jimmy kimmel! cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, cleto. hi, everyone, i'm jimmy. appreciate that. i want to welcome all my unfriends here tonight and watching at home. it's our first ever national unfriend day celebration. today is national unfriend day, nud. thank you. you can see people are going wild for this. this -- national unfriend day is an idea that came to me two weeks ago, a day in which we say good-bye to those people on facebook who we made the mistake of accepting as friends on facebook. people who tell you how good "glee" is and send pictures of their kid dressed as a princess three weeks after halloween. we don't need to know you just put a pair of those shoes that tone your butt while you walk. no one needs to know any of that stuff. and we have struck a nerve, because unfriend day was the fourth most searched item today on google trends. it was the number six trending item on twitter. and it's been all over the news. >> it's national unfriend day. >> it's national unfriend

with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's jimmy kimmel live and now, what do you know, here's jimmy kimmel!ers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much. that's very nice. hi, everyone, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. pleasure to see you. thank you for joining us. it's monday. i hope you had a good weekend. i had a pretty good weekend. except for one thing. they're playing christmas music on the radio, which -- it's not even thanksgiving yet. i still have a jacko lantern in front of my house. it's too soon, right? there needs to be a month between "jingle bells" and "the monster mash" the way i see it. they're supposed to wait until after thanksgiving. isn't that the -- this is a violation of the geneva convention going on here. i mean, seriously. the human brain can only here "jingle bell rock" so many times before it orders the body to kill itself. i may be at that point already. while we're at it, somebody please tell starbucks we don't need eggnog lattes in november or ever really. [ laughter ] it's partly my fault for still having a radio in my car. sometimes i turn it on like,

jimmy kimmel!heers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. is it still -- is it still election day or is that over? election day is so over. as you know, two years ago, americans decided that the country was headed in the wrong direction and voted the democrats in in a landslide and last night, we decided the country was headed in the wrong direction again and voted republicans in in a landslide. two years from now we'll go back and probably do the same thing again. we're fickle folk here in america. republicans gained seats in the senate and control of the house. unfortunately, there was a mixup and they accidently gained control of big momma's house. for those who don't understand, and i'm one of these people, what the fact that democrats control the senate and republicans control the house means, i'll put it like this. put it in celebrity terms. it means congress, which is the house and the senate, has become dina and michael lo

jimmy kimmel returns to the winner's circle. >> kimmel is the best, i absolutely love him. meanwhile bill simmens defeats kristin bell. and adam carolla keeps his playoff hope as live. >> and once red hot william "the refrigerator" perry stace ice cold with a loss to joel mchale. but isn't the only one with pig skin credentials. >> i was 0 top on the captain. >> call me captain, i was captain of the crunch. >> you're a quarterback. >> no. >> what did you play? >> what did you play? >> i played the clarinet. >> in the band. without that, there would be no spirit. so in a way, i was more important than the players to the team. >> wow. >> jimmy's a nerd. >> jimmy: you know i can hear that, right? >> yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. >> jimmy: check out next week's matchup on the jimmy kimmel live youtube page. >> imfae jimmy kimmel i'm cousin sal. to follow the action go to youtube channel and click on fantasy league. "jimmy kimmel live"! back in two minutes. with kate wah. and "dancing with the stars" kurt warner. ♪ turn the tub around ♪ talking about nutrition [ female announcer ] "i ca

. >> dicky: it's the "jimmy kimmel live" fantasy league presented by gmc. >> jimmy: hi i'm "jimmy kimmel live." >> and i'm cousin sal. >> you like fantasy football, right? >> oh, you know it. >> jimmy: let's go to the scores. >> the sports guy bill simmons continues to steam roll the league with a win over jb smoove. >> jimmy: adam carolla a solid victory over joe mchale. >> the fighting kimmels are heating up pounding team fridge. >> jimmy: thank you for saying that, sal. and kristen bell embarrassing fiance dax shepard, and it is starting to take its toll on our adorable couple. >> i don't think you had to beat me by that much. >> i couldn't control that. but if anyone should be apologizing to anyone, you should be apologizing to me. >> for losing by 47 points? because you're the man. how does that make me look? you were beat by a girl. >> she just put it on you. take it like a man. >> just hypothetically if your lady had beaten you, this resoundingly, what would -- >> guess what i would have did? i would have made up to her. >> bingo! >> jimmy: good one, fridge. i don't know what that

