[ laughter ] whoa ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: i got a sound. >> okay. >> jimmy: 1, 2, 3. ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy:bye baby" >> jimmy: yes! thank you! it's perfect ♪ [ cheers and applause ♪ tina fey, everybody. we are talking with tina more when we come back. stick around what in the hell [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪eh uh, eh uh♪ ♪flow (oh my gosh)♪ ♪where man go (oh my gosh)♪ ♪if a man see me (oh my gosh)♪ ♪i guess you never know what you got 'til it's♪ ♪flow (oh my gosh)♪ ♪where man go (oh my gosh)♪ ♪if a man see me (oh my gosh)♪ ♪i guess you never know what you got 'til it's♪ ♪eh uh, eh uh eh uh, eh uh eh uh, eh uh eh uh♪ oh, i've traveled all over the country. talking about saving with geico. but that's the important bit, innit? showing up, saying “hello! fancy a nice chat?” then we talk like two old friends about sticky buns and all the savings you could get by bundling your home and car insurance. but here's the real secret. eye contact. you feel that? we just had a moment. [chuckles] who would've thought it? geico. save even more when you bundle home and car insurance. i think the sketchy websi

: it's time for "jimmy proves his case. ♪ ♪ jimmy proves his case ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: tariqht i'm sorry for jeopardizing our friendship >> tariq: you know what? i'm sorry too, but i was hurt and i overreacted. >> jimmy: you're a great friend and i don't want anything to come between us. >> tariq: agreed >> jimmy: agreed scary thinking i could ever lose you as a friend >> tariq: yeah but not as scary as "signs." ♪ ♪ you're the best aroun nothing's gonna ever ♪ [ cheers and applause >> steve: what >> jimmy: i have no idea >> steve: then you froze at the end? >> jimmy: i had no idea if i could even - >> steve: what is that about >> jimmy: i could have held that freeze. it looked like a glitch. ♪ ♪ you're the best aroun nothing's gonna ever ♪ >> jimmy: that's longer than the bit. >> steve: like in "police academy. >> jimmy: i thought they were going to freeze, that's why i broke down >> steve: looked like you were boxing [ talking over each other >> steve: play cards have a round of pinochle >> jimmy: i love pinochle. >> steve: oh, i do too [ laughter ] and finally, i read about

>> jimmy: so really?eah, but not like to fly like a big plane it's like a single engine plane, like a propeller plane. >> jimmy: really wow that's fascinating >> yeah. >> jimmy: dude, that's great you totally got me on that one >> got me. the first rapper to fly. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about! my thanks to chris rock, 21 savage, great job both of you. we're talking to chris more after the break. come on back stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ♪ at novartis, our goal is to help keep cosentyx accessible and affordable. if you're taking cosentyx and your insurance or coverage changes or you need help paying cosentyx connect is here to help. don't use if you're allergic to cosentyx. before starting, get checked for tuberculosis. an increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur. tell your doctor about an infection or symptoms, if your inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop or worsen or if you've had a vaccine, or plan to. serious allergic react

i'm a woman of my gosh darn word, jimmy. >> jimmy: that's right you are!e you. >> yeah, pretty much anywhere that there's -- anywhere that there's good acoustics, parking lots, bathrooms, anywhere. >> jimmy: a grocery store? >> grocery store >> jimmy: i saw you in a a grocery store. actually, do we have the video we have the vide [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: you got busted you're like, "oh, someone saw me!" >> yeah. that woman looks traumatized by my impromptu performance or it was also the first time she was out of the house does everyone remember the first time they left the house 'cause it was a big moment, right? >> jimmy: oh yeah. it's gigantic. it's like -- it's the best i mean, this is the first time these guys are out of the house. they're here tonight [ cheers and applause they're so excited >> so cool >> jimmy: right before you came in, they came out and they're like - ♪ and i ♪ they all were doing it [ laughter ] >> yeah, i mean, i sing it - and if you've ever heard anyone singing in a bathroom ♪ and i will alway love you ♪ [ cheers and a

sold shoes. >> jimmy: yes.'s -- >> steve: apparently something >> jimmy: fred armisen, mr. big shot [ laughter ] >> steve: mr. hollywood. >> jimmy: mr. hollywood. he wanted to come on "the tonight show." be a big star. >> steve: yeah >> jimmy: remember where he came from. doesn't remember his friends >> steve: forgot his friends when's the last time you heard from him >> jimmy: earlier today. >> steve: yeah, me too he texted me >> jimmy: he texted me, yeah [ laughter ] he's one of the best dude ever anyway, fred's here on the show tonight. fred armisen [ cheers and applause i love fred so much. and we've got great music from alan jackson come on! [ cheers and applause alan jackson, legendary. let me take a little listen to this alan jackson. ♪ when i'm way down in my whiskey ♪ >> jimmy: this is what you want come on. ♪ and my mind is all unwound ♪ >> jimmy: come on, alan jackson that's the way to do it right there. >> steve: come on. [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: and then later in the show, we have all new "t

