>> yeah, i go to "jimmy kimmel live." this organization called the edible school yard. and she and banksy give me references all the time. no, and she, i was in australia recently, i went to australia to do work there and she gave me references of amazing places to go. yeah, i ask people. >> jimmy: how was that? was she right on with the places? >> yeah, the only problem is that we were there a week, or maybe a couple days before oprah was there -- >> jimmy: she ate everything? i don't know. no, no. please, she's a very dear friend. very dear friend. we kid each other like that all the time. >> but like, they're like, you know, we have a somewhat celebrity coming in for dinner, would you, can you have a table for them, and so everybody thought oprah was coming in. so, when we would walk in, i'd be like, this restaurant is great, they were like, oh, okay. they would have hand carved a chair with an o in it for her and they'd have to scurry it away. oh, it's jake whatever. >> jimmy: we can't all be oprah. i tell you what, i

dicky: and now furthermore, here's jimmy kimmel! cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm jimmy, the host of the program. thank you for coming and for watching. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i was going to say you're here on a bad night. i'm tired and i have -- does anyone have anything funny they want to say? oh, well, it rained pretty hard here over the last two days which is god's way of trying to flush the real "housewives of orange county" into the ocean. i was almost forced to use an umbrella this morning. it got scary. it rained on the l.a. marathon yesterday. fortunately unlike other marathons in the l.a. marathon you're allowed to drive your car so it was okay. but some of the runners are here. so the 50th place. we're checking actually. have we checked that? >> 835. >> jimmy: you came in 835. >> overall in women. >> jimmy: the women's ranking? 97. that's still pretty good. [ applause ] >> jimmy: you're supposed to be on top of that. you're supposed to be checking the facts. >> oh, next time. >> jimmy: okay. puddles were a b

kimmel live" concert series, sponsored by bud light.erformances and other music videos, go to jimmykimmellive.com welcome back to hack job. today we're with the gilberts. okay, guys, are you ready to see your new kitchen? yes!!! me too. let's go. take a look!! ahhh. here. we. go! it looks amazing! you didn't do anything. you just put bud light on the counter. exactly. it totally opens it up. we gave it a fun vibe. clearly this is a room people want to hang out in. [ male announcer ] it's the sure sign of a good time. the just right taste of bud light. here we go. the landscapers are here. nice. we pretend high-heels don't hurt and that we can handle anything life throws at us. but there are times that we need a moment to remember. we're only human. that's more than enough. your moment. your dove™. your moment. you have a really nice neck. thank you, it's just genetics... whoa! huh? mr. clean magic eraser kitchen scrubber with the grease-fighting power of dawn. right in the eraser. oh-h, look at the bubbles. bottle 1: that's the race car

jimmy kimmel! good, everyone's here. thank you, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. i thank you for watching. i thank you for coming and for your -- hey, let's really get to know each other tonight. this gentleman, where are you from? >> chicago. >> jimmy: all right. okay, good. well, that's, we've learned enough. welcome. sometimes it's best to keep a little distance. is anyone here a fan of babies? [ applause ] most people hate babies, but -- there's a clip on the internet, it's great. getting a lot of attention. you have probably seen it. baby with a nail gun versus baby with a blow torch? no. twin baby boys have a conversation, part two. don't worry. you don't need to have seen part one to understand what's going on. in fact, unless you speak fluent baby you won't understand what's going on at all. [ babies yelling ] >> jimmy: isn't that cute? [ applause ] it's what i hear when i watch fox news. i've watched that, like, 30 times today. what goes through their heads? do you think they think the

jimmy kimmel!heers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everyone, i'm jimmy. thank you for watching. welcome to my house. i appreciate that. thank you for being here. anybody else like pine apples? we should start a club or something because i love them. i really do. this morning i decided it would be a good idea to start growing my own pineapples. first of all, they don't grow on trees. did you know that? i didn't. to grow a pineapple, you cut the top off and you dry it out and you plant it in a pot and you can only grow them in warm climate because they die if it gets under 50 degrees. but if you do everything right, if you keep the plant moist, fertilize it, in 18 months, you have one pineapple. so, i think i'll just two to the supermarket and buy one for $7 instead. that's a lot of work for a pineapple. i don't think i took that much care of my children for the first 18 months. but you know what they say, you can't eat your children, so -- it's thursday night, it's a big night for college basketball an

