over hate ♪ ♪ through this iron sky ♪ ♪ thats fast becoming our mind over fear and into freedom ♪ ♪ freedom ♪ y