>> seth: really?? >> psh, everything [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> yeah. >> seth: they got you on everything all at once >> is it rico. [ laughter ] >> seth: they ricoed you >> rico. yeah, yeah, yeah i gave it to my first love, who still has it >> seth: really? >> yeah, it's in a closet someplace. >> seth: that's -- oh, yeah, well >> if i can get that back, that'd be -- [ laughter and applause >> seth: yeah. first loves tend to check out interviews with their, you know, former amours. >> i reckon, i reckon. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] you spent some -- you worked at a -- before you were an actor, and i guess after you were a poet, you worked at a number of chains we're familiar with olive garden, starbucks. >> olive garden, starbucks >> seth: party city. >> party city. >> seth: red lobster >> red lobster, quizno's subs. >> seth: wow >> braum's ice creamery. [ cheers ] >> seth: okay. >> no, you don't know braum's. [ laughter ] you don't know braum's >> seth: it was -- i will say, it was s

>> seth: no.ot even a little bit. >> seth: not -- i would say not -- based on the feedback i received [ laughter ] >> not at all? >> seth: yeah. it wasn't like, "go get lessons. it was like, "don't do that. [ laughter ] >> from one singular person? >> seth: no. it was like a -- i got a lot of -- i had a weird thing happen, which is my entire - like so when i was growing up, my brother and my parents would say, "stop singing." >> oh. >> seth: and then i met my wife, and she would say, "stop singing. >> oh, boy >> seth: and now my kids are telling me to stop singing [ light laughter ] and i'm like, what a coincidence that not one of you has an ear for talent [ laughter ] >> that's exactly right. i want to see you in the next broadway musical >> seth: oh, my god. that's great >> it's your turn. >> seth: come on opening night because it's going to close. [ laughter ] pull a de niro come early and leave early >> it's a deal >> seth: so do you -- what about you? you're not a singer either >> i feel like

>> seth: it's a hit.t new segment [ laughter ] florida governor ron desantis spoke yesterday at the ronald reagan presidential library. specifically he said "all these? gotta go." [ light laughter ] tv host rachael ray has announced she's ending her talk show after 17 seasons. she made the decision in less than 30 minutes, but at home it would take you two hours [ light laughter ] didn't -- didn't do great, better than i thought it would do [ laughter ] so that's kind -- i'm not saying it's a win/win [ light laughter ] definitely a win/lose. a woman in florida recently set a guinness world record by running 23 ultra marathons in 23 days. in less happy news, her car is basically undrivable now [ laughter ] finally, united airlines has announced that it will offer t-mobile customers free wi-fi on all flights. and spirit announced that they're gonna fly really close and you should be able to hop on their network. [ laughter ] good photoshop [ cheers and applause good photoshop that was the monologue, everybo

>> seth: yeah.>> seth: it was like a child's -- >> like, "oh, my god you're doing so great. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] i will say after those 12 months, i'm like, "i'm a very fancy boy. [ laughter ] i fell for it. i felt they convinced me >> you're not wrong. >> seth: no, thank you very much i want to start with something i'm just going to get it out of the way. you and your wife, the incredibly talented lily allen, you gave a tour to "arch -- architectural digest," excuse me, of your home and it became a lot of -- it, sort of, entered the discourse people wanted to talk about your apartment, including the fact that you have a carpeted bathroom >> yeah. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] okay, so - >> listen to the groaning already. >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> we're going to talk about this >> seth: okay. so, what was this -- was this a couple's decision? did you both feel strongly about a carpeted bathroom. >> no. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] >> i made very few decisions in this house >> seth: okay, go

fun with facial hair >> seth: you do. >> i do. >> seth: and it's fun to watch >> yeah. >> seth: i haveyou made we had your wonderful co-star, rosie perez was here and she told about - she wasn't in season 1 she was in season 2, "your honor" and you basically -- you called her on a friday for her to come to work on monday. and i would imagine. you know, with any actor you have to be pretty convincing to ask them to get on a plane with, you know, not a lot of time to prepare. >> we needed someone formidable. someone that is known to have guts and strong. right? and her name came up i went, oh, my god, that's it. rosie perez. we have to get rosie perez i said i will never get her. she lives in new york. we're shooting out in new orleans and los angeles. and she has this weekend to approve. show up. do a wardrobe test and then show up on monday and she had scenes with me my character is going through some devastating experiences and so, he's more reticent on speaking so, it was all her she had blocks and blocks of dialogue i say things like, "i don't know." [ light laughter ] and then bloc