jimmy kimmel!heers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, cleto. thank you very muff. i'm jimmy. thanks for joining us. thanks for watching. i want to thank all of you who participated in national unfriend day yesterday. the numbers are in and thanks to our efforts, facebook users unfriended more than 60 million unwanted friends yesterday. [ applause ] and how do i know that? i don't know that. i made that up. but it sounds good, right? sounds successful. national unfriend day was a big success. no one has any friends anymore. and that's what i wanted. my dream is that some day people will only be friends with their friends. i dream of a world where i don't have any idea what cities the guy i shared a junior high school locker with has visited in his adulthood. much like dr. martin looulter kimmel jr. the good news is, i've come up with a new social networking tool that you can use with your friends. it's called the telephone, and it amazing. i do feel bald for people who lost more friends than they u

here's jimmy kimmel! happy early thanksgiving to each and every one of you. thank you for sharing it with me and with my husband guillermo. it's a pleasure to have you here. you know what tonight is? thanksgiving eve, you realize? this is the one year anniversary of the last time tiger woods had sexual intercourse. what a day this has got to be for him. in my family we don't give thanks anymore. we give big ups. we celebrate big ups-giving. we like to keep it fresh. thanksgiving commemorates the day in 1621 when native americans and pilgrims came together to share a meal. the first pot luck dinner. you bring the maize, we'll bring the smallpox. president lincoln made it a national holiday in 1863 and almost 150 years later, this morning at the white house, president obama granted the traditional pardons of the turkey. two turkeys, in fact. i would have loved to have been able to watch this with real prisoners on death row. hey, look, he's pardoning turkeys. the turkeys, who got the pardons, are named appl

"jimmy kimmel liv "jimmy kimmel live," back in two minutes with leah remini, from "dancing with the stars," brandy and music from trey songz. ( instrumental music ) ( instrumental music ) ihola! tu esposa come kiwi tira pina.! gracias. you just called his wife a kiwi-munching pineapple pusher. dirty mouth? clean it up with orbit tropical remix. for a good clean, fruity feeling no matter what. give her a cozy throw for a comfortable price. give him a chambray shirt that's surely a steal. give her a beautiful bag that's a great buy. give him a watch he'll love for less than you think. give her diamonds for a dazzling deal. and you can get a sweet sweater for a very good value. who knew wrappable could be so affordable? new list. new gifts. who knew! jcpenney. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- from "the talk," leah remini. "dancing with the stars" brandy. and music from trey songz. with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> dicky: and now, you've got it. here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's very nice, thank you. i'm jimmy,

kimmel!d applause ] >> jimmy: well, hello, everyone. thank you for coming. thank you for watching and for the clapping. it's -- i tell you something -- and a baba booey to you, too. it's a special day today. it's veterans day. i want to say thank you on behalf of all of us here at the show to our veterans and our men and women in the military right now. [ applause ] that's right. and i also want to salute a very special veteran of the korean war, especially because it happens to be his birthday today, uncle frank. >> oh, jimmy, thank you. thank you, jimmy. [ applause ] >> jimmy: he's 77 years old today. which is four justin biebers and an olsen twin. not including -- i tried to figure it out. he's the fifth oldest person on national television. mike wallace is 91. then andy rooney is next. then barbara waters. then regis. then uncle frank. >> wow! thank you. [ applause ] >> jimmy: and -- then fire. uncle frank, did you know you're exactly eight days older than larry king? >> i knew we were th

