. >> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert!" tonight... red alert! plus, stephen welcomes paul bettany! and mike birbiglia! with special appearances by robert zemeckis and tom hanks! featuring louis cato and "the late show" band. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ♪ ♪ >> stephen: oh! thank you very much. please have a seat. thank you very much. welcome. welcome one and all to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. [cheering] i certainly hope you're all doing well. i know everyone's still in a state of shock. we're concerned for the future of our institutions and whether the country we all love is ever going to be the same. and sadly, these dramatic changes have already begun, because tgi fridays has filed for chapter 11 bankruptcy. what? but if there are no more tgi fridays, what are we gonna thank god for now? i don't understand. wednesday? we're too busy humping! god doesn't want to see that! i tell you what. but we should have known this was coming. the signs were all there. would a

"the late show" with stephen colbert is next. >> stephen: hey there. how are you doing? if you watch the show regularly, i'm guessing you're not doing great. yeah, me neither. you know, today some people said to me "sorry you have to do a show tonight," which is nice of them to say but i don't have to do a show. i get to do a show tonight. i'm so grateful to be with all of these talented people, those people over here, those people that you'll never see. with the audience in the ed sullivan, with you people at home, because especially in times like this, what do we most want to be? not alone. so thanks for being here. we're going to do a comedy show. it's a comedy show. we are going to some jokes and just a minute, 'cause that's what we do, and i'l let you in on the little secret. no one gets into this business because everything in their life worked out great. so we are built for rough roads. you guys ready? are we cool? okay. we're going to start the show now. and correct me if i'm wrong, louis, we usually start with a cold open? something like that? do we have one? we

stephen colbert is next. we'll see you tomorrow. >> trump revealing he has selected "fox & friends" weekend host pete hegseth for defense secretary. he has no government experience but has been a staunch trump loyalist. >> he is first and foremost a television star. >> trump is someone who has always processed television as a real tell of someone's ability to be a public leader. >> but pete hegseth wasn't the only cabinet pick trump made while watching television. >> introducing president trump's new team. secretary of defense: pete hegseth. ambassador to israel: mike huckabee. >> thank you, zoro. >> surgeon general: dr. hannibal lecter. [slurping] secretary of the treasury: all the women holding briefcases in "deal or no deal." chairman of the joint chiefs: the shaggy d.a. >> oh! >> secretary of transportation: the coors light bullet train. >> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert!" tonight... dim pickings! plus, stephen welcomes zoe saldana! and ken burns! featuring louis cato and "the late sh

i joined the stephen colbert cult. >> stephen: mike, lovely to see you.les event. gift yourself some savings and visit your local kia dealer today. look out for these stickers to find great deals on vehicles backed by a 10-year, 100,000-mile limited powertrain warranty so you can start new traditions for years to come. get 1.9% apr for up to 60 months, plus $1,000 retail bonus cash on specially tagged 2025 sportage and sorento vehicles. good night.

and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> stephen: welcome, my friends. thank you, everybody, out there watching, everybody in here to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. ladies and gentlemen, here we are. after a two-year campaign, we have finally made it through all 20 years. it has felt long. when the campaign started, i looked like this. but it's finally election eve! don't forget to vote! [cheers and applause] also don't forget to leave out milk and khakis for kornacki claus. ♪ he's making a list ♪ ♪ and touching his screens ♪ ♪ gonna find out ♪ ♪ what "swing voter" means ♪ ♪ kornacki claus ♪ ♪ ain't goin' bed ♪ [applause] we are all in some true sense about to witness history, good or bad. i'm guessing this is how the people of pompeii felt when vesuvius was trying to get re-elected. "okay, if the ash cloud goes that way, we celebrate! if the ash cloud heads toward us, everybody strike a cool pose! i'm doing charlie's angels." of course... pow! of course, i don't know what's goin