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi there. i'm jimmy. i'm the host. thank you for watching. thanks for looking me. thanks for everything. that's very kind. we have a lot to report tonight, and i want to start with an update on a story we went through last night. in houston, there was a bengal tiger on the loose, just strolling through a neighborhood. nobody knew whose tiger it was. until a man, who is out on bond for murder, showed up, grabbed the tiger, and fled the scene. the police chased the man briefly and then lost him, which is weird. last night it got weirder. houston police tweeted, "update number 2: victor hugo cuevas --" that's the guy, "is in custody. the whereabouts of the tiger are not yet known." [ laughter ] sleep tight, kids! that's great. [ laughter ] anyone with information on the tiger is urged to contact hpd major offenders at -- they give the number. listen, if i see a tiger, i'm not dialing ten numbers. i'm calling 9, 1, and 1, and that's it. [ applause ] the lawyer for victor hugo cuevas is, as you might guess, a character. >>

>> jimmy: thank you for being such a super mom >> thanks, jimmy jimmy said my name >> jimmy: oh, ashley thing that samsung would like to give you as well we would like to give you a check for $25,000. [ cheers and applause >> holy snikeys! >> jimmy: holy snikeys >> you on your way to the house? thank you. >> jimmy: your mom loves you and we all love you. happy early mother's day >> we love you, jimmy. >> thank you oh, my gosh! holy cow [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: amazing. thank you to ashley and cara, samsung and all the super moms out there. we'll be right back with more of "the tonight show," everybody. come on back [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ ♪ bring it first time i saw you, you blew my mind ♪ ♪ i got this feeling everything was alright (alright) ♪ ♪ i've never known someone like you ♪ ♪ but when i'm with you every day feels brand new ♪ ♪ new new new new ♪ ♪ ♪ new new new new ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪i've got the brains you've got the looks♪ ♪let's make lots of money♪ ♪you've got the brawn♪ ♪i've got the brains♪ ♪let's make lots of♪ ♪uh uh uh♪ ♪oohhh there's a lot of opportunities♪ with allstate, dr

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well. hola. i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thanks for watching and thanks for joining outside a very special day here in los angeles, california. today is cinco de mayo. [ cheers and applause ] that's right. most americans think cinco de mayo is mexican independence day, but it's not. it is -- guiller guillermo, should i explain? >> guillermo: yes. you're the owner, yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: cinco de mayo is the day white people and their coworkers order margaritas at chili's. [ laughter ] [ applause ] actually, no. this is a historically important day for all north americans. it celebrates mexico beating back the french at the battle of puebla. if the french had won that battle, they would have likely allied with the confederacy and helped the south win the civil war. just wanted to mention that, because a lot of people lately need a reminder that the south didn't win the civil war. [ cheers and applause ] so we have a debt to mexico for that. guillermo, will you be permitted to drink at home tonight? >> guillermo: yes, a

>> jimmy: we love you.you doing "ant-man 3," or are you not filming that yet >> not yet but we're doing in it england. so i'm gonna go up in about three weeks and start that, yes. >> jimmy: you're fantastic in that do you like doing the marvel movies >> you mean -- well, i never did any of those green screen things you know, i've never done anything it's amazing i mean, i have a whole new appreciation about acting. it's not easy. there's nothing there. [ laughter ] it just a room with a green screen >> jimmy: yeah, you're talking to - >> the director tells you, right here, here it comes now. a missile is flying right at you right now. and then here, come up there, so you really feel like you're way over the top you know, way over the top and then you see the effects their incredible it just imagine with a whole other process. i'm really enjoying it >> jimmy: yeah >> very, very nice team. a nice group paul rudd's wonderful. >> jimmy: he's the best. >> michelle pfeiffer is with us this season, too it's just g

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: here i am. hi, i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thanks for watching. a special welcome to the night owls. some of whom, and i wish i had given you a heads-up about this last night, but last night starting around 2:00 a.m. here in l.a., something magic happened in the sky. we had a super moon and a blood moon. which teamed up to form a "super flower blood moon." the flower part means you were high when you saw it. [ laughter ] a "super flower blood moon" happens when there's a supermoon and a lunar eclipse at the same time. this is what it looked like over australia. this is the kind of thing we used to be interested in before we had instagram. [ laughter ] it was visible here. unfortunately, i had already made plans to stare at a different part of the sky at that time. did you see it, guillermo? >> guillermo: no, i didn't not see it. >> jimmy: you didn't see it? >> guillermo: no. >> jimmy: am i nuts or did we not have supermoons when we were kids? >> guillermo: no, we didn't. >> jimmy: right. we had moon pies. no super maps. [ laug

>> guillermo: that's right, jimmy. [ applause ] >> jimmy: that's right. we are coming to you from studio 4h in hollywood. you know, we haven't had a studio audience in well over a year. at first, i did the show for no one at home. which was sad. and now, i've been doing a show for our staff. which is somehow even sadder. [ laughter ] so to liven things up, we've been inviting one or two vaccinated people per week to sit in our audience. tonight we are joined by -- what is your name, sir? >> my name is gavin. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: gavin, how are you? thanks for being with us. >> great to be here. >> jimmy: what do you do for a living? >> i hate to admit this. in politics, jimmy. >> jimmy: you're in politics. [ laughter ] what do you do in politics? >> i'm a governor, i'm a governor. [ laughter ] every state's got one, jimmy. >> jimmy: of a state? >> of a state, imagine that. >> jimmy: oh, of california? >> of califoria. >> jimmy: oh. >> yeah. >> jimmy: that's an interesting job, that is fun? [ laughter ] >> yeah, i mean -- you're asking me if b