♪ it's jimmy kimmel live and now from what i've gathered, here's jimmy kimmel!se ] >> jimmy: hi, everyone. thank you for coming. thank you for watching. is it christmas yet? if you're a turkey or a sweet potato and you're still alive today, congratulations on making it through the weekend. i did some research over the weekend. it turns out it's not the turkey that makes you fall asleep. it's actually the result of being drunk at 4:00 in the afternoon on a thursday. i hope you had a fine thanksgiving. i had a weird -- one of my native american friends turned into a where wolf and ate all of my vampire friends. other than that, though, it was great. this is pretty good. from a local morning show in san diego. on wednesday, they had a guy on to do turkey calls. i guess in case instead of going to the supermarket you wanted to lure one into your home. but i don't know what the reason was. watch very closely for what happened at the end here. >> one way to do a turkey call is with this gobbler and it has a little diaphragm in it that allows the air to vibrate. you sh

with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's jimmy kimmel live and, now, i thought so, here's jimmy kimmel! cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. i'm jimmy. thank you for coming. thank you for watching. national unfriend day is only 24 hours away. i hope you're excited. this wednesday, november 17th, is national unfriend day or nud as we call it for short. nud is something i came up with. it's a special day on which facebook users, which most of you probably are, without guilt or fear of retribution, can unfriend those people who are not really your friends. because no one has -- no one has 800 friends. not even oprah has 800 friends. don't we all have at least one person in our virtual lives wed we'd like to get rid of? of course we do. probably have 100 of them. facebook has something called a news feed. this is a big list of news from your friends. tell me if you think this is news. >> this is facebook breaking news. >> this just in -- marlene barkin has changed her relationship status from in a relationship to it's complicated. >> jimmy: thank you, wolf. now, it sounds like news. b

jimmy kimmel!ers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everyone, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. i thank you for coming. thank you for watching. you're here on a very special night. even our studio audience is famous tonight. we have an nhl team in the audience tonight, the carolina hurricanes are here. visiting us. and -- my number one favorite sports franchise named after a natural disaster. [ laughter ] and -- thanks for coming. you're in town to lose to the kings last night, right? right? and mission accomplished. this is the fewest teeth we've had in the audience since, i think, the cast of "dog the bounty hunter" was here. oh, guys, please, this is not show. these hockey players. it's just how they say i love you. put them in the box. it will be fine. what a night. and there's much more manhood on the way. rod stewart and clint eastwood are here. [ cheers and applause ] i actually saw them -- i went to say hello backstage. they're working on a duet right now. it's called "have i told you lately i

here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's very nice. hi there, i'm jimmy. be alarmed. i'm the host of the show. thanks for coming. thank you for watching. i hope i have your attention tonight because i feel motivated. i'll full of energy because i finally have a cause. you know how oprah has her no phone zone and george clooney has everything else in the world? i found my thing. and it's friendship. i think we should have less of it. but not -- not real friendship, we should have a lot of that. the fake stuff that you get on facebook. wednesday, november 17th, last night, we announced, is officially national unfriend day. and i say officially without any authority to do that, but -- on national unfriend day i'm asking you to unfriend anyone on facebook who isn't really your friend. the annoying people, the people who feel the need to inform you of every thought that enters their head. jeff is watching "hoarders" and kate is tired. jacob lentz is feeling fat today. that kind of stuff. i would guess that 90% of your facebook friends aren't really your friends

kimmel!and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much. i'm jimmy. thank you for watching. thank you for coming to my hous it's a pleasure to be with you tonight. we're exactly one week outside of national unfriend day. also known as nud. did you know that people on facebook have an average of 120 friends apiece. and the active users have a lot more than that. i think that's too many. no one has 500 friends. so, next wednesday, november 17th, i'm asking facebook users to gather around their computers, go through their list, determine which of those friends really are your friends and eliminate the others that aren't. in other words, i want you to kill people. i want you to drive them away. i want you to drive them out like st. patrick drove the snakes out of ireland. here's a good example of why national unfriend day is so important. this is allie cohen. she has 2,460 friends. here's how she rewards their friendship. this is her big announcement today. wore my reebok pumps today, yahhh, old scho

jimmy kimmel!heers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. today is one of my favorite days of the year. it's a monday after daylight savings time ends. i like it when the clocks go back because it feels like you get an extra hour. you know how i spent my extra hour? i spent it setting 11 different clocks back. [ laughter ] some people question the need for daylight saving time. but most people like it. i mean, at this point, daylight is the only savings most americans still have. [ laughter ] daylight saving time. i looked it up today. it's an idea benjamin franklin came up with during a time when people used candles for light and wanted to save money. now we don't use candles. we have tanning booths instead. but the earlier daylight is still important to farmers and toddlers who need to wake up early to empty all of their stuffed animals on to the floor and throw things for no reason. the toddlers, not the farmers. so now it will get darker sooner. the

