dorothy: "hazel burke vs. traffic commission by donald burton." that's the man that brought me home. he's a reporter, sport. is he a really good friend of yours, hazel? yeah, sort of. of course i just met him. go on, missy. "hazel burke, well-known bowler "and resident of this community for many years, "was arrested yesterday afternoon on a charge of willful and malicious defacement of public property." he doesn't sound like a good friend, hazel. well, he's gotta report the news. that's his job, sport. go on, missy. "the alleged offense occurred when miss burke, "concerned about the safety of children in her neighborhood, "single-handedly painted a crosswalk "on marshal road between cowan and orange drive. "according to jonathan t. lloyd, reform candidate for mayor... "miss burke's action was triggered "by public indignation well, i didn't say that. that was jonathan lloyd. this is a free country. he's got a right to his own opinion. paul? burton. did you see the paper? yeah, i thought it was pretty good myself. well, listen, what i called you abou

telegram for miss hazel burke. thank you. well, maybe this is what you've been waiting for. well, you could open it. oh. [laughs] well, here goes. oh, boy. [chuckles] oh-hoo! yippee! we won! really, hazel? well, almost. listen. "you have tied for first place in the housekeeping contest with mrs. louise masters." that's eddie's mother. he's my pal. "judge decided the only way to break tie is to have bake-off saturday morning, 10 a.m., high school cooking class. congratulations. lester morton." a bake-off? nobody bakes better than hazel. oh, now,w,on, don't get your hopes up too high. this other lady could be pretty good, too. hazel, uh, do you know anything about this mrs. masters? well, she's new in town, but i know she's a widow, and the girls say she's awful good. oh, don't worry, hazel. we can't lose now. well... [laughs] i don't know whether we can't lose. all i know is that if i do lose, flunking an art class. [laughs] who's he? well, never mind, sport. you come on out in the kitchen, and we'll bake a cake just to keep in shape. ladies, we are gathered here to witness a

according to the arresting officer, miss hazel burke was responsible for the arrest. is this the same miss burke? yes, your honor. she, uh-- yes, your honor. i was the one that had al pulled in. later, i changed my mind. not because i'm a woman. i had a very good reason-- i'll explain that. your honor, miss burke's reasons for appearing for the defense will come out in my questioning. very well. now then, miss burke, yesterday afternoon, you were having lunch at the colonial restaurant with your friend mr. enzo martelli. yes, that's right, mr. b. and enzo-- pardon me, miss burke. you refer to mr. baxter as mr. b.? your honor, she's in my employ. my maid. and cook and housekeeper. as a matter of fact, my congratulations, mr. baxter. please continue. miss burke, will you kindly tell the court as briefly as possible what happened in the restaurant. oh, sure. enzo and me was eatin' lunch, and al was sittin' at the next table workin' on some papers. by al, you mean the defendant, mr. dewitt. yes, sir. you know him well? oh, no. i never seen him before yesterday. no, he's a

uh, get me hazel burke. i should have done this in the first place. [phone rings] baxter residence. hello, hazel. this is harvey. harvey griffin. how do you feel today? why, sure. i always like to know how my friends are feeling. and we are friends, aren't we, hazel? we've always gotten along fine, haven't we? you bet we have. and if there was, uh, something i wanted to know real bad, you'd tell me right off the bat, wouldn't you? if it's about them disposable skillets, i can't help you a bit. because we have-- what do you mean, you can't help me? sorry, mr. griffin. bye. well, you've really got things fouled up this time. you got hazel so mad, she wouldn't even help an easygoing, good-natured man like me. like you? you heard me. i'm such a soft-hearted slob, that nobody gives a hoot about what i want, and that includes you, my fine-feathered attorney. i didn't think mr. griffin would be so unreasonable. oh, i know he blusters a lot, but i always thought he had a heart of gold. he also has a head of solid iron. there's only one thing to do, george-- persuade hazel to help you. you me

i'm hazel burke, your number one fan." [both chuckle] and i'm gonna help the governor get re-elected. i wrote a campaign song for him. a song? swell! sing it for me, hazel. you make up neat songs. well, i borrowed the tune from an old college song called high above cayuga's waters, but i wrote the words myself. don't allow the man we worship ever to retire who deserves the governorship? willard j. mcguire fight for the finest candidate work till you perspire we mustn't lose a man as great as willard j. mcguire you like it, sport? gee, hazel, that's real super. oh, well, it's no my country, 'tis of thee, but i think it gets the message across. sure makes me wanna vote for him. it'll probably be heard all over the state. aw, hazel, you don't sing that loud. oh, come on, sport. you go on out and play. your dad's gonna be here any minute, and i got a few details i gotta work out. hello, darling. how'd your day go? all right? well, not bad. i didn't get much work done this afternoon. oh? i spent most of my time on the phone turn

look, my name is hazel burke, and i got a problem. butterworth, hatch, noll and baxter. merry christmas. may i speak to mr. george baxter, please? speaking. oh yes, yes, what can i do for you? i'm checking the credit references of a ms. hazel burke. she stated that she's been in your employ for 14 years. yes, that's right. well, in view of the fact that you and mrs. baxter have had an account with us for years, a very satisfactory one, i may say, i thought we might just stretch our policy a little to accomodate ms. burke. particularly since the gift is for mrs. baxter. hmm, i see. with a card from santa claus. if you were willing to guarantee, as it were, her purchase of $84.50. you do all this research on a perfect car then smash it into a tree. your insurance company raises your rates. maybe you should have done more research on them. for drivers with accident forgiveness, liberty mutual won't raise your rates due to your first accident. just one of the many features that comes standard with our base policy. call for a free quote today. see car insurance in a whole new