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> hi, everybody. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. things are slowly getting back to normal. our bond theically tones are back in studio. you've been here the whole time. >> i've been here, yeah. because of covid we have no studio audience the people you hear pretending to laugh is our staff here at the show. but tonight, last week we had one person in our studio audience, tonight we have two. we're taking it slow. it's couples' night. say hello to our audience. [ cheers and applause ] there they are. all right. thank you and welcome. what are your names? >> my name is chelsea. >> jimmy: chelsea. >> my name is caleb. >> jimmy: how adorable, chelsea and caleb. chelsea, you are with child? >> i am, yes. >> jimmy: congratulations. [ cheers and applause ] have you seen the show before? >> we watch all the time, this is our first time here. >> jimmy: is it possible then the child was conceived while you were watching the show? [ laughter ] >> i guess it's not impossible. >> jimmy: but unlik

>> jimmy: smashing >> jimmy: three words that rhyme. >> knicks, kicks, licks. >> jimmy: knicks, kicksng green. gray >> a dolphin >> jimmy: dolphin. what's blue? >> gatorade. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] and something green? >> mint chip ice cream >> jimmy: that's my jam. >> yeah, right >> jimmy: that's my jam. a plural noun. >> couches [ laughter ] >> jimmy: a verb ending in ing >> shaving >> jimmy: plural body part >> ass cheeks. [ laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: all right. this is the speed round. >> jimmy: animal >> aardvarks >> jimmy: the sound a hors >> whinny. >> jimmy: favorite dinner food >> salmon. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: cartoon character or mascot >> jimmy: adjective. >> um, dumb. >> jimmy: yeah plural type of animal. >> poodles >> jimmy: celebrity. >> brad pitt >> jimmy: year and model of your first car >> volvo, 1995 >> jimmy: yeah >> yeah! >> jimmy: all right perfect. we have filled out the words are you ready to perform our scene? >> yeah. >> jimmy: let's go [ cheers and applause ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: welcome back to qvc. i'm your host, barack obama. and

>> jimmy: yes. >> dave: yeah, no.lly -- i'm really happy to be here this is definitely one of the coolest things that i've done today. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: really >> dave: no, of course not i was in nirvana [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you know, i've wanted >> jimmy: well, let's get to some news. guys, here's some good news to kick things off. covid cases in the u.s. have dropped to the lowest level in almost a year. [ cheers and applause pretty soon the only place you'll see dr. fauci is popping out of a costume on "the masked singer." [ laughter ] that's right things are really coming back. audiences are back [ cheers and applause restaurants are back [ cheers and applause >> dave: kevin spacey is back. >> jimmy: no, dave, no, no dave, no, no no, no, no, no, no [ laughter ] we'll cut that later we'll cut that later as the pandemic is calming down, i heard that retailers are having a hard time unloading all of the hand sanitizer that they stocked up on over the past year. right now the ceo of purell and the ceo of zoom a

>> jimmy: no >> no. >> jimmy: holiday. >> oh. a dog?eah [ bell dinging ] uh, movie with julia roberts where she finds herself in italy. >> "eat pray love. >> jimmy: that's correct [ bell dinging ] and it's in a transportation device that uses -- it floats in the - it floats. [ light laughter ] and you're in a basket >> oh, a hot-air balloon [ bell dinging ] >> jimmy: that's correct she did it [ cheers and applause [ bell dinging ] "the grinch reading 'eat pray love' in a hot-air balloon." now let's get it - >> oh, my god. >> jimmy: wow! >> it's real >> jimmy: oh, my god, i don't like that grinch looking at me [ laughter ] >> wow >> jimmy: the way he's enjoying the book, so he can see. >> i had no idea it was going to be, like, a real thing. >> jimmy: oh, yeah [ light laughter ] these are real things. yeah [ laughter ] all right. here we go >> all right >> jimmy: now it is my turn to guess. >> okay. >> jimmy: let's rotate the stage. >> okay. >> jimmy: all right, here we go >> do i look in the -- >> jimmy: not yet. not yet. >> oh, oh, oka

: okay, good >> for many people >> jimmy: okay >> including myself. >> jimmy: okay >> so, yeah. >> jimmyhter ] i'm not -- i'm not doing that to dan fogelman. i'm not. >> jimmy: yeah but he's always twisting something. and i go like, "oh." and then, heart strings. >> oh. >> jimmy: and everything -- and this one is a cliffhanger of cliffhangers you're like, "wait, what?" >> oh, i think this is -- this, close to jack's passing. >> jimmy: yeah >> it's one of the bigger finales. >> jimmy: it's close -- no, yeah, exactly. i want to show everyone a clip from the finale of "this is us." here's chrissy metz in the season finale. take a look. >> i want to go back to work, kate i need to. emotionally, mentally, staying at home is just -- i -- i love our children, but -- >> okay. got it >> kate? >> toby, my husband is contemplating taking a job that will put him in a different city three days a week and he just used the sentence, "i love our children, but --" just give me a second to digest it [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: i didn't say anything [ laughter ] chrissy metz, everybody! season five of

villainous dude. >> jimmy: what >> villainous dude >> jimmy: evil - villainous dude?our best shot"? >> jimmy: no, no infant, infant >> baby -- "hit me baby one more time!" [ ding ] >> jimmy: yes, yes, yes! [ applause ] go, go, go >> oh! in the style of a rock falling down a hill. [ light laughter ] [ buzzer ] >> jimmy: rolling stone -- "like a rolling stone. [ ding ] >> bob dylan [ cheers and applause "like a rolling stone," yes. ♪ [ laughter ] >> jimmy: how does it feel p!nk, everybody. you can check out her new documentary, "p!nk: all i know so far," which is out on this friday on amazon prime video the coolest. stick around we'll be right back with more "tonight show," everybody. [ cheers and applause ♪ do you struggle with occasional nerve aches, weakness or discomfort in your hands or feet? introducing nervive nerve relief from the world's number 1 selling nerve care company. as we age, natural changes to our nerves occur which can lead to occasional discomfort. nervive contains b complex vitamins that nourish nerves, build nerve insulation and enhance nerve comm

