stoner or expenditure?nd it is -- a real government expenditure. a metal foil that can keep mountains cold. stoner or expenditure? and the answer is -- that's a stoner. [ applause ] teaching synchronized swimming to sea monkeys. expenditure or stoner? all right, couple of expenditures. all right. and the answer is -- expenditure. finally. a microchip that can read a cat's emotions. stoner or expenditure? and it is -- no, it's a stoner. i guess it could be both, really. if you think about it. but yes. that was up. thank you for playing. kind of ironic for a member of congress to be complaining about government waste. i think we spend around $5 billion every year on congress. we don't seem to be getting anything out of that, right? what we got is a report on how much money they waste, so thank you. speaking of major expenditures, a new starbucks drink is on the way. starting november 12th, starbucks will be offering a chestnut praline latte. i cannot wait to get my name spelled wrong on one of those. it sound

stoner or government expenditure? and the answer is?>>> welcome to the fastest 1:30 of tv. the government has a bad habit of spending money on silly things. each year senator tom coburn likes to point that out. jimmy kim el camel came up withe to see you could tell if it was a government expenditure or stoner. >> yeah, that was a government expenditure. mountain lion on a treadmill. a metal foil that could keep mountains cold. that was a stoner. >> a microchip that could read cats' emotions. >> this is one of your favorite topics. what do you think? >> we don't have a lot of time. you could do pages and pages of this ridiculous funding. it's a joke. it's an absolute joke. >> i don't mind saying so, coburn's list is a joke. >> why? >> because the guy is not very well pretexted. he comes up with $25 billion. i don't come up with anything near that. >> it's bob math. >> no, it's not bob math. it's coburn math from oklahoma. they do something different here. >> oh, here we go. here we go. >> dana, what do you think. >> >> i would put senato

it's a stoner character. i'm not a stoner. i don't smoke pot at all. most people that smoke marijuana are out there a little bit, and so that's why i'm bud doobie. i don't smoke weed, but i am the ayatollah of smoke-a-bowla. basically, what happens is i come out, pretend i'm stoned. i trip over the ropes, i laugh at things, i eat food during my match because i have the "munchies." >> bud doobie! >> bud doobie, he is a character. it fits michael gill to a "t." the crowd loves to hate him and he knows how to work the crowd to piss them off. >>> coming up, bud doobie takes to the ring. >> ah! >> and michael gill reflects on where bud ends and he begins. >> it's kind of hard to distinguish the real me and the character i play. >> and the woman who is about to become wife to one of "lockup's" most memorable inmates. >> i don't look at bobby as a killer. it's just something he did. it's not something he is. >>> when we visited colorado's limon correctional facility to shoot our "extended stay" series, inmate michael gill told us about his altar ego. >> my wr

it's a stoner character. i'm not a stoner. i don't smoke pot at all.t people that smoke marijuana are out there a little bit, and so that's why i'm bud doobie. i don't smoke weed, but i am the ayatollah of smoke-a-bowla. basically, what happens is i come out, pretend i'm stoned. i trip over the ropes, i laugh at things, i eat food during my match because i have the "munchies." >> bud doobie! >> bud doobie, he is a character. it fits michael gill to a "t." the crowd loves to hate him and he knows how to work the crowd to piss them off. >>> coming up, bud doobie takes to the ring. >> ah! >> and michael gill reflects on where bud ends and he begins. >> it's kind of hard to distinguish the real me and the character i play. >> and the woman who is about to become wife to one of "lockup's" most memorable inmates. >> i don't look at bobby as a killer. it's just something he did. it's not something he is. sheila! you see this ball control? you see this right? it's 80% confidence and 64% knee brace. that's more... shh... i know that's more than 100%. but that's

an old guy. >> who is the stoner on "dancing with the stars" right now?mmy chong. >> can you name me one supreme court justice? >> no. >> can you name me one item from taco bell? >> crunch wrap supreme. >> who addressed the u.n. about climate change last week? >> i don't know. i work too much. >> who went to white castle? >> harold and kumar. >> how does a bill become law? >> i don't know. >> how does an apple become a bong? >> oh, that's easy. that's, you put the tube on the side. >> with a knife and a straw? >> you stick a pen from the top and you stick a pen from the side. >> you put that little weed on top, use that hole in the bottom and light up. >> are you high right now? >> no, not yet, but you stopped my process when i was about to go into the weed store. ♪ >> jimmy: well -- [ cheers and applause ] we have a good show for you tonight. we have music there steve aoki. dave salmoni has wild animals for us. and we'll be right back with martin short, so stick around. ♪ helps you find a whole range of coverages. no one else gives you options like that.