well, i'm hazel burke, and we got a doozy of a problem over here. we want-- may i ask who referred you to me? nobody. i got your name out of the yellow pages. well, i'm no longer listed in the yellow pages. you must have an old book. good-bye. hey, wait a minute. you do fix tv sets, don't you? and i have all the clients i can handle. i don't wish to be rude, but you are interrupting my cocktail hour. and so once more, good-bye. hold on. i ain't phoning just for myself, you know. this set belongs to mr. george baxter. i never heard of him. well, he just happens to be a very important attorney in this town, and he also serves on the mayor's welcoming committee. oh, that george baxter. well, what seems to be your problem? well, the picture's all covered with zigzag lines, and the sound is so wobbly that we can't make out what they're saying. we want you to come over right away and fix it. well, i'm afraid that's quite out of the question. i never make house calls at night. hello, mr. gilbert. this is mr. baxter speaking. yes, mr. baxter. as i was sayin

uh, mona, this is hazel burke. hazel, this is my friend mrs. williams. - how do you do? - how do you do? - love your hat. - oh, well, thank you. i think you must be mistaken. no. 4.98 at quigley's basement, right? certainly not! well, i'm almost positive. i got mine-- this is not a 4.98 hat. oh. it looks just like-- hazel! uh, that's enough. uh, would you please go out and start dinner? oh, i already started it. but i didn't tell you what we're having. but don't you want me to plan the menus? i always did for missy. oh, well, of course. well, i'm very pleased to have met you, mrs. williams. thank you. mother, guess what? harold gave me a ride on his bicycle! well, good. susie, say hello to mrs. williams. hello, mrs. williams. hello, susie. you get prettier every time i see you. and mona, this is my nephew harold. harold, this is mrs. williams. how do you do, harold? it's nice to meet you. well, how do you do, mrs. williams? gee, you have a hat just like hazel's! it may look like it, harold, but it isn't. i know, mona. do you kids want something? oh, do we have time to go

- and miss hazel burke. - how do? well, what do you want done in here? oh, well, not in here. we just would like to modernize our kitchen. "kitchen"? [whistles] oh. well, it's right this way. missy, did you notice? he's a whistler. - what's a whistler? - oh, you'll see. every one of them whistles is for a reason. he just wants you to realize how hard it is to do everything that you ask him to do. oh. well, he seems harmless enough. oh, until you get his price. oh, never trust them whistlers. they'll do you in every time. come on. we'd better get out there. [whistles] uh, mr. noll told me your specialty is modernizing. sure is. i can have the wrecking crew and equipment here by monday. - how's that suit you? - "wrecking crew"? the way i see it, first we'll knock out that back wall. give you a lot more space in here, you know? then we'll take and we'll move this whole section right-- oh, no, no, no! wait now just a minute. i want to modernize, but i don't want to demolish and rebuild. you mean you don't want to extend? if they do anything. it's the thing to do, you know? well, t

i'm hazel burke. i'm the housekeeper for the baxters. i raised harold ever since he was a pup. how do you do? i'm zelda warren. well, i'm very glad to know you. harold's father was gonna drive you to the party, but he's a big lawyer and he had to deliver some contracts. so i'm gonna be your chauffeur. you wanna sit up front? most kids do. come on, harold. come on. get in. come on, sport. don't you want some ice cream? it's real good for store-bought ice cream. 'course it ain't as good as the kind i make. where's zelda? dancing. oh, well, why ain't you dancing with her? oh. oh, sport. look what you did. oh, for pete's sake. here. hazel. oh, hi, miss tilcy. may i see you for a moment? oh, sure. get you some ice cream. hazel, it was really very kind of you to offer to help, but-- oh, the pleasure's all mine. yes, i'm sure you honestly mean that, but-- i'm just glad to do this, and i'll do the dishes, too. i don't mind the work. i think it's fun. i'm just crazy about kids. well, that's the point i was trying to make. they're at an age when they no longer regard themselves as kids.

call me "hazel," "miss burke," or "hey, you," but don't call me "comrade." she is angry. hazel's partial to thanksgiving. i try to make her see how she's exploited. if anybody tried to exploit hazel, she'd give them a hot-foot. george, the driver's here to take you to court. well, how did it go? i did my best, and as you know, my best is my worst. - i was impossible! - but they didn't lose their tempers? well, there were some bad moments, but they always managed to control themselves. you mean nobody poured gravy over your head, like at the last home? no, no gravy. they were very polite to me. not servile. gracious hosts, yes, but not flunkies. i like them, especially comrade hazel. [laughs] there is a woman with fire! now, look. you don't think they suspected you weren't the genuine article? i don't think so. i was very convincing. you know, it is very difficult for a man as nice as me to be so disagreeable. did baxter say where he was going after he dropped you here? going to call them and tell them they passed the test? i think we'd better try another little experiment,