>> steve: yep. are you ready? >> are you ready? >> steve: are you ready?e: can't say any of those words. are you ready? >> okay. the make-believe. >> the police. no. >> the people. >> they make it up. they -- >> the pretenders. >> yes. [ ding ] things in the sand. >> police. [ ding ] >> okay. when doves cry. >> oh, i'm so young. um. >> oh. [ laughter ] >> prince. [ ding ] >> thank you. oh, i don't know this guy. it's the kind of a dog -- michael vick's dog. >> a pit bull! >> yeah. [ ding ] it's what you put on the street. it's -- >> pavement. [ ding ] >> yes. [ ding ] they're like fairies. >> fish. oh, fish. [ laughter ] [ buzzer ] [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: they're like fairies. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: michael vick dog. >> steve: yeah. >> you know, the michael vick dog. >> steve: fantastic. >> i don't know what songs they sing. >> steve: wow. five points. that's very good. fantastic. jimmy. >> jimmy: all right. >> steve: why don't you pick one. >> jimmy: all right. here we go. i'm going to do -- as seen on tv. >> steve: as seen on tv. the

>> steve: those are dragons. >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: they are my children!t's right. you can tell the book is for adults from its title, "harry potter and the goblet of activia." [ laughter ] >> steve: you've got to stay regular, harry. >> jimmy: he's getting old. now, whenever harry wants to use his wand, he has to take a viagra 20 minutes before, and then -- [ laughter ] >> steve: whoa! limpicus. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: erectilia. this is a funky idea. i think he's italian, too. i made him italian. >> steve: yeah, well, you know, latin is very close. >> jimmy: hey, this is a weird fact. a new survey found that the tooth fairy left about 42 cents less in 2011 than it did the year before. yeah. and when kids lose their teeth now, they're like, "i'm going to hold on to this until the market improves." [ laughter ] i'm not gonna let -- [ applause ] it's a molar, too. it's a pretty big one. listen to this. a company in the u.k. is selling a new device that lets you know if you're driving badly. yeah, it's called a windshield. [ laughter ] ridiculous. and finally

>> steve: yeah.jimmy: and he thinks "dude"'s going to get to me. like, he thinks that's my -- >> steve: that's the way kids talk. >> jimmy: -- that's my name on twitter. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: so he tweeted, "dude, my finger is bleeding." [ laughter ] and he wants to get it to me. so, somehow, some people got it to me. but i tweeted him back like, "i don't think you should be doing this." you should stop. you should stop tweeting, yeah. and i just don't know if he's heard my word, or -- >> steve: you should call him. >> jimmy: why? i think he should make the first move. [ laughter ] but, we didn't hear anything, right? he's not on twitter, he didn't do anything? >> steve: no. >> jimmy: i don't know. well, dave, if you're watching -- i know you watch every night. [ laughter ] call me. we do have an amazing show tonight. his showtime series "californication" is back on sunday. david duchovny is here. [ cheers and applause ] you know him from "30 rock." the very, very funny, judah friedlander is in t

track for steve's motorcycle. >> steve had all of the toys.hink dale bought them all. >> actually, it wasn't all dale's money. some of it was the bank's. lured to a business backed by one partner's ski expertise and the other shares in microsoft, banks loaned millions of dollars to nordic sports haus. only problem was the partner with the know-how, that would be steve, didn't seem to know much at all. he ordered way too much merchandise and soon suppliers weren't even getting paid. $400,000 behind just on snowboards. >> 120 days past due after having 90-day terms. >> he says he went to steve with his concerns and steve replied, by forcing him out of the company. by now steve was into another venture, because, as unbelievable as it sounds, he hooked up with a second, even bigger, microsoft millionaire. coming up, the mystery man is identified after robbing the dead. >> just feel like your whole world has been shattered. i mean, how could somebody do that? et him up. [ sizzling ] ♪ i think i hear something. hi dad. hi mom. [ female announcer ] o

>> steve: yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: that's the type of excitement you -- >> steve: generated by this app.mmy: no, so what happens is you set the alarm, and i fake call your phone. so it rings and it says "call from jimmy." and then i'll leave you a message, like -- so say if it's the weather, you can set it so i'll say it's hailing outside. it'll sound like this. "hey, it's jimmy, and you might want to think twice about going outside today, because it's totally gonna hail. oh, hail, no!" [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: real-time theme. >> jimmy: it's available right now at the app store. it's 99 cents. pick it up. it's pretty fun. [ cheers and applause ] it's cool. it has 100 different calls or something. we have a big show tonight, as i said. the legendary alan alda is here! [ cheers and applause ] come on. can't beat him. >> steve: give it up. >> jimmy: oh, but she's amazing on "30 rock." our pal, jane krakowski is dropping by! [ cheers and applause ] kids love her. we love her. and broadway week continues with a performance from "ghost." yeah. [ cheers and applause ] it's a new mus

