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i'm trevor noah. my guest tonight comedian and roastmaster general, comedian jeff ross is joining us. first, it's really great to be back. we've been away for a while now, two weeks, and it feels like it's been forever. i just got back from australia, where everything is backwards to america. their water flushes the other way. people drive on the other side of the road, and in their american election, jeb bush is winning. ( laughter ) it's a totally different world. but let's get into the news, let's get into it. president obama wasn't able to enjoy the labor day weekend because he had to fly to china for his final "g-"2020 summit. they brush up on economics, learn each other's names, and it always ends up the same way, with germany giving france a wedgy. the french guy is having a good time-- "ha, the joke is on you, i don't wear underwear." and the german guy is like, "the double joke is on you. i wasn't reaching for your underwear." i'm sure big papi was glad hfs his final summit. it was not fun fo

from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah.cheers and applause). >> trevor: thank you so much, everyone, welcome to the daily show, i'm trevor noah. so excited, my guest tonight from youtube and the new movie dirty thirty, hanna hart is joining us-- hannah hart is here with-- yes. but but first some alarming news coming out of rushan within scientists trapped bipolar bears at a weather station in the arctic may have to wait an entire month for help to arrive. the bears have encircled a weather station, this is north of sigh beria. >> trevor: no! the russians have the most fun. so yeah, that's right. polar bears have trapped climate researchers inside an arctic weather station. and let this be a lesson. this is what happens when you give bears too much coca cola. that's what happens when they are all hopped up on the sugar, they go out of their mind. the same thing happened to me at my nephew birthday baryt, i gave eight year olds one sheet cake and i was trapped three months on the monkey bar, the most horrible experience of my

i'm trevor noah. so excite.ur missicle guest performing songs from "freetown sound," blood orange is here, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) playing later on in the show. first, interesting news from maine, which by the way is my favorite state because it looks like one of those little booties docks hate wearing. it's, like, get off, maine! get off, maine! get off, maine! now, maine is dealing with a major heroin epidemic and their governor blames it on racial minorities. luckily, he has the evidence to baict up. >> playing with town hall meeting met with skepticism but he said he had the news clippings to back them up. >> 90% of those pictures in my book and it's a three-ring binder are black and hispanic people. >> trevor: dude! you keep a binder full of drug dealers? that sounds like the angriest scrapbooking project ever! goddam drug dealers coming into my state! carol, i need some glitter! carol! i'm having so much fun! here's the best part, reporters just got their hands on the binder of drug dealers, the

i'm trevor noah. so excited.ur guest tonight, a fantastic hip-hop artist and star of hit vh1 show "t.i. & tiny: the family hustle," we have t.i. in the house, people! ( cheers and applause ) but first, let's start with a phrase i never thought i would say -- good news out of syria. >> u.s. secretary of state john kerry announcing the u.s. and russia have agreed to a cease fire he says could be a turning point in the 5-year-old civil war in syria. >> as reports, we're waiting for word on this landmark agreement. russian foreign minister sergei lavrov comes in with a special delivery, two pizzas and a bottle of vodka. pizza was from the u.s. delegation, the vodka was from the russian delegation. >> trevor: all it took to get the u.s. and russia to agree on a cease fire in syria was a peace party! do you know how pissed the syrians would be now? you should have told us all along! we could have called papa john's! their pizzas can block gunfire! why didn't you tell us? ( laughter ) my favorite part, look how excited

i'm trevor noah.guest tonight, a professor of sociology and expert on college tuition, sara goldrick-rab is joining us today, everybody, and she's going to tell us how to scam the government for free college for everybody! yeah! ( cheers and applause ) yeah! scam the system! but let's get into it. the big story, last night was the first presidential debate where voters final lay saw two grandparents go at it without having to be in line at the drugstore. which is nice. i don't know about you but today i woke up feeling a bit better about life. because last night, it felt like everything was on the line. i spent most of the debate praying hillary wouldn't cough. the entire time i thought, if you cough, we'll die. you cough -- hell, i was even afraid to cough. i was sitting at home just like -- ( muffled cough ) does that mean he's president now? ( laughter ) yeah, last night, hillary clinton felt like i felt when ththe ebole lacrisis was at its peak! you couldn't cough anywhere. people were like, you'r

