as much as you celebrate somebody's birthday, you mark the day they died. it's like aunt connie'sig thing in our house. my mom was always very terrified of death. i guess she went to catholic school and the nuns put the fear of death in a big way. they didn't quite, you know, explain the concept of death well enough to her satisfaction that it didn't leave her terrified. so we were raised in a fear-based environment. you know, we pulled our shades and curtains down at night. my father didn't want anyone looking in the house. we were home by 5:00, lock the doors. even though we lived in an insanely safe community. so i came from people that were very obsessed with death. then my mother was on the table and she died during an operation. she went out for like three minutes. i talked to her about it, what was it like? for her she had been so terrified of dying. i said, what was it? she goes, well, first thing i felt was like all the pressure was gone. like i suddenly felt like, i don't owe anybody anything. i felt so at peace. i was like, did you see a light? she said no, i was just f