( doorbell ringing ) ( knocking ) mr. roper? don't "mr. roper" me. what? you think you're pretty smart. mr. rop... you think you're pretty smart. okay, i'm not. don't pull that dumb act on me. dumb act? you tried to set me up, didn't you? i set you up? see, you admit it. why? why what? you know why what. you know why, you know what and you know what why. what? you know why, you know what and... i don't know what you're talking about. you know, you know. does this have anything to do with mrs. roper? a-ha! i knew you knew. why don't we sit down have a drink and... i don't want your drink. i'll buy my own drinks. you keep away from me. good heavens, jack, what was that all about? i don't know, but whatever you cooked up for mrs. roper it just boiled over. hey, all i did was try and get a couple back together again. now, what's wrong with that? i don't know, but... ( doorbell ringing ) every time you play cupid, janet, something goes wrong. mrs. rop... mr. furley. oh, janet, stanley found us in bed together. who? you and mr. furley? uh-huh. some cupid, stupid!

- mrs. roper, i've been on my own now for three years and i like it that way, and i guess they do, too. - they do? - sure, i mean, they've got more important things on their minds like my dad, he's up north someplace trying to find himself. - and your mother? - i haven't seen her in years. one day she baked a tray of cookies and just took off. - why? - i don't know, the cookies she left like that, to be all alone? - not really, she makes friends easily. - but how did she get into your storeroom? - uh, mrs. roper left a window open. do you want to go to the market with me? - no thanks, i'm waiting for daddy, he's bringing a book home about sex. - what? - really? - yeah, my mommy said it will help him do the job right. - huh? - well, hello david. - hi, dad. - i hope he hasn't been bothering you. - no, we've been having a nice chat. - i was talking to david. come along son. talking about? - sex. - david! - did mr. roper say anything interesting? - ann? - he told me what happened when he and mrs. rope

- a deal's a deal mrs. roper. what happened to the sleeves? - oh, i shortened them for stanley. - didn't i mention that? - roper! - a deal's a deal, brooks. - don't worry mr. brooks, ann can lengthen them for you. - oh good. - whazza what what? - what girly girl, nudes, broad's? - well, those those i i i was just saving them to burn them in the fireplace. - we don't have a fireplace. - we don't have one now, but we're going to have a very, very soon. picture if you will, a fireplace over here, somewhere over here, a big flue and we can marshmallows, just right down here [jacket rips] oh my my jacket! roper! i hate you! i hate you! ooh, here comes aunt hilda and mr. kraft. ten bucks says he kisses her. 20 bucks says she throws up. and that is why i packed up everything i owned into my '72 dodge dart, and i just left muncie and headed for westbridge. uh-huh. good night. you know, i... had a wonderful time tonight, hilda. "a heavy heart, beloved year until i saw thy face." oh! would you look at the time! i really, really... isn't that your car rol

brooks. - oh mrs. roper, is everything all right? - oh yeah, yeah, that that was just the dumbbell. - oh, i thought it might be. could i speak with him? - thank you. - ah roper! - what do you want? - well, business is booming down at the office and i'm looking for a man to assist me on the sales staff. - i don't know anybody offhand, but i'll keep my eyes open. - stanley, you don't understand, he's offering you a job. - oh, a very important job in real estate. - oh yeah? - oh yes, putting out for sale signs and actually placing flags in front of the open know he can. - just a minute, do i look like a slob who washes windows? you've got a lot of nerve brooks, coming in here with your nose in the air, looking down at us, embarrassing poor helen here, - what? - insulting helen by offering her husband a degrading job, you should be ashamed of yourself. - stanley, why are you doing this? don't mind - well, all right, if you can afford to turn away good money. but fair warning, you're not getting one more cent from david. - oh stanley, i'v

- but mr. roper - that's right, i forgot about the dump next door. - jeffrey - oh, that's just like roper, foisting his refuse on an innocent child. - but he didn't, david traded the train set for it. - oh well that's he what? your train set no, he ' door and you get it right back, do you understand? - but i can't. - why? - we said keeps. - oh, hi jenny. something wrong? - i'm just tired of sketching fruit. you can't believe how boring it gets staring at something that just lays there. - oh yes i can. pictures of back when i was in the uso. - oh yeah, let's see. oh, look at you, ooh you were really cuttin lose there weren't you? - yeah well, i guess in those days i wasn't afraid to do crazy, impulsive things. - what made you stop? - one day i went too far and married mr. roper. - ooh who's he? - oh that's an old beau. he's in town and wants me to have a drink with him tonight. - oh look, that's a picture of the girls at the uso, they were all so crazy about tom. - boy, fashions sure were different th

