>> no, i-- when i say family, i mean, people i grew up with. i have a brother, and i have a mother there, and i have children and everything. i just cannot get myself to leave the country. and i feel a little like most americans would, if the country was in trouble, america, and you went away. >> right. >> there is somehow something in my system which won't allow me to leave when they're-- >> like you're copping out and running. >> yeah, i'm waiting for them to be a success, and i'm just going to get out of there. [ laughter ] >> last time we were talking, we were at, i think, irving lazar's together. >> somebody told me that irving lazar came on this program-- >> he did! i wanted to ask you about that because a lot of people thought that was a gag. and we had irwin shaw on the other night, >> have you read that? >> an american-- yes. >> he wants me for the other part-- >> yes, yes. you'd be marvelous. >> you really think so. >> absolutely marvelous. you should do it. i've watched you do things and it's easy to be a critic. >> yeah. >> and i th

i and i had to say i lived here when i was 5 years old. it was two latino women, so they started talking to each other, and then i guess it was okay, because they smiled and they were like, go ahead, you know? [laughter] and, you know, that's what happens. and i feel even that kind of dynamic where i can go into some neighborhood that i don't currently live and start snapping pictures and the people in the neighborhood don't feel empowered to say what are you doing here. and i know now in other neighborhoods where i lived that somebody will say what are you doing here, if that makes sense. >> it does. it makes perfect sense. >> you know what i'm talking about. >> yeah. [laughter] oh, yeah. so, but back to your family. so you talked to your mom, you talked to your brother, you talked to -- >> my father, you know? my mother and father had given me the same story, different facts. i'm like, i don't know, i'm going to have to take a middle ground here, you know? [laughter] so, and -- >> do you think that's because everybody was using their own

trump: i did it because i thought i could win.oesn't surprise you at all, what's happened? trump: well, it surprises a lot of people. maybe it doesn't surprise me. it doesn't-- i mean, i'm not saying this in a braggadocious way. it doesn't surprise a lot of the people that know me. levin: the day you went down that escalator, you thought you were gonna be the next president of the united states. trump: i think so, because if i didn't think that, i don't think i would've gone down the escalator. levin: tell me what the trump white house would look like, because your place is... a little like versailles. ha! what's gonna change at the white house? trump: i think the white house is such a special place and it has such a special meaning for american people, especially, but for the world. it's a world meaning. and nothing would change in the white house. the white house will remain the way it is. it's a very special place. in terms of representation or meaning, there's nothing like it. levin: what attracted you to melania? she is stunn

i... i... i don't quite know what to say. i'm... well, i'm just touched by your willingness to do this for me. well, it's not so much, really. we'll remain husband and wife for a few months long enough to satisfy tavnian law and then get an annulment of our own. it's not as if i was planning to marry someone else. even so... thank you. there is one thing i don't understand. jeyal insisted o ostaying to witness the ceremony. he did? is that a problem? in a tavnian wedding the groom must stand before the bride and tell her why he wants to marry her. and convince her to accept him as her husband. well, i trust i can count on you to accept me even as i just stand there and read last week's criminal activity report. um... no, you don't quite understand. if anyone present doubts the groom's sincerity they can challenge the validity of the marriage. you meanan. i have to convince jeyal that i want to marry you? ( sighs ) ( sighs ) i've never been able to write like this. ideas are coming so fast. i can barely keep up with them. ( gasping )

i remember a lawyer, and i remember i was at expedia and i was concerned. something had come up and it was a big deal. and i was worried suddenly that i had not made a filing, which by the way, i had. it was fine. but i was worried a certain document had not been filed. called on the lawyer a saturday night and said, i got your message on this, i am going to look into it. it is saturday night, don't worry about it. i have got this. if you filed it, you are fine and if you haven't, i am going to help you solve this. and i just felt like the weight of the world was off my shoulders because i had somebody on my team looking out for me, someone who would help me solve it. that is what i'm really looking for in outside counsel. who is going to help me solve the issue? who is really caring about the company personally come and who cares about me and my team? >> so, when i became in-house, i learned very quickly all the things i had done wrong at my law firm. [laughter] because in my own defense, i was a fairly junior partner, so please forgive me. i was a very ap

at first i said i don't like snow at all. i like it dry and warm.hen the woman said, you have an accent, where are you from? he said botswana. she said is that in africa. he said yes. she said, are you okay? he said yes. the woman started to talk to him with great interest. they talked for 12 minutes or so. the man says i can't believe you are okey. and the man said is there anything that suggest that i am not okay? i heard that you are in town. a novel. and he said, no, i am a graduate student. and she said, but i thought you said you were okay. then she said that i am really sorry that someone in town is okey. after that account, the man went away thinking that the woman wanted to pick him up. he said that he was willing to be picked up. they came up with a story about somebody's name. the very next day, he met me. that is why when he met me the very next day, he could not stop laughing. brian: how many people in nigeria would be named okey? okey: a lot. southwestern nigeria okey is , actually short for something. the full name means the creation

oh, vivian, i love you dearly, but one more "i know, i know," and so help me! i-i do know. maude, carol told me. carol told you? yes. so, i invited her to stay here. vivian! oh, we--just until i can find her an apartment. vivian, she is my daughter! and i'm the one who's in the real estate business! all right, if that's the way you feel, oh, shut up, vivian! i'm just trying to help! it's sweet of you to try. i know, i-- oh, vivian, it's not her fault. it's all my fault, all my fault! all her life, i've taught her three things. i taught her never to take candy from strangers, and never to eat hamburger in a drugstore, and... always wear clean underwear in case you get in an automobile accident. the one thing i neglected to tell her about was harold loftus. ( laughing ) i think he's cute. cute? yeah. vivian, he's a lecher! he goes after anything in a skirt! he made a pass at me once. that proves my point. listen, maude, i think it's carol's life, and you have no right to interfere. oh, honey. i know that, viv. and if harold were free to marry her, i would only be her friend.

