this is stephen colbert's big gay round up. (applause) yee what! want to thank my old pal international movie star steve car rel for never asking me how i would use that footage. (laughter) >> stephen: you're a good man. now first in the gay roundup, folks, i trust the gays about as far as i could throw them. not that i would know, i don't pick up gay men to throw or any other reason. come to think of, it, they're in better shape than i am so it might be easier to let them throw me but i guess i trust the gays less far than they could throw me, are we clear? god, they have to complicate everything. and now they're complicating blood donation. >> the american medical association is pushing for a reversal of a decades-old ban on blood donations from gay men saying that the law is outdated. gay men have been banned from donating blood since the aids crisis in the 1980s. but now the ama says there are better testing procedures and better understanding of hiv. >> stephen: folks leting gay people donate blood is an endorsement of the gay lifestyle. in fa

you should be able to do that. >>> paul mccartney and stephen colbert shared a musical moment last night on the "colbert report." ♪ i'm in heaven and my heart beats so that i can hardly speak ♪ >> not bad, man. you and i are not going to try that. >>> in an interview with "the new york times," the unfail league modest kanye west feels he'll have the same impact as steve jobs. west saying, quote, i am undoubtedly, you know, steve of the internet, downtown, fashion, culture, period. i think after that he said, and i'm the king of the world at the same time. >> in his own world. >> in his own world. kanye west always quotable. >> what did steve jobs ever do? >> i'm richard lui. this is "early today." we hope it's just your first stop of the day on nbc. >>> in "the new york times," u.s. offers conditional support for police monitor in stop and frisk case. the justice department plans to ask a federal judge for oversight of the nypd if its controversial stop and frisk policy is ruled unconstitutional. >>> and on the australian site, news.com.au, emily harris uses unicorn passfort get through

stephen colbert is weighing in on the revelations that have shocked the cereal world. that check on weather also forthcoming with bill karins when we come right back. we've been bringing people together. today, we'd like people to come together on something that concerns all of us. obesity. and as the nation's leading beverage company, we can play an important role. that includes continually providing more options. giving people easy ways to help make informed choices. and offering portion controlled versions of our most popular drinks. it also means working with our industry to voluntarily change what's offered in schools. but beating obesity will take continued action by all of us, based on one simple common sense fact... all calories count. and if you eat and drink more calories than you burn off, you'll gain weight. that goes for coca-cola, and everything else with calories. finding a solution will take all of us. but at coca-cola, we know when people come together, good things happen. to learn more, visit coke.com/comingtogether i did? when visa signature asked ev

john oliver's debut as host of "the daily show" and even stephen colbert jumping into the fray.e right back. ♪ ♪ bonjour ♪ je t'adore ♪ c'est aujourd'hui ♪ ♪ et toujours ♪ me amour ♪ how about me? [ male announcer ] here's to a life less routine. ♪ and it's un, deux, trois, quatre ♪ ♪ give me some more of that [ male announcer ] the more connected, athletic, seductive lexus rx. ♪ je t'adore, je t'adore, je t'adore ♪ ♪ ♪ s'il vous plait [ male announcer ] this is the pursuit of perfection. ♪ s'il vous plait they're coming. yeah. british. later. sorry. ok...four words... scarecrow in the wind... a baboon... monkey? hot stew saturday!? ronny: hey jimmy, how happy are folks who save hundreds of dollars switching to geico? jimmy: happier than paul revere with a cell phone. ronny: why not? anncr: get happy. get geico. fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more. ♪ >>> of course, the nsa story's huge, but so is the disappearance of jon stewart. lewis somewhere in the bowles of 30 rock has "the cooler." hey, lewis. >> hey, brian, how are you doing? >> what's up? >> while the

except, of course when stephen colbert is the trusted friend. >> stephen: yes. >> here is another funny example. >> stephen: so far this isn't funny to me. it's very upsetting. >> it's worrisome. >> stephen: are you just lying to up set me? or maybe you just wrote this book to get over a bad breakup. >> i have been-- . >> stephen: what is this based on, real science. >> increasing worry but that's my own personal issue as a man but let me just get back to one-- so mostly women in this book but one detour toward monkeys, are close ancestors long thought by scientists that male monkeys, the aggressors and always particularly sexually, you take again the blinders off, the assumptions pushed aside, which science is showing us is no, actually it's the female monkeys who are the initiators. the female monkeys who are doing the objectifying of their objects of desire. >> stephen: wait a second, they taught monkeys about money, basically. they gave them like pills that were worth food and bonobo turned it immediately into a prostitution economy but it was-- they did. but it was the male monkeys

