miss those times why oh why oh why ♪ ♪ my oh my that soul food's on my mind my oh my oh my mind mindback on me out here in this ♪ ♪ world my oh my oh my just tryna make it my oh my ♪ ♪ everything i see my oh my oh my sometimes i can't take it my oh my ♪ ♪ but damn i really miss those times why oh why oh why my oh my ♪ ♪ that soul food's on my mind my oh my oh my mind mind my oh my mind ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: big k.r.i.t., raphael siddiq. oh, great job. "cadillacicta" is in stores right now. we'll be back everybody come on back. ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to bradley cooper, harry connick, jr., big k.r.i.t., raphael saadiq. and the roots right there, ladies and gentlemen, from philadelphia. stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching, have a a great night. i hope to see you tomorrow, bye-bye, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

miss those times why oh why oh why ♪ ♪ my oh my that soul food's on my mind my oh my oh my mind mind 'cause my brothers ♪ ♪ could lead us we going to listen in 2015 turn there back on me out here in this ♪ ♪ world my oh my oh my just tryna make it my oh my ♪ ♪ everything i see my oh my oh my sometimes i can't take it my oh my ♪ ♪ but damn i really miss those times why oh why oh why my oh my ♪ ♪ that soul food's on my mind my oh my oh my mind mind my oh my mind ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: big k.r.i.t., raphael siddiq. oh, great job. "cadillacicta" is in stores right now. we'll be back everybody come on back. ♪ webuyanycar.com has helped thousands of people let go of all the hassle that comes with selling or trading in. we make selling your car, truck or suv, fast, safe and fair with three simple steps: one -- get your free online valuation. two -- drive to your local car-buying center. three -- walk out with a check in as little as thirty minutes. buying cars is all we do. all makes and models and no dealership pressure we'll even settle your loan or lease. so, don't wait. get

miss those times why oh why oh why ♪ ♪ my oh my that soul food's on my mind my oh my oh my mind mind turn there back on me out here in this ♪ ♪ world my oh my oh my just tryna make it my oh my ♪ ♪ everything i see my oh my oh my sometimes i can't take it my oh my ♪ ♪ but damn i really miss those times why oh why oh why my oh my ♪ ♪ that soul food's on my mind my oh my oh my mind mind my oh my mind ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: big k.r.i.t., raphael siddiq. oh, great job. "cadillacicta" is in stores right now. we'll be back everybody come on back. ♪ people of the coffee drinking world, dunkin' has a dark roast coffee that's deliciously roasted just right for a bold start and smooth finish that's never bitter. put down the dark roast you've been putting up with and reach for the one you deserve. we thought our cable internet was fast. but, our uploads are half the speed of our downloads so our internet is really half-fast. so half-fast. someone did a half-fast job posting our vacation pics. stop living with half-fast internet. only verizon fios comes with speedmatch - uploads as

oh. [ talking over each other ] oh yeah. >> jimmy: oh yeah. >> oh. oh. woo!ere. oh, i was wrong. oh. oh, what is that? woo! [ applause ] >> jimmy: oh! oh, no. >> all right. you can't come back from this, man. oh! >> jimmy: that's definitely in right there. that's in! >> oh no. >> jimmy: this is it, man, tiebreaker. you're the best, buddy. >> you ready? i'm gonna watch. >> jimmy: oh, oh, #frappuccino. oh. >> whoa. >> jimmy: oh! no. wait. nothing. sorry. [ talking over each other ] where did that cup come from? >> wait, is this a thing? sorry -- wait, sorry. wait -- this game is out of control, jimmy. >> jimmy: sorry, sorry. here we go. >> this game's out of control. >> jimmy: all right. here we go. >> i'm about drink all my beers. i'm so thirsty, jimmy. so thirsty. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, me too. i'm thirsty too. >> i'm real thirsty. oh, yeah! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: the hunger games are over, i win! josh hutcherson, everybody. "the hunger games: mockingjay part one" opens in theaters on november 21st. tracy ullman joins us next. come on back. [ chee

