i did, sir. - sir, who is the hero of taratupa? we're all most anxious to know. - well, i assumed that all of you here would automatically know who it is. - parker? - parker? - parker? - somebody call me? - this is ensign parker? - yes, sir. you can see for yourself by looking at a thing like that-- parker a hero? - hero? who's a hero? - you are according to the admiral here. - admiral, are you sure you've got the right parker, sir? i mean, you mean charles beaumont parker? - of course i'm sure. and what's he doing with that pick and shovel? - oh, well, i was out in back digging a tu-- - a tunnel! a tunnel he's digging a tunnel, admiral. he's on a special espionage detail. he's, uh... he's our tunnel expert. - tunnel expert? - yes, sir. tunnel expert. you see, old dare or die chucky here, he was volunteering his free time teaching the boys how to tunnel their way out of enemy prison camps. - it's an honor to meet you. - tut, tut! don't salute me, boy! it is i who should salute you, the hero of taratupa! - but, admiral elliot, i don

taratupa. - this is victory easy 397 taratupa to w9643. we're reading you and standing by. - hello. taratupa? i've got a mrs. christopher and a little miss christopher waiting to talk to daddy. [click] - hello, dear. hello? how are you, darling? are you well? - hi, honey. yeah, i'm fine. i hope you're well, too. but listen, we haven't got much time. could you put the baby right on? - of course, darling. that was your daddy, dear. say "daddy." talk to daddy, honey. sweetheart, talk to daddy. - yeah, honey. daddy's waiting. say it. dad...dy. - d-a-d-d-y. - darling, talk to daddy. come on, honey. say "daddy." - da-da. [static] - come on, honey. - [speaking japanese] - please, darling. your daddy is waiting. say "daddy." "daddy." - [speaking japanese] - dad...dy. please, honey. please. - come on. say "daddy." talk to daddy. - daddy. come on, honey. - come on. - daddy. [loud squealing] - can't you get through? - it's the nips for sure, jamming the whole dial. i can't get nothing. - but i've got to hear my kid! - shh! well, keep working on it, will you? and hurry. carpenter will be coming

taratupa. lovely place. lovely patients, too. if you'll just be seated, commander. - oh, no, no, no, i'm not the patient, doc. you see, it's my executive officer here. he's got a pain in the lower molar that just won't quit. right, chuck? - oh, dear me. you do have an abnormally deep root system. oh, up here. well, now, tell me just exactly where does it hurt? - in the lower right. the left. - it's in the middle. - you see, it's the pain, doc. he's delirious. you got to give him some pills, doc. - oh, if the pain is that intense, we may have to do more than give him pills. heaven knows. we may even have to pull the little devil. ha ha. - pull it? well, the pain's gone. i think we better get-- - oh, now, now, what mr. parker means, sir, is that, well, y see, um, actually, you can't because we're shoving right off on a secret mission. - secret mission. oh, my. that will never do. oh, mercy me. no, why, every time he groaned, he'd give away your position. now, remain seated. - but i don't want-- [

. - i've wanted to put one of those out on taratupa myself. i've had my requisition in for a portable printing press like this for over three months. - really? well, it's a very relaxing hobby. - you know, i was wondering, admiral, inasmuch as you will be out of the office for a few days on an inspection tour and nobody will be using the press anyway, if perhaps i could, uh... - out of the question, binghamton. i wouldn't part with this press if admiral nimitz asked for it. - oh, i'm afraid you'd have to, sir. you see, admiral nimitz outranks you by almost 2 stripes. - well, we'll be running along, admiral, you coming, captain? - in a minute, in a minute, mchale. i'll take one last look here. oh, my. that certainly is a beauty, isn't it, admiral? - yes. and this is your type font down here. - that's right. - this must be the...oh, the must be the ink injector here. - oh, no, sir, this is the ink injector. that was the ink injector. ohh. got a blotter? - well, bye-bye, sir, bye, admiral, bye. - how can you call yourself a supply officer? accord