kimmel! cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everyone. i'm jimmy. thank you for being here. thank you very watching. thank you for everything. how many of you are here tonight because it's too cold to go home? you are not able to go to your own home? anyone? [ applause ] you wouldn't know it from being here, but a massive snowstorm is piling on parts of the united states. experts say the best thing to do is hunker down. experts say do this? how is that going to help? and when you hunker, why do you have to do it down? there is a heat wave through florida. authorities are urging people to hunker up. this is a big storm and a long one. the storm stretches 2,000 miles and will leave a third of the country covered in snow. america looks like charlie sheen's coffee table now. and of course -- [ laughter ] folks who are unfortunately hit hardest in a storm like this are the weathermen. >> it will melt to rain. the cold air will keep us below the surface and that spells that nasty four-letter word, i

jimmy kimmel! cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: well that's very nice. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for coming. thank you for watching. i'd like to welcome anyone who is involved with public storage. [ cheers and applause ] public storage here tonight. you know what public storage is, right? that is where, you know, you find a dead body or michael jackson's collectibles are stuck in there. we're delayed tonight after an extended edition of "nightline." christiane amanpour had an exclusive interview with egyptian president hosni mubarak. i was also offered and interview with mubarak but we decided to go with alex trebek and kim kardashian, instead. i think we made the right choice. that stuff is boring. this is night three of the massive storm that has snowbliterated much of the united states. that's a word i made up this afternoon in my office. i was very proud of myself. snowbliterated. feel free to use that among your friends. they'll think you made it up. there's a lot of snow fa

jimmy kimmel reveals his thi thin-credible diet plan. -- >> it's a jim-miracle. >> it's a jim-miracle. >> it's a jim-miracle. >> hi, i'm jimmy kimmel. creator of the miraculous jimmy k. diet, the miracle diet breakthrough that lets you cut calories by four-fifths by eating anything you want. sound too good to be true well then unplug your ear holes and listen. >> i tried every diet out there, south beach, atkins. >> fen-phen, orlistat. >> the stuff you can only eat through a coffee straw. >> i swallowed a tape worm. >> i had to slap the food out of my hand before i could eat it. >> nothing worked. >> then i discovered -- >> all: jimmy k. >> the jimmy k. plan isn't some fad diet. my patented decalryizing physioreduction technology gives you results in four to six weeks. >> it's so simple. what's your favorite food. >> that's easy, macaroni and cheese. >> jimmy: voila. >> oh, boy. >> decalorize. my new technology i can cut your total calories by 4/5 by eating 4/5 of your food. >> wow. >> would it work with my favorite blt sandwich? that is

jimmy kimmel!plause ] >> jimmy: appreciate that. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thanks for waping. thanks for being here. this is a -- this is a milestone night for us here. it's our 1,500th show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] to put that in perspective, it only takes 1,100 show for them to pick an "american idol," so -- 1,500 is a lot. and just goes to show you what you can accomplish with a video of a high-ranking abc executive with a transvestite. anything. so, from joe millionaire to kim kardashian to snooki, from gary coleman and sarah palin, thank you from the bottom of my heart for keeping us going. oh, hand me the crow bar. i remember this. after our first show, i wrote a note to myself and i buried it under the stage to be opened on our 1,500th show. so -- let me just -- oh. all right. all right. i think i've done some terrible damage here. i buried it really well. okay. oh, there it is. okay. great. here we go. ugh. i buried it in the 1800s. all right. here we go. it says -- i don

and now, fasten your safety belts, here's jimmy kimmel!heers and applause ] >>. >> jimmy: hi, everyone. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching and showing up to see us here. here is what we're going to do tonight. when i downtown three, everyone start lafring. one, two, three. [ laughter ] i wish i thought of this years ago. it's easier than writing jokes. president obama, our president, addressed the nation from washington, d.c., tonight. it was the first time in history that the president has gone to apologize for his final four picks. he explained libya and his plan to bomb virginia commonwealth for misses up his bracket. he shot the pirates in indian ocean. it's almost like he took the nobel prize as an insult. unless snooki is going to libya, the american people don't care that much. we are very busy. i will be honest, all i know about lib yarks they gave doc brown the plutonium in "back to the future." the president announced the new season of "dancing with the stars." what do you think is going to last long cent