>> steve: baby -- >> baby. >> jimmy: mm-hmm. >> steve: arrow, heart, diapere. >> no, diaper. >> stevemy: okay. all right, so those are the clues. >> okay. say it again? >> jimmy: baby, diaper, arrow, heart. oh no, arrow, valentine. >> and somebody said cherub. >> steve: cherub, cherub. we'll throw that in there. >> okay. oh, my god. >> jimmy: love. >> husband? >> no. >> yes. >> steve: ready? third time's a charm. [ drum roll ] >> pink. >> what'd he say? >> cupid? ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: donald trump, dee snider, teresa giudice, the "celebrity apprentice" premieres sunday at 9 p.m. on nbc. idris elba joins us next. give it up for everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ ryan ] for my clients, there's nothing like a fresh-cut style to add a spring to the step. but as time passes between cuts, split ends can make hair look frizzy and rough. so i recommend tresemmé's all-new split remedy line. three uses repairs up to eighty percent of split ends for a smooth finish. so your step stays lighter and your style looks fresher longer. get salon-polished, chair-worthy hair without t

>> steve: baby -- >> baby. >> jimmy: mm-hmm. >> steve: arrow, heart, diapere. >> no, diaper. >> steve: okay. all right, so those are the clues. >> okay. say it again? >> jimmy: baby, diaper, arrow, heart. oh no, arrow, valentine. >> and somebody said cherub. >> steve: cherub, cherub. we'll throw that in there. >> okay. oh, my god. >> jimmy: love. >> husband? >> no. >> yes. >> steve: ready? third time's a charm. [ drum roll ] >> pink. >> what'd he say? >> cupid? ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: donald trump, dee snider, teresa giudice, the "celebrity apprentice" premieres sunday at 9 p.m. on nbc. idris elba joins us next. give it up for everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i used to not travel very much, but then i discovered hotwire. now, i use all my vacation days. i can afford to visit my folks for the holidays. and reconnect with my girlfriends in vegas. because i get ridiculously low prices on all my trips. . . . . to new orleans. hi honey! ♪ h-o-t-w-i-r-e... ♪ hotwire.com with smooth caramel and chocolate. ♪ hmm twix. also available in peanut butter. immerse yourself in all ov

. >> jimmy: and that's it. >> steve: got a good head of hair. >> jimmy: great head of hair. >> steve:y: and he supports, like, new orleans. and he's, like, a local, cool dude. >> steve: oh my god. >> jimmy: he's just a winner. i like that guy. harry connick, jr. is on the show. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: next, one of the stars of the hit "twilight" movies kellan lutz is going to be joining us! [ cheers and applause ] girls love him. ladies love lutz. he's a very, very funny man who is a star and creator of the adult swim show, "delocated." jon glaser is stopping by! [ cheers and applause ] he's always super fun. and the music -- oh, get ready for this, you guys. the cranberries are performing! [ cheers and applause ] i love the cranberries. i saw the cranberries. i was in college. i saw the cranberries. i love dolores -- she's an irish lass, the lead singer. and she's just gorgeous, and she has an amazing voice. and i went to go see them. and i remember that was one of my first kind of concerts. i never went to that many. and i yelled, "i love you, dolores!" and she goes, "i lo

] >> steve: yeah. [ as "kurkel"] mmm.. 227. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: the halftime show -- oh, how about that? that was huge, huh? [ cheers ] that was big. in fact, this morning in new york, three cab drivers showed me their impression of m.i.a. i was, like, what? [ laughter ] they even yelled my name. >> steve: did they really? >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: oh my god. >> jimmy: actually, this is our first show back in new york after a week in indianapolis. [ cheers ] and i think -- i think the hoosier hospitality really rubbed off on me. today, i held a subway door open for, like, six rats that were trying to get in. [ laughter ] i go, come on in, guys. come on in, huh? eat something. here's an election update. because of large crowds at his campaign events, mitt romney will now receive protection from the secret service. not to be outdone, ron paul will now receive protection from a mall cop on a segway. [ laughter and applause ] [ segway noises ] this is interesting. a recent study found that people lie more when they're text