and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> stephen: oh! you know what? welcome, one and all in here, out there, all around the world. welcome, my friends, ladies and gentlemen, to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. [cheering] there are lots of folks are feeling anxious about our country, but not me. i'm on a lot of medication. but europe has taken notice of our anxiety, and they want to cash in, because an italian village is offering $1 homes to americans upset by the election result. well, i tell you what. um, i tell you what. uh, let's see here. between my staff and the audience, there are about 500 people in the building, so i'll take one. i'll take one. we'll all be roommates. we'll all be roommates. there you go. there you go. and you know what? it's in italy, so for dinner, we can just all have one long strand of spaghetti. "lady and the tramp." it's gonna be fantastic. the town is on the island of sardinia and is called ollolai. you know their slogan, "you're gonna ollo-like it!

and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> stephen: hey, everybody! hello, beautiful. i've missed you. ♪ ♪ hey, everybody! how nice. welcome one and all in here, out there, to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. [cheering] check your calendar. check my math on this. check my math on this. after tonight, there's only one taco tuesday left before election day! please savor it, 'cause if trump wins, i'm pretty sure project 2025 outlaws tacos. all you'll be able to get is a "spiced meat foldy sandwich." but apparently, americans are out there, they are pumped for this election, because 17 million voters have already cast a ballot. [applause] good planning! good planning, voters! these people have already voted. these are the same people who've already done their christmas shopping, already have their next brita filter soaking. why do you have to soak it? it gets wet eventually. no wonder folks are eager to vote! there are so many choices this year. beyond trump and harris, you have dark hor

. >> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert!" tonight... talking trash! plus, stephen welcomes francis ford coppola! and "people" magazine's sexiest man alive! featuring louis cato and "the late show" band. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> stephen: oh, my goodness. you know what? ♪ ♪ welcome. please have a seat, my friends. welcome one and all to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. [cheering] ladies and gentlemen, check the notches on your arm because it's been exactly one week since the election and already, this is becoming a country i no longer recognize. because right here, in new york city, today, mayor adams instituted a ban on trash bag mountains. no mountains of trash bags on the sidewalks of new york? what's next? no masturbators on the f train? to paraphrase the great cat stevens, without mountains of trash, "where do the children play?" "daddy, i miss when we could build a trash man. one time, i put a hat on it, and it came to life!" "no, son, tha

. >> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert!" tonight... the gaetz escape! and thanksgiving first drafts with stephen and evie. plus, stephen welcomes house democratic leader hakeem jeffries! and jeffrey wright! featuring louis cato and "the late show" band. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! [cheers and applause] >> stephen: right there. oh, my goodness! welcome. thank you. and you, everybody. welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. [cheering] we are exactly one week away from thanksgiving! so it's time to get that turkey in the oven. okay, you wanna go low and slow. 95 degrees, one week. so moist. it grows its own stuffing. we already have something to be thankful for, because this afternoon, matt gaetz withdrew as trump's nominee for attorney general whoo-hoo-hoo! whoo! oh, my goodness. isn't that pleasant? that's so nice. what lovely news. thank you, sweet turkey jesus! gobble bless you. as you know, gaetz's nomination has been opposed by many republican senators, especially after

and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> stephen: oh, my goodness! we'll say. please have a seat, everybody. you're very kind, lovely and kind. thank you. thank you my fellow americans. welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. [cheering] today was a big one for a very special boy down in washington d.c., because it's joe biden's 82nd birthday! [cheering] you hear the people. happy birthday, joe! we got you a cake, but nancy pelosi insisted you sacrifice it for the good of democracy. the president, he's having a pretty good time. he just came back from a really fun birthday trip. it was a six-day tour of latin america, where he ended it by wandering off into the amazonian jungle. there you go. bye-bye, joe. joe go bye-bye. there you go. is this true? i'm being told we have an image of the president at the end of his hike. there you go. don't you worry, with those chompers, he chewed his way right out. but in a way, the celebrations are bittersweet, because, today is biden's last