>> spurs see, jimmy, you're on the same - >> jimmy: yes, boots, spurs.ne to them >> jimmy: cowboy accessory they both said rope. >> tariq: we gave that one to them >> jimmy: that's not an accessory. >> 'cause you rope the calf. >> tariq: yeah >> jimmy: this is all silly. i've never heard of this in my lifetime >> tariq: great. >> whatever, chap. >> jimmy: here we go chaps. all right. >> jimmy: now look, this is the last one here. whoever wins this next category - [ horn sound ] -- wins the whole thing. >> what is it? >> jimmy: 10,000 points, final round. you guys will go first just because you're our guests. you have a chance to win the whole game right here. what is the category >> you're damn right we do >> okay. damn right okay >> jimmy: "states in the south. all right, one, two, three whenever you're ready, go. "states in the south." >> no, no, wait. what do you mean what do you mean, we just say them >> jimmy: go, go, here we go, one, two, three. here you go, "states in the south. >> tennessee >> texas [ buzzer ] >> we're doing the south that's in t

>> jimmy: yes.r. >> yeah >> jimmy: they go absolutely crazy. >> yeah, yeah. "the morning show" premiere was nutty, like man. i got to talk to her after she's super chill, laid back. such a lovely human. >> jimmy: did you bring up" friends"? >> i did not. >> jimmy: the "friends" reunion is coming. >> it is. i'm going to watch this. i tell the "friends" cast this. they've got to bring the heat. "fresh prince of bel air" reunion set the bar pretty high. >> jimmy: oh, right, yeah. >> they brought the thunder, it was like a therapeutic session, childhood memories, like i just hope somebody from the "friends" cast got something they want to get off they chest. [ laughter and applause ] if not, i don't know what we doing here. because will was like, look, i got things to straighten out, okay? you're going to watch me do it. i was like, well, here we are, let's go. "friends" got to come with something, we'll see. >> jimmy: who knew there was so much tumult on the set of "fresh prince" at that time. >> it wa

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi. thank you. hi, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. we are coming to you from hollywood, the most gam russ place in the world. and this is a big night here in our studio. a notable night. you know, when the pandemic started, i spent months telling jokes in my kitchen to no one. my audience was a vitamix. [ laughter ] and then we finally got back in-studio last fall. and since then, because we can't let anybody in, i've been crew, the people who work here, many of which have made it clear that they've had enough of me. [ laughter ] i have not been in front of a "real" audience for 427 days. we figured it out. but that streak ends tonight because even though we aren't allowed to fill the place yet, we did get permission to bring in one person. and so please welcome that one person. our first-gen win studio audience member in 14 months. there he is right there. [ cheers and applause ] >> he, although, hi, jimmy! i'm here, i'm here! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you're real!

>> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thank you for watching, and thank you for joining us on the day after the "post about your mom instagram" day. i hope you didn't screw that up. there's a lot of pressure on mother's day, i usually just pretend i was kidnapped. and i return later that night. did you meet the challenge, guillermo? >> guillermo: yes, jimmy. >> jimmy: what did you do? >> guillermo: i ordered breakfast for my wife. >> jimmy: where did you order it from? >> guillermo: joe's cafe. >> jimmy: what did you get her? >> guillermo: i got her pancakes, a sandwich and coffee and everything. >> jimmy: she had pancakes and sandwich for breakfast? >> guillermo: the sandwich was for me. >> jimmy: i figured something out this weekend, moms don't actually like mimosas. what they really like is to get drunk at breakfast. many children were on the move this weekend. travel was up by a lot. this was the busiest weekend at airports since the start of the pandemic. all so your mom can tell you "you look tired" in person. even

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everybody. hi, there. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you. thank you for watching. thanks. i appreciate it, thanks. you know -- i want to mention something. because my day, this morning, i got off to kind of a strange start this morning. i was on the internet. i was thinking about buying something and the website i was on, before i watched the demonstration video, which didn't work, by the way, before i was able to watch it, it required me to hold down the button to "prove you're a human," it said. and i felt like saying "screw you." i have to prove i'm a human? you're a website! [ laughter ] who's in charge here? this is how it goes. we're all worried the robots are going to chain us up. the truth is, when the singularity happens, they're not going to enslave us with artificial intelligence. they're just going to annoy the hell out of us. [ laughter ] you know what i'm saying, guillermo? >> guillermo: yeah, yeah, a little bit, yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you. i guess we have bigger problems to worr