i love what i do. i have loved being a lawyer. i loved being a judge. it's something that i wake up to every day and i feel good about myself and about what i do. and so as you live your own life , be looking for that passion and that thing that drives you inside, that makes you excited about living. if you can find that excitement you will have the happiest life. just like i have. [applause] >> where do we start? fire away. >> i will tell you what the benefit is for asking a question. let me just say the following. i don't like sitting down. you will know that when i was a child i was very curious about everything and never stopped running. my mom said that at seven months i got up from the floor and didn't walk, just ran and i still do. you have to be careful because you see some of these guys and ladies around here? they are my police force. they are here to protect me from me, not you but that means if you're asked a question you can get up but don't get up unexpectedly, it scares me, okay? i will walk around. i need a hands down, that's the only th

she said i wanted you to know that i see you. i said, i just danced, that's all i did. she said i want you to know that you don't play around with this one if you're not serious, just move on. years later, several years later, sherry and i got married and she has been the love of my life. brian: she was born where? okey: she was born in nigeria but her mother is american. she came here frequently. her mother is from vermont. she was born in nigeria. brian: what is the origin of your three daughter's names. okey: i have two sons and a daughter. brian: my apologies i thought there were all daughters because they have a similarity. okey: we call my son chibu for short. chi in ibo language means god. there are three or four words for god. one is chibu, one is chi, and one is chineke. my older son's name means god is my strength. my favorite daughter, i call her that because she is my only daughter. brian: how old is your son? okey: 24. my daughter is 21. she is wonderful. the younger son's name is kitibe. my father's name. -- my father had just died before my son was born .

>> i didn't print. i didn't print. cursive and i would ask my wife from time to time to type it up and she would try to read my cursive and, you know, eventually we had five or six chapters that were typed up but i really wasn't making much progress and so it sat follow and from time to time i would pick it up and would sit there again. it really was hard in terms of what's included and what not to include.e. o when i got to nashville, tennessee five years ago or two years ago i met an individual named ken abraham. ken has been writing and cowriting over 70 or 80 books and ken lived down the road from me and we got together and he said, i can help you finish your story and so with ken's help i was finally able to get the work completed. for those who have not written a book, even if it's a book about your life, something that you think you know a lot about, it is incredibly hard and it takess a great deal of patience, a great deal of courage to go back through all of the controversial things that i went through, to rel

- i know that, that's why i said-- - i like her! - good. - i like her very much. - i'm glad. - i mean, i really like her. do you believe me? - of course i believe you. what's this all about? - all right, i believe it! - swell. (laughing) no, it's not enough just to say it. i want to do something to prove it to you. - francie... - are you seeing her tonight? - [russ] we have a dinner date tomorrow night. - wonderful. dad, i want to fix dinner for the two of you here. - you want to fix dinner for me and my date? why? - well, when you like someone, you like to do nice things for them. - you're suddenly going domestic because you found out how much you like barbara? - alright, since it's so vital to you, invitation accepted. - [gidget] i promise you a really elegant meal. and then i can get to know... oh, santa anna, santa clara, santa paula, santa... - barbara. - barbara, right. i'll probably come up with 'baste in medium oven.' (laughing) - gidget? - coming! hi. - [barbara] hello, honey, how are you? - sorry we're late, traffic was in

but i thought that tonight i'd like when i say that i get a lot of fan mail, because i do. (audience laughing) i thought that... and in these letters, they always ask me a lot of questions, about myself or about the show, and i thought it might be nice, instead of telling jokes, to answer some of these letters. so i'll do that tonight instead of... now here is a... here's one from a lady in michigan, and she (laughter) and she says... oh. (more laughter) she says, "dear mr. benny, is it true "that you're as cheap and stingy in person "as you are on television?" well... (laughter) i might not bother answering that one at all. "program, you referred to your violin playing "in the same class with jascha heifetz. "now mr. benny, how can you possibly have the nerve "to compare yourself with anyone who knows "music as well as he does?" well, my only answer to that is that i believe my devotion to the violin is even greater than his, would continue to play after being tarred and feathered. (laughter) i'd like to see him rosin his bow with sticky fingers. (laughter) oh, here's one

i went to omaha, i thought -- i had $175,000. i thought that was all i wouldn't need. >> when you had your first annual meeting, how many showed up at that? warren: well, we had 12, but you had to count my and katie and my uncle fred. david any advice to a young : investor who would like to emulate you? >> would you fix your tie, please? david: most people would not recognize me if my tie was not fixed. just leave it this way. ♪ david: i do not consider myself a journalist, nobody else would consider myself a journalist. i began to take on a life of being an interviewer even though i have the day job of running a private equity firm. how do you define leadership? what is it that makes somebody tick? david: i appreciate it. warren: capital of the world. david: all right. we are at your favorite restaurant in omaha. why do you like it so much? is it the food, the price, the combination? warren: it is the food, the price, the heritage. for generations of the family involved. i have known him since grammar school. the prices are righ