with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's jimmy kimmel live and, now, once and for all, here's jimmy kimmeleers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you. that's very nice. hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for coming to it. thank you for watching it. i'm glad to see you all in normal clothes. i'm tired of the costumes. sunday is a terrible kay for halloween. it winds up going the whole weekend. hollywood is the weirdest place. a two -- i took a two-mile drive to the supermarket yesterday. i saw 50 men dressed like women. usually, around here on a saturday, it's maybe half of that. and i got a lot of pictures in the e-mail this morning of babies dressed as ladybugs. babies love to dress as ladybugs. it's weird. halloween really is a terrible idea for children in general. you understand this is a night on which we encourage our kids to go into dark houses and take candy from strangers. it's on the bad idea scale, halloween is second only to get in the back of my van day. my favorite part of halloween is when the sexy nurse turns into the wasted vomiting passed out in the bushes in

"jimmy kimmel live" is next. paris hilton, so let the patdowns begin. "jimmy kimmel

. >> if you haven't heard, jimmy kimmel wants you to cut the friend back. whether it's your ex-boyfriend, creepy uncle or the girl you had in act row policy class with. there's status updates can be annoying. jimmy kimmel proposed national unfriend day in an effort to pair down the friendage and make social network antisocial. if you wonder why you have ten friend today at the end of the day, thank jimmy kimmel for that. >>> it was the last elimination before the finals on "dancing with the stars" and a couple came up short in the quest to make it to the final three. >> brabdy and-- brandy and max. >> i can't believe brandy is off the show. she was so good. she and her partner max they are sent home. finishing in 4th place. that means next week's grand finale features jennifer gray, who notched two perfect scores this week and looks amazing kyle and bristol and ul you can catch the action here on abc2. >>> all right. stay with us this morning, big story of the day, the weather. high wind and reports of a possible tornado. . >> reporter: i am charlie crowson

captions by vitac >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with trident layers new cool mint melon fresco gum.ers and layers and layers of delicious flav -- >> guillermo: oh no! >> jimmy: guillermo, please! i'm right in the middle of something. >> guillermo: sorry, jimmy, i forgot. i have to meet my dog walker right now. he's got paco and pepe. all right. i have no idea why you want to interrupt my commercial, but it must be important to you. i don't know why the camera is still on him. lo siento. >> de nada. >> guillermo: oh right here you go. >> what is this? >> guillermo: trident layers mint melon fresco. it is the newest delicious, mouth- watering flavor from trident layers. >> where's my money? >> guilldermo: paco, pepe, sic him! >> i said -- where's my money?! >> delicious! can i have more? >> sure. >> can we have some trident layers cool mint melon fresco too? >> guillermo: no paco and pepe. you are dogs. >> dogs can't chew gum! >> dicky: trident layers. new cool mint melon fresco. so good you'll want to get paid in gum. >> jimmy: "jimmy kimmel live" is back in two minutes with rick fox

jimmy kimmel! we're from the same part of brooklyn. yeah. >> jimmy: in brooklyn, they try to do birthing in groups, it's -- but happy birthday. later on, we'll run you through the spanking machine -- >> what machine? >> jimmy: never mind. it will be fine. another big birthday yesterday. the 41st birthday of "sesame street." before "sesame street," the only place kids could learn to read was from books. it's meant a lot to many children, and adults, of course, including the rapper lil' john who just recorded a tribute to "sesame street" and prepared to be dazzled. this just might possibly be the greatest song ever recorded. ♪ sunny day ♪ ♪ sweeping the clouds away ♪ ♪ hey ♪ ♪ sesame street [ bleep ] ♪ ♪ sesame street [ bleep ] ♪ ♪ i don't know [ bleep ] ♪ ♪ i don't know [ bleep ] ♪ ♪ [ bleep ] ♪ ♪ sesame street [ bleep ] ♪ [ applause ] >> jimmy: i -- that's -- that's good stuff. i would like -- i would like to be -- that to be played at my funeral. is there anything better than that? i mean -- it's