>> steve: uh-oh. >> oh boy, oh boy. >> steve: this is not a good one. >> he's good at this. >> steve:>> jimmy: not doing anything yet. ready? >> steve: yes. movie. three words. first word. [ laughter ] rock. rock roll. rock, dance. dance. third word. [ laughter ] "dances with wolves." >> jimmy: yes! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> dolly: i go next. >> jimmy: yeah, you go after that. audience, help her out. what number should she pick? [ cheers and applause ] >> dolly: three? i'll take three. >> jimmy: three is good. >> dolly: okay. >> jimmy: i know, i'm sorry. i know. >> dolly: okay, so -- >> tv. three words. >> dolly: mm-hmm. >> me and you. you and i. two. brake your ass in two. [ laughter ] break. to break and pour -- >> jimmy: tv show two. >> tv show two. two, okay. second word? first word? >> jimmy: first word is two. >> first word is two. >> steve: second word is -- >> two break. >> jimmy: not a whole but a -- too broke for tv. [ laughter ] too broke for me. [ applause ] [ buzzer ] ♪ >> jimmy: that was great. that was great. "two broke girls." that was great, you did a great job. >>

>> steve: yes. >> jimmy: they're doing it as a play. >> steve: what? >> jimmy: yeah.y're debuting it on our show next week. so you can get to see if you like it. i think it's going to be good. "anything goes." that play's going to be here. and "sister act." all next week. crazy performances. it's good. >> steve: yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you saw it? you liked it? yeah, good. look at this. i've got this new nike fuel thing. nike fuel band? have you guys heard about this? yeah. it's like -- i -- i don't know really what it is. but you press the button -- you press the button, and it says fuel. [ laughter ] and it tells you how much fuel -- how many fuel units. they made up a new unit of measure. [ laughter ] >> steve: like a joule. like some sort of the same -- it's not calories? >> jimmy: i don't know what it is. fuel units. >> steve: right. >> jimmy: so, right now, i'm at -- >> steve: so far you've used -- >> jimmy: yep. >> 1318. >> steve: 1319! >> jimmy: 1319. oh, right there. banging on the desk was one fuel unit. [ light laughter ] 21, 22, 23, 24. let

>> steve: yeah. do a beard. >> jimmy: a beard? >> steve: yeah, beard.is. [ laughter ] that's a goatee. >> jimmy: goatee. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: "hey. you want me to freeze dry your cat?" [ laughter ] >> steve: my cat's not dead! >> jimmy: what? >> steve: my cat's alive. >> jimmy: hey, guys, listen to this. a company in japan has plans to build a space elevator that will take passengers 22,000 miles above earth. it's a long ride. i mean, people are going to be like -- [ laughter ] "mondays, huh? mondays. [ laughter ] tuesdays, right? tuesdays?" [ laughter ] and finally, tomorrow is leap day, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] this is something that only happens once every four years. or as newt gingrich calls that, a sit-up. [ laughter ] we have a great show tonight, you guys! give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: fantastic. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: fantastic. so high energy. that's so great. i love it so much. i'm about to have a heart attack. [ laughter ] i turn into

>> steve: i love that one. >> jimmy: oh, man. >> steve: uh-oh. >> jimmy: it's a good one. >> steve: okay ] >> jimmy: it's worth it. i wouldn't hype it up, unless it wasn't worth it. >> steve: no, you would not. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, newt gingrich, for being a male version of susan boyle. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ there you have it, those are my thank-you notes. we'll be right back with more "late night," everybody! come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ everyday me and ray like to fuel up with these new belvita breakfast biscuits. they give you energy that lasts all morning. suspect is heading south. freeze. stand back kids. [ grunting ] [ ray ] belvita is a new kind of breakfast that gives us the energy to serve and protect. this milk is expired. [ ray ] this sleepy town has never been safer. ohhh, i got one in my mouth! [ ray ] 18 grams of whole grain specially baked for nutritious sustained energy. belvita, there's a new kind of breakfast in the cookie aisle. so they realize how much they move. that's why we created degree with motionsense technology. the more you move, the more it