with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> dicky: and now, once again, here's jimmy kimmeluse ] >> jimmy: hi there, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks for being with us. thanks for being so soft and smooth. is anyone in the audience tonight chare sheen? good, we can speak freely then. charlie sheen, as you know, went crazy last month. he attacked his bosses, he was fired from his job. his head started spinning around. he could very well be possessed by the devil. and he says he's planning to sue warner brothers and cbs, two of the biggest companies in all of hollywood. how does hollywood respond? well, with a movie deal. apparently charlie sheen is preparing to star in major league three. the movie is already written. they're ready to shoot. i forgot charlie sheen was even an actor. i thought he was the host of "the bad girls club" or something. but he's been playing baseball to get in shape for the movie pitching, hitting, peeing in cups. it's hard to believe that of the original film's stars, wesley snipes is the one in prison right now. c

jimmy kimmel!rs and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, everyone. hi, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. on this special night of television. everybody take off your shirts, let's get this party started. in case you didn't hear the screaming, and see the goodyear blimp outside in the sky, britney spears is here with us tonight. you know what, i hope she didn't bring the snake. i camped out all night to see her even though it'sy own show and i could have walked in. the whole city of west hollywood has moved east into regular hollywood for this event. britney was on "good morning america" this morning. that was big, too. george stephanopoulos was shrieking like a teenage girl. this is britney's second appearance on our show. the first one was a long time -- she hasn't been here in, like, two kids, and -- i will say no one is more excited about britney's appearance tonight than our parking lot security guard guillermo, who is -- oh, there he is. [ cheers and

kimmel!s and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm touched. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you -- [ cheers and applause ] thank you for showing up. and -- i just want to say something real quick. this guy gave me the finger when i came out here. he's on the show last night, my cousin sal threw his cigar into the street and i guess -- >> it was a thumb. >> jimmy: it was a thumb? i said a finger, i didn't -- i have great news. everyone assembled here tonight is going to hollywood. or is in hollywood already. [ cheers and applause ] you realize, not so great, huh? tonight on "american idol," they are down to 12 karaoke singers here in hollywood. it was hard not to get swept up in the excitement. because the fact of the matter is one of these unpolished kids is going to go on to join the ranks of great "american idol" winners taylor hicks, ryan davis, chrissy holloway. i made the last two names up and you didn't even know. so -- contestant named casey abrams was back after having to miss the show

here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, cleto.i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. and a big baba booey to all of us here in the studio. you picked a good night to join us. the great and powerful howard stern is with us here. and so are his fans. it's an interesting group. howard stern fans and i include myself in this group, are strange and wonderful species. they're from all walks of life. they feed on krus day shans, fish and other marine life. they live in basements. they have sexual relations with their pillows. and if you're hoping to spot one in the wild, the best place to look is behind your local news reporter. >> this video is on youtube so we cannot verify its you a th authenticity -- >> kelsey grammer wears a dress, baba booey! >> jimmy: like 40 of those gentlemen in our audience tonight. howard was able to score a rare interview with charlie sheen this week. it was amazing. especially great because of sirius, you can say anything you want. they only take a commercial break when they feel like i

. >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel. with the grand finale to the focus rally america. after driving to just about every nook and cranny of the continental united states to compete in the ultimate interactive road rally, our six teams finally put their all-new 2012 ford focuses into park. and now, it's now time to meet the winners of the focus rally america and their own all-new ford focuses. the six finalists are, margot and jeff, john and carolyn, matt and brittany, clayton and adam, mike and brian and bryn and donna. and the winners are? john and carolyn, the gray team. john and carolyn, come on down! [ applause ] john and carolyn, i give you the keys to the -- each of you gets a 2012 ford focus. >> can i have a hug? rk how does it feel to be a champion? >> good. >> jimmy: what was the worst part of the trip? >> probably john's retainers. they were all over the car. >> jimmy: more than one? >> a little invisiline container. >> jimmy: are you a billionaire? >> no. >> jimmy: which of the teams were you happiest to beat and why? >> probably the red team. >> jimmy: why?