well, i looked at him and i said, i can't believe it. the army is going to give me a choice or some smart aleck remark like that and he said, yes. he said, you can go to medical administration ocs, officer candidate school, or you can go to the astp. so -- >> which is? >> which is -- that was my next question. >> what is that act row minute? >> what is the astp, corporal? he said, i don't know. he fumbled in his desk and pulled the out a brochure, handed it to me and then i knew what it was because i knew that there was a college program. this is called the army specialized training program. the army put about 200,000 young men into american colleges across the country. the idea was to develop a trained cadre to go overseas and rebuild whatever was being torn down during the war. we were studying engineering and various other things like that. i learned later in doing some research on that book i wrote that there was another reason the university presidents were raising cane with the defense department because the colleges were -- some o

can i? can i? can i? mearth... mearth, i think you better watch me for a while so you can get the hang of it. i gave these trains to mindy over 20 years ago, but she wasn't interested in any toy that didn't cry or wet or have a best friend named midge. you know something, grandpops? that was a very moving, nostalgic speech. now, fork over the controls! oh, no! what a bummer! mearth, it's all right. it's just a few loose connections on the transformer. it's old and it doesn't work very well anymore. you understand, son -- like the nielsen ratings. hi. you'll never guess what happened. they fired sternhagen. hi, hon. big kiss. fork over those controls! fire! stop it, daddy. we're playing trains, and i'm brand new to this. you mustn't be a robber all the time and do that. let me get used to playing with the train. come on, now, son. you had your chance, and you blew it really big. is anybody listening to me? the 5:15 is coming -- if no one throws the switch, zeke's not gonna get his mail-order bride named hilda. will

>> i-i-i have a son there. >> are these toughies? i mean, i'm just asking. [ laughter ] >> yes, i have a-- i have a son living there. [ laughter ] of course they don't know me in japan. how would they know me in japan? >> i have two boys. two. the-- >> all right. >> when the war ended, went, "uh, oh, boy! we jews won it!" [ laughter ] >> don't listen to them. is com-- [ some laughter ] let's hear it for david. [ applause ] what i'm tryna bring out is comedy is so tough, at-- in european countries. >> yes. >> really? >> yes, it is. >> ah, hey, it's your show. you work -- [ laughter ] >> i wouldn't know. no, they don't know me, in japan. this is mad-- this is a mad night you're on. >> but that's good. >> have you ever met any of these people, before? david or-- >> yes. i've worked-- we worked together in, um, tahoe. and david and i've met, >> did you, really? >> for a friend of mine, yeah. >> did he give it to you? >> yes, in exchange for mine, he said. [ chuckling ] >> i woke up, the next morning, with a piece of paper on my bureau th

and then i -- >> jimmy: because i didn't know -- i think i, i didn't look at anyone when i was -- >> and it so was not, is all i can say. but it was someone else who is, like, a workout queen lady in new york city, who i do kind of know. >> jimmy: tracy anderson. and she's like, "why are you talking?" it was terrible. [ light laughter ] it was terrible. >> jimmy: i didn't know. i thought it was one of the olsen twins. >> jimmy: but it's a great fun story. >> thank you. i'm really excited about it. >> jimmy: and you have wacha on the front cover. >> yeah, little super wacha. little guy. >> jimmy: i mean, come on, i love your dog. dude, congrats on the show. it's over 1,000 episodes. >> yeah, i'm so psyched. it's been seven and a half years. [ cheers and applause ] thanks, you guys. >> jimmy: "watch what happens live." >> but did we tell you what we found? >> jimmy: no. >> there was a show in serbia they ripped off my set in serbia. >> jimmy: i don't see, i don't see the real -- >> okay, so that's mine. >> jimmy: this is you and your set. >> okay, there's our d'wheel. we spin to play d

i -- i don't know. the last book i read was "clifford the big red dog." [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: it's a classic. that's it. >> yeah, but it -- no, it was a a fun movie, 'cause it was a a stretch for me to play this stuff. and i had to literally learn all these crazy moves, and learn how to fight. and i never shot a gun before. i really never -- never really -- so they taught me, and they said to make sure your finger's always on the outside of a gun, 'cause you gotta be careful. unless you're going to shoot it, unless you're firing it. which -- >> jimmy: on the ring, on the outside? >> yes, yes. you always keep it on the outside, unless you're ready to fire it. and then you put it on the trigger. and during the whole movie, i have my hand on the outside of the gun. i'm like, not -- until i'm ready to shoot. and then when i was shooting they said, they tooke you've gotta stop doing this one thing. and i was like, "what is it?" and they go, you're going -- you're saying bang with your mouth. [ laughte

and i was there. i decided i would sit through it. i found an empty chair and i sat and i watched it. i'm in a lot of the movie so sometimes it's not easy to see yourself there. it was made more difficult by the fact that the woman who was sitting next to me, she would watch a scene and then she would just turn and sort of lean into me and look at me. >> jimmy: what? >> which is weird. also she had to get like really so i just felt -- strange experience. >> jimmy: is it possible she thought the movie was in 3d? [ laughter ] >> that's possible. that kind of movie. >> jimmy: that is a weird thing to do, yeah. do you go to the movies much? will you go see other people's movies? >> yeah, i go to movies. >> jimmy: did you see your brother in "batman"? [ laughter ] >> yes, i did. >> jimmy: you went to the -- >> thought it was great. >> jimmy: you went to the regular theater? >> you didn't like and it you said bad things about it. i thought it w >> jimmy: that's not true but now i feel you're lying and you did not see the movie. >> i saw it,