he treats his like a museum. - okay, back to work mrs. roper. [doorbell rings] here is one that will make a new woman out of you. - good, try that one helen. - very funny. - roper, your car is blocking the driveway. i had to push it out of the way. - what? - i just like to know how you ct running. - you're going to have to try a little running yourself. - why? - i didn't put your brke on. - you didn't put my brake... - one, two, three, four. - very good, very good. i'm off to work ann. - you think we look pretty good huh? - no, pretty good, no you look marvelous. of course you're doing it all wrong. - it doesn't matter, who is going to notice? - you for one. - no, really we would like to know the right way to do it. - yeah. - all right, if you insist. you see ladies it is really quite simple. and follow me ladies. and one, two... arrgh! - i don't know if i can do that. out again. - oh how terrible. [jeffrey groaning] - sometimes it lasts for hours. you can hear him all over the neighborhood. [jeffrey groaning] - what do you do? - i usually go to

- mrs. roper, i hope you're not going to any trouble just for me. i'm really not that fussy. - you mean you wouldn't mind having liver and hotcakes? you know what jenny's been doing? - looking for somewhere else to live? - she's been drawing my picture. show him, jenny. what do you think? - very nice. very nice. you left out a few wrinkles. - it's too bad about your liver. - for groceries. - are you crazy, a girl like that. what's to prevent her from keeping the money and running off? - where to, the riviera? - okay helen, but don't say i didn't warn you. - how could i forget, you been warning me every 2 minutes ever since we invited her to move in here. - we didn't invite her to move in here. she broke in here, remember? - at first and then we invited now she's running off with your money. - oh, stanley. oh, hey, is your car running? - why, you want me to go after her? - no, i want you to drive me to my sister ethel's. - the car is not running. - stanley! - i hate to go to your sister's. - why? - one, she's a stuck up snob. two, she makes me park a

. >> i'm not a the guy who played mr. roper on "three's company." 65 years. it can happen. >> that's sweet. >>> we've got something else that's really nice. this new toy that's sweeping the nation. you have one? >> we are getting one. right here. it is called the hatch-a-mole. >> this is for ages 3 and up. it is the new "it" -- >> 5-plus. >> that's perfect for my nieces. i am very happy to see this this egg. that i'm apparently going to hold for next several minutes to possibly -- i'm going to give birth to a hatchimal. >> you raise them from baby to toddlers, on to kids. dylan can -- can you help her? >> the key unlocks it. >> i have a 7-year-old niece and a 10-year-old niece. they were supposed to come we could not find a single seat on the plane for them to visit. so if you're flying on thanksgiving -- >> listen. did you hear that? >> wow. >> it's alive now? >> this reminds me of a gremlin. so apparently -- >> my nieces are watching because all of this depends on you. >> so this is how this works. i'm going to hold it and at some point within this hour hop

. - mrs. roper, it's my life. and i'm doing just fine on my own, okay? - but every girl needs a man. you don't know what you're missing. jenny dear, your life is - my life. and i've got to get some sleep. - jenny - will you forget it, helen? - oh, stanley. - come on, let's finish the game. i'm one card away from winning. make your move. - gin. - coffee, sugar, flour - let me guess bozo the clown? - very funny. - what do you think you're doing? - i'm looking for something to eat. - flour? - it doesn't say flour. it says cookies. - they will be cookies when i make them. - it's all your fault, this wouldn't have happened if you had been here like you're supposed to. - i was out shopping with jenny. oh, stanley, i bought her the cutest pair of new shoes. - wiur - why do you have to buy her new shoes? - to go with the new outfit i'm buying her this afternoon. - helen, you're killing me. - stanley, jenny is a pretty young girl. she just doesn't know it yet. - wouldn't it be cheaper if we just gave her a mirror? - look, she should be out dating like other young

- becayo fight with mrs. roper. - now, just a minute. i didn't start it. i was sticking up for you after your fight with mister roper. - but ann, that wasn't a fight, that was a misunderstanding. no, you and helen had the fight. - what? - ohhhhh, you should've seen your mommy, david. her eyes flashing fire as she stood up to that woman like a tigress! - jeffrey, stop telling david love. you were speaking quite loudly as you are doing now. - now, you listen to me, jeffrey - are you two having a fight? - a fight? no, we're not having a fight. you see ann, i think it's time for david to blow out the candles and make a wish. - i wish the ropers were here. - i said a wish, not a curse. come on, ann, get the cake. - it's over at the ropers. all right, we'll just think of something else. - can i play with my trains? - sure! we'll do whatever you want to do. where where are you going? - to the ropers, that's where my trains are. - david, you can play with your trains some other time. - but daddy said - will you listen to your mother oh, i'm getting such a headache.