>> steve: i love that one. >> jimmy: oh, man. >> steve: uh-oh. >> jimmy: it's a good one. >> steve: okayll ] >> jimmy: it's worth it. i wouldn't hype it up, unless it wasn't worth it. >> steve: no, you would not. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, newt gingrich, for being a male version of susan boyle. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ there you have it, those are my thank-you notes. we'll be right back with more "late night," everybody! come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ online dating services can get kind of expensive. so to save-money, i found a new way to get my profile out there. check me out. everybody says i've got a friendly disposition and they love my spinach dip. 5 foot ten. still doing a little exploring... on it. my sign is sagittarius, i'm into spanish cheese, my hairline is receding but i'm getting a weave. (falsetto chorus) getting a weave. who wants some ronald tonight!? geico. fifteen minutes could save you fifteen percent or more. is the pain reliever orthopedic doctors recommend most for arthritis pain, think again. and take aleve. it's the one doctors recommend most for arthritis p

>> steve: i did. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> steve: i was the rose. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] it was bit. [ laughter ] >> steve: i like to keep abreast of those things, you know. there was a chest in the movie. >> jimmy: there was. >> steve: a magical chest. >> jimmy: here we are. we're going tit for tat. [ laughter ] >> steve: i feel like a boob. >> jimmy: you do. you feel like it -- that was a slogan on the poster, wasn't it? >> steve: yeah, it was, "i feel like a boob." >> jimmy: i feel like a boob. >> steve: with a gloved hand. >> jimmy: this one is from @ibkoz. he says, "i thought i texted my girlfriend want to take a nap later? upon second look, i texted my college baseball coach." [ audience ohs ] "sure, just name the time and the place. let's do this. i'll bring my snuggie." >> steve: in the dugout. >> jimmy: this one is from @morganfaith10. she says, "meant to text my dad, 'going to pick up sid'. phone changes to going to pick up std." [ laughter ] oh, that's good. you going to pick up sid afterwards? >> steve: yeah. well, he's the one that's going to give it to her. >> jimm

i'm steve wynn.un this place. >> you see i get enough towels. >> the golden nugget became wynn's golden egg. las vegas was just a bunch of casinos in the 1980s when steve wynn built the mirage, the first luxury resort on the strip. outside, a volcano exploded every 15 minutes. inside, he hired siegfried and roy to perform. next door, he built another hotel and brought cirque du soleil to las vegas for the first time. the strip wasn't just about gambling anymore, and steve wynn was hailed as a visionary. >> i've been given too much credit for that, really. if you look at las vegas in the 1980s, there hadn't been anything built since 1973 new. and so the city was in a time warp. and, as has so often been the case, in the valley of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. >> so you had an idea, and you were king. >> yeah, all of a sudden, i looked like i was a rocket scientist. >> not a rocket scientist but a showman. >> captain of the britannia! ready, aim, fire! [explosions booming] >> when he imploded th

>> steve: welcome back. she's gone from fighting for freedom in iraq and afghanistan and now she's fighting for a job on capitol hill. colonel martha mcsally, the first woman to fly fighter jets in combat for the u.s. air force now running to fill gabrielle giffords' vacated congressional seat and the colonel joins us from tucson. good morning to you. >> good morning. >> steve: it's an honor to have the first american woman to fly in combat. congratulations and thank you. >> thank you, sir. >> steve: why do you want -- you've had such a great career. why do you want to go to congress? >> well, i'm a public servant at heart, steve. when i see things that are messed up, i fix them. right now i have been overseas teaching senior government officials from all over the world, helping them transition to democracy and seeing what their economic problems are and realizing that we got messed up things going on at home. feel very convicted to come home and help our own government and lead them and represent the people

of a little sweaty. >> jimmy: sweaty. >> steve: a little sick inside. >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: butnow what? you've got the skills to pay the bills. >> jimmy: thanks, buddy. [ laughter ] oh, yeah, there you go. [ audience aws ] now, you see a young couple. they're enjoying some time together out in the backyard. they look very happy. and i can tell just by looking at this, that the woman -- the woman, she's thinking, "this is so much fun." [ laughter ] but he's thinking something very different. he's thinking, "this is not what i meant when i said i liked to swing." [ laughter ] you know, i can just tell by the way -- >> steve: you can tell. >> jimmy: you can just tell. >> steve: it's good. >> jimmy: here's another example. nice older couple looking over some paperwork at the table, seems excited about something. i can tell that she's thinking, "this new life insurance policy is incredible." and he's thinking, "i know, i can't wait for you to die." [ laughter and applause ] must be a good policy. let's keep going. oh yeah, look at this. oh, yeah. here's a guy and a girl riding toget