i scraped and i saved till i had me $1,200. and there isn't a one here who'll ever ow what it cost me to get it. i spent 12 cents on a bar of lye soap, and i scrubbed till my skin was raw... then $20 for a new dress... and the rest i gave to a man to buy this place here. was ru a saloon, n, and i figured i could run me one, too... and be a lady at the same time. o tell him anything more. if he doesn't understand now, he never will. - do you understand? i would rather die than go back to where i started. you see... i'm betting my life... that i can run a decent business and still be the kind of womama.. - listen to paladin, lady. you stood up to him better than any man here. don't spoil it by begging him. - as usual, mr. brawley's out of step with everybody. - not everybody, tom. now, i don't want you to bother her again. - you're asking me, of course. - i'll start with that. i'm asking you not to bother this girl again. - and if asking me to turn from what i figure is right... costs us about the last drop of friendship we got?

- i didn't. you did. - did i? - mm-hmm. - i don't do that often these days. - well, that looks fine. i don't think the creases will ever come... (gunshot) - freeze, paladin! - now, it seems to me you people are going to a lot of trouble just to keep me from askskg a few innocent questions. - come on. - hey, mister! your shirt! next time somebody puts a bullet through it, i hope you're wearing it. (clay) - we'll keep that. - i'll have to come back for it, if for nothing else. - you do, and i promise you'll be shot. head on, from the side, in the back, nobody's gonna make a fair fight out of it. we see you, we shoot. now, get. ?? (piano stops) - this is an excellent gun, mr. sommers. i just couldn't leave it behind. oh, that's a beautiful woman. how does she rate all this loyalty? why will men here--- and ? i was told that gloria morgan was filth. that she was an abomination who preyed o othe weaknesses of lonely men. - you're a liar. - that she was a liar, a chcht, a thief-- - you're lying! you're a liar! - am i? t

i see it, i hear it. sometimes i am the subject of it. i get it. but anger is not a plan.er is not going to get us new jobs. it will -- [applause] sec. clinton: -- that will create a strong, thriving middle class. i believe that we are going to grow this economy, we are going to grow it from the middle out and the bottom up. not the top down. that is what my opponent offers. and it might work for him, right? it might. but it will not work for the vast majority of working americans. that is why i want us to have a big infrastructure jobs program. there is so much work to be done. good, honest, honorable, dignified work. our roads, bridges, airports, tunnels, our water system. these are jobs that cannot be exported, they have to be done right here in cleveland, in youngstown, in dayton, in akron and columbus, cincinnati. [applause] sec. clinton: and we are going to bring back advanced manufacturing to ohio and elsewhere in our country. now, some people when i say this, they kind of look at me like, that is not going to happen. it is going to happen. and i will tell you, two

i don't know, lamont, but i think i got it. i think it was being out on the truck again. oh, no, not again! that's twice this month! lamont, i'm sure i got it! got what? what you got? it's a-- it's a... it's the junkman's itch or the hong kong hives. yeah. and if you got it, that means i got it, too! what is the hong kong hives? well, it's a-- it's a... it's a disease that you get, emma, from working around a junkyard. and it's very contagious! very contagious! you see these hives breaking out on my arm, here? oh, i touched you! oh, you clumsy fool! oh, my god, what do i do now? well, you gotta do what we do. you gotta take a hot vinegar bath and scrub yourself all over with brillo pads. i'm going upstairs to start mine now! yeah, hey, lamont, when you're through, run the tub for me! get through, yours haven't started to spread yet. spread? hey, that was pretty good, grady, do you think she went for it? i don't know, but we'll know in a few minutes. i think i hear her in your room now. well, i hope she's going in there to pack. yeah, i don't know what she's doing, but she

i mean, i don't -- i don't think -- well. i am. aren't you at yale? becoming a great artist? >> graduated yale but i'm at columbia getting my master's degree. >> oh, wow. >> art history. >> that's great. >> listen, do you know anybody else in new york? >> just you. >> just me, okay. would you like to go to dinner? >> jimmy: "nocturnal animals" [ cheers and applause ] ? >> jimmy: how are you? >> good. how are you doing? >> jimmy: i'm doing well. you know, it's weird. when i look at you i realize we're actually twins. >> i know. [ laughter ] i felt the same way. watching you. except you're really trimmed >> jimmy: and there's some other deficiencies i have as well. [ laughter ] how are you doing? >> life is good. >> jimmy: what is jake gyllenhaal's favorite halloween candy? >> huh. >> jimmy: it's not something -- you have to think about it because you don't want to go home and kick yourself because you didn't mention -- >> what's really my favorite? i like a milky way dark or something like that. refined. a refined candy bar. >> whoo. yeah. but until, you know, i don't know, un

i -- i do it, kathy! don't look at me like that. [ laughter ] >> well, you're a lot more famous than i am. you're a lot -- and they're waiting for you outside, you know that after the show they're going to be there. >> seth: look, let me tell you this, take your dog out around 30 rock and you'll find hundreds of my autographs to pick up. so, this is very exciting. you got a hollywood -- a star on the hollywood walk of fame. >> i did, yeah. >> seth: congratulations. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. >> seth: but you -- you have actually been -- you've been outside mann's chinese theater as a kid. >> yeah. >> seth: very close to where the star ended up. is this true? >> yes, that's true. i was with my beloved aunt lee. i'd go to visit her in l.a. and it's -- i have a photo from 1956 when i was eight years old, right in front of grauman's. >> seth: that's fantastic. look at you guys. [ audience aws ] >> i know. >> seth: so where were you -- >> my star is like 20 yards that way. >> seth: that's great. >>