allen. >> seth: "excuse me mr.p correcting me while i'm already being corrected by a different person. [ laughter ] i don't like being corrected by a bunch of people at once, it reminds me of every minute of my life now, mr. allen, let me ask you this the district of columbia, that's located in south america, correct? [ laughter ] i can't even begin to wrap my head around how dumb this is she had to be corrected by the witness about a bill she voted on there's a good chance she doesn't even know she's in washington d.c. right now. she probably needs one of those mall maps that tell you where you are, except for the entire country. but the exchange gets way dumber from there, because even after being told that the revised criminal code is not the law in d.c., because it was overturned by congress -- which again, lauren boebert is a member of. boebert continued to press the witness on the specific issue of public urination she desperately wanted to know if d.c. had downgraded the crime of public urination. and yet ag

seth: thank you >> yo, it is so good i saw it twice >> seth: oh wow!: oh my god, double white boy. >> yeah. >> seth: that is cool. this is -- thank you for saying that that is very flattering. >> i was very impressed. >> seth: so this is, you know, for people who aren't engaged with the show and haven't seen it, this was the end of your character's arc. this is five years playing a football coach >> yes, yes, yes >> seth: a very shocking ending to your character arc. >> yes, yes, yes >> seth: did you enjoy play ing a high school football coach >> i had a ball. i had a ball it really helped - i have a 13-year-old son who is an athlete so, i was able to kind of use what i was doing at work with my son at his games and what not. so, it was a life-changing role. i'm very thankful. >> seth: when you were 13, were you athletic or -- >> i was athletic. i wasn't an athlete. >> seth: got you >> yes >> seth: because you already knew at that point theater was your path? >> yes, yes. because i was not an athlete >> seth: got you [ laughter ] but we have a photo. >

meyers. >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers.ht." we hope you're doing well. and now if you don't mind, we're going to get to the news. president biden signed an executive order yesterday limiting the government's ability to use commercial spyware that could be used to hack citizens' phones, or as he put it, "we're going back to landlines." [ laughter ] the manhattan grand jury investigating allegations of former president trump made illegal hush payments met yesterday without voting on a criminal indictment. okay. in the words of stormy daniels, "what is taking so long?" [ laughter ] look, until we see that perp walk, i'm just going to have to keep showing this one. ♪♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: i do hope -- when he does have his perp walk, i hope they play that brass band. [ laughter ] former president trump was interviewed last night by fox news host sean hannity. "thanks for having me back," said hannity and trump at the same time. [ laughter ] in a new interview with fox news host sean hannity, former president trump d

meyers >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers.s is "late night. we hope you're doing well tonight. and now if you don't mind, we're going to get to the news president biden published an op-ed today in the "new york times," and that man is spiraling. [ laughter ] fox news host tucker carlson last night claimed that the capitol attack, quote, "does not show an insurrection or a riot in progress. yeah, okay but when you cherry pick the footage you're showing, you can prove whatever you want. i can show you footage from "john wick" that proves he's not violent. take a look. ♪ [ dog whining >> i'll grab you some kibble later. ♪ >> seth: you're telling me that guy -- [ laughter ] -- is a trained killer give me a break. [ hter ] after fox news host lie. tucker caron aired exclusive serityootage from the capitol attack, former president trump posted on truth social, quote, "let the january 6th you guys know we can see what you're doing, right? kevin mccarthy, who is trump's waylon smithers, gives all the footage to tucker. [ laughter ] tu

>> seth: good evening.. this is "late night." we hope you're doing well. if you doan mind, we're going to get to the news. president biden delivered his second state of the union address last night and spoke for 73 minutes, which sounds like a lot, but i feel like biden can speak for 73 minutes to a wrong number [ light laughter ] "well, who are you trying to reach? let's try to figure this out together." new york representative george santos is reportedly one of the first members of congress to arrive for last night's state of the union he wanted a good seat. [ laughter ] "but i think i am. i think i am the president." last night's state of the union was the first time since 2019 that the event was held without coronavirus restrictions and in case you're wondering who in that room never reads their emails.[ laughter ] "for your information, this isn't a covid mask this is just for dander. [ light laughter ] "i'm very allergic." during the speech last night, republican congresswoman marjorie taylor greene w

