and music from primus. [ woman ] so, i tried herbal essences with damage protection serum and dreamed i became a movie star. getting all the starring role hairstyles. cut to reality. [ female announcer ] someone's been doing the herbal... herbal essences. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- joaquin phoenix. "science bob" pflugfelder. jake byrd, celebrity avenger with lindsay lohan. and music from primus. with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> dicky: and now, if that's not enough, here's jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: hi, everyone. thank you very much, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thanks for coming to visit. i want you to know, tonight, i'm planning to give at least 84%, which is a lot for me. [ applause ] it's more than oprah gives, i'll tell you that. lynn say lohan had a bad morning. as you probably know, she failed -- she failed a drug test order bid the court. this morning, she showed up for what she sought would be a hearing to schedu

." >> jimmy: we have a new show tonight with joaquin phoenix, science bob pflugfelder, music from primus and "this week in i'm bob ehrlich. i'm not the kind of guy who likes to hang on the sidelines. today maryland's in trouble. we're worse off than we were four years ago. dangerous debt, higher taxes, not enough jobs. we need real leadership to turn this state around. fix the budget honestly. grow small businesses, really. excellent schools everywhere. protect the bay, finally. it's why i'm running -- to make the state we love not just good, but great. now let's get down to work.

." >> jimmy: we have a new show tonight with joaquin phoenix, science bob pflugfelder, music from primus and "this week in unses censorship." "jimmy i'm frank kratovil and i approve this message. the real andy harris. his past attacks have been called deceptive, his new attack, false. harris voted for deregulation increasing our electric bills by 72% it's not surprising, harris always sides with the big guys. he opposes cracking down on wall street and supports tax breaks for companies that ship jobs overseas. harris even opposed making big insurance cover cancer screenings. andy harris' extreme ideas will cost us. two governors, two different approaches. even in good times bob ehrlich didn't make education a priority. he increased college tuition by 40%, cut school construction by $200 million, and ehrlich voted to eliminate the department of education while serving in congress. but in the toughest of times, martin o'malley has made record investments in public schools, new school construction, and o'malley froze college tuition four years in a row. with martin o'malley, our children al

my name is jay primus. i am the program manager for sf park. thank y>> thank you very much. why don't you do a demonstration for them? >> meter has some time on it. you concede the flashing -- you can see the flashing led. now it is cancelled. it is going through the verification process. it starts with a minimum of 30 minutes. you can add or subtract time. [traffic] when you are ready, you can cancel or ok it. i am one to hit -- doh link to hit -- i am going to hit ok. it is verified. it has 53 minutes on it now. >> they are ready to go. we have most of them out there already. if you recall, we have the sf park card. they will not work in the meters right now. the programming issues to deal with. we expect that within two month, the card will also be available. you will have coins, credit and debit cards, and the sf cards. there will be four different ways to pay to use the meter. you will not have to walk around with change. the ease of use will be some of the benefits of the meters. with that, i think we're done. thank you for joining us to help us get the word out. ♪ >>

." >> jimmy: we have a new show tonight with joaquin phoenix, science bob pflugfelder, music from primus "this week in unses censorship."

we'll have music from band of horses, trombone shorty, primus and phoenix, so join us then.ard winner whom you know from many films and sexy videos. he is the director, co-writer and star of a great new movie called "the town." it opens in theaters tomorrow. please welcome ben affleck. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what's happening? good to see you. >> good to be back. on the big show. i don't know if you noticed, but [ cheers and applause ] he's mine, all right, so calm down. when we embraced i pointed my toe involuntarily behind me. >> i felt it. >> jimmy: how is everything? >> oh -- without you, not as goos but i'm surviving. >> jimmy: you must be very pleased with yourself right now. because the movie, first of all, you know it's great, right? >> thank you very much. >> jimmy: you're welcome. >> that's nice of you to say. >> jimmy: you didn't answer, but okay. i was looking on the rotten tomatoes website where they get the critics stuff, and you're at 90%, which is like "toy story 3" neighborhood. >> the movies are very similar. >> jimmy: they do have a lot of simila

phoenix, from "the jersey shore," snooki, "science bob" pflugfelder and music from trombone shorty and primuss week. all right, our guests tonight are one mom and three dads from the funniest sitcom in many years. the second season of their emmy-winning show "modern family" starts tomorrow night at 9:00 here on abc. please welcome julie bowen, ty burrell, jesse tyler ferguson and eric stonestreet. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome. how are you guys doing? >> good. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: see what happens in just a year's time? it's incredible. >> i know, amazing. >> jimmy: i feel like i'm on the show right now. >> you're not. >> you're not. >> i feel like these people are all high. >> jimmy: some of them are. >> in a good way. >> jimmy: at least 30% of them though we didn't test anybody on their way in. congratulations on winning the emmy after your first season, which is -- [ cheers and applause ] you have nothing -- there's nothing to look forward to now. >> game over. we're done. >> jimmy: did you feel competitive? did you feel like you really wanted to win? >> i remember

and music from trombone shorty and primus.ience bob" pflugfelder will join us. 16 years ago this week, our first guest debuted on a brand new show about the dating lives of attractive 20-somethings called "friends." now, in 2010, she's still on tv dating 20-somethings. you can see her with her old pal jennifer aniston on "cougartown" this wednesday night here on abc at 9:30. please say hello to courteney cox. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's good to see you. >> good to see you. >> jimmy: may i say, you get lovelier every time i see you. i'm not just saying that. >> thank you, thank you. >> jimmy: i want to ask you about "cougartown" because i heard that you guys were going to change the name to something else. >> we were. we were in search of a great title and we could not find one so -- >> jimmy: oh, no one asked me. i had a great one. >> what did you have? >> jimmy: cougar mellencamp town. >> why didn't we think of that? >> jimmy: why were you going to change the name? >> because it's not really about me dating younger

joaquin phoenix will be here tomorrow night, as will science bob pflugfelder and hear music from primusorrow, too. our first guest tonight is one of the finest men this nation has ever produced. you know him from the movie "the hangover," from the tv show "bored to death" and soon from a new movie called "it's kind of a funny story," it opens in theaters october 8th. please say hello to zach galifianakis. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are you doing? >> good, thank you. >> jimmy: you -- you have got what appears to be lipstick all over you. >> oh, do i? shoot. >> jimmy: yeah, a little bit on -- >> i met snorki backstage. >> jimmy: no, no, it's -- snooki. >> snooki. >> jimmy: unless there was somebody else you met. >> she had a stepladder and kissed me everywhere. >> jimmy: you probably want to get that off. it looked like you've been shot in the ear. do you -- by the way, do you watch "jersey shore?" is that on your schedule? >> is that on pbs? >> jimmy: no. >> i haven't seen it, i'm a grown man, so -- >> jimmy: you don't watch that. >> i haven't seen it yet. i look forward to se