i--i try to do unto others as i would have them do unto me. i--i obey the ten commandments. at least nine of them. what's that supposed to mean? maude-- can i help it if god invented dreams? and paul newman?! now, walter, come on. as long as i lead my life the way i think i should, as long as i try to be a decent human being, i see no reason to pray in a building. and honey, if i went to church just to please you, i would feel like a hypocrite. ( doorbell ) if that's you bert, come on in! hello, mr. and mrs. findlay. maude: hi there, bert. we better be moving, bert. i want to get there first, so i can get a seat in the back row. what? in case i want to sneak out early. oh. do you two go to the same church? oh, no. i'm church of england. but bert's church is right across the street, so we go together. yeah. what church do you go to, mum? bert, i--i don't belong to any organized religion. bert's the same way. he's catholic. you've no right to talk that way about the catholics. i've every right. i've been to rome. i have. somebody pinched me right in the middle of the via venit

i said i cared a great deal about them and their families. david: somebody bought a work of art. was that to get points? do you ever leave home without your american express card? kenneth: i never leave home without it. and when i leave home, it is always with me. >> would you fix your tie, please? >> people would not recognize me if my tie was not fixed. let's leave it this way. all right. ♪ david: i do not consider myself a journalist, and nobody else would consider myself a journalist. i began to take on the life of an interviewer, even though i have a day job of running a private equity firm. how do you define leadership? what is it that makes somebody tick? you graduated from harvard law school in 1976. and, like many people in that generation, my generation, you went to practice law at a large firm in new york. why did you leave after two years? did you not like to practice law? kenneth: i enjoyed the practice of law. i did not have any grand scheme that i would go into business. but i have always been someone who really was energized b

i realize i had a son at home. in my life and i knew i needed to get it together. so i went and got therapy. it was a long time getting clear headed. >> rose: how are you today? >> i'm great. i'm a little exhausted. i'm working so much but i feel yes.dy when you began.ed by couldn't get a manager, couldn't get a publicist, couldn't get a label. couldn't barely book any gigs. kind of the turning point was a writer from rolling stone came and saw me in a very tiny dive bar in nashville. that was my first glimmer of hope. they said where's your album we want to review it. i said i don't have one. i'm trying to scrounge up the money. i started writing to all these producers and these labels and sent them a memo saying i'm going to be a great country singer. but i didn't hear responses. so i sold the car and did it anyway. >> rose: there's a lot of hype about it now. >> i never expected it would go this far in a million years. >> rose: you're ready to go back and record the next one. >> i am. that was recorded quite som

i mean, i like the idea of it. me vinnie and i get close, i get scared. i'm hoping there's something i could do to get over it-- like hypnosis or acupuncture. marsha berman lost weight doing that. maybe you're just not ready. it's not that simple. last night, it happened again, but vinnie kept pressuring me. we had this huge fight, and... well, i told him i wasn't a virgin. it happened before i moved to brentwood. wow. um... o.k. let's see... you were very young. maybe that has something to do with how you're feeling. i was a freshman. i was dating this senior. my friends thought it was really cool. his parents were away. we were fooling around, and he wouldn't stop. i told him no, but he called me a tease. the next thing i knew, he was holding me down. there was nothing i could do. i couldn't stop him, doogie. i tried, but i couldn't stop him. it was stupid to go to his house. it was my fault. it wasn't your fault. you said no. you were raped. it's not like some stranger held a knife to my throat. he was my boyfriend. it's called date rape. you need to t

i know i tripped over your wagon. it's because you were walking backwards ouldn't see where you were going. i know that. come on, tommy. let's help good old mr. dorfman up. okay. did you decide not to get up? i can't get up. you're standing on my mail sack. excuse me, mr. dorfman. look, fellas, boys, i'm not a mysterious stranger. do you understand? sure, mr. dorfman. our mysterious-stranger game. sure he does. what can we play now, mr. dorfman, huh? shh. i'm hiding from miss cathcart. why are you hiding from miss cathcart? if you were a bachelor my age, you'd understand. i'm a bachelor. yeah. but you're not my age. i see you, mr. dorfman. did miss cathcart win the game, mr. dorfman? not yet, not yet. why, mr. dorfman, anybody would think you were hiding. i wasn't really, miss cathcart. then why did you tell us that you were-- shh. now, you come back in the house. i have a cup of tea waiting. yeah, but, miss cathcart, i have to deliver the mail. oh, a cup of tea will only take a minute. i'll sing a nice rousing song t

um, you know, i told him i, um... i really let him have it! i leveled him! i made him feel lower than the price of pork in tel aviv. let's just break out the champagne right now. let's celebrate! let's shampoo with champagne! you mean we're really getting married? oh, yeah. i can't believe it! i'm so proud of you. [ groaning ] ah ha ho ho ho. orson: mork has committed a flagrant violation of orkan law. this is the big day. you want me to help you with that? oh! honey, honey, take it easy. sweetie, come on, sit down, sit down. now, just take it easy, honey, and relax. here, i have something for you. i gave this to your mother on our wedding day, and i know she'd want you to have it. oh, dad. her gold 4-leaf clover. yeah. i hope mork doesn't replant it. it always brought us a lot of luck -- look who we got as a daughter. oh, dad, it's beautiful. thanks. and thanks for always being there when i needed you. and i always will be. just like that. just like that. well, i guess i better get to the chapel. just think, in a little while, you'll be mrs. mindy... well,