>> jimmy: i'm sorry., there's got to be something else you enjoy what's your favorite snack >> tariq: it's easy, the ruffles all-dressed potato chips. >> frito-lay is issuing a voluntary recall of select bags of ruffles all-dressed potato chips [ laughter ] >> tariq: who do i even have left the beans in my cabinets >> check your cabinets there's a recall of black beans and chili beans nationwide >> tariq: i give up! [ laughter and applause this summer is a bust! >> jimmy: oh, come on, tariq look on the bright side. i mean, aren't you going on a double date this weekend >> tariq: that's true. i'm looking forward to that. >> jimmy: who are you going with again >> tariq: bill and melinda gates. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: let's just move on let's just move on the beans in my cabinets [ laughter ] and finally -- that's such a good read. finally, i heard that rome just unveiled a new vending machine that makes hot pizza in three minutes. here it is yeah, look at that and if you buy a vending machine pi

>> jimmy: uh-oh.e's a proud and loyal belieber. >> i am too. >> you know what good eyebrows, which is actually my favorite part of the male face. >> and he will never, ever go bald. >> jimmy: he does have really good eyebrows. kind of a pete sampras john krasinski type of thing going there. marty is from reno and he's a dancer. >> wait a minute. what is that necklace and earring? >> marty brings the party. >> no, he doesn't. >> wait, he says that?er? >> jimmy: self-declared tag line, marty brings the party. ? he's very cute but with the jewelry and that line is no. >> jimmy: the way into marty's hearts is? >> the tightest thermal of all time. >> jimmy: courtney, spelled q-u-a-r-t, in-e-y. >> courteney cox spells her name all wrong. there's an extra e in there. >> jimmy: yeah, but it's not a q. don't go crazy. he's okay as long as he no longer speaks to his parents. his favorite accurate is to meet his friends for their brunch and book club. and he loves the harmonica. this is the guy i would pick. thi

yeah >> jimmy: wow. best thank you for being here thank you for playing tonight. >> it's just like, i've spent my whole life, since i was 15, being with people and audiences and then it was gone, and now it's here. and it's like -- make some noise! [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: it's the greatest! >> jimmy fallon. >> jimmy: jack antonoff, everybody. "bleachers" perform for us after the break! stick around doesn't that feel great? [ cheers and applause ♪ is back. we're going to have to face creepy babies. don't look at me. jail yard babies. i like glue. and ninja babies! oh my gosh. oh my gosh! i'm morgan, and there's more to me than hiv. more love,... more adventure,... more community. but with my hiv treatment,... there's not more medicines in my pill. i talked to my doctor... and switched to... fewer medicines with dovato. prescription dovato is for some adults who are starting hiv-1 treatment or replacing their current hiv-1 regimen. with... just 2 medicines... in 1 pill,... dovato is as effective as

jimmy, do you cook at all? >> jimmy: yes, absolutely.all right, great. this is good you want to take a steak and just stick it in the microwave for 35 minutes it will be fine. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: perfect. oh, okay i do some cooking. >> okay, well then, have you heard of the brown butter method for a bone and ribeye >> jimmy: no [ light laughter ] >> ooh and have you heard of a comb [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm looking into the comb i'm looking into the comb. sorry, we'll work into that. >> i'll never be as cute as you, but i want to give you this recipe, and you will beat tariq with it, i swear >> jimmy: wow. >> thank you >> jimmy: there you go you hear that right there? [ cheers ] >> tariq: hello, hello, bobby flay yeah, man, i'm going to need you to do that thing >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> tariq: okay [ laughter ] >> jimmy: does that say bobby flay or bobby filet? >> tariq: sorry? >> jimmy: did you say bobby flay or bobby filet? >> tariq: i didn't say anything [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i need you to do that thing. >> jimmy: i have an idea

and now jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: thank you very much. hello, everybody. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. i appreciate it. hey, you know what? i'll tell you something. it's monday. it's not so different from most mondays, except for one kind of big thing, and that big thing is ufos. did you see "60 minutes" last night? i know you're laughing. i'm not joking. no, you didn't watch. >> guillermo: no, i didn't watch. >> jimmy: the truth is not just out there anymore. it's here. "60 minutes" did a story last night, in which they interviewed some very credible former pentagon and military officials. who had video and eyewitness accounts of objects that fly 13,000 miles per hour, drop 80,000 feet in less than a second, and go underwater. the government calls them "unidentified aerial phenomena." uap. just like the card by b song. they've known about this for a couple of years, but waited until now to talk about because, i guess, a couple of years ago, they would have been too embarrassed if the aliens said, "take us to your leader." they'd be lik

, you know >> jimmy: i love this city - >> yeah. >> jimmy: so much.find -- driving down here, i was looking at all the people in the street and it's -- new yorkers that make new york so wonderful and you realize that as a group, i adore them. they're insufferable individually [ laughter ] but as a group, they're fantastic. you know because you mix all those idiosyncrasies and eccentricities together and it makes this amazing stew, you know >> jimmy: yeah more with james spader when we come back, everybody we're going to talk "blacklist." [ cheers and applause thank you, new york ♪ ♪ (vo) ideas exist inside you, electrify you. they grow from our imagination, but they can't be held back. they want to be set free. to make the world more responsible, and even more incredible. ideas start the future, just like that. itchy? squirmy? scratchy? family not getting clean? get charmin ultra strong. go get 'em. it just cleans better. with a diamond weave texture, your family can use less while still getting clean. goodbye itchy squirm. hello clean bottom! we all