stephen colbert is next. have a good night. >> 60 million people, according to netflix, tuned in for this mike tyson and jake paul fight. >> the 27-year-old paul easily beat the 58-year-old tyson after eight rounds. >> but a lot of people say quite underwhelming. >> hey, kids. want to be as tough as jake paul? nintendo is proud to release the all-new jake paul's senior punch-out!! the game where you're jake paul beating up old people. bring the pain to your elders, like joe biden. >> malarkey! >> pope francis. >> peace be with you. >> sir david attenborough. >> welcome to planet -- [groans] >> and win a chance for the big title fight against dame judi dench. >> i have 42 grandchildren. [bell rings] >> so pick up jake paul's senior punch-out!! today. rated y for why don't you fight somebody your own age? >> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert!" tonight... full speed ahead! plus, stephen welcomes josh brolin! and kacey musgraves! featuring louis cato and "the late show" band. and now, live on ta

and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> stephen: thank you, everybody. welcome, one and all, to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. [cheering] it's indigenous peoples' day, a day where we celebrate the first peoples of the americas by closing all the schools, but for some reason still going to work. good luck, kids! hope you found food! it's october 14th, meaning the general election is 21 days from now. you can read all about it in my new book, "how to gain 100 pounds in 21 days." you know who's in the pink of health? kamala harris. this weekend, harris released her latest medical report, which states that she's "in excellent health." it's great that just the words "excellent health" kinda feel like a dig at donald trump. they should follow that up with "can walk up stairs" and "is potty trained." according to a letter from harris' physician, "she possesses the physical and mental resiliency required to successfully execute the duties of the presidency, to include those as chief exe

and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> stephen: you know what? thanks, everybody. please have a seat, ladies and gentlemen. welcome. welcome one and all. welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. [cheering] for now! it is wednesday, which is appropriate, because america is humped. it has been eight days since the election, and this is our fifth show since then, and for the last week, i've been walking around the building reminding everybody, "hey, this isn't great. not the outcome i hoped for, but this isn't our first trump rodeo." almost eight years ago, we all saw him saunter down those capitol steps, put his hand on a bible, lie to the chief justice about defending the constitution, and then give an extremely accurate speech about the coming american carnage. and i've been saying, quite sincerely, "hey! let's not get out over our skis here! let's take this one day at a time! maybe, maybe betting against all logic and all previous experience, it'll be different this time!" [l

>> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert!" tonight... gaetz of hell! plus, stephen welcomes billy bob thornton! and sharon horgan! featuring louis cato and "the late show" band. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> stephen: you're very kind. have a seat, my friends. welcome. welcome one and all. in here, out there, all around the world. to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. [cheering] folks, there's no denying, there's no denying it is a weird time, but today is not the worst day since trump was elected. that was yesterday and maybe tomorrow. and also today. because just moments before this taping, donald trump continued his exhaustive search for the most qualified people in his line of sight and he has chosen anti-vax nepo maniac robert f. kennedy jr. as secretary of health and human services. [booing] i know, i know, i know. that sounds insane, but we should all keep an open mind. because that's how the worm gets in. [laughter] you gotta leave the fontanel

[laughter] jimmy kimmel and stephen colbert both hit menopause this week. late night hot flashes, when we come back. [laughter] before taking breztri for my copd, i had bad days. days ruined by flare-ups (cough) that could permanently damage my lungs. then i talked to my doctor about breztri, and i noticed things changed. breztri gave me better breathing. starting within 5 minutes, my lung function improved. breztri also helped improve my symptoms and was even proven to reduce flare-ups, including those that could send me to the hospital. now i worry less about bad days and enjoy more good days. breztri won't replace a rescue inhaler for sudden breathing problems. it is not for asthma. tell your doctor if you have a heart condition or high blood pressure before taking it. don't take breztri more than prescribed. breztri may increase your risk of thrush, pneumonia, and osteoporosis. call your doctor if worsened breathing, chest pain, mouth or tongue swelling, problems urinating, vision changes, or eye pain occur. can't afford your medication? astrazeneca may