oh, my gosh.h, "i got five on it". >> luniz. >> jimmy: yeah, luniz. that's what it was. >> luniz from oakland. >> jimmy: oh, really? see, you had a good call. >> yeah, sample from timex social club. >> also from oakland. >> oh, also from oakland. jay king, former pimp. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's like the kevin bacon game. >> yeah! >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> you never met jay king? >> jimmy: you don't know him? >> jay king's a pimp. >> jimmy: thank you. thank you. >> thanks for having me, man. you got two babies! >> jimmy: i have two little girls. >> your sperm worked twice! [ laughter and applause ] twice! >> jimmy: i joined the two daughters club. >> wow, man. >> jimmy: i know you have two daughters. >> yeah, i got two kids, yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. you do, yeah. >> i got kids, man. >> jimmy: how old are the girls? >> lola is how old? lola is 12. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> zahra's 10. okay. >> jimmy: oh yeah? >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: and you're still doing stuff with the girls? >> and i got oth

after the third time, stop. >> oh, oh! coming up -- a family out four-wheeling goes over the edge. >> oh, my god. oh, my god, oh, my god, oh, my god. >> you could hear my youngest screaming, "grandpa, get me out, grandpa, get me out!" ♪ ♪ you're only young once. unless you have a subaru. (announcer) the subaru xv crosstrek. symmetrical all-wheel drive plus 34 mpg. love. it's what makes a subaru, a subaru. with big aspirations. an advanced degree could help you get where you want to go. but sometimes your career can feel like it's getting in the way of your career. now capella university offers flexpath, a revolutionary program that puts you on the most direct path, leveraging what you've learned on the job and focusing on what you need to know so you can earn a degree at your pace and graduate at the speed of you. flexpath from capella university. learn more at capella.edu. >>> at an off-road event, a four-wheel vehicle tumbles down a cliff. >> oh, my god. >> but the biggest shock, the 4-year-old passenger who climbs out.

oh, my gosh. me and her posing. it was very intimate before the show. she's sold more than 75 million records worldwide. oh, my goodness. she's a "new york times" best-selling author. she's a talented actress. her new movie "the boy next door" looks good. it's in theaters this friday. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome jennifer lopez! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back to the show. >> hi! >> jimmy: jennifer lopez! [ cheers and applause ] welcome back. >> thank you. >> jimmy: thank you so much for coming. >> no, absolutely. thank you. thank you. >> jimmy: you know, i have to -- i don't know if i thanked you enough. last time i saw you, you were in orlando with us. >> yes, yes, yes, yes. >> jimmy: oh my gosh, you knocked it out of the park. >> thank you. >> jimmy: i've got to say, thank you so much. >> it was so fun. we had so much fun doing that. that performance. >> jimmy: i've just never saw anyone work that hard. it was just so great. thank you so much for doing that. >> thank

>> hold on. >> oh, >> ut, oh. >> too much hugging. >> oh, more skippy!! yippee!! fun fun fun!you never listen! what? is someone talking? skippy!! yippee!! look a ride! (vo) made with the funnest peanuts ever! skippy. yippee!! this is the "name your price" tool. it gives you options based on your budget -- it's a piece of cake. i was told there would be cake. get a free quote at progressive.com. >> somebody lost their head. by the way it's national squirrel appreciation day. >> that's true it's 9:30 you know what that means time to reveal who is in the suit. >> everybody guessed on twitter already. >> and oh, chris mur. >> i irish pony turns into a chipmunk pretending to be a squirrel. >> looking for nuts. >> i think we found a nut. >> yes because he cannot respond back or talk. >> it's his best report ever. >> things we make him do poor guy. >> little nutty there. >> what a squirrel. >> 9:31 if she's willing to be on the show here do one of these. >> we're taking that now. >> oh, god horrible. >> she's one of hollywood a-list actresses an hanl away has grown up in front of us.

it's like -- [ cheers and applause ] ♪ baby oh, oh baby baby oh, oh baby ♪ [ laughter ] this is interestingootage. russian president vladimir putin took a look at his country's progress in military technology this week and one of their newest gadgets is a robot that can ride a a four-wheeler. check it out. there it is. [ laughter ] look at putin's face. watch putin. [ laughter ] russia looks really fun, guys. doesn't it look fun? >> steve: what's the fire behind him? burning tires. >> jimmy: that robot's on a a jazzy. you know those things that go down the stairs. you know what i'm saying? [ laughter ] actually, i think that clip was missing something. can we show that again? ♪ [ russian accent ] >> sometimes i feel like robot. robot who want to love. we make love. i want to make love to robot. [ applause ] >> jimmy: why would he say that? that doesn't make any sense. that doesn't make any sense. >> steve: i don't understand that. >> jimmy: oh, this wasn't good. the other day espn analyst jerry hamilton sent a tweet or a link or something like that. he tweeted out a link about a a football