] in post, jimmy. >> jimmy: no, i don't cut any of that stuff, man i -- what? cut that, we'll cut that >> cut that in post -- >> jimmy: we'll cut that one, yeah [ laughter ] we'll cut the [ bleep ] and leave the trump. i know - >> yeah, there you go. cut the [ bleep ], he said cut the [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i didn't say it. i didn't say, i didn't say it. we're going to cut that. no one will ever see it. that's something just me and you experienced. that will never happened no one will ever know it happened anyways, you post a video called "unforgiven." you ask your fans to boycott "chappelle's show," your show. what happened and how did that all work out >> well, without going into too much detail. >> jimmy: yeah >> that [ bleep ] worked [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah so, i think you have to go into a little more detail >> all right, all right. first of all, shout out to everybody that helped me out with it by not watching the show shout out to ted sarandos who runs netflix because he had the courage to take off chappelle show from the platform at finan

>> jimmy: all right.>> jimmy: andrew, you're the guest, so you will go first. >> aww, so kind. >> jimmy: let's see the first clip ♪ [ laughter ] >> no idea >> jimmy: you have no idea >> what on this earth was that if you know what that is, i'm concerned for you, fallon. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i think i know what it is actually >> hit it. >> jimmy: i think it's "what does the fox say?" [ ding ] [ cheers and applause ] >> oh! >> jimmy: all right. it's my turn let's see the next clip. >> i know this one >> jimmy: now, this one i do not know wait i can't see it again >> don't be nice don't be nice to me, fallon. if you know it, you know it. >> jimmy: it's two kids with backpacks. the backpack dancer kids hold on. don't even exhale. >> don't be kind, bro. don't be kind to me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, is it damn daniel [ ding ] >> no [ cheers and applause ♪ >> jimmy: i thought it was -- i thought it was backpack dancer kid. damn daniel. can we see it again? >> it's someone in your ear wig telling you. >> damn

good night. >> jimmy: hello. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. i think i speak for all of us, when i say we appreciate it. we are coming to you from los angeles. which once again, our air has been named the most polluted in the united states. according to the american lung association. and that study was done before 4/20. in l.a., when your yoga instructor tells you to breathe in deep, she's actually trying to kill you. unfortunately, all the benefits of us not driving during the pandemic were wiped out by the wildfires caused by climate change. which was caused by all the driving we did earlier. it's what you call a catch-2022. it was pretty crazy to see how clear it was when we were all in lockdown. i found out we have mountains, which i didn't know. did you know that, guillermo? >> jimmy: but you know what they say. it's not the air "quality" that counts. it's the air "quantity." did you celebrate 4/20 last night, guillermo? >> of course, jimmy, yes. >> still celebrating it. >> a little bit, yes. >> by yourself? >> yeah. >> we were shooting so

and now jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: hi, everyone. thank you, hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thank you for joining us. well, that's nice because i tell you something. here in the united states, things are really looking up. there is a new sense of optimism, the likes of which we have not been felt in quite some time. according to a new abc news poll, americans are more hopeful about the future than they have been in 15 years. since 2006. of course, that poll was conducted before we found out elon musk is hosting "saturday night live." we'll see if it holds up. 64% of americans say they like the way things are headed, and not only are we feeling more optimistic, we're also getting more amorous. sales of condoms have you know those things, right? have skyrocketed over the past month. condom sales are up 24%. and why not? you're at walgreens getting your vaccination anyway. might as well pick up a twelve pack of white claw and a carton of durex too. right, guillermo? >> guillermo: that's right, jimmy, yes. >> jimmy: here in los angeles, as of today, our publ

>> jimmy: hi, thank you, hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. we had an accident over here. thank you for joining us here in sunny southern california where we are still masking no matter what the cdc says, and will apparently continue to do so for another month. the state of california said they're not lifting the mask mandate in stores and public places until june 15th. which will be known as "please stop screaming at the assistant manager day." all over town. the rules are a little confusing, so let me break it down for those of you who live or plan to visit here. if you're vaccinated, and you're indoors, you don't need to wear a mask, but you do have to wear a mask until june 15th. at which point you don't have to wear a mask, unless you want to. that is, if you're vaccinated. unless you're on a plane, train, or bus, in which case you both need to and have to wear a mask. vaccinated or not. get it? guillermo, repeat that back. go ahead. >> guillermo: uh, just wear a [ bleep ] mask. [ applause ] >> jimmy: one of the more unexpected and intere

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well, thank you. hi, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thank you for joining me for -- [ cheers and applause ] thank you. hour 15 of our live coverage of the nfl draft. and with the 238th pick, the cincinnati bengals select -- guillermo rodriguez. [ cheers and applause ] >> guillermo: oh, yeah! >> jimmy: they had the nfl draft tonight in cleveland. i don't want to sound ungrateful but i thought i'd be picked much higher than i was. [ laughter ] it's weird that abc has the nfl draft but no nfl. we're like a restaurant that has a menu but no food. [ laughter ] quarterback trevor lawrence from clemson was expected to be picked first by either jacksonville or vidal sassoon. [ laughter ] wow, what a beautiful man, look at that hair. he's like a young giselle bundchen. [ laughter ] look out, tom brady. someone's comin' for that handsome throne. you know, today if you haven't been counting is president biden's 100th day in office. and even his opponents, if they're honest, have to adm