jimmy kimmel!ou, fellas. thank you all. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. it's very nice i appreciate that. we're here on a very special night of competitive dancing. the gayest night in all of sports. the season 11 finale of "dancing with the stars." oh, what a season it's been, full of surprises, controversy, hasselhoffs, boltons. political intrigue. when all was said and done only one dancing star went home with the coveted mirrored ball. >> tom: after ten commanding weeks of competition, the winners and new champions of "dancing with the stars" are -- ♪ and the winner finally is -- jennifer and derek. [ applause ] >> jimmy: that's right. still wrestling with that puppet. tonight, you america, saved the abc television network by voting bristol palin off "dancing with the stars." [ applause ] i wasn't sure you had it in you. i'm proud of you. about 2:00 this morning bristol palin will be deported back to alaska. to dance exclusively with wolves. and -- and thank you for not putting baby in a c

well, national unfriend day, "jimmy kimmel live" is next. c

. >> here is jimmy kimmel with what is coming up next. jimmy?>> tonight, will ferrell, manny pacquiao, music from good sharl lt, and we trick for treaters. jimmy kimmel ♪ [ female announcer ] there's a way to get your groceries when you want them, all without leaving your home. it's called safeway home delivery. visit safeway.com today and you'll save $15 on your first order and get free home delivery. just type in the promo code: fresh. it's everything you need. so you have more time to do what you want. order today. with $15 off and free delivery, now's the time to shop at safeway.com. let's go with... i'm selling my toyota rav4. do you know anything at all about the escape? it's a nice light blue color.

november 17th. >> jimmy kimmel wants to cut the friend fat. whether it's your ex- boyfriend's creepy uncle or that girl you did an article with at towson. it's national unfriend day in an effort to pare down the excess friend age and make social networking a little more anti-social. >>> friend age a word? >> i don't know. i tell you what, i want you to have the facebook and like. you're way ahead of me in the race kelly. maybe i'm more of a twitter guy or something. >> i can't see. >> we had quite the round of storms last night. we're talking nasty little cluster of storms northeast. parksville getting the worse of that in the parkville area. we saw the storms coming in at 11:30. we were talking about this coming out of virginia. how it unfolds into the overnight you never quite know. >> it was real ugly. we were without power most of the night. >> there was damage in the city. let's take a look outside just the opposite tonight kelly. a crystal clear weather scenario. great looking night actually. we have sunset but we still have name dusk li

jimmy kimmel has noticed. will appear on tv to talk about the video he made after someone took his backpack. >> it had these super hero on it. iron man. and if thor and wolverine and "spider-man". and it had some of my halloween candy in it. >>reporter: he will talk about the backpack trouble tonight on jimmy kimmel live at 12:05 here on abc 7. >> hate to see a young kid have to deal with something like that. that's such a downer. >> let's talk basketball. >> mike is here now. >> somebody steals your halloween candy fighting word. all right. warriors on a brutal 5 game road trip in 7 days. despite winning the first game away from home tonight they have a may have lost ellis. update on the húhúhúhúgtoaoanñ >> first stepped road trip of the year 5 games in 7 days in toronto tonight and warriors get the first win away from home. ellis entering the game as league leading scorer in the second ellis gets tough shot to go. reason why he's the leader and fouchlt he had 28. warriors up 14 at the half. raptors rally and

"jimmy kimmel live" is next. ♪ [ female announcer ] there's a way to get your groceries when you want all without leaving your home. it's called safeway home delivery. visit safeway.com today and you'll save $15 on your first order and get free home delivery. just type in the promo code: fresh. it's everything you need. so you have more time to do what you want. order today. with $15 off and free delivery, now's the time to shop at safeway.com.

"jimmy kimmel live" is next. money. $200 bucks? that's not saving!es, melting cheese and my secret sauce plus fries and a drink for only $3.99. i get it. you can eat lo cheaper atouar placth y c]caat hom but do have this? i have dessert. what about this? ohhh. ohhhhhh. jack. that's for max.