kimmel!cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, cleto. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks for coming. i appreciate that. especially during this difficult daylight saving time which i hate springing forward. i really -- i hate springing forward a lot more than i like falling back, which is really the story of my entire life. [ laughter ] we were off last week. i had a scary vacation. i was in bora bora which is in the middle of the pacific ocean, halfway between here and new zealand. when the earthquake hit japan and after the earthquake there was a tidal wave warning in bora bora where i was and i am not what you might call relaxed when it comes to disaster-type scenarios. i don't just crack under pressure, i disintegrate. i turn into that stuff that comes out of pixie sticks. so, i'm in the room at 4:30 in the morning. they called, had to evacuate everybody by boat to another island that had higher ground. and not only am i scared of tidal waves i'm scared

. >> dicky: up next on "jimmy kimmel live." it's our academy awards special. with tom hanks. >> just like a bratz doll. >> dicky: mike tyson. >> eloquence. >> dicky: music from cee lo green. and the hottie body hump club. >> jimmy: now hump. dig in there now. come on!wswswswswswswswswswswsws ♪ >> dicky: from hollywood, it's the sixth annual "jimmy kimmel live" after the academy awards. tonight -- academy award winner tom hanks. scarlett johansson. emily blunt. jessica alba. sofia vergara. jessica biel. eva longoria. and many, many more in the hottie body hump club. with music from cee lo green. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> dicky: and now, lights, camera, action. here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you? thank you very much. welcome to the -- our sixth annual after the academy awards special coming to you from hollywood, just across the street from the oscars on one side and a burned down kenny rogers' chicken restaurant on the other side. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. what a night it has been. you can say glamour and glitz? co

here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, cleto. hi there.'m jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thanks for coming out. i have -- hey, any -- any charlie sheen sightings yet? >> not yet. we're keeping our eye out. >> jimmy: he got in here unmolested last night. last night, charlie sheen showed up in the middle of an interview i was conducting with another guest and he kissed me on the mouth. if you missed it, here's how that went. >> how are we doing? how are we doing? how are we doing? [ bleep ] up! up! >> jimmy: hey, charlie. right square on the lips. you know what, he's bi-winning and bi-curious, it turns out. it was a very strange moment because we've been talking about him and talking about him, talking about him and -- it was almost like snuff lup gus showed up in tern. and for the record, his lips taste like cinnamon and moon beams. those were his girlfriends' names, right? they say when you kiss someone, you kiss everyone they've ever kissed. luckily for me, most hookers don't kiss, so -- i got a lot of e-mails and t

"jon stewart," "kimmel." are you up against "kimmel" tonight?sell three cell phone applications tonight, the way this is going. [ laughter ] it's fantastic. >> jimmy: i promise you three. >> i just saw leon russell passed out in the hall. [ laughter ] he's ready to go to sleep. >> jimmy: he's taking a nap. it's fine. he's powering up, getting ready for the big thing. >> are you all right, or what? >> jimmy: i'm doing good. i'm having fun. i'm learning how to do this. i don't know how to do this. >> let me give you some advice. [ light laughter ] i -- i'm a student of late night television. if they tell you they want to give you the "tonight show," smack them in the head. [ cheers and applause ] that conan. i like conan a lot, but he's a big dope. i always said to him -- i said, you've got a cush deal. when he had this show, he sat here. nobody watches. nobody cares. nobody cared about the ratings. nobody -- nobody cares. >> jimmy: yeah. >> you're sitting here, who cares? so you do bob dylan. nobody -- if everyone falls asleep, who cares? >> jimm

he planted a kiss on kimmel's lips signed an auto graph and passed out t-shirts to the audience. >> kimmel'sgoing, i don't know about that. a clorox wipe right there. >>> coming up next, a giant lotto jackpot awaits a winner tonight. >>> and the firefight in colorado, where hundreds of homes are now in danger. we'll be right back. glowing. -smooth. -flawless. [ female announcer ] it's more than just one thing. now aveeno brings all five factors of radiance together with positively radiant spf 30. with active naturals soy, it's now proven to visibly transform all five factors of radiance; tone, texture, blotchiness dullness and brown spots. so now the definition of radiant skin... you're looking at it. [ female announcer ] positively radiant. and try skin brightening daily scrub, only from aveeno. discover the power of active naturals. ♪ have a better day ♪ [ male announcer ] build your better breakfast with all the flavors you choose. try an irresistible steak, egg & cheese, with toasty tomato or chipotle southwest sauce on tasty flatbread. only at subway! ♪ ♪ i had this chronic, deep ache a