i think that -- i think that's the translation. >> steve: i think that. yeah, i don't speak greek. it's all greek to me. >> jimmy: i don't know, yeah. [ laughter ] between now and inauguration day, donald trump's transition team has to appoint 4,000 people. and because they need to hire so many people in such a short time, they made a special job application for anyone interested. and so right now i'm going to tell you, the best way to fill it out to land a job in the trump administration. for example, the first question is, did you vote for trump? [ laughter ] you're going to want to answer yes on that. next question is, did you hear anything trump said during the election? for that you're going to want to answer no. [ laughter ] that's a -- [ applause ] and finally, for the question, are you a u.s. citizen? you're going to want to circle, is this a trap? [ laughter and applause ] and there you go. just, just a little helpful hint and you'll be in there. don't worry about it. >> steve: little fyi. >> jimmy: don't worry about it. yesterday donald trump and their first presidential

>> i have. i have. we went during the last playoff series against the dodgers. >> jimmy: it's amazing, right? >> yeah and the best part is the dessert cart is everything. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i didn't know that. >> it is everything. >> jimmy: the dessert cart? >> yes, it comes around like fifth inning and i'm like, hold on. hold on. >> really? >> they have this thing called a rainbow cake that's so good. >> jimmy: i didn't know that. i've never been. i'm dying -- for sports in chicago. i also love christmas movies, holiday movies, "almost christmas," jb smoove being so funny in it. oh my gosh! >> jb, mo'nique. >> jimmy: mo'nique is great as well. >> john michael higgins, iggins. dc young fly, it's so many funny people. >> jimmy: and you want to set up the movie at all and tell the people what it's about? >> this clip is -- it's the first christmas back with our whole family after the matriarch has passed away and there's a lot of shenans going on and perhaps i have invited my sister's husband's

>> i went to -- i live with dolts. i get crazy.loomers. it was amazing. [ laughter ] no, that's not true. but i'm a big disney fan, and i love disneyland. >> jimmy: yeah, me too. >> so, yeah, i went to disneyland. >> jimmy: that's great. >> yeah, it was really fun. >> jimmy: that's a good jam. that's fun. >> yeah, and all these kids were walking around, "happy birthday!" and i'm like, "someone's getting married!" [ laughter ] "oh, but i'm still single for another week!" you know, it was just like -- >> jimmy: "oh, i'm going on small world twice! twice!" >> yeah, yeah, exactly. >> jimmy: "let's get some jungle cruise up in here!" >> like, it was so crazy! >> jimmy: "animatronic bear!" [ imitates air horn ] >> "hey! great moments with president lincoln!" [ imitates air horn ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you got to air horn it, man. >> yeah, i do. >> jimmy: if you don't air horn, you're living life not to the fullest. >> "show us your mickeys!" [ laughter ] like, it was a lot, yeah. [ imitating air horns ] >> jimmy: "@midnight." >> yeah. >

>> no, i think in my car. i was new to l.a. and i liked that i had a car, you know? >> jimmy: right. >> and i drove and parked in a garage. and then i was like, it's kind of far. and i just remember walking through lots of parking lots, you know? you know, and i hope i'm not late, and it's my big night, and i did make it. >> jimmy: wow, that's very strange. >> i used to walk in l.a. more than one should. >> jimmy: you're not supposed to do that he i think it's illegal. [ laughter ] >> yeah. i lived in santa monica and i would walk to get a coffee or whatever and there would be -- one evening i remember, there was nobody around. if you walk, you're alone basically. unlike new york. a guy, one night, i was walking, and there was a guy, hey, can i ask you something? i said, what? he said, how much do you think this is worth? he showed me. it was a dental mirror. what do you think that might be worth? and i said, i don't know. maybe, you know, maybe $20. something like that, i don't know. he said, would you give me $10 for this dental mirror? [ laughter ] and i was, like

i think i hear the doorbell ringing. oh, yes, i do. please let them in. >> guillermo: open the door. >> jimmy: feast your eyes on this. which i'm again going to go to the cow because you should certainly know this one. with a cheese burger? >> abra-hamburger lincoln. >> jimmy: absolutely correct, well done. thank you, male cow. i guess i was supposed to let him reveal that, all right. sorry, abe. all right. i think i hear the doorbell again. and here it is. open the doors and look at -- oh my goodness. out. do you have any idea to this is? >> i have no clue. >> jimmy: you know? >> it's a jon snow globe. >> jimmy: it is a jon snow globe. winter came and really never left. he's trapped in that bubble. thanks, jon snow globe. guillermo, do you hear rustling >> guillermo: yeah. >> jimmy: yes, i do too. oh, sounds like someone's ringing the bell, open the doors for them. and we have -- all right, now this one is very topical from this year. you know what it again too? how about you what do you think? >> harley queen of england. >> jimmy: cl

i met rosa parks when i was 17. i met martin luther king jr. when i was 18. i worked in kennedy's campaign. all these people helped make it a person that i am today. host that you have a lot of people here at the national book festival watching you right now congressman. there are lots of young people here as well. what do you tell them? >> guest: i tell them. >> host: when they shake your hand. >> host: i would say good to see you, thank you for beingng here and i would say you know i love you. stay in school and get the bestt possible education that you can get. be hopeful and be optimistic and be happy.. don't get lost in a sea of despair. >> host: "march" book three john lewis, andrew aydin and made paul was the illustrator nominated for a national book award. this is again book three representative lewis and andrew aydin have written a novel info graphic form. a longer conversation with congressman lewis booktv sat down with him for three hours on our in-depth program so if you go to our web site booktv.org, type in represented john lewis come include th