but they come across these butterflies. >> dude these butterflies, oh oh oh. >> sounds like they're fallingairs at the end there. butterflies are the feature of this next video as well. young kid going to go in. there's a butterfly. >> but this guy has a dad that just likes to mess with him. >> the boy's obviously terrified of a monsters that's in the room then it isn't, then it is but he also wants a lollipop. then his parents try it as truth serum. he actually does pretty good. no one. >> wow. >> my favorite part of that comes when he starts describing how his legs feel. and then dad just pulls the rug out from under him. >> where did he go? he can't see his legs then has a massive freakout. because he can't see them. >> his mother actually has to prove that his body is still there. pull down the covers and go look your body's still there, before he finally starts to calm down. >> it's hilarious, as we this always are. >> the man known for his eating challenges is slurping down 60 raw eggs upside down. why this one is no yolk. >> oh! nono, , i'i'llll g getet i it!t! let meme g getet i it.

>> oh. oh. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: will you stick with 17?immy: why is that? >> because you want to hit it, but sometimes you can't. [ laughter ] ♪ i'm going to -- i'm going to stay. >> jimmy: all right, you're going to stay. >> i'm going to stay. >> jimmy: hit me. that's 13. hit me. here we go. i've got to do it. i've got to do it. here we go. >> oh, shoot. >> jimmy: no, 13. i won! 18! i won! [ applause ] ♪ >> hit me good. >> jimmy: i know you've got a a big weekend. got a big weekend. >> go ahead. hit me. i don't care. >> jimmy: here we go. that was a good one. >> you should have smacked me harder. >> jimmy: no, no, no, i can't do that. that's hard enough. that's hard enough right there. >> i'm mad because i started to hit myself. >> jimmy: that's right. all right, here we go. >> i started to hit man. >> jimmy: here we go. you ready? >> okay. >> jimmy: we're tied. >> you better hope i don't win. if i win -- if i win, your face is going to get red, buddy. >> jimmy: please, talk to the hand. >> that's not bad. that's not bad. that's not bad.

>> oh, man.the hunger games they all run out at the cornucopia and they get the, and they get the stuff and they run and stuff, like -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> i'm always like, i would just run up and stand up there and be like, "you got me! i'm dead. you win." >> jimmy: you would just fake and just lay on the ground. >> ugh! i'm like, i know i'm going to die. may as well get me at the beginning because i can't stand the stress. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, really? >> i couldn't take it. no, no, i couldn't take it. >> jimmy: come on, you're athletic. >> no, i'm not. i'm not sporty at all. >> jimmy: you're not? >> no. no, no, no. [ talking over each other ] no, like when, sometimes bart is the coach and director of entertainment and food services. when he tries to throw me into the pool, i just go limp. you know? like i just give up. i just lie down. i'm like, "you won." and then it's no fun. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. it's no fun dragging, dragging a limp, dead corpse into the pool. [ laughter ] [ talking over

[ laughter ] >> jimmy: aerosmith. >> oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.>> super bowl! >> jimmy: super bowl! [ cheers and applause ] jennifer aniston! the movie "cake" is in theaters friday. we'll be right back with bill gates. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ cougheqsorry.#5. the sleepless night. robitussin dm max nighttime's dual action liquid instantly soothes your throat and delivers fast, powerful cough relief. robitussin. don't suffer the coughequences. don'when only one network israge thatamerica's largests reliable and most reliable 4g lte network: verizon. with xlte, our 4g lte bandwidth has doubled in over 400 cities. and now, save without settling. get 2 lines with 10gb of data for just $110... or 4 lines for just $140. and get a $150 bill credit for each smartphone you switch. hurry! offers end january 31st. only on verizon. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we're joined right now by the co-founder of the microsoft corporation and the co-chair of the bill and melinda gates foundation, which has given away over $30 billion to humanitarian -- [ cheers

oh. okay. [ sighing ] yeah. oh. thank you.now, i'm pretty good at reading people, and it sounds like you and your lady really need to talk this out. [ sighs ] yeah. maybe you're right. so i'm gonna let you in on a little secret. i'm gay. oh, my god. does she know? got to save something for the wedding night, huh? [ children screaming ] riley, no! buster, please sit! dylan, help! i can't! these cats and dogs are fighting like -- oh! okay, everybody, i'm sorry. this was supposed to be a small service. but i don't winnow down. i overdo. [ voice breaking ] and if i let a simple fake cat funeral get out of hand, how am i supposed to plan an entire wedding? [ sighs ] you're late. okay, i need mitchell. good news. he just pulled up. damn it. okay, in. in, in. hey! how was the gym? i never made it. [ sighs ] listen, cam, i got to talk about something. i do, too. what would you think about being more involved with the wedding? that's what i wanted to talk about. i would love to. thank god. you know, i just think we're -- we're better t