jimmy kimmel, he was relaxing, having an island vacation and he had to, you know, evacuate briefly becausein the way of the tsunami warning, alerted a few fans through twitter. also kristen stewart and taylor lautner from "twilight" fame, they had to get out of dodge. they're all okay. obviously, stars impacted by the tragedy as well, too. they got out of dodge, which is -- >> they're safe. >> -- good to know they're safe. >> i like how jimmy kimmel tweeted he was happy he brought his sticks, his -- >> his aqua stilts. >> stilts, right. >> he was joking about it -- >> but then quickly -- >> he got serious when he realized. >>> now our top headlines from >> but then quic -- >> he got serious when he realized. let me tell you about a very important phone call i made. when i got my medicare card, i realized i needed an aarp... medicare supplement nsurance card, too. medicare is one of the great things about turning 65, but it doesn't cover everything. in fact, it only pays up to " 80% of your part b expenses. if you're already on or eligible for medicare, call now to findhow an a. insured by

restore a historic landmark in harlem, fund a local business in chicago, >> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel expand green energy initiatives in seattle. because when you're giving, lending and investing in more communities across the country, more opportunities happen. by giving me huge discounts on rooms hotels can't always fill. with unpublished rates. which means i get an even more rockin' hotel, for less. where you book matters. expedia. i can't breathe... so i can't sleep... and the next day i pay for it. i tried decongestants... i tossed & turned... i even vaporized! and then i fought back: with drug-free breathe right advanced. these nasal strips instantly opened my nose, like a breath of fresh air. i was breathing and sleeping better! [ female announcer ] exercise your right to breathe right... get two free strips at breatheright.com. hey, it's your right to breathe right! get two free strips at breatheright.com. [music playing] confidence available in color. depend® colors for women. looks and fits like underwear. protects like nothing else. depend®. good morning. great day. >> anno

. >>> up next on an all-new "jimmy kimmel live" -- >> good-bye to cate blanchett and welcome home a homelessuy in a spider-man costume. >> you gave me a box of porn. >> did i? >> it was radical. >> jimmy: not on drugs. what the hell goes on when he is.

sheen on kimmel. [ cheering and applause ] >> how are you doing? >> let him kiss.ie sheen may have a show on fox. >> (bleep). >> he may not go for the kiss, but chuck sheen had and good night. it's really delicious, mom. it's not too well done? nope. but it is a job well done. what are you reading, sweetie? her diary. when you're done, i'd love some feedback. sure. your mom and i read that thing cover-to-cover. loved it. thanks. would you mind if i cut the lawn this weekend? only if you let me talk to your mother on the phone for hours on end. done. [ male announcer ] u-verse brings peace to the family. at&t u-verse lets you record four shows at once from any room and play them back on any tv. get u-verse tv for only $29 a month for 6 months. in the network, everyone can get along.

. >> charlie made a random appearance on jimmy kimmel, gave jimmy a gift, a mug with a fox on it.ean? he says, you figure it out. could charlie be working a deal with fox? you never know. apparently new reports out this morning say cbs wants charlie back. they want the show to resume. they said, les moonves, head of cbs, is now getting personally involved in negotiations to bring him back, this is quoting what they say is a network insider. he said, certain people need to forget anything and everything charlie's done recently and just move on with the business at hand. folks, when there's that much money involved, there's a lot of business at hand. money talks in hollywood. now they're saying they are trying to bring the show back. they want charlie back. get back to doing the show. >> well, bags of money to be had, therefore, a lot of bad behavior can be excused because there's bags of money involved. >>> from one awkward moment to another. "dancing with the stars" premiered last night. did you see wendy williams? i love her. she's hysterical. she's so good. of course, ralph macc

sheen on kimmel. [ cheering and applause ] >> how are you doing? >> let him kiss.a show on fox. >> (bleep). >> he may no t the internet on a plane! are you from the future? um, no. cleveland. listen cleveland your savings account is stuck in the past! earn more with interestplus savings at capitalone.com. that's new school banking baby! so instead of making peanuts your savings will be earning three times the national average. oops. sorry. three times more? i'll have that! it is now safe to go online to capitalone.com. what's in your wallet? buh-bye... call me.