>> jimmy: it's jimmy fallon. >> hi. >> jimmy: terri, i just heard so many great things about you, andank you as well. so we'd like to give you this galaxy package this is the brand new watch. this is the brand new tab, the ear buds, the whole jam, right there, for you congratulations! >> thank you so much thank you! that is really cool. >> jimmy: oh, and samsung wanted to give you a little bit something extra, too so, they would like to give you a check for $25,000. [ cheers and applause >> oh, my god! >> jimmy: you are a super mom. >> thank you thank you. thank you so much. i can't even believe that. thank you. >> jimmy: happy early mother's day! >> i really appreciate it. it is amazing. oh, my god [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: how great is that? >> steve: aw thank you to terri and nikki, samsung and all the super moms out there. we'll be right back with more "tonight show. come on back ♪ ♪ ♪ bring it first time i saw you, you blew my mind ♪ ♪ i got this feeling everything was alright (alright) ♪ ♪ i've never known someone like you ♪ ♪ but when i'm with you every day feels brand ne

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, hi, everybody. i'm jimmy. i'm the host. thanks for watching. thank you, i appreciate it. we are coming to you from hollywood, where -- i'll tell you something. everyone knows this. we eat a lot of weird stuff here in hollywood, but nothing like what i'm about to describe. over the next month or so, billions of cicadas will emerge in more than a dozen u.s. states, from new york, west to illinois, down into georgia. all over hot spots from indiana to new jersey. they show up in force once every 17 years like mom jeans and fanny packs. [ laughter ] but his time, they'd better be ready, because this guy is ready to eat them. that's professor gene kritsky. he wrote a book about cicadas, i don't know who would read that. and he says "you wanna eat the females, because they're full of eggs." which is a statement so creepy, it should be a documentary series on netflix. [ laughter ] but people do eat them, with vegetables, deep fried, dipped in chocolate and gold. eat them for dessert. boy, we went from baking our own

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, hi, there. i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thanks for watching. i'm glad we're together. i want you guys to know something. you are, and i mean this -- you are the bill to my melinda, so thank you. [ laughter ] bill and melinda gates yesterday announced that they have decided to part ways after 27 years of marriage. they got the 27-year itch, i guess. [ laughter ] the split is said to be amicable, they've already agreed to a custody arrangement. bill gets to spend time with their money on tuesday nights and every other weekend. [ laughter ] melinda gets it the rest. they have a combined estimated worth of at least $134 billion. when you're that rich, why do you even need to get divorced? can't they just live in separate wings? [ laughter ] poor bill gates. he's been sleeping in his jet. it's very sad. [ laughter ] but he's getting back out there, he's already got a profile on tinder. [ laughter ] that photo is a little bit dated. and he also has a killer wingman. remember this guy? yeah. [ laughter ] he's dead now. died over t

oh, my god, jimmy, it's going to be so funny, jimmy!there that you'll be excited to meet? >> well, i'm going to be there >> jimmy: that's all that matters. i will be watching that's all i want. leslie jones, the mtv movie and tv awards airs this sunday at 9:00 p.m we're going to do something fun with leslie after the break. stick around everybody come on back ♪ when you buy this tea at walmart, walmart can buy more tea from milo's. milo's can create new jobs, jobs for people like james and lacey and me. me, i love my work family. family here and home, is my life is better for us because of a job. a job created when you buy this tea at walmart. ♪ ♪ cool. tangy. ranchy. hidden valley secret sauce. hamburger. you're sleep saucing again. mmmmmm! restaurant inspired hidden valley ranch secret sauces. you either love it or you really love it. i think the sketchy website i bought this turtle from stole all of my info. ooh, have you looked on the bright side? discover never holds you responsible for unauthorized purchases on your card. (gigglin

>> guillermo: yes, jimmy. >> jimmy: you will?>> guillermo: yeah, i have no choice. >> jimmy: will you wear the pants? >> guillermo: oh, yeah, yeah. two tequila shots, yes, of course. [ laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: this will turn the things around between the two of you. >> guillermo: oh, my god! >> jimmy: mother's day goes back well over 100 years. in 1908, a woman named anna jarvis from grafton, west virginia, declared the first mother's day in the united states. it caught on to the point where she eventually became disgusted with the commercialization of mother's day and urged people to stop buying flowers, cards and candies. and like a bunch of unruly kids, we didn't listen to her at all, we keep buying candies. you know, there's a limited supply of flowers this year because of covid. here in california, a lot of growers switched to growing pot. not a joke. [ laughter ] we don't have any flowers. the good news is mom is really going to enjoy brunch this year. [ laughter and applause ] you know, a lot of men, whether they be husbands

and now jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: hello. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for braving the recent outbreak of norovirus to be here. last week, we had a whole bunch of people at our show get sick. vient -- violently ill, suddenly, like 40 people went home and started throwing up. did you get sick, guillermo? >> you didn't raise your hand? too weak or you didn't want to be the lame one in the group. yeah, you know, a lot of people got sick. it's weird when you are reminded that there are other contagious viruses out there. it's like "oh, yeah, herpes." still hangin' in. i guess i assumed that they'd go away out of like, courtesy or something. so be warned- at any point during the show, any one of us could blow. hey, remember that youtube video with the two cute british kids, "charlie bit my finger?" it was one of the first viral videos back in 2007. this thing racked up more than 833 million views but now it is off youtube and in the hands of a private collector. because yesterday charlie's parents auctioned it off as an nft, a non-fungible token, an

of new york city, it's "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon." tonight, join jimmy and his guests - jessica alba marc maron musical guest sech and featuring the legendary roots crew >> questlove: 1457 >> steve: and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: oh my goodness that's what i'm talking about right here that is a hot crowd. welcome, everybody welcome, welcome please enjoy yourself.