meyers >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers.te night. we hope you're doing well. and now, if you don't mind, we're going to get to the news the biden administration has reportedly warned that it will ban tiktok if its chinese parent company doesn't sell the app don't mess with this man he has no use for your addictive apps [ light laughter ] biden's the kind of guy who can make your whole two-week vacation with nothing but a deck of cards and a print edition of "sports illustrated. [ laughter ] "you know what we're going to do during dinner tonight? we're actually going to talk to each other [ light laughter ] that's what. treasury secretary janet yellen testified today before the senate finance committee and said, "the country's banking system remains sound specifically this sound. [ breaking glass ] [ laughter ] the new ceo of silicon valley bank held a meeting yesterday with venture capital and start-up clients and said, quote, "there is no safer place in the u.s. banking system to put your deposits. plus, if you go now, the

. ♪ [ cheers and applause and now, seth meyers >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers.his is "late night. we hope you're doing well. and now if you don't mind, we're going to get to the news today is valentine's day, so if you're watching right now, better luck next year. [ laughter ] according to the latest numbers, the average american is expected to spend $200 this year on valentine's day, or $400 if you made her breakfast in bed. [ light laughter ] eggs are super expensive right now, guys. that's a joke about egg-flation. [ light laughter ] that's what baze calls it. in a video today announcing she's running for president, former u.n. ambassador nikki haley said, quote, "i don't put up with bullies. and when you kick back, it hurts them more if you're wearing heels. whoa, what job does she think this is? [ laughter ] does she want to be president or teach krav maga? when i fight for the middle class, i'll hold my keys so they stick out between my fingers she does make an interesting point, though. if she wins, she'd be the first president to wear heels since the las

. ♪♪ [ cheers and applause ] and now, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. night." we hope you're doing well. and now, if you don't mind, we're going to get to the news. president biden made a surprise trip last week to ukraine by taking a 10-hour train ride, or as the guy next to him thought, an 80-hour train ride. [ laughter ] president biden reportedly had a difficult time sleeping last week on the overnight train ride from poland to ukraine and read a briefing memo on the history of kyiv and that didn't put him to sleep? [ laughter ] that would have put the last president into a multi-year coma. [ laughter ] in a new interview, president biden said that he was, "other things to finish before launching a full-blown presidential campaign." like, for instance, "yellowstone." [ laughter ] according to a new report, then president trump, was so upset with "late night" host jimmy kimmel's criticism that he asked white house staffers to call disney executives. and he was apparently so upset with me that he called my boss. >> that's right, seth. i told him to ge

meyers >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers.ate night we hope you're doing well. and now, if you don't mind, we're going to get to the news the white house said yesterday that it supports a new bipartisan bill that would give president biden the power to ban tiktok of course, biden could end tiktok at any time simply by making an account. [ light laughter ] okay this jumped the shark. capitol police chief thomas manger issued a statement yesterday criticizing fox news host tucker carlson's release of security footage of the january 6th attack and said carlson made, quote, "offensive and misleading conclusions. of course, that's just what is says when you turn on his closed captioning [ light laughter ] according to newly released legal documents, fox news host tucker carlson told colleagues after the 2020 election, quote, "we are very, very close to being able to ignore trump most nights." "i truly can't wait. "i hate him passionately." wait, wait, are you telling me, tucker carlson is secretly sane? [ light laughter ] i would f

. ♪♪ [ cheers and applause ] and now, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening, everybody.is is "late night." we hope you're doing well tonight. and now if you don't mind, we're gonna get to the news. president biden today traveled to florida and spoke about social security and medicare. he didn't intend to, it's just what everybody in florida was already talking about. [ light laughter ] democratic congressman james clyburn praised president biden's state of the union performance yesterday, and said biden displayed, quote, "the kind of maturity that the american people would like to see in a president." when you say maturity, you mean this guy? [ light laughter ] you're talking about this guy. i think that's the maturity you expect from your cool uncle. "hey, hop in kid. we're going to go to dave and busters. i got a bucket full of quarters." [ light laughter ] senator majority leader chuck schumer praised president biden yesterday for baiting republicans into a bi-partisan agenda during the state of the union address and said, quote, "he let them walk into his trap." all