stephen? what does the staff call you besides "mr. colbert"? lding! here's the thing. is that there are one of only three people that regularly call me steve. you, tom brokaw, and my brother ed. everyone else calls me stephen. except one of my writers, in a pitch meeting, they'll always call me steve in the pitch. >> tom: and when did he get fired exactly? >> stephen: i can't say. you've got a new film. let's talk about movies. "here" directed by robert zemeckis, costarring robin wright. and this is robin wright and you and robert zemeckis. 30 years back together for the first time! >> tom: throw up the first one. >> stephen: 30 years after "forrest gump." no change. one, two. there you go! absolutely. there we are. no difference whatsoever. >> tom: it's like the band is back together again except we are not performing "please, please me." we're performing the white album. it is a slightly different thing. >> stephen: fifth movie with zemeckis, obviously there must be some profound connection there. what is it? >> tom: this is what bob does to m

>> announcer: it's "the late show" with stephen colbert! tonight... young scared. , stephen welcomes... seth meyers! and comedian mohanad elshieky! featuring louis cato and "the late show" band! and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> stephen: oh, my goodness! scared the hell out of me! boo! happy -- happy hallelujah! happy hallelujah! happy hallelujah. thank you, ladies and gentlemen! hey! how are you! very nice to see you, lovely people. have a seat, my friends. you're very kind. welcome one and all to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. [cheers and applause] first of all -- first of all, boo. happy halloween, hope you all went trick-or-treating and you been enjoying the weather because in parts of the east coast it was the warmest halloween in 50 years, which is why later tonight i'm going out as a sexy concerned climate scientist. every halloween the white households their own trick-or-treating event and it's kind of cute. this year's theme was hall-read. if you think th

[laughter] jimmy kimmel and stephen colbert both hit menopause this week.>> late night hot flashes, when we come back. [laughter] do you have a life insurance policy you no longer need? now you can sell your policy - even a term policy - for an immediate cash payment. we thought we had planned carefully for our retirement. but we quickly realized we needed a way to supplement our income. if you have $100,000 or more of life insurance, you may qualify to sell your policy. don't cancel or let your policy lapse without finding out what it's worth. visit coventrydirect.com to find out if your policy qualifies. or call the number on your screen. coventry direct, redefining insurance. incident. watching late-night club the new chapter trump's reelection. these days late-night might as well be host of crying on tik tok. check this out. >> a terrible night for women, children, hundreds of thousands of hard-working immigrants who make this country go. for health care. [applause] [applause] >> the law class, seniors who rely on social security and allies and ukraine.

[line ringing] >> announcer: it's "the late show with stephen colbert!" tonight... smoke show! and rescue dog rescue with chris evans! plus, stephen welcomes javier bardem! and curtis "50 cent" jackson takes the colbert questionert. featuring louis cato and "the late show" band. and now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, it's stephen colbert! ♪ ♪ >> stephen: there you go! hey! [cheers and applause] thank you very much. please have a seat, my friends. welcome to "the late show." i'm your host, stephen colbert. [cheering] i want to say happy veterans' day, everybody! all of here want to thank all our brave veterans for their service to our country and for doing what so few americans are willing to do: a pushup. here in new york, our veterans were saluted with a parade down 5th avenue, where they were bestowed with new york city's highest honor: crippling midtown traffic. veterans are also being honored throughout the casual-dining-scape all across america. today, vets going out to buffalo wild wings will get 10 free boneless wings. that, of course, to com

