for more on trump's efforts to expand america's borders, we go live to jordan klepper. and applause] jordan, what is going on? >> oh, i'll tell you what's going on: colonialism is back, baby! woo! the world is full of distant lands we can plunder and rename after america! we'll get zinc from greenland, or should i say, americaland. we'll get rubber from cambodia, which is probably over here somewhere, now cam-erica. and we'll get our sugar from south america, now america america. >> desi: jordan, it's 2025. why would we bring colonialism back? >> come on, desi! the fancy hats alone are enough reason. [cheers and applause] >> desi: i hate to break it to you, but that hat looks stupid. >> the hat does not look stupid. you look stupid without a hat! and besides, america was at its finest when it was expanding. manifest destiny! the louisiana purchase! the oregon trail! the california pizza kitchen! it was so great for us! >> desi: yeah, but it won't be great for the countries we colonize. >> why not? think about all the gifts america has to offer a place like canada: roads,

this is "the daily show" with your host, jordan klepper! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> jordan: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm jordan klepper. we've got a big show tonight. congress is super horny, republicans pretend to vet trump's cabinet, and we get mixology tips from pete hegseth. so let's get into another installment of "trump 2.0: coming for the white house." ♪ ♪ >> i'm gonna come. >> jordan: i truly hate that. so donald trump becomes president on monday and that means... [boos] i know, i hate mondays too. it means we're invading greenland on tuesday, so we've got to decide who is going to lead the armada. which is why today the senate held its first confirmation hearing, for pete hegseth: trump's nominee for defense secretary and dude who makes sure everyone at the frat house has their stories straight. now since he was nominated a couple of months ago, we've found out a lot about hegseth and most of it does not inspire confidence. he's been accused of sexual assault. he was accused of nearly running a veterans' group into the ground.

>> i'm jordan klepper.rts war, the show where we are legally not allowed to agree with each other. >> desi: if i say baseball should get rid of the designated hitter... >> then i say everyone should have to hit. the umps, the hotdog vendors come at the-year-old organist. choke up, seymour! >> desi: i wish i was designated to hit you with a sock full of quarters. >> i would like to see you try that again when i'm sober. >> desi: seeing -- it was the last week the nfl regular-season and that means it's time for some players to cash in. >> with the final game of the season you get those players going all out turn big-time box earning incentives, escalator clauses in their contracts. von miller needed just one sack to stack $1.5 million in bonus. he barely gets a couple of fingers on the quarterback, but it counts. miller only played three snaps in this game, but that's all he needed. the tampa bay box could have just taken him he would seconds to go but their future hall of famer needed just five more yards to

jordan klepper! jordan! [applause] talk to me, man.he rest of the week? >> we'll be talking about the government banning tiktok next week, jon. and i know we've all had our fun, but now that it's over, might i suggest a little something called books? i think you might find them equally entertaining! >> jon: i don't think -- >> do you have a charger? maybe a charge or? >> jon: on books, you don't swipe up. >> i have turned on a book before. [laughs] i've forgotten how to read. >> jon: all right. jordan klepper, everyone. [applause] before we go, i want to very quickly say, please, i know there are a lot of organizations vying for support. please consider supporting the california fire foundation. they are on the ground working with local fire agencies and community organizations to provide support to impacted residents. if you can, please donate at url. [applause] here it is, your "moment of zen." >> if i don't see you again, thank you -- you could have stopped taking the hard questions years ago and you didn't. so we appreciated. >> le