meyers >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers.s is "late night. we hope you're doing well. and now, if you don't mind, we're going to get to the news government regulators on friday seized control of silicon valley bank, the country's 16th largest bank after it quickly became the 178th largest bank [ laughter ] that's right, government regulators on friday seized control of silicon valley bank, making it the largest u.s. bank failure since 2008 and come to think of it, it was always a bad sign that their atm had a tip screen [ laughter ] president biden spoke this morning about friday's collapse of silicon valley bank and reassured americans the country's financial system is safe but remember, this is a guy whose whole financial system is definitely a coffee can on a high shelf [ laughter ] "see, the thing is, they never look up there. that's right, president biden reassured americans the country's financial system is safe okay i think the fact that you're talking about a bank collapse proves it isn't. that's like going to a funer

and now, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening, everybody, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night."doing well. and now, if you don't mind, we're going to get to the news. former president trump held a rally on saturday in waco, texas near the site of the branch davidians cult's compound. or as it's now known, campaign headquarters. [ laughter ] former president trump held a campaign rally on saturday in waco, texas, making him the first cult leader ever to escape that city alive. [ laughter ] during his rally on saturday, former president trump mocked florida governor ron desantis and said he has, quote, no personality, which based on the past, makes him front runner for vp. [ laughter ] during his rally on saturday in texas, former president trump dismissed claims that he had an affair with adult film star stormy daniels and mocked her appearance. you're mocking her appearance? [ laughter ] remember that picture of the two of you together? [ laughter ] this looks like a picture you would see on facebook with the caption, "last time seeing grandpa." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applaus

, seth.ee, whenever i'm in front of an audience, i kill [ laughter and applause >> seth: don't make a hannity face [ laughter ] you're fake news anyway, we now know from a bombshell new court filing, and a billion dollar defamation suit, that hannity, along with other fox hosts, are the ones who knowingly lied to their viewers. >> a stunning new court filing revealing how top talent and executives at fox news trashed donald trump and ridiculed his legal team and their 2020 election conspiracies behind the cameras, all while hyping those same conspiracies on the air, to their viewers >> as trump lawyers rudy giuliani and sidney powell were making wildly false claims about rigged voting machines after trump lost in 2020, private communications reveal that pro-trump voices at fox news were calling it nuts. "that whole narrative that sidney was pushing," said fox host sean hannity, "i did not believe it for one second. >> seth: oh, you didn't believe it for one second. well, then, why did you hav

seth: seth: one element you talkedabot court. what do you think is well understood or not well understood about the night court? is it a sustainable, repeatable model for d.o.d.? if you could start off with what is it? and then, more broadly, does it have relevance? mark: it's not something i named. baseically when we were trying to modernize the army and enforce these six priorities and buy whole new weapons systems, i said, this is what i want to do, this is going to be my priority . when we were preparing the budget they said, this is the budget, you have $400 million to do you what want to do. i said, no, i'm sorry, i have a $60 billion budget. if i want to take from any other pot, i'll do that. i said, go back and through a series of conversations i said, go back, i want to see all 500 army programs in the priority order that you think they should be in. and then we're going to start going through them. and if that program is not more important than a long range precision fire or a modified fighting vehicle or something else

seth rogen. [applause] i like your outfit. >> seth: thank you.. >> kelly: it's good to see you in person. last time it was over zoom. >> seth: the heat of the pandemic. nice to be hearing your lovely studio. >> kelly: it's nice. your book "yearbook" is available in paperback. that means you're doing all right. >> seth: doesn't? does it? i like the word book in the title. people knew what it was. i -- you don't associate me with books. it really routing it in bulk would be helpful. it goes through my life and focuses a lot on my high school in teenage years. i kind of you would like an album. sometimes they name the album after one of the songs and i kind of did that with one of the chapters and i will never be cool enough to make an album. this is my version of it. mostly because i like the title. >> kelly: you go back to the beginning of the book. i didn't realize you were doing stand up at 12? >> seth: yes. i started stand-up comedy when i was 12 years old. >> kelly: who does not? >> seth: i guess i do. i don't know why. my parents were big com

featuring the 8g band with atom willard ♪ [ cheers and applause and now, seth meyers >> seth: good eveningm seth meyers. this is "late night. we hope you're doing well. and now, if you don't mind, we're going to get to the news president biden held an event yesterday at the white house celebrating black history month. also being held at the white house, everyone's breath

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