then "time" said, "oh, no.ll just mail them to you." [ laughter and applause ] you don't have to come. this is interesting here. yesterday, facebook revealed that ebola was the most popular facebook topic in the u.s. this year. with the world cup coming in sixth. so, welcome to america -- where even ebola is more popular than soccer. [ laughter ] we just don't get it. we don't get soccer. [ applause ] of course, the big news out of washington is this report on cia interrogation techniques. today, president obama was talking about the report and praised our country's ability to quote "face our imperfections, make changes and do better." sounds less like a speech on torture and more like the comments on a kindergartner's report card. timmy plays well with others, but needs to water board less. [ laughter and applause ] nothing but trouble for obama these days. in fact according to a new poll, 55% of americans think republicans focus more on pushing obama's buttons than actually pursuing their agenda. then republi

. >> oh no! >> local reports say that this poor cow was out grazing with a herd and walked over a rusty manhole cover and fell through. so this was covered. >> if you find a pregnant cow in a manhole in china, how do you get it out? >> it's pregnant, so it's especially heavy. >> right. and right now, all we're seeing is one firefighter and a very small ladder. >> there's like a billion people in china. just manpower. see, look, there's loads of firefighters. >> exactly. a whole team of people and a crane. the guy with the ladder he was the one who was responsible for crawling down and putting the harnesses, the ropes around the cow. and then it's really up to the crane. and watch this poor cow. it looks so kind of like embarrassed. >> you know what i wondered after seeing so many of these videos? do they then go back and cover these holes properly or do they just be like oh that was a tough rescue hope we don't have to do that again. i like to think that after each one of these videos that someth

oh no. oh no! no! >> no! no! >> oh, my gosh! >> that's great. >> adorable.m that side. >> he's so concerned too. >> in fact, let's go back. when, when did the ticker start? was it after 9/11? >> oh, no. >> you were on the air so long you wanted to update an update. i think it was when crawls came into effect. >> really? >> i don't know why i thought -- >> it was before that? >> well, i mean -- >> news headlines. >> wall street i think started way back in the day. and the dow jones would go across. but on the tv screen. >> right. >> lower third. was it in the 90s? sue's all over it. >> sue's all over it. >> was it, oh, could have been during the hostage crisis, there was a show at the time couple started the show, woe gave you an update every night on abc how the hostages are doing, and that turned into night line. i think it is still on the air. it was a nightly update on how the hostages were doing. sue is working on it. >> she's all over it. >> okay, my stomach hurts. >> what's wrong with it? >> i don't know. >> is it the french toast? >> no, no no. you kn

let's take a look. >> oh that's my bottom. >> yes. >> oh, you're right. >> oh my dear i'm so tired.my bottom. [ laughter ] >> seth: please welcome olivia munn. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: welcome. you look beautiful. >> thank you. i'm so excited to be here. >> seth: it's so exciting to have you here because we know each other very well. >> yes. >> seth: we're very good friends. you're very good friends with my wife. >> yes. >> seth: and one thing, i'll just lay it out here for our viewing public, you've always busted on us for how we treat our dogs. >> understandably so, when you're around you guys. you love frisbee. i love frisbee. i'm an animal lover. but you guys are weird about your dogs. >> seth: okay. how so? >> no, they are. >> seth: explain because this is the first i'm hearing. >> okay, well. okay first of all, i went to go visit you guys in the vineyard. >> seth: yeah. >> and i go next to my bed and frisbee has pooped and this is your response. "aww, that's so cute." >> seth: okay. >> seth: and lexi takes a picture. >> seth: yeah. >> and i stepped in it. and you hol