i stole it off the terrorist i killed. i had to convince you i was a victim. you can put the gun down now. you only have one round left. are you really going to risk it? >> seth: please welcome to the show priyanka chopra. [ cheers and applause ] ?? >> seth: welcome to the show. feet. >> seth: i know, we make it very confusing for people. >> it's really hard. >> seth: i'm so happy to have you here. >> thank you, i'm so excited to be here. >> seth: congratulations. it's nice to have you in new york. people might not know this, the first season of the show you filmed in montreal. >> yes. >> seth: and so now you're in new york, season two. >> yes. >> seth: and, have you been adjusting to new york? >> well, i went to school in new york for -- when i was 14. >> seth: okay. >> for about a year, which was queens, new york. and my school was called robert f. kennedy high school. so a big shout out to robert f. kennedy. >> seth: okay, great. >> even though they probably don't remember me by now. >> seth: yeah. >> but, um -- >> seth: they probably remember you. >> well,

steve: i do it pretty simply i , own microsoft, i own some twitter, i own the clippers, and i own a bunchindex funds. emily: comparisons have been made to you and tim cook, who also took over from an iconic founder and ceo. what do you make of those comparisons? steve: if you write it down on a piece of paper, founder replaced by non-founder, more business oriented ceo, the comparison is perfect. if you say most of the revenue and profit was generated under my watch, yes. tim's watch, yes, those things are true. i think people are trying to extrapolate that to and during the tenure, new product assets were not built. in my own case, i would say we got going in the cloud, got started in hardware and build assets in machine learning and artificial intelligence. so we were building those assets. apple is a lot more secretive. i cannot tell you what assets he is building or not building. the jury is out on everything, but the worst thing anyone says to me is if i'm being compared to a guy who has done great job at apple, so the it. emily: what do you want to write in chapter two of steve ball

i will tell you, i think it is pretty simple.m going to look at all the people who would be helped by everything i just said -- the new jobs and the rest of it -- and i will compare to be very few people in every congressional district who will have their taxes raised. i'm going to say, whose side are you on mr. or madame congresswoman? are you supporting the five people in your district will have their taxes raised, or are you supporting the 500,000 people who we benefited by what we're going to do together? [applause] sec. clinton: and another big barrier that we have to not down is making college affordable for every single person. [applause] sec. clinton: it is outrageous. i meet people across america who could not afford to start college, could not afford to stay and never graduated. and still have debt. they don't have a degree but they have debt. that is crazy. i see some people pointing to themselves. [laughter] sec. clinton: i have to tell you, look, i believe that education is an investment. that is why i want good scho

i know. i know. i know, i know, i know.i guess in one week, we'll know if donald trump is our next president or if hillary clinton rigged the election. so that's what we'll know, one of the t.wo [ cheers and applause ] did you see there's a memo from a veteran spy that says vladimir putin has been supporting donald trump for five years. after hearing this, trump said -- [ trump impression ] oh my god, i forgot it was our anniversary. [ laughter ] what do you get for five? is it crystal? i hope it's not china. [ laughter and applause ] let's get to some sports. right now, all eyes are on cleveland for the indians and the cubs in the world series. [ cheers and applause ] how exciting. how exciting is that? but there's another notable team in town, the cleveland browns. they're the only team in the nfl that hasn't won a single game all season. after eight straight losses, they decided to shake up their playbook, yeah. and we got a hold of it. >> steve: are you serious? >> jimmy: some of the new plays, yeah. check these out. fi

i got no idea. - i said sit! i said all i intend to. what's your name? anytime you call this number with information, runner, it'll be worth 20 bucks. and what you should remember, reverse your megaphones. what considers forgivable circumstances and justifiability? ask that to yourselves. thank you. so did runner just tell us criticizes sal's workmanship-- then he jumps on his testicles, but he's got muscular dystrophy so it don't hurt too much. maybe the beef gets out of hand, and sal croaks him. you won't see these folks they have businesses to run. they have passions to pursue. how do they avoid trips to the post office? stamps.com mail letters, ship packages, all the services of the post office right on your computer. get a 4 week trial, plus $100 in extras including postage and a digital scale. go to stamps.com/tv and never go to the post office again. you tell your insurance company to replace your totaled new car. the guy says they didn't make the mistake. you made the mistake. i beg your pardon? he says, you should have chosen full-car replacemen

okay. >> okay. >> seth: i think i'm, well now, i was about to say, i was about -- i said i thought i understood it now, but the very next one i don't. plotation. >> okay. okay, you want a divorce? then let me, come in here, and t' you need a plotation. on how to get out of this mess. >> seth: this is a terrible example sentence. i don't understand it at all. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> oh, yes you do. oh, yes you do. >> seth: although, you are -- you're not using it in a sentence. you're using it in a one act play. [ light laughter ] you come in here. what me? yes, you. i want a divorce. a divorce, well, i'll tell you something. i'll get a plotation before. >> now you've got it! >> seth: okay, good. [ talking over each other ] no, go ahead. you got another? >> seth: hackalation. hackalation. >> okay. >> seth: okay. >> uh, excuse me. you said i sent that e-mail. i didn't send that e-mail. what the hackalation is going on. [ laughter ] >> seth: so it's the ation of being hacked? >> here's the thing. >> seth: here's the thing. >> if you put ation on anything -- >> seth: i'm starting to