stephen colbert next year. why not? >> could be. maybe when his time is ready the stars align. >>> up next, the merger deal could come crashing back to earth. >>> and the world's most expensive emerald found for big expensive emerald found for big bucks in geneva. ♪ higher and higher. higher. ♪ ♪ you know your love ♪ ♪ i said your love keeps on ♪ pandora. sounds like you need to vaporize that cold. dayquil vapocool? it's dayquil plus a rush of vicks vapors. ♪ vapocooooool ♪ woah. dayquil vapocool. the vaporizing daytime, coughing, aching, stuffy head, power through your day, medicine. with vaseline, hydrated skin is just the beginning. level up to even toned, radiant skin. new vaseline radiant x body lotion with 1% niacinamide. level up to even toned skin. ♪♪ [laughters] mom. ♪♪ mmmmmmm. repeat the sounding joy. [laughters] kinder joy. [laughters] open a world of surprise. guys, it's time to stop treating your groins like junk. presenting the intimate pubic hair trimmer from gillette. it's not junk, so treat it right with a gentle and easy shave from america's #1 trusted men's

i'm your host, stephen colbert.eering] first of all, i want to say happy veterans' day, everybody! all of us here want to thank all of our brave veterans for their service to our country and for doing what so few americans are willing to do: a pushup. here in new york, our veterans were saluted with a parade down 5th avenue, where they were bestowed with new york city's highest honor: crippling midtown traffic. veterans are also being honored throughout the casual-dining-scape all across america. today, vets going out to buffalo wild wings will get 10 free boneless wings. that, of course, to commemorate the service of boneless civil war general, theodore a. floppyblob. [laughter] vets and active duty military can also get a free meal from hooters. [cheering] yeah, yeah, yeah. and for those veterans who don't enjoy boob-themed dining, there's also an exciting meal deal being offered at scrotal-bees. you get two for one pepperjack grundleburgers. in local news, i don't want anyone to panic, but this weekend, there wer

stephen colbert is next.e a good night. - the following is a paid presentation for the powerxl stirmax multi-cooker, sponsored by empower brands, llc. what if i told you, there's a brand new kitchen appliance that does all the cooking for you, a hands-free solution that sears food, stirs it, even shreds it in one pot that you can set, then forget about, and come back to delicious, perfectly prepared meals that cook up to 60% faster without having to do a thing, except enjoy a little extra free time. introducing the powerxl stirmax multi-cooker,

"the late show" with stephen colbert is next. >> stephen: hey there. how are you doing?tch the show regularly, es

the late show with stephen colbert is next.

stephen colbert is next.>> 60 million people, according to netflix, tuned in for this mike tyson and jake paul fight. >> the 27-year-old paul easily beat the 58-year-old tyson after eight rounds. >> but a lot of people say quite

. >> that's stephen colbert revealing this year's pick for "people" magazine's "sexiest man alive."ohn krasinski popped out to accept the honor and console the "late show" host on not making the cut. >> i know how bad you wanted to be "sexiest man alive," so i came to see if you're okay. >> wow. wow. that is so thoughtful. >> well -- >> which is in itself such a sexy quality. i'm beginning to see why they gave it to you. >> well, i think it's that and the biceps. >> yeah. i mean -- you beat me at arm wrestling once. >> twice. >> so math is sexy, too, now evidently. >> his wife of 14 years, actress emily blunt, if he won the title she'd wallpaper their house with the cover. we're going to see to see if she actually does it. >>> reports of break-ins at the homes of two of the kansas city chiefs' star players. the sheriff's office saying deputies responded to a burglary call at the home of quarterback patrick mahomes on october 6th. then two days later, there was another break-in call at an address believed to be travis kelce's home. the sheriff's office not releasing details but sayin

the late show with stephen colbert is next.s is >> during a recent radio interview, donald trump said that people in the country illegally who have

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stephen colbert is next.trump revealing he has selected "fox & friends" weekend host pete hegseth for defense secretary. he has no government experience but has been a staunch trump loyalist. >> he is first and foremost

the late show with stephen colbert is next. the news continues streaming on cbs news bay area.ng she had. she made us proud.