>> get it get it get it. >> oh! >> wow, man, oh, man. ttttacack.k. bubut t i i didid.d. i'i'm m mimikeke anand d i'i'm m veveryry m mucuch h alalive. nonow w mymy d dococtotor r rerecocommmmenends a babayeyer r asaspipiririn n reregigimemen to help prprevevenent t ananototheher r hehearart t attack. bebe s surure e toto t talalk k toto y your doctor bebefoforere y youou b begeginin a ann asaspipiririn n reregigimemen.n. whwhatat i if f yoyourur m mororniningng r rououtitinene... weren't so routine introducting one a day vitacraves chewy bites... .....c.comomplpletete e mumultltivivititamins with nutrients like... .....b.b v vititamaminins.s..... . .....anand vitamin d... .....i.in n hahardrd s shehelllleded, , chocolatey chewy bites. nenew w frfromom o onene a a d dayay >> the best cup cake ever. >>> this video makes you ask a lot of questions, like what was this guy doing that he got a big splinter in the back of his leg. >> in this video, you're going to see how his friend plays doctor. with russky pliers? >> that is a multi tool. has multiple uses. >> i can feel it. t

♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, my goodness! oh! that's what i'm talking about!ot crowd tonight! that's what you need, a great new york city crowd! welcome, everyone, to "the tonight show." thank you so much for being here. what a show to come to. what a show to be at. [ cheers ] this is the one. this is the one. thank you for being here. thank you for watching, you guys. here's what everyone's talking about. everyone is gearing up for the holidays, you guys. in fact, last week, president obama and the first lady released the first ever interactive white house holiday card. you see that? it's really cute. the way it works is, you open the card, you enter your name and your social security number -- and then, you're signed up for obamacare. [ laughter ] it's just really a surrogate. happy holidays, suckers! happy holidays, suckers. very amazing. speaking of obama, i saw that on small business saturday, the president went shopping at a a bookstore and bought 17 books -- including "the laughing monsters," "being mortal" and "heart of darkness." [ laughter ] or as th

oh, my gosh.> okay, now, everybody get down to ninth street. he's going stay on ninth all the way to market street. and then go around city hall, and up the banks of the franklin parkway to the art museum. we knee someone to throw him an orange or something. >> throw me an orange, or an apple. even a watermellon? >> watermellon? >> (laughing). >> holding up. he's starting to get a little tired. getting tired yet, chris? >> see, he thought we would take him for like 152nd and then go away. we'll stay with him for the whole 3 miles! >> the bruno brother. >> bruno brothers. >> oh, that great restaurant there! >> i'm still waiting for the orange. >> he's falling back to the vehicle, isn't he? >> he's getting a little smaller. >> he does not exercise. >> (laughing). >> , we'll stay with it. >> oh, no! chris, he's going, you got to keep going. you got to keep going. >> we're still on. he's still on. that van is trying get by there! >> oh. he hasn't even made it quarter after mile. >> good morning. >> wh

oh, no. >> oh, god! oh, god! he dropped his sweet and sour sauce!> jimmy: you know what, i think -- i think maybe i should let you go. i think i should maybe let you guys deal with that now. okay, yes. no, don't worry, it -- it's all right, we're perfectly fine. thank you for speaking with us, guys. >> here you go. >> jimmy: we appreciate that and good luck. michael will be in our prayers. oh, by the way, i also want to send best wishes to snoop dogg. mr. dogg became a grandfather over the weekend. his oldest son -- [ cheers and applause ] a baby boy, let me tell you something, that kid is in for some insane fishing trips. they named the boy zion. which i don't know if it was to rhyme with snoop lion but i like it. most doggs don't live long enough to be grand parents. snoop has been posting is it on instagram. and turns out he's incredibly good at swaddling. he can do it with one hand. anyw anyway, snoop, on behalf of all of us here at the show, congrat-pizzle -- la-lizzee mazel tov. this happened in florida at the pinellas county sheriff's office.

. >> oh, my gosh! that smells just like when i was a kid. >> you know, i can't even get it out of the pot without it falling apart. >> wow, that is beautiful. >> we're talking about tender, juicy flavor cooked in minutes at the touch of a button. >> let me just tell you -- when i was a kid, this is what it used to smell like, but my mom was cooking all day long. >> the sad part is, she didn't get results like this because we got to save money, too. so it's not just a time-saver. we got to use a chuck roast, but, you know, oftentimes, the cheaper cuts of meat need a lot of time to cook, but we did it in 25 minutes. >> yeah. >> now, denise, you have kids, right? >> i do -- three boys. >> how about chicken? do they like chicken? >> they love this kind of chicken. >> all right. can you imagine doing this giant chicken in the pressure cooker? >> look! >> huh? >> you have three whole chickens in there. >> [ chuckling ] and look -- i can't even get it out of the pot. it's fall off the bone tender. >> oh, we l