>> jimmy: it's hilarious.o have a task force. >> greg: amanda, is it hard to get a resource into a 12-step program? >> amanda: i don't know how to put in a race horse in a 12-step program. the thing that's really awkward about it is they are saying horses can't be drowned. they can't have any alterations to their natural system. talking about the transgender athletes and sports. at what point -- there's going to come a point where the argument crashes into itself. if what is drugging and what's not? requiring drugs for these male athletes to transition to female athletes, they are on drugs to compete in the sport. >> greg: you are about to get canceled because we are comparing sports. we are not. >> corey: if you look at other sports, you have mma fighters that way in. they do it because the other person is doing it. in order for them not to be at a disadvantage, they trained that way. same thing with body builders and steroids. they do the same thing. you're not put it a disadvantage. if you don't want to be

now, china really does seem to be making an example of jimmy law. this is a spectacular fall from grace full him. he's a 1000000000 or millionaire type a 1000000000, a tycoon who started the poor democracy newspaper, apple daily. he also founded very successful clothing chain. and really, the chinese government seems to think that he's some sort of traitor, threat to the peace and stability in home, cold. and we've seen his assets for his and earlier this month than just this week . also banks, dealing in his accounts were warned not to touch his accounts, otherwise face 7 years. and joe katrina, can i ask you about something else as well? hong kong legislative legislature, i'm sorry. passing a bail to over hall, hong kong electoral system. tell us more about this and i'm sure the criticism that's come with it. that's right, so just this week i've also seen hong kong many parliament, its legislative council pos, without any opposition. basically this sweeping reform will basically orville whole, the hong hong kong electoral system. and the main feat

so jimmy law was set in stone, friday to 14 months in jail. he's already behind bars for participating in similar protests earlier in 2019. and this brings his total time in prison, so far to 20 months. now some others were also given a verdict today, including former lo make a albert holland. there was sentence 212218 months and 2 others were given suspended sentences. but it does seem like the chinese authorities, the hong kong government, is really horny and on jimmy ly. he's facing a raft of other charges and drew back in, in court, in june. and some of these charges are quite serious. some of these offenses are under the national security law, and we found guilty of those. he could face up to life in prison. now the chinese government is really the same, really try to make an example of jimmy ly. they see him as a tracer, as a threat to hong kong piece. he's not only a democracy. activists is also a billionaire who made his fortune founding very successful clothing chain. also the he's also the founder of the public newspaper, apple daily

seem to me that is very unfair to jimmy carter. jimmy mishandled crisis after crisis but biden has created crisis after crisis.

jimmy -- in 1978 i joined the air force. jimmy carter was my commander-in-chief. admired jimmy carter for his measured response. it was a totally different story once ronald reagan got into power. he loved it too rattled the saber, unlike jimmy carter. i feel that jimmy carter was probably one of the most intelligent presidents we have ever had from all of his political work with the doctor brezinski to putting solar panels on top of the white house, which was one of ronald reagan's first things to take off the white house. guest: you mentioned his intelligence -- in my interviews with him, by the accounts of many other people, his intelligence is extraordinarily impressive. pure iq level. unfortunately, in the presidency intelligence is not enough. the first book i wrote is called " the defining moment: fdr's first 100 days." after he was inaugurated, he had champagne with oliver wendell holmes and when roosevelt left holmes famously said " second-class intellect, first-class temperament." i would argue that jimmy carter has a first-class intellect, but i second-

>> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy, i'm the host.g, and thank you for joining us on the day after the "post about your mom instagram" day. i hope you didn't screw that up. there's a lot of pressure on mother's day, i usually just pretend i was kidnapped. and i return later that night. did you meet the challenge, guillermo? >> guillermo: yes, jimmy. >> jimmy: what did you do? >> guillermo: i ordered breakfast for my wife. >> jimmy: where did you order it from? >> guillermo: joe's cafe. >> jimmy: what did you get her? >> guillermo:

then you have jimmy kimmel on at midnight.ohn stuart presents a real challenge because he's grabbing viewers. it's not a big audience, but it's really young. nbc looks at that and says the guy that can counter john stewart in an on going way is conan. >> in new york, it's "late night with counannan cobrian." >> conan was the voice of a new generation. everyone that i knew in high school and then in college, we only cared about conan. >> that's a conan o'brien mask. do you like it? >> no. >> they expect danger and i'm giving it to them. >> i loved all of those bits. like the masturbating bear and triumph. >> it's an $8 puppet. for some reason it speaks like a russian woman. >> have you ever talked to a woman without having to give your credit card number? >> it's one of the most successful things we've ever done. >> before conan, i did get the shot on "the tonight show" and i kid and i got to be really excited. i got to go over to the couch and johnny says, did you do this? bad dog! no! you ruined the couch. i was devastated, b