>> i saw that on kimmel, and i thought, we have to use that. that was hysterical.that was funny. >> the flames in the background. >> that was good. quick side note. they gave franco a lot of flack for not being the greatest host of the oscars. apparently he's still in school at yale. he didn't even party at the after-parties, he had to go back to class on monday. he didn't even party -- >> he seems like he partied before hosting the oscars. a little residue there. >> "dancing with the stars" season 212 -- no, season 12, the cast has been announced here for abc. an interesting mix here. let's go through the names. kirstie alley from "cheers" and weight loss fame. psycho mike catherwood, a member of the top rated show out in l.a. and chris jericho, who i think is a wrestling star, and then chelsea kane, sugar ray leonard, former boxer and former karate kid ralph macchio will be in the house as well, on top of that beautiful model petra nemcova, am i saying that right? >> nemcova, gorgeous. >> romeo, former rapper. not former but rapper. used to be lil romeo back in h

okay, fine, and then we went, hey, i bet jimmy kimmel is available. >> jimmy: well that's very nice except you should know regis is coming here to do my show with me. >> well, i had heard that also but i thought it would be great since you did so well that time that you filled in for him for that week where you flew every night across the country -- >> jimmy: yeah, that was great. yeah. >> that didn't kill you. >> jimmy: it came very, very close. >> no, come on. >> jimmy: speaking of going across the country, you've got this maniac, this guy, dean. >> he's incredible. >> jimmy: this is his book. >> this man is incredible. >> jimmy: and i can see that. and he's planning to run from -- let's bring dean out if we could. dean, come on out. [ applause ] >> jimmy: how are you have a seat. >> you want to -- >> jimmy: dean, you're an ultra marathoner? >> yeah, i am. the only bummer about that new book, they used the photo of you on the cover. what is up with those people? i feel robbed. >> jimmy: i'm far more muscular than that. dean, you -- so you have done like 50 states, 50 marathons, right, ki

charlie sheen, jimmy kimmel, making out on late night tv. not quite.at's one way to greet a guest. >> it's been a few days since we have talked about charlie sheen. he's sold out two shows here in new york city. and not just here. all around the country. he's selling out, with the act on his road. >> he's hot right now. that's for sure. we'll have more on that coming up. >>> also, the video. have you seen it that turned this young boy into a viral villain? we showed you this. but is he really the bully? and does the video tell the whole story? the young man who got body-slammed right there, he says he's the victim of bullying. and he's going to speak out for the first time. >> what we didn't know when we first talked about it. >>> and then another video making headlines this morning, this poor couple -- >> oh. >> this video captured the feet of people arriving. it could be the worst wedding video. you can tell us. >>> we're going to start with that question that we're grappling with, what would you do. >> a true what would you do? a father's warning th

he gave a big smooch on jimmy kimmel. he didn't stay long but he did get the audience fired up.said he had to go read scripts and left suddenly as he arrived. >> he didn't kiss and tell. he just kissed and ran. >> recapping our top story, the jury is seated and just hours from now, prosecutors will begin opening statements in the barry bonds federal perjury trial. >> reporter: opening statements this morning and they are going to call the first witnesses to the stand. barry bonds will be in court this morning, yesterday he watched his attorneys and prosecution select a jury that will determine his fate. bonds is facing four federal counts of perjury and one count of obstruction of justice in a case involving steroid use. the jury of 12 includes eight men and four women. including a nurse and a's fan and two retirees. now, the witnesses are scheduled to testify sometime today. they include bonds' former personal trainer greg anderson. he has refused to testify which has landed him in jail for about a year. and his former mistress and federal agent who uncovered the scandal. the j

. >> she starts here on "gma," finishes up on "jimmy kimmel live." >> so long. >> have a great day.ncer ] new gold bond deep moisture, with 7 moisturizers and 3 vitamins. the body wash that moisturizes like a lotion. >>> baseball returns to the bay area tonight when the giants meet the a's in the annual bay bridge series. they will play tonight and wednesday and oakland coliseum tomorrow night. we've got weather to match. >> it will be clear tonight. it will be a little cool once you get to the game. upper 50s dropping to the mid-50s. before we get to that 50 in san francisco. low to mid-50s for the rest of us and mid to upper 70s by thursday away from the coast. >> we're going to san mateo where we have an accident that is still in the lanes. southbound 101 at third avenue and crews are heading. there westbound 24. a problem in the orinda side of the calde