here to interview music legend paul mccartney is sir stephen colbert! hank you! paul, good to see you! thanks for coming back. >> thank you! >> stephen: what a pleasure. >> thank you. good to see you, thank you. >> stephen: we haven't gotten together for four years. how have you been? >> i've been good thank you, yeah. and you? >> stephen: last time we talked i wasn't that familiar with your work. (laughter) >> i remember. >> stephen: i have since boned up on my mccartneys and jesus went can you write some doozys! i mean seriously! (cheers and applause) i have to talk about the album, the remastered reissued album you've got out now called "wings over america." >> yup. >> stephen: 1976 tour of the world, it's the america leg of it. now this was the fifth number-one album you had as wings. >> yeah! (laughter) >> stephen: walk me up to that spot because you leave the beatles, you've been working for years very successfully with a guy named john-- i know the feeling. (laughter) (applause) but you start your own thing. what did it feel like? did it feel like

i'm stephen colbert. >> the story of the book is that parents have children thinking what they're goingroduce themselves >> stephen: it's called reproduction. >> indeed stephen: have you tried it? very gratifying. i have. yes, i have. highly pleasurable. but everyone... >> stephen: go ahead, yeah. the reality is that you have kids, and they turn out to be full of surprises and full of differences. i have yet to meet anyone who has not occasionally looked at their child and said, where did you come from? >> stephen: what are you talking'. >> the question all parents ask their children. i figure out how parents respond to having children who are dramatically different. parents with down syndrome or schizophrenia, parents of criminal, parents of people who are transgendered and of prodigies who are also quite overwhelmed >> stephen: you're dealing with some heavy stuff in this. you're dealing with heavy stuff. >> but i have to say all of these stories which appear to be so full of darkness ended up being stories that have an awful lot of light in them >> stephen: a lot of hope in here and

. >> coming up, stephen colbert takes a look back at the political career of michele bachmann.this should be hilarious. this is "hardball," the place for politics. >>> back to "hardball," now to the sideshow, after a week off, stephen colbert return does the news that michele bachmann won't be running for re-election. >> she broke the news in a web video recorded at i believe the sears portrait studio. so tonight, folks, we say good-bye to michele bachmann. and look fondly back at some of her very -- moments. >> documents, worked tirelessly until slavery was no more. in the united states. there isn't even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas. >> taxation without representation was bad, what would they think of representation with taxation? >> i will miss her. >> well, all of the voting restrictions pushed by republicans in the last election. things like requiring specific photo i.d.s and less early voting. specifically affected minority populations. they were surprise, more likely to vote democrat. we turned to a dallas county republica

i'm stephen colbert. your love is like a vacation. folks, i've got a confession to make-- i'm no fan of barack obama. there, i said it. somebody had to. but i am a fan of how he's handled the war on terror by following the exact same policies laid out by president bush. bush. ( laughter ) who followed the exact same policies laid out by. cheney, particularly his flying deathbot program which have some criticized because it's been used to kill americans overseas. but it's very limited in its scope in that only an informed, high-level government official can order your death. ( laughter ) secretary of state, definitelye no lower than the postmaster general. ( laughter ) which i assume means no more killing on saturdays. ( laughter ) and it's all perfectly legal thanks to a 2001 congressional resolution called "the authorization for use of military force" or a.u.m.f. so-called, because it is what gives obama's unchecked killing authority that special oomph. now, here-- ( cheers and applause ) right here. is-- this is he actual resolution

. >>> plus stephen colbert strikes a rare emotional chord. we'll show it to you next. >>> an early spring day in areas from spokane to louiston, kennewick and northern portions of idaho. that upper level throw plaguing the northwest is what's responsible for that. we still may have a few showers in the northwest but not as much as the rainfall in spokane. still hot in the desert southwest. and this looks like one of the last days for our incredible heat around fairbanks. one more day today. 87 and sunny. >> then you take it all away, huh, bill? >> won't take it all away but definitely closer to normal. >> they are enjoying that weather now doubt. >>> now for some entertainment news. details on the first sparks between angelina jolie and brad pitt. eunice huffert is claiming it stole information about the blossoming relationship from their phone. she worked with them as a stunt double on "mr. and mrs. smith." it ended pitt's marriage to jennifer aniston. jolie and pitt now have six children together. >>> dwayne "the rock" johnson, he is planni