here's something for all you single stoners out there. you know, there are now dating sites exclusively for pot smokers. a few of them -- one of them is called my420mate.com. 420 plays a big theme. you can see, that's my 420 mate. that's really the website. i guess if you are a normal pretty girl looking to date one of the guys from lmfao. [ laughter ] there are a lot of sites now that cater very specifically to groups of people, there's christian mingle, there's jdate, that farmers only one. and now you can even meet someone that shares your passion for drugs. >> everyone deserves to find the one who completes them. who knows them. who shares their interests. and now, there's the dating site for a specific type of user. meth match. the dating site for meth heads. >> i've been looking for someone who shared my passion for meth. and finally, i found her. >> meth match suggests romantic getaways you with and your special someone in mind. >> like this truck stop bathroom sink. >> or this burned-out shed in the woods. >> meth match has you co

they are more educated and just stoners and trying to get by. >> in portland, oregon a big big drug-fueledproblem. people come there. i think denver is going to minimum -- mimic that. >> going in that direction right now. >> factor tip of the day. jealousy. the tip, moments away. [ male announcer ] tomcat bait kills up to 12 mice, faster than d-con. what will we do with all of these dead mice? tomcat presents dead mouse theatre. hey, ulfrik! hey, agnar! what's up with you? funny you ask. i'm actually here to pillage your town. [ villagers screaming ] but we went to summer camp together. summer camp is over. ♪ [ male announcer ] tomcat. [ cat meows ] [ male announcer ] engineered to kill. ♪ [ male announcer ] tomcat. i thought it'd be bigger. ♪ ♪ (dad) there's nothing i can't reach in my subaru. (vo) introducing the all-new subaru outback. love. it's what makes a subaru,a subaru. >>> "killing jesus" movie early in 2015. today the cast was announced. kelsey grammar will pay the tirade who tried to kill baby jesus. and hos in the role of jesus -- mor rocco should be great looking forward to i

they are more educated and just stoners and trying to get by. >> in portland, oregon a big big drug-fueled people come there. i think denver is going to minimum -- mimic that. >> going in that direction right now. >> factor tip of the day. jealousy. the tip, moments away. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ great rates for great rides. geico motorcycle, see how much you could save. >>> "killing jesus" movie early in 2015. today the cast was announced. kelsey grammar will pay the tirade who tried to kill baby jesus. and hos in the role of jesus -- mor rocco should be great looking forward to it. now the mail, debra, new hampshire. mr. o'reilly, suggested to suspend flights from west africa is a great start. enough with the political correctness. the forecast's first responsibility is to protect american citizens dr. martin fecklor. i call it idiotic. so we disagree, doctor. american military will build and protect medical infrastructure in west africa that is a noble enterprise. since ebola is not airborne, the danger to our soldiers is minimal. the doctor on "the factor" said more people die from colds and ebola. t

high school stoner, college marxist, new york socialist, chicago, harvard cosmopolitan come african-american war hero, all of them were candidates and so by the time the dreams from my father came out in 1995, obama picked up the postmodern courtesy of his mentor to rationalize these identity shifts and the lie is needed to ease the transition so even the support of the obama biographer called them a mixture of verifiable fact, recollection, re- creation, invention, and artful sheeting. it is a friendly biographer. equally friendly biographer, david agreed. he said that character creations and rearrangement of the book are not merely a matter of style devices or compressions, but actually substantive. that is another term in eco- friendly biographer. now in demand more to do the same and james frey comes to mind they get ripped to pieces on oprah. but for obama you make stuff up and get away with it. he's always been allowed to get away with it. and one of kerry clinton's aides told david, the new york editor and biographer he said we don't understand why the politically calculating nature w