♪ >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! i'm trevor noah! thank you so much, everybody! thank you for tuning in. i hope you like that. that was my donald trump dance. ( laughter ) our guest tonight, starbucks c.e.o. howard schultz is joining us! he owns it all! yes! i really actually hope he came for the interview and not just to use our bathroom. ( laughter ) before we dive into our top story. let's look at other news. in the u.s. open, serena williams continues to dominate women's tennis. won her 309th grand-slam match and on her way of breaking steffi graf's record of 210 titles. serena williams. her brother cat must be so proud. ( laughter ) north korea's leader and biggest baby kim jong un made a big announcement. >> kim jong un banned the country's citizens from using sarcasm in their everyday conversation. >> no! no! don't laugh! poor kim jong un! it seems he's being a dick, but you realize he's been hurt. that's the only reason he would do that. clearly

applause] >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! i'm trevor noah! thank you so much for tuning in! my guest tonight couldn't be more exciting, the 42n 42nd president of the united states, bill clinton is joining us, everybody! bill clinton is here! first, news out of china. they're celebrating the mid-autumn festival, so if you're chinese congratulations on having autumn, but don't forget that also means... winter is coming. ( laughter ) at least you guys have a wall, yeah. ( laughter ) to celebrate the festival they made a giant moon balloon but a typhoon knocked the moon balloon loose. so instead of celebrating, half the city spent the day fleeing in terror. that is not a celebration. my favorite part of the video is the woman there with her bike. the moon is rolling towards her and she's standing there trying to figure out what to do with the bike! that's how you know humans aren't prepared for an alien invasion. we all act like we know what we would do, i'll run,

i'm trevor noah.y guests tonight, founders of the skimm, a hot new media company, danielle weisberg and carly zakin are here, everybody! join us! but first, some news out of japan, which is currently recovering from last week's devastating typhoon lionrock. and right away, people, let's agree on something, don't give a storm a name like lionrock because then you know it's going to be bad. yeah. the storm is going to feel the pressure to perform. the typhoon is, like, what's my name? the coolest animal and the loudest music? oh, (bleep), i better bring it! america's already figured that out, you know. with american storms, they give them simple names, just like the storm's like, yeah, what's my name?! ian. yeah, well, (bleep) it. whatever. so lionrock left japan with a lot of flooding and, of course, one of their top government officials was sent to inspect the damag which is great, until he came to a puddle and asked the junior colleague to give him a piggy back ride across the puddle. look how much f

] ♪ >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! i'm trevor noah! thank you so much for tuning in! my guests tonight from the hit show "gotham" and the hit relationship will and jada, jada pinkett smith is joining us here, everybody! jada pinkett smith in the house tonight right here! ( cheers and applause ) but first up, first up, i have to report some devastating news. >> big news out of hollywood. after 12 years together and six children, angelina jolie is filing for divorce from brad pitt. >> they have been together since 2004. >> trevor: oooooooooh! i can't believe angelina is leaving brad. so no more brangelina? is this a braxit? is that what this is? braxit? angeleavia? you think you're devastated, think how africans are feeling right now. these two are our only way out! how do you think i got here? ( cheers and applause ) let's get back to the big story that started last night. >> overnight another exploding controversy. donald trump's son, donald trump, jr., p

i'm trevor noah. my guest tonight here to talk about her new tv series "queen sugar," the amazing director ava duvernay is joining us, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) but first up, whenever you hear "syria," what are first things you think of, a terrible civil war? air strikes killing civilians? the bustling poetry scene? and, of course, assad committing war crimes by using chemical weapons on his own people as well. and it's all driving millions of people to leave syria. which may be why-- and this is completely true-- the syrian government recently released a tourism video to attract visitors to the country. take a look. ♪ ♪ ( laughter ). >> trevor: that's the whole ad. that's it. the the only thing harder than being a civilian in syria, is being the minister of tourism in syria because did you notice, the ad had no words. yeah, it's almost like the minister was like, "what do you want me to write? i don't know what toy say? what am i going to say to them? you think of something. i can't think of