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first, stephen colbert's in memoriam video about michele bachmann's time in politics might have beenremature. here she is on fox last night reflecting on her time in congress and what's in store for the future. >> i feel like i've done a lot in the eight years that i've been there. redeemed the time. i was a very strong voice. taking on my own party. i pushed back on the bailout. i was the champion of get repealing obama care. and also dealing with this issue of the irs, i've been involved in that as a former irs attorney. on issue after issue, dealing he with the rise of islamic jihad. i've been there. i'm not quitting my public involvement. in fact, i may run for another public office. that could happen. but for right now i think i'm going to find a different perch in order to be able to weigh in on these matters. >> is she really the champion of repealing obama care? if after 37 attempts at repeal, obama care is still on the books? >>> we also found out this week republican tom emmer, former minnesota state rep will run to fill bachmann's seat. now, if you were hoping for someone

first, stephen colbert's video about michele bachmann's time in politics might have been premature.cting on her time in congress and what's in store for the future. >> i feel like i've done a lot in the eight years i've been there. i was a very strong voice taking on my own party. i pushed back on the bailout. i was the champion of repealing obama care and also dealing with this issue of the irs. i've been involved in that as a former irs attorney on issue after issue dealing with the rise of is am lalamic jihad. i may run for another public office that could happen. but for right now, i think i'm going to find a different perch in order to be able to weigh in on these matters. >> is she really the champion of repealing obama care if after 37 attempts at repeal obama care is still on the books? we found out republican tom emmer will run to fill bachmann's seat f. you were hoping for someone more progressive than bachmann on things like gay marriage, don't look to him. he's no stranger to crazy moments on the campaign trail. during his run for governor in 2012 he pushed for legislati

stephen colbert has an interesting take on the voting rights act and how it may relate to child labor we'll be right back. i'm tony siragusa and i'm training guys who leak a little, to guard their manhood with new depend shields and guards. the discreet protection that's just for guys. now, it's your turn. get my training tips at guardyourmanhood.com yeah? then how'd i get this... [ voice of dennis ] ...safe driving bonus check? every six months without an accident, allstate sends a check. silence. are you in good hands? >> earlier we talked about senator wendy davis' attempted 13-hour filibuster. she made it about 11. if you want to sound smart today, tell your friends that the term filibusterer derives from a dutch word meaning pirate and became popular politically in the united states during the 1850s. let's go over to louis. you knew that though. >> that's right. thanks, brian. let's start with steern colbert. he's on board with the supreme court's decision on the voting right act. >> thankfully, chief justice john roberts old blue eyes knows the south doesn't feed to be babysat a

. >> you grew up with stephen colbert spent i did, in fact. fund that, he dated my cousin for your to my daughter resilient matter and said what were you thinking to break up with stephen colbert? but that's a side point spend and you help fund raise for his sister. >> i did. the practice would financial services point, which is one of, my background is as research and is in the business leader with an industry, and one of the things as a research analyst you learn is facts can be very stubborn things and you need to look at them, except them, and speak the truth about them, what you did when i was inside banks and outside the banks. i think the real challenge that we have in the industry today is whether its regulators or senior executives or the media, it's a sort of the same people having the same conversations. and some that we are hoping a different outcome. now, there may be under regulation is very important. the most important of which is not the little details, but do the banks have enough capital. to the banks have enough capital. do

> and iran, of course, elected a new president this week, moderate hassan rowhani, but before stephen colberts him, he looks back one last time on outgoing president mahmoud ahmadinejad. >> there is one thing i will miss, never knowing how to pronounce his last name. ahma -- jimmy just roll the tape -- ijad. president -- oh, boy, let's see if i can get this right. lord, help me get my mouth around this crazy name. ahma ali ali oxen free. ahma we just won an emmy mijad, ah mad space we just heard you scream ijad. ahma we come from the land of ice and snow ijad. i'm just glad rowhani is so much easier to say than ahmadinejad. wait! i just did it! >> just in time, too. >>> there were four days of back-to-back concerts at the bonnaroo music festival in tennessee this week, but the most memorable moment was not on stage, and jimmy kimmel explains. >> they had a sign language interpreter on stage with the wu-tang clan, which is funny just to start with, but i'll tell you what, i've seen a lot of signers at a lot of concerts. this one crushes them all. ♪ >> i'll tell you something, that is a def jam