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. >> thanks for watching, the late show with stephen colbert is up next. have a good night. music) - hi everyone, and welcome to legal help center. this is where we have professionals standing by to answer your questions regarding personal injury. so if you've been injured in an accident that was not your fault, like a car accident or a slip and fall, we can help. as a matter of fact, we are here to help. so take that first step and call the number on your screen right now. we have legal professionals standing by to answer your questions. they'll tell you if you have a case and how much your case is potentially worth.

. >> thanks for watching, the late show with stephen colbert is up next. have a good night.ions tonight

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. >> thanks for watching the late show with stephen colbert >> trump revealing he has selected "fox &r defense secr

the late show with stephen colbert is next.ght. >> suddenly iowa is the center of the political universe. a poll comes out just of iowa voters, and it shows kamala harris ahead by three points. on

the late show with stephen colbert is next. >> explosive new allegations tonight against president-electneral. >> terence lee has been looking into the claims against former congre

i hope stephen colbert don't leave neither. i have nothing much to say. try to stay positive, try to stay from negative people, everything negative. everything negative, i wanted to stay out of it. i guess i got too excited. now when see mr. trump, i flip the channels. the face, i don't nkow what it is -- host: i do not want you to get too upset on your birthday. happy birthday. guest: this brings me back to terry's island. what he asks does resonate. are you a fair and impartial journalist, are u sure about that? i get that question a lot. phia hasheir mirror imagef this, concerned that people are departing the stage when dona trump takes office january0. people do not want to be part of they're fair questions. symptomatic of people consuming news out of a silo where they don't become accustomed to hearing contrarian voices or objective fact on all matters. certainly some of us are guilty of that ourselves going to news silos. i am a philadelphia eagles fan. i don't want to hear how good the lions and cowboys a 49ers are this year. i just want to hear ab

was it stephen colbert or jimmy kimmel? this is going to swing it. you were quick on that one.aneous talking] >> how does this look? >> first answer you copied my answer. >> you want to do a tiebreaker? it doesn't count, she gets to keep the hat. just for your ego. for you we are going to say ronald reagan had the biggest landside in presidential history , how many electoral votes did he win? >> i've got to know the exact number? >> closest. >> mondale had five, i don't know. >> you got to throw a number out. >> what's the number you need. >> i saw the movie and i can't remember. 520. [simultaneous talking] hi. i use febreze fade defy plug. and i use this. febreze has a microchip to control scent release so it smells first-day fresh for 50 days. 50 days!? and its refill reminder light means i'll never miss a day of freshness. ♪ force factor amazing ashwa, reduces stress and anxiety, improves sleep, boosts cognitive health, and supports weight management. why? amazing ashwa contains clinically proven ksm-66 ashwagandha. rush to walmart and find amazing ashwa from force factor. t

. >> it is telling that there is an an old stephen colbert clip where pam bondi is only person to makeversity. that would be the scandal we focus on or pam bondi allowing for the coteire government here in the united states. marc, if you were preparing senate democrats for these confirmation hearings, what are the top questions you would propose they ask? >> yeah, so, the question i always asked before the election was somebody asked donald trump what state he legitimately lost in 2020. one thing i would do is revisit comments in 2020 and ask if she stands by them and what evidence she now has of fraud in pennsylvania and where else. she will say that is ancient history. we don't need to cover that. the truth is we do need to cover it. the moment we move on from allowing people to make irresponsible statements about the 2020 election, which they still stand by. she won't repud yat it. she'll say let's move on. the moment she continues to allow to wiggle out there, we lose out there. the other thing is important is the clip you played. everyone needs to focus on this. she has said there

