. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the "daily show" with trevor noah. ♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show." i'm trevor noah. thank you so much, everybody. thank you. my guest tonight is the star of "grey's anatomy" and your dreams, jesse williams is here, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) first up, we're back! and if you're wondering why we were gone yesterday, it's because of this: >> tens of millions of americans are hit by a fierce winter storm. >> we've seen some people doing some interesting things in their vehicle this morning to pass the time. we even saw one guy-- ewww-- looking at nude photos behind the wheel. >> what. >> i didn't look because i didn't want to see what else he was doing in the vehicle, but, you know. only in chicago. #onlyinchicago. >> trevor: i'm sorry, "only in chicago." i hate to break breakit to you, ma'am, but people masturbate everywhere. in chicago they use ketchup, a pickle and relish for some reason but everybody does it. so there was should th big snowstorm. they told us not to go into

. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the "daily show" with trevor noah. ♪ ♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show." i'm trevor noah. thank you so much, everybody. thank you. my guest tonight is the star of "grey's anatomy" and your dreams, jesse williams is here, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) first up, we're back! and if you're wondering why we were gone yesterday, it's because of this: >> tens of millions of americans are hit by a fierce winter storm. >> we've seen some people doing some interesting things in their vehicle this morning to pass the time. we even saw one guy-- ewww-- looking at nude photos behind the wheel. >> what. >> i didn't look because i didn't want to see what else he was doing in the vehicle, but, you know. only in chicago. #onlyinchicago. >> trevor: i'm sorry, "only in chicago." i hate to break breakit to you, ma'am, but people masturbate everywhere. in chicago they use ketchup, a pickle and relish for some reason but everybody does it. so there was should th big snowstorm. they told us not to go into

trevor noah is still here.is of course the host of comedy central's the daily show and stories from a south african childhood. a moving book. i have been talking to trump supporters and i'm learning a lot. one thing i want to share. progressives tend to focus on politeness and proper protocols. a proper way to deal with reporters or judges and when trump breaks the rules, we start freaking out and happeneding out all these protocol violations and his supporters, his appeal has nothing to do with protocol. it has everything to do with pride and prosperity. he said i want you to be proud of the country and have a job. liberals see the crazy tweets like that's all he's doing. his supporters ignore the tweets and cherish the ones where he's taking credit for the stock market rising or the jobs he saved. if progressives want to understand trump supporters, those are the tweets we want to pay attention to. i want to bring you back into the conversation at the break. i sometimes think that liberals just miss the appea

trevor noah is van's guest. talk about, including president trump's immigration policies. van recently took a road trip to meet trump voters who were dealing with immigration orders at the border every single day, many of them latinos. here's what he found. >> reporter: this is where the debate over border security starts. the arizona/mexico border. i want to esee it for myself an talk to the people who live this reality every day, like the pa pinole county slough's depuheri deputies. if someone is able to go over, under, or around the border fence, they walk through this desert, aim for the highways, and disappear into the united states. why do you think they're so desperate to come here? not the ones who are coming to bring the drugs, but the other ones who are coming up here? >> it's america. i mean, what better place to come? i don't know what their personal motivation is to come over here, whether that be work or family or whatever, but, they're motivated by something. because it's not an easy trek. >> and

] ♪ >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noahr: welcome to "the daily show"! i'm trevor noah! thank you so much, everybody, and thank you for tuning in! my guest tonight former chair of the democratic national committee! donna brazile is here, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) an exciting conversation with her. do you remember the muslim ban, muslim ban, do you remember the muslim ban? ( laughter ) back in january supreme court shut down president trump's attempt to shut down travel by seven countries saying it targeted religion. trump went back to the drawing board and came up with something totally different. old ban. new ban. wow! so different. so the white house said this new executive order has nothing to do with muslims, and yesterday a hawaiian judge told donald trump aloha! >> breaking news, a federal judge just put a temporary halt to president trump's new travel ban. >> derek watson, a federal judge in hawaii, ruled that executive order amounts to discrimination, writing a reasonable objective observer would find it in

trevor noah, thank you.hank you. >> thanks for having me. >> get this man's book, by the way. if you think he's profound here, get the book. it's unbelievable. when we come back, president trump promised during the campaign he was going to repeal and replace obamacare. [ laughter ] don't -- anyway! when we get back, we're going to have the trump campaign's chief whisperer on the economy try to explain what is going on