. >> oh, yeah, oh, yeah!> announcer: ...brings dull damaged hair back to beautiful life with incredible shine and body... >> we're just brushing in the shine, right? >> yeah! >> announcer: ...and even transforms frizzy, coarse hair to straight and smooth hair? >> audience: wow...! >> announcer: sound amazing? that's because it is. >> woman: look at that. >> announcer: it's called the perfecter fusion styler. stay tuned and we'll prove right before your eyes how you can get gorgeous salon results like this at home in just three minutes. and we'll prove that you can replace the results of these four styling tools with just one amazing multi-styling tool: the perfecter. it will actually change the way you style your hair forever. >> no more flat irons, no more curling irons. you can make your hair straight and sleek or you can make it curly and wavy. the perfecter is an amazing tool. >> announcer: finally, a hot styling tool that's safe. the perfecter is so unique and different, you can actually use both hands t

oh he's moving out of the way. awesome. oh maybe that was a little -- >> uh-oh! the driver ended up ramming into the back of his truck. >> and immediately igniting. >> how did this even happen? >> the driver concludes it was brake failure that led to this. >> sure just spontaneous brake failure. >> why did he turn towards the truck? >> it almost looks like he got pulled right into it. maybe he jammed on the brakes. >> yeah here's another fiery video. this one from china. where the vehicle just suddenly burst into >> fortunately, you see a bunch of people trying to help the situation. they do have fire extinguishers. >> looked like they were trying to get in there, but weren't getting close enough. then they tried to push it out of there. >> good team effort. >> one of the people helping push a car is a staff member at this gas station. it burns until it's nothing more than a charred car kus. everything seemed to be okay. that's as bad as it got. >>> this is one of the newest residents in london from the zoo, where we got ollie from. that is a pygmy hippo. >> does

oh, my goodness. >> oh, the cup off shorts. t-shirt. and i don't know if you can see. >> top ciders, which you wear on boats. >> not suppose -- not the both shows, it is the shorts. >> too short. >> before the -- above the knees knee? >> do you have any of those shorts? >> no, no, no. >> here is another dad. he likes this one we're about to show. the color red. look at that pose, some thigh action there. >> somebody just bar of the up lasagnia or something. >> at least matching, red polo shirt, red hat. >> worse than the red are those fish belly white legs. >> oh, my gosh. >> look at this dude. >> oh, tacky. >> oh, gosh. >> this is great. >> is that develop or? >> this dad has moves. >> he's doing what's that dance? the ohio? >> oh, my gosh. this is -- look at those track pants there. >> and the key to that is need to pull them up as high as you can. >> wow. >> here is the dad you might recognize. >> welshing that's normal. that's chris murphy. >> normal. >> that's your tv husband lauren. >> that's him. i know all about him. there is an

- oh, they're wearing matching bandanas! - oh, my god! - nice. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the "daily show" with jon stewart. ( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to the "daily show." my name is jon stewart! our guest tonight-- oh, man is this fella talented, incredibly talented fella-- oscar isaac, from the film "a most violent year," is going to be here, but first-- ( applause ) that's for all the young kuwaiti kids who might be watching. ( cheers and applause ) that's all natural right there. ( laughter ) but first, america's election campaigns have become insanely expensive, but there's no need to pretend to reach for your wallet anymore. someone else is picking up the tab. >> the political network led by the koch brothers, has put a price tag on its spending plans. >> $900 million in the 2016 cycle. >> that's a lot of money. >> jon: now, you may think to yourself, oh, that's ( bleep ) up. ( laughter ) aren't those guys going to want something in excha

>> oh, okay?e along the dirty delaware. >> oh, lauren johnson number four port richmond. oh, our floor director, di, aren't you from port richmond? oh baby. so camden, wilmington, combine those, and university city, number one location, if you're going to have @ fair. is that the college? >> i have a theory, yes and that's where a loft like doctors work at the different universities. >> oh, they have the affairs with the nurses, someone has an appointment. >> yes? >> when i heard that? >> oh, avenue checkup for you. i play doctor. >> professors, too? >> professors? >> the college kids are 23, 26 the professors. >> that's true! >> busted, bugs dollars busted. >> others on the list, frandford, a lot of new restaurant over there, roxborough, chestnut hill, doesn't dawn live around that area, dawn timmeney? uh-huh. we've been having an affair for years. bella vista down south -- headed toward south philly, right, and mt. airy in the top ten. >> look at that. >> so old city in the clear then? so lauren