(cheers and applause). >> trevor: thank you so much, welcome to the daily show, i'm trevor noah. my guest tonight internet entrepreneur and cofounder of linkedin, reid hoffman is here, everybody. (applause). >> trevor: but first, let's talk a little bit more about monday's presidential debate. because that wasn't just a big news event in america, people around the world were watching this event. and i mean everyone. >> more than 84 million americans watched the first presidential debate. but they were not the only ones paying attention. the taliban was also tuning in, a spokesman for the group says they were quote very interested and wamped from a secret location in afghanistan. >> trevor: that's right, people. the taliban watched the debate from a secret location. or like a literal man cave, that is what this was. (laughter). >> trevor: although like taliban, you don't have to say you are in a secret location, you're the taliban. we just assume you are in a secret location. hey, describing her new boyfriend as new, we get t we get it i wonder what the taliban thinking, you know,

www.captionmax.com >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. (cheers and captioning sponsored by comedy central >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show," thank you so much for tuning in, i'm trevor noah. my guest tontd from the movie goats, ben schnetzer and nick jonas. really excited to talk to both of them. but we are back, it's mondays. what a weekend. congrats first of all to all the emmy winners last night, especially my boys and john oliver congratulations on that emmy, well deserved. both great shows. and both lucky that game of thrones wasn't in their category, yeah. once calife starts doing chom de, guys, it's over, just so you know, it's over. but the big chus this weekend, the biggest news happened in new york. >> we start with breaking news out of new york this morning. 29 people were injured saturday night in what officials say was an intentional explosion at the busy manhattan neighborhood of chelsea. >> the noise was deafening like a thousand fireworks going off. people running. wiping their eyes and just terrified. >> it sounds l

i'm trevor noah. so excited.m the cnn series, "this is life," lisa ling is joining us, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) but we begin with exciting news from the world of tec technologd medicine. >> facebook c.e.o. mark zuckerberg and wife dr. percilla chan, $3 billion toward curing, preventing and managing all disease by the end of the century. >> this was a big goal. we thought this was really aggressive when we got started but we spent the last few years by going out and talking to dozens and dozens of top scientists and experts who really believe this is possible. >> trevor: wow, man. i dream of having one of those billionaire t-shirts one day. they look simple, but they're not. but that's right, people, facebook is going to cure all disease, yes. you know your old racist uncle? good news, he's immortal now! ( laughter ) but it makes sense that mark zuckerberg wants to cure every disease because think about it, once old people die, there is going to be no one left using facebook! yeah! ( laughter ) this new

music] ♪ from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah(cheers and captioning sponsored by comedy central >> trevor: welcome, everybody, to "the daily show." thank you. i'm trevor noah. my guest tonight, i'm so excited, tv host wendy williams is joining us, everybody. (applause) but first, first, following a stabbing attack at a minnesota mall last week by a muslim man, local ice cream parlor decided enough is enough. >> after the recent attacks, a sign at an ice cream shop is creating a lot of controversy. demonstrators gathering outside the family restaurant protesting the sign that reads, muslims get out. >> trevor: that's right. if you are muslim, you just got not served. (laughter) now i know the story seems awful. but don't worry, my friends, there is a perfectly reasonable explanation. >> i wanted to put terrorists on the board so we were going to put extremists but we didn't have room on the board. >> trevor: oh! that guy is so cute. and also, i never thought of that, maybe people aren't racist. yeah, they just are running out of s

trevor noah, everybody! we'll be right back. sir, you give me that salad and i will pay for your movie and one snack box. can i keep the walnuts? sold. but i get to pick your movie. can i pick the genre? yes, but it has to be a comedy. a little cash back on the side. with the blue cash everyday card from american express, you get cash back on purchases with no annual fee. throw. it's more than cash back. it's backed by the service and security of american express. it's more than cash back. (foot steps) ? (crickets chirping) (jet engine) ? (heart beat) ? (water splashing) (rain drops) (engine revving) (tires on wet road) ? anncr: hanes underwear with revolutionary x-temp technology g sensation in your mouth and throat. zantac works in as little as 30 minutes. nexium can take 24 hours. try cool mint zantac. chuck grassley thought it was time to bring the windmill back. without the grassley legislation, and his effective leadership, the wind energy industry would not have succeeded. now, more than thirty one percent of all the elec