i remember the night before i became vice president. i was given the briefing and told that any time night or day i might be called upon to make the most faithful decision on earth, whether to fire these atomic weapons that could destroy the human species. that lesson tells us two things. one, pick a president that you know will know if that tragic moment ever comes what he must know because there's no time for staffing committees or advisors but above all pick a president that will fight to avoid the day when that awful decision ever needs to be made and america and americans decide not just what's happening in this country we are the strongest and most powerful free society on earth. when you make that judgment, you're deciding not only the future of our nation in a very profound respect you're providing the future. deciding the future of the world. we need to move on. it's time for america to find new leadership. please join me in this cause to move most confidently and with a sense of assurance and command to build the blessed futur

i think i got a dinner and a purse. i didn't know you just get cars from strangers. >> a car. >> jimmy: what? >> i know, and this morning i was like holy crap. do you remember? you got this car. how did you get it home? she was like i forgot i got a car. that's how drunk she was. >> jimmy: she left it in l.a.? >> i'm sure my mom took it. >> jimmy: oh, my god, wow. that's crazy. >> i really felt like it was something totally made up because i've never seen something like that before. >> jimmy: and you're multiplying now. your rob is having a baby wh person named black chyna. >> yes and the baby is coming next week, i think. >> jimmy: now, black chyna, forgive me if i get it wrong. why is that her name? >> she picked that name. >> jimmy: okay. she has a kid already with tiga who is dating your sister kylie, and now she's pregnant with a baby with your brother, rob? >> jimmy: right. >> okay. i had to clarify the she. >> jimmy: aren't you suppod to not mix the gene pool like this? >> it makes your holidays a little more con

adelo: i know i could be someone, marcus. lemonis: so do i. i know you can be somebody, too, 'cause i already think you are somebody. and i am willing to take a chance on you. but the kind of partnership that i'm willing to invest in is different than i've ever done. it's not me investing in the tortilla factory. that factory will need to close. the place is bleeding. it owes people money. it's just -- it's not gonna work. adelo: so what's the idea? what's the plan? lemonis: i'm gonna go get the idea. i'll be right back. adelo: now? lemonis: right now. [sexy music] come on! why doesn't verizon offer unlimited data like t-mobile. is it because their lte network was built six years ago? six years ago? that's like a hundred... in phone years! their lte network is older, slower, and they limit you. switch to t-mobile, the newer, faster and unlimited network. we cover 99% of the americans verizon covers. get 4 lines just $35 bucks a month. rwoowr. [phone ding] ♪ adlemonis: i'm gonna goea? wget the idea.n? i'll be right back. adelo: [ laughs ] georg

i hope so because i have a date friday night and i can't wear these. you know, i feel ? do your ears hang low? ? ? do they wobble to and fro ? ? can you tie them in a knot? can you tie...? ? wait, this is my fault. you're a good friend. thanks for standing by me. of course, i'd stand by you. i've never seen so much laughing, mocking, name-calling. i think you've had enough. look, you can hang out here as long as you want but i'm going to get back to work on our jet propulsion project. oh, i completely forgot our project's due tomorrow. that's okay. i don't need any sleep. ing to do a satellite feed from my room? no. i'll just have to face that one class for you. you'd do that for me? well, you're sharing your room with me. by the way can i borrow this weird, jeweled book? no! mine! oh, that's right. you're an only child. yes, dr. werner. i know you don't normally make house calls but it would really help salem's recovery if you could come by and smother him with kisses. salem, get off the phone. she's going to face school just for me. you got me off the phone with the fu

i mean, i like-like you. and i was just wondering if maybe you wanted to get a cup of coffee some time, maybe see a movie starring renee zellweger. sorry, i'm bad at this. damn it, joe. you're blowing it. anyway, if you're still interested, meet me at the top of the empire state building at midnight, and let's just see what happens. i have a really good feeling about it. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i mean, chuck scarborough, fantastic. we have a great show for you tonight! give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ?? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: ah, thank you, guys! thank you. thank you. guys, come back again next week on monday. bill maher will be here. that's right. [ cheers and applause ] as well as, this is very exciting, from the world champion chicago cubs, anthony rizzo, dexter fowler. [ cheers and applause ] ben zobrist will be here! [ cheers and applause ] the cubs! >> steve: go cubbies! >> jimmy: oh, they're great. i'm very excited. that's monday. later in the week, we have eddie

when i mentioned that i uber drive and i applause happened. i can't help but imagine most are sucking up and looking for a ride on the way home. i do work tours all the time actually. and we've just never had a press strategy around it. it's obvious that was a mistake. i've had a brand that's been tied to the republican presidential nominee a lot for the last nine or ten months. not something i was intentionally seeking. had i known i just drove yuber, that would, helpful. for those that don't know just for a minute, i want to talk about why we slont republican and democrat categories on the execution of law in the article 2 branch. we shouldn't have republican versus democratic categories in judging. there are a whole bunch the places where we shouldn't. i don't to want assume that all of you are oriented as i am. but i'm presuming that most of you are. one of the great things they learned driving uber this weekend. i do the work tours with nebraska yans for a bunch of rans. one of them is that town halls which i do a ton of as well are not a