head the old boat back to taratupa. - deny that order. this stool pigeon still has a song to sing for admiral rogers. - well, not today, sir. you see, we just received radio word that admiral rogers is going on an inspection tour. and he won't be back for at least 3 weeks. - 3 weeks. - uh-huh. - 3 whole weeks chained to this baboon? - oh, well, now, it won't be so bad, sir, after all, you know, tinker, with a little bit of incentive like forgetting all about that diary, we might be able to cut you loose. - well, it's entirely up to you, sir, but personally i think it's kicks. - kicks. i'll give you kicks. - oh, cut, cut, cut. - ok, christy, take her home! captioning me possible by nbc universal well, we're home. [men cheering] - oh, listen. that was nice going, mr. parker. boy, is the skip going to be proud of you when he gets back from com-fleet. - well, i wouldn't be too sure about that. wait till he finds out that we stopped off at new caledonia. [whistles] - you did it for a worthy cause, sir-- so that virgil here could stop off and v

i want these pirates in the brig before senator block sets a foot onto taratupa. now, the only way we can do this is to catch them disobeying a direct order. do you understand that? - oh, yes, sir. and if they're putting on a show, they're goners. - yes, that's correct. now let's split up. you catch them with any evidence, sing out. - yes, sir. oh, sir? - what is it? - what shall i sing? - i know what you should sing. sing the "beer barrel polka." - i don't know it! - out! i don't know. why is it me? - that's not it. here it is. i say, now ladies and gentleman, here's a trick. watch very closely. i say, here's a trick that's out of this world. - oh, grube! - it's also out of this act. here's another one. this one should work. - it better or you won't. - have a little compassion. please, will ya? someday you might have kids of your own. - all right, all right, gruber. your act is in but please try to keep it down to an hour, will ya? - i'll try, sir, thank you. - all right, chuck, who's next? - parker, the great. hypnotism and fancy chatter. ok, come on, boys. we g

i want to-- - this late word in from taratupa. rumor has it that there's a high-level personnel shake-up in the making. - personnel shake-up. what's he talking about? - acting commander carpenter has submitted a plan to comfleet for a scrape the barnacles program. carpenter plans to retire all elderly, that's elderly, naval officers and replace them with young men like himself. elderly? i'm only in my mid 30's. - oh, but sir, carpenter's only in his 20's. - he is not. that liar. he's over 31. - the youthful carpenter, barely out of his teens, took over command from the aging, ailing captain binghamton. that's aging and ailing. - that does it. - no, no, no, sir, your leg! your leg, sir. here. nurse, nurse, nurse! - calm down, captain. calm down. - here. take this pill. - did you hear that? - that ought to put you to... - oh, that double-crosser, that carpenter. oh, i trusted that man and he turned on me. - yes, well, don't worry, sir. everything's going to be all right. - of course, everything's going to be all right. now, you just

. - yes, skipper-san, map says japanese trader buried fortune on taratupa. - well, now that's the real thing, skip. - we're going to be rich. - treasure maps are a dime a dozen out here in the south pacific. besides, we're in enough trouble with binghamton already without digging holes all over the place. - here, come on, chuck, we're due over at main side. - wait a minute, wait a minute. something's try to come through again. yeah, i'm definitely getting a funny feeling. - well, scratch it. maybe it'll feel better. - hey, you're right. maybe you got e.s.p., too. a double strand of matched pearls from the south pacific. huh? oh, i tell you, those girls at the yacht club back home, they're going to flip their girdles when you walk in wearing these. [knock on door] - oh, sir, let me fasten those for you. - oh, thank you very much. what do you mean bursting in here on me like this, i would just, uh--[sputtering] i just wondered what they would look like, that's all. - oh, they're very becoming, sir. - oh, do you think they are? - yes, sir. - they're not mine, you pea brain, they're for my

"taratupa fish and game society permit to dig oysters--$25." print up a couple of hundred of these, boy, i expect a very heavy turnout. - gotcha. - tink, go with him and don't spare the ink. how are we doing in the blessed event department here, chaps? - we sure got to hand it to you, grube. this racket's pure genius. - ah, cut it out, you'll give me a big head. besides, i was the sucker that bought these phony pearls from those seabees, wasn't i? i got a moral obligation to get us off the hook. - yeah, but, grube, this is beautiful, beautiful. we hold a seafood sale for the guys at the base. - somebody chomps into one of these little beauties. - and the pearl rushes on. - well, grube, we got some more of these babies sorted. - good, now start tossing them back close to the shore so they won't be too hard to find. christy and me will head main side and start peddling these little come ons. - hey, grube, the skip's coming. i guess the gin game's over. - quick, dash those things in the drink. hide those signs. go on. help him, will ya? try and lo