doesn't matter to people like bill maher her because his purpose like that of jon stewart or stephen colbert is to be a lackey for the democratic party hell he even uses stand up comedy tour as a giant political ad for obama. everybody tonight. and there was a donation to the obama super pac which has the very unfortunate tongue twister name priority us. i know it was named for us. today and i would like to read. more than a million dollars. bill maher presented a giant cartoon check for a million dollars to obama while fear mongering to his captive audience about why there is no other choice than to support a war criminal and any time there's a real change amassing moher arrogantly rejects it once or for an occupy wall street members as quote just a bunch of douchebags who think throwing a chair through the starbucks window is going to bring on the revolution yeah bill because you know what is going to bring on the revolution giving millions of dollars to perpetuate endless war the erosion of rights and a climate of fear and hatred for one another how far you've come bill from the days of a

here to interview music legend paul mccartney is stephen colbert! (cheers and applause) thank you! thank you. what a pleasure. >> nice to see you. thank you. >> stephen: we haven't gotten together for four years. >> no. >> stephen: how have you been? >> i've been good, thank you. and you? >> stephen: last time we talked i wasn't that familiar with your work. (laughter) >> i remember. yeah. >> stephen: i have since then, though, boned up on my mccartney and jesus can you write some dizzys! i mean, seriously! seriously! (cheers and applause) now, we're going to get to this whole beatles side project you worked on for a little while. (laughter) but first i want to talk about the new -- the album, the remastered reissued album you've got out now called "wings over america: 1976 tour of the world." it's the america leg of it. (applause) now this was the fifth number-one album you had as wings. >> yeah. >> stephen: okay. (laughter) walk me up to that spot. because you leave the beatles, okay? you've been working for years very successfully with a guy named john-- i know the feeling. (lau

stewart or stephen colbert is to be a lackey for the democratic party hell he even used his standup comedy tour as a giant political ad for obama. i would like tonight there was a donation to the obama super pac which has the very unfortunate child with her name priority us. i know it was named already. said i would like to read. more than a million dollars. yup bill maher presented a giant cartoon check for a million dollars to obama while fear mongering to his captive audience about why there is no other choice than to support a war criminal and any time there's a real change amassing moher arrogantly rejects it once or for an occupy wall street members as quote just a bunch of douchebags who think throwing a chair through the starbucks window is going to bring on the revolution. yeah bill because you know what is going to bring on the revolution giving millions of dollars to perpetuate endless war the erosion of rights and a climate of fear and hatred for one another how far you've come bill from the days of actually speaking controversial truths to become a know nothing more than an es

marriage, people that think it will cause a threat to marriage between a man and a woman, we turn to stephen colbert. >> the defense of marriage act is dead. [ cheering ] yes. like my audience, i clap when i'm afraid. so straight, married people, listen up. if a gay charges your marriage, you're going to want to puff yourself up, make yourself seem bigger, try to frighten it off by talking in a firm, loud voice by pleated denim or jimmy buffett. it's going to be okay. it will scare them off. doma is unconstitutional as a deprivation of liberty of persons that is protected under the fifth amendment. oh, please. i find it hard to believe that there are amendments after the second. sounds made up. >>> next, members of the democratic congressional committee campaign cast their ballots for which their republican colleagues, which of them is as they put it the most clueless. but first, some highlights of their video mash-up of contenders. [ twilight theme playing ] >> pregnancy from rape that results in abortion after the beginning of the sixth month are very rare. >> when you say it's not a man and a wom

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first, stephen colbert's immemoriam video about michele bachmann's time in politics might have been prematurele preflekting on her time in congress and what's in store for the future. >> i feel like i've done a lot in the eight years that i've been there. redeemed the time. i was a very strong voice. taking on my own party. i pushed back on the bailout. i was the champion of get repealing obama care. and also dealing with this issue of the irs, i've been involved in that as a former irs attorney. on issue after issue, dealing with the rise of islamic jihad. i've been there. i'm not quitting my public involvement. in fact, i may run for another public office. that could happen. but for right now i think i'm going to find a different perch in order to be able to weigh in on these matters. >> is she really the champion of repealing obama care? if after 37 attempts at repeal, obama care is still on the books? >>> we also found out this week republican tom emmer, former minnesota state rep will run to fill bachmann's seat. now, if you were hoping for someone a bit more progressive than bachmann on