laughter is the best medicine. >> oh! oh [ bleep ] i knew it! i knew it!e a fog machine in the car. >>> it's the bathroom video blowing up the web. >> this is a shell toilet. >> what? >> there's reading material. >> it's amazing. >> now the dude who stumbled in tells us all about it. >> this is the thing i'm known for. meningococcal meningitis a rare but serious disease. health officials recommend vaccination. go to voicesofmeningitis.org. front, out the back. done. >> passing through. >>> now this video has gone crazy viral over the new year picking up over 4.5 million views for the shocking nature of this gas station toilet in the middle of nowher philippines. >> i'm at a shell station and i want to take y here. the toilet at the shell station is ridiculous. it's too ridiculous. i never make videos and post them but i had to like this and it's about a toilet. >> prepare yourself ladies. this is going to get intense. >> here we go. i'm going into the toilet. >> this is the shell toilet. >> what? there's reading material? >> it's amazing. there's mirrors o

. >> oh oh oh! oh! >> ow! >> i can't believe nobody jumped. ten different punches to the first, ridiculous, and wearing a visor, dude you've got problems. >> a casino in florida. according to the poster of the video, smack talking happening poker game after poker game. and the guy getting the beatdown lost a hand he got up and swatted the guy with the visor in the back of the head. the poster of the video says this is in fact retaliation for the move. however, i argue this got out of control and is inappropriate. >> you piece of [ bleep ]. >> they were banned from the casino forever. >>> this mercedes gets a little warm. >> whoa. >> a lot warm. >> a lot warm. this mercedes may have made its final stop fully inflamed. it comes to us from juken. >> hmmm. >> maybe you can salvage something, maybe the headlights. >> hood ornament a nice momentum. if it's in flames like this it's probably got a few thousand miles on it. >> everybody okay. >> everybody okay no problem. the firefighters showed up. there goes the hose kick on the water to try to extin

oh, he wrecked -- oh, [ bleep ].h, [ bleep ]. >> then, boom, with a huge flash, it dives into the saltwater marsh. >> garza and his friends are shocked. they call 911 to report the incident. >> oh, [ bleep ]. >> and then continue on to their destination. police and a tow truck quickly arrive. so does galveston county daily news reporter, chris paschenko, acting on a tip. >> when i arrived, i saw what i believed to be the exhaust bubbling out of the water. the vehicle was in about two feet deep of saltwater at that time. >> paschenko approaches the diver, andy house, who buys and sells high-performance cars through his lufkin, texas business, performance auto sales. >> andy told me that he was distracted by a low-flying pelican. i think he then said that caused him to drop his cell phone. >> he says he reached down to get his cell phone, and when he looked back up, the car was in the marsh. jessica cooley is a crime and court reporter at the lufkin daily news. she and other journalists discovered when house purchased

oh. you get your chinese, your brazilians and your italians all agreeing on something, it's pretty clear it's a really good idea. everybody agrees that this complicated-looking creature with all these troublesome shells is worth the work. sow tear off the little limbs. we'll get to you later, my friends. rip out the tail. these are the lungs. you don't want them. now you've got all this nice fat in there. oh, yeah. now we're getting to the claw. look at that. what's poking out of there? oh, yeah. that little nubbin of goodness like a celestial nipple. oh. when people started demanding boneless stuff like chicken without a bone, or crab meat without the actual crab or lazy lobster, that was the beginning of the erosion of our society as we know it. if you're not willing to work for a payoff like this, how do you expect us to like fight al qaeda? if you can't suck the meat out of a crab. a character builder. and delicious. >> and if your perfect day really did happen, you'd probably let you

oh, no.into adam sandler. >> steve: it's adam sandler. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i don't why harry reid was adam sandler. >> steve: that's how he sounds. >> jimmy: that doesn't make any sense. on sunday president obama returned from his vacation in hawaii to a now congress now completely controlled by republicans or as republicans put it, aloha. [ laughter ] actually obama recently said his new year's resolution was to cooperate more with republicans. in fact a lot of politicians have announced their new year's resolutions. let's take a look at a few. first here's senator majority leader mitch mcconnell. in 2015 he resolved to find the world's thinnest chapstick. [ cheers and applause ] next up we have kentucky senator rand paul, 2 2015 he resolved to stop asking his barber for the ramen noodle cut. [ laughter ] a little ramen noodle on top. >> steve: good resolution. >> jimmy: and finally oklahoma senator james lankford, 2015, he resolved to finally admit he's ron weasely's father. i didn't kno