stephen colbert has lost 32% of his viewership. people watched comedy to laugh, not to be lectured. comedy is migrating south to austin and joe rogan's show or is going online, podcast, people aren't tuning into these shows. stuart: the times are changing. thanks for joining us. see you again soon. still ahead. the elites have been living in a bubble, trump just burst that bubble. trouble is they don't understand why they lost. that is "my take" at the top of the hour. ♪ arthritis pain relief gel, which penetrates deep to target the source of pain with nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory medicine directly at the source. voltaren, the joy of movement. your record label is taking off. but so is your sound engineer. you need to hire. i need indeed. indeed you do. our advanced matching helps find talented candidates, so you can connect with them fast. visit indeed.com/hire it's our son, he is always up in our business. it's the verizon 5g home internet i got us. oh... he used to be a competitive gamer but with the higher lag, he can't keep up with his squad. so now we're his “squad”. what ar

stephen colbert 92 what he could to work for the harris campaign. kimmel, probably the worst offender and sapphires. we have a great staff what we found a joke about kamala ha harris. can we share it? try not to clap your knees too hard. >> time to knock on doors. [cheering] >> time to knock on doors and text and call and then lasso voters. [laughter] >> are you laughing? how is it. kamala harris will be on saturday night tonight. i'm looking forward to seeing whether they are willing to make as much fun of her as they have the last few weeks. we will see. >> they won't. was the invitation put out to trump? they put their hands on the scale again through the comedy show. we will see how she does. she turned down a dinner where she had a chance to go by herself. we will see if the s&l writers can make her seem likable face appreciate you with work decent on your test. thank you. >> thank you. the president is rallying in north carolina. let's dip in. >> let's get this done and after that we will have a different name, much happier because we will set

mistake not saying what she would do drchghtly when asked on the view and that same question by stephen colbert're, obviously, two different people. and then again, she was asked by bret baier and -- and dodged the question. voters do not voters do not want a second biden term. >> all right. dan. dan: i would say what has to go down one of the smartest moves was donald trump dishing french fries at a mcdonald's in pennsylvania. i mean, white shirt, red tie, mcdonald's apron, some look. and it had to be a good idea because the media and the democrats went absolutely crazy with anger over trump doing this. it was also a gutsy call one of the worst photo ops was michael governor of massachusetts when he was running for president riding on top of a tank trump fries went down smoother. >> my choice for biggest mistake is joe biden's terrible decision not to step down from running for reelection a year earlier than he ultimately did. he knew he was declining but he hid that from voters with help of the press because he thought he could beat donald trump again. he denied democrats a primary contest of

was it stephen colbert or jimmy kimmel? >> you are quick on that one. >> jimmy always talks about him. >> she's got it. >> abbey. >> well, you are crowned. >> how to this nash. >> the first answer you copied the training answer. >> what to do a tiebreaker. >> a two-point or. >> it doesn't count because she gets to keep her happy just for your ego. >> for you we will say while making him the biggest landslid in political history and makes 84. how many electoral votes did reagan wins? p, "i got to know the exact number? >> closest. >> is everything but what minnesota gave monday and i'll need this back how many did minnesota have? >> mondale had five -. >> we got to go pick. i don't know. >> you get to throw a number ou for me. >> what the number you need? >> 500 -- i saw the movie and i can't remember, it's over fi five -- 520. >> she wins for t ♪ ♪ >> major programming announcement. sunday night, live prime time. 8:00 i know football is on but we are on the cusp of a major election. so flip around, check us out. we will do

at the time she goes on cbs and tells that hard-hitting news man, stephen colbert that the writers take note, be aware, the rioters will not stop and they shouldn't stop. and she is not going to stop supporting them. i think if liz cheney were intellectually honest she would call that an insurrection. especially if donald trump said it. kamala so-called closing argument in washington was filled with so many lies it would take up the rest of the show. claiming trump wants a national abortion ban. he has said over and over just the opposite. a complete lie. kamala claiming he would ban ivf. that was also a life. claiming he would limit access to contraception. she is just making it up as she goes along, trying to scare women. she claimed that he would monitor women's pregnancies, which even talking about? a disgusting, despicable, outright repulsive lie. often regurgitated by the state run media mob. she claims trump supports project 2025. trump has said over and over again he has no idea what it is an won't support it. she blamed inflation on price gouging at grocery stores. that, two wa