trevor noah's numbers are down 40% from when jon stewart hosted the show.yone -- steven colbert is down from letterman. >> there is concern that bill clinton has lost his touch on the campaign trail. the former president filled in for his wife this week while she was recovering from pneumonia but a democratic source say campaign aides consider president obama or michelle obama a better standin. the court supposed when the see bill clinton the first thing you think of is not hilary, it's former president and yesterday. he can go and raise money but in terms of what she is going to do as president, she needs to be making that case. meantime, the author, peggy noonan penned an oped and opinions out how low trustworthyings in numbers have plagued hillary clinton since the beginning of her public life. aaron is a political politics -- national politics editor for the "wall street journal." where too you see this thing in the arc? i don't think the article was suggesting bill clinton is terrible at it, just he is a reminder of previous things and she wants to be

. >> the late show with stephen colbert is next with trevor noah and allen iverson. we'll see you back here tomorrow night./// news music i'm catherine cortez masto and i come from a big family. a whole lot of people. a whole lot of love. and a whole lot of food. my dad's family was from mexico. my mom's was from italy. 60 years ago they met here in nevada and we grew as a family really grew as a family. dad got his start parking cars at the dunes hotel. attorney general. catherine took on the big banks when they preyed on homeowners. and forced them to pay one point nine billion dollars to nevadans. she became a national leader in protecting children from sex traffickers. and passed laws to keep seniors safe from crooked scams. >> and now, a "late show" exclusive trailer. ( laughter ) ? look so crazy ? >> stephen: all right, let's get this orgy started. i say the three of us in the flesh pit. who upons to grease me up?

we're live, i'm trevor noah. hillary clinton and donald trump left what was the monday night roll. in a dramatic flare, we have asked the audience to remain silent the entire evening and not to laugh or applaud unless they hear like a super funny joke. but people, this is it, we made it. it's finally over. this is after a year of tweeting each other on the campaign trail. finally hillary clinton and donald trump went head to head. and we did not have to wait long for the first lie. >> donald, it's good to be with you. >> tevor: she's crooked. the lies, hillary. enema alan yeah was in the odd -- even melania was in the audience saying don't lie. small hands, small hands. you can tell both candidates pressed so much for this debate. even before the debate, hillaryy and donald trump tried, trump might get thrown off by being a real billionaire. trump is like okay maybe i'll invite one of your husband's mistresses. some serious mind games people. i was for sure hillary would be like let's do this then. i'll invite the mariachi band to ask it in the front row. and trump was like i will

a recipient of one of the awards, it is being hosted by trevor noah of "the daily show." you can say it is of course a star-studded affair when is comes to washington and especially with the cbc here. the phoenix awards here, the highest honor for the congressional black caucus. and among the many roles of the congressional black caucus, women have a high role and a very strong agenda with that caucus. hillary clinton is very aware of that. the president as well. they see this as a galvanizing force for her in the upcoming 52 days left. >> without question, don, they do see this as a key moment. and we are seeing the members of congress being introduced right now. this is a star-studded moment from bobby rush and others. hillary clinton made the point yesterday and in washington, she said that african-american women vote in a higher demographic percentage than any other delegate in the electorate. and she was calling on them to really control the heel of history here. it -- you know, we've seen president obama on the campaign trail. michelle obama out in virginia yesterda

tune in tomorrow when my guests will be trevor noah, allen iverson, and rachel maddow. now stick around for james corden and his guests, donald glover and jimmie johnson. good night! captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ? are you ready to have some fun ? feel the love tonight don't you worry 'bout ? your hang-ups and fears 'bout to set you right ? it's the late, late show >>reggie: ladies and gentlemen,

tune in tomorrow when my guests will be trevor noah, allen iverson, and rachel maddow.captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ♪ are you ready to have some fun ♪ feel the love tonight don't you worry 'bout ♪ your hang-ups and fears 'bout to set you right ♪ it's the late, late show >>reggie: ladies and gentlemen, all the way