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sweeting. >> oh, she got married? >> oh, she did? she march aid guy named sweeney? how sweet is that? hi, my little sugar. so a controversial statement she made about feminism in a red book magazine interview. >> yes, and in the february issue, tv stay said she doesn't not consider herself a feminist, never faced inequality. also said she liked the idea of women taking care of their men. after outrage, explained herself on instagram, wrote her comment were taken out of contest saying quote i'm completely blessed and greatful strong women have paved the way for my success along with many others. i apologize if anyone was offended. >> letter husband wrote it for her. just kidding. >> make sure he has what he needs, get the meal ready by certain time very few people oh they're so 1950's. >> she more of into miley cyrus? >> with her haircut? >> it is different. >> people say stuff. >> twit is her rough, isn't it? >> yes. >> sometimes, can be. >> sometimes i have to not look. >> all right, now, are you a people pleaser? >> i'm such a people person, and a given. >> oh,. >

oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. no, that really did happen. oh, man, oh, man. i'm glad she's doing well. for her. i haven't seen you since "grand budapest hotel". you were here for that. that was almost a year ago. >> i know. wasn't it's amazing? they opened it like a year ago, and this momentum's built and built. well, wes makes wonderful films, and it was a great film. >> i love that movie. you were fantastic. you know i love you in everything. but, i mean, i really did love you in this. but, wes anderson seemed like a a detail oriented director who's so clever. i love -- >> also those worlds he creates. i pestered him for years, writing letters just saying, "can i be in one of your films, please?" >> jimmy: really? >> yeah, because i wanted to live in that world. i wanted to kind of -- >> jimmy: i'm available. whenever you do it, i'm ready. >> and you know what? he took me for tea, which is the perfect -- situation. >> jimmy: yeah. >> we have tea and -- it's like -- >> jimmy: somewhere in a a gondola somewhere. >> claridge's hotel, london. >> jimmy: of course. that's a beautiful hotel

>> oh my gosh. stuck in the opening!e the group effort to set him free. >>> and talking lingerie. >> giving her opinion on particular bras and what she thinks guys think about them. >> ah. >> ooh. >> why you definitely want to pay attention. >> this is what everything is about. female announcer: during sleep train's huge year end clearance sale, get beautyrest, posturepedic even tempur-pedic mattress sets at low clearance prices. plus, free same-day delivery, set-up and removal of your old set. and through monday, get 3 years interest-free financing on selected models. but hurry! this special financing offer ends martin luther king jr. day. don't miss the year end clearance sale at sleep train. ♪ your ticket to a better night's sleep ♪ >>> a small boy has got himself stuck somewhere he shouldn't be. does anyone like to guess where this video is coming from? >> china. >> yeah this is a 4-year-old boy in szechuan province. what's going on? >> kind of like a candy or a push pop or something? >> no no it's a metal can. see t

>> oh my gosh. stuck in the opening!e the group effort to set him free. >>> and talking lingerie. >> giving her opinion on particular bras and what she thinks guys think about them. >> ah. >> ooh. >> why you definitely want to pay attention. >> this is what everything is about. >>> a small boy has got himself stuck somewhere he shouldn't be. does anyone like to guess where this video is coming from? >> china. >> yeah this is a 4-year-old boy in szechuan province. what's going on? >> kind of like a candy or a push pop or something? >> no no it's a metal can. see this? >> oh my gosh. stuck in the opening! >> basically, it's a can, a drink. this little 4-year-old boy was liking the taste so he put his tongue in there. it got caught of course it did, and then this is the result. >> that could cut somebody. >> yeah and then the tongue is such -- a flexible muscle. once it goes in and you try to work it out it becomes this bulbous thing inside the can. >> they got him totally stuck. his dad couldn't get him out. in the end, th

oh, maybe you should have said "werewolves". "werewolves" was one your albums. >> that's true, yes. so "wasteland" was better. >> seth: that was good. it was very good. did you learn lessons from your first book into this book? >> well, what i learned from the first book was to not be afraid to just talk about yourself in print. the first one i was still very -- you know, my self loathing was like who wants to hear about your bs? so i put a lot of little funny, sketchy, kind of quippy, you know, meta-textual things in there. then i did a couple of chapters that were pure memoir. and then, those were the ones that people liked. so that gave me the courage to go, "okay, this is all memoir. i'm just going to tell a story about my life." >> seth: you've written stand-up. you've written screen plays. you've written sketch. how is writing a book -- is it harder, easier, the same? >> the one thing that is hard about it is, and you know you have done sketch and improv, you have to wait a long time for the reaction. >> seth: right. >> i