hit-and-run harry went on and clobbered taratupa. knocked a 25-bolt out, right off our alley. - young louie's boat? - yes, sir. - oh, what a tough break. - that no good fink. - that nipper's getting to be more of a menace than binghamton. - sunday to submarine tenders. yesterday ammunition's dumped. today pt 25. - captain binghamton, comfleet! comfleet on the phone, sir. admiral roger's calling. - thank you. - you're welcome. - captain binghamton here. yes, i'll wait. oh, take that stupid thing off, you blockhead. - whoo. - you are a blockhead, aren't you? oh, i--no, not you, admiral. to the head. - stop that infernal cackling. tell me, binghamton, is it true that hit-and-run harry got away again? - yes, sir, he's a very sneaky bandit, admiral. he sneaks in under our radar, and he's gone before we can strike back. - ah, well, we've got to do something about him. i'm coming down to taratupa tomorrow to work out some counter-measures. meanwhile, what about pt 25? - it was a direct hit, admiral. the boat is inoperable. - all right, tran

here on taratupa? - yes, sir, she was aboard the transport plane that made that emergency landing here this morning.

i'm free, i'm leaving taratupa! - ha-ha! - boy, that's even better than rice pudding! - oh-oh. parker, one of these days, i'm going to kick the raisins right out of your rice pudding for you, you--oh, do--oh, you're not going to upset me today, parker. you are not going to upset me today--nothing is going to upset me today. as a matter of fact, boys, we are going to have a farewell drink together. - a farewell drink? - yeah. - well, i'm all for that, sir--yes, sir! [chuckles] - all right, then. where is the farewell drink? what happened to the farewell drink? - no, here, here--here you are, sir. - we're all going to have one-- - yes, sir. - if you don't mind, mchale. - hey, not too much for him, sir. he's-- - i see them, yes. - mchale, i'm leaving. it's farewell, it's arrivederci, it's auf wiedersehen. - "good, good, goodbye"--all right. well, here's to a bright and glorious future, boys-- - and hear, hear, sir! - without each other! - yes! hear, hear! - how stupid! i've--every time i try to do something, you are--i've never-- - it's not your fault. now, sir, not everybody can

why didn't we check in with captain binghamton when we arrived on taratupa? - a little strategic plan. you know all the praise that binghamton has been piling on this mchale fellow? well, don't you smell a little bit of stale kipper there, hmm? - he did seem overly enthusiastic, sir. - precisely. so i decided to visit mchale in his natural habitat, judge the fellow for myself. in that way, i won't be buying a pig in a poke, what? - good thinking, sir. - farewell, my darling. duty calls, and i must obey. - take good care of yourself. listen, don't take any unnecessary chances. - don't worry about a thing, pussycat. it's just another death-defying mission. - that's right. good-bye, miss. all right, christy, take her out. we've got to be shoving off, sir. it worked, skip. we got away with it. - yeah, we got away with it. you... holy jumping... look what's coming! give me the jacket, quick! give me the jacket! - it's a british commodore! holy toledo! - boy, that's where i wish i were now, in toledo. - come on! - ahoy the dock. we are coming aboard. - oh, no. we'r

welcome to taratupa. ohh. - commander m.j. krasni reporting, sir. - well, well, well. what a pleasant surprise, my dear. - my dear? - ohh. well, that's an expression that we use, ma'am. - technically, that is correct. - technically, that is sensational. - on behalf of the u.s. navy i want to-- - wait, captain. i have orders to report to lieutenant commander quinton mchale for p.t. boat instruction. - there must be some mistake. see, i'm the captain. i'm the senior officer on this base and i'm sure you want to take your instruction from me. - impossible, captain. i have order to mchale. in russian navy, orders are meant to be obeyed. - they're the same way here, ma'am. welcome aboard. i'm lieutenant commander mchale. - and i'm ensign charles parker. boy ally. - will you show me to your base now, captain? - oh, with pleasure, commander ma'am. chuck, get the commander's gear, will you? - that won't be necessary. - now, wait a minute, ma'am. my pleasure. here, skip. here, i'll take that. - shall we? - wait, commander, can't we-- - captain, orders are orders. and if you wan