. >>> charlie sheen crashes "kimmel." what happened after the live tv ambush?, sheen's new psychiatric evaluation. can he now see his kids? >>> what happened with chris brown, robin? >> chris brown's violent outbur outburst. did he smash new york's gmc studio window after the rihanna question? >> is he going to pay for that glass? >> then. >>> our little gir >> look, you're flat, you're flat. >> cher's daughter, chastity bono becoming chaz. oprah's first images. shavi his face. inside the hospital. >> in depth with lady o on the emotional new tv special

last night he made a surprise appearance on jimmy kimmell. kissed jimmy right on the lips. ever the showman. the real question, will he return to "two and a half men"? discussions are ongoing. it is not a done deal yet? >> all right, jeff. thank you very much. we have linda kenny batten, a trial attorney and steve dubato, a media analyst and author of "what were they thinking." steve, first of all, this is from a well-placed source within charlie sheen's camp. do you buy it? >> no. >> why not? >> look, you look at jeff's piece and the words communicated by cbs are so clear, by time warner. look, anything can happen, particularly if you're looking for the money and you don't think because you have tested other people to replace charlie sheen you say, hey, it may not work. but i have never seen a situation in the media, in show business where such horrific things were said about your employer so quickly. just a short time ago. out of control. what do you say? never mind. we didn't mean it. they better have tested a lot of people and they better

not to mention the jimmy kimmel kiss as well. >> that was a high point this week.something along the lines, i was worried i could catch something. but he said, i'm not worried because hookers don't kiss. >> we're just repeating what he said. >> yeah, make that clear. >>> coming up after the break, combining science fiction and comedy. >> also we'll be meeting these movie makers using animation, comedians in the new film "paul" the alien." >>> sleeping city there. well, simon pegg and nick frost may not be familiar names but when i say the stars of the movie, you insomniacs know who we're talking about. >> peter travers, "rolling stone" movie critic and host of "abc news now" host of popcorn sat down with the two to talk about their new sci-fi comedy. >> welcome to the show. great to have you here. >> great to be here. >> your film's called "paul." can you just talk about what this is and what everyone's in store here? >> yeah. well, it's a story of two british sort of comic book fans. >> that's us. >> boy, wow. >> who go to america on this pilgrimage to comic con b

then there was this jimmy kimmel thing where she was doing something called pilates. >> she didn't butice is so low, it is a steal. so she pops out and says allegedly. >> do you think that the way that she's going about her reentry is a smart way to do it? >> well, not really, but i think she has done a smart thing. she's given an interview to "extra" in which she acknowledges that she's got a long way to go to make people trust her again, to make the business trust her and to be insurable. and i think that is very smart for her to be contrite finally. >> i think the first thing out of her mouth, too, in that interview is that she says i have to become insurable again. not that i have to get my life together, but -- >> the same thing with charlie. he's got to be insurable again. they're not going to start production again. it's too expensive. what about the fact they're talking about john stamos, somebody like that coming in to take over for him? >> apparently he was approached by les moonves. there's a report. and they're looking around. i mean, i actually think john stamos would be f

on "the jimmy kimmel show," lohan managed to make fun of her serious predicament in this skit. >> theactically a steal. >> allegedly. >> reporter: if lohan negotiates a deal with jail time, she eventually hopes movie studios will again buy insurance, guaranteeing she will show up, ready for work. >> i think that's something i will be able to say, when i've taken the steps that i need to take, to prove that i can be insurable again. i think that will come in time. where i'll be in a position to even say that. i don't think i am right now. >> reporter: right now, she says, this is so embarrassing. >> i don't want that to be what i'm known for anymore. you know? the tabloid stuff. that's not important to me. i don't like the attention. i don't want that. i want my attention to come through my films for the work that i'm doing. >> reporter: it is a painful process. but addiction specialists say, the first step to recovery is honestly admitting you have a problem. for "good morning america," mike von fremd, abc news, los angeles. >> boy. what an interesting contrast to that charlie sheen i