your child exhibits any of this behavior, call the police immediately, you probably have a little stonern your hands. this is fun. this is -- this is from "family feud." steve harvey is the host. he asks somewhat leading question and one of the contestants answered that question as honestly as any game show host could ever dream. >> if you could change one part of your husband's body, what would it be? joyce? >> his penis. his penis. [ applause ] >> his penis. >> jimmy: clearly she's given that question some thought. poor pete. i think they just started an actual family feud. and one more thing. speaking of family, i like to play pranks on my family. i've been doing it since i was a kid. this time around, i focused on a new target. and that was allison, my 12-year-old niece. allison loves to put on makeup. she makes these makeup tutorial videos on youtube. and she also loves a young actor named ansel elgort. now, if you are not familiar with him, he's from the movies "the fault in our stars," he has a new movie called "men, women and children" coming out friday. you know who i'm talking

you know it's not about getting high or becoming a stoner.k marijuana is the least of their problems. the football is the most dangerous part. you know, the football is a lot worse for them than marijuana. >> for "cbs this morning" barry petersen, denver. >>> and we are counting down to "thursday night football." the last of the thursday night season. the broncos host the san diego changes tonight. i'm sure she's nice... i'm sure she knows couples in our situation. i just hope she has good coffee. at least we're talking about it. i was kidding. i know just try to be serious in there, okay? okay, you're right. it's just going to be simple steps. that's all we need. yeah... just hope she doesn't tell us we have to work until we're 80. the it's time to talk about retirement conversation. wells fargo can help with my retirement plan. a tool that gives you manageable steps for retirement. we can do it with you or try it online. together, we'll go far. have you seen the news about barbara comstock? first, the washington post reported, barbara comst

you know, it's not about getting high or becoming a stoner. what they want to be doing. i think marijuana is the least of their problems. the football is the most dangerous part. you know, the football is a lot worse for them than marijuana. >> for "cbs this morning" barry petersen, denver. >>> and we are counting down to "thursday night football." the last of the thursday night season. the broncos host the san diego changes tonight. >>> good morning i'm ukee washington. camden county and cooper university hospital host a ebola awareness and safety training seminar for first responders. information session will show them how to deal with suspect cases of the virus, team of experts from cooper hospital will lead the discussion, and it all starts about a half an hour at community college in blackwood. >>> right now lets get your forecast with katie in the weather center good morning. >> this is another day that is somewhat dreary, feeling chilly outside, breezy, and yes damp as well. we are still tracking very same storm system, hitting our regi

you know it's not about getting high or becoming a stoner. the least of their problems. the football is the most dangerous part. you know, the football is a kpix five headlines... the san francisco fire commission will meet today to discuss chief joanne hayes white. t >>> good morning. i'm michelle griego with your kpix 5 headlines. the san francisco fire commission will meet today to discuss chief joanne hayes- white. the firefighters union is calling for her to resign because they say she did little to improve response times of ambulances. >>> the giants are headed back home after losing game 2 of the world series in kansas city. they are expected to arrive back in the bay area around 11 a.m. game 3 is tomorrow and the series is all tied up. >>> stay with us. traffic and weather in just a moment. ♪ ♪ ♪ thank you! thank you! dedicated bankers born to go the extra mile. you've been such a big help. it's what i like to do. so you can choose a bank where helping people comes first. chase. so you can. >>> good morning. getting on to the bay brid

peter said they were all a bunch of stoners. >> you were surprised? i'm disappointed that there is a lot of optimism coming out of the country. but at the end of the day, you have to have exposure in media. tv, weakening, there's a lot of uncertainty about how digital expects that. twitter is -- >> peter, so a point, you just take away the funny part of it was that the assets of this company are phenomenal. >> phenomenal. >> and they can run this thing and then do well. but if they actually knew what they were doing, it would be doing so much better. >> looking at that, that's the question. by the way, it's not like this is a completely ridiculous visit. >> it wasn't the top or bottom line. it was the user growth that disappointed you. >> i think it's expectations in the sense that they had more than what people were -- than what they did last quarter. i think it's the commentary about how they get to next year. pricing is generating a little bit. users are decelerating a little bit. at the end of the day, it's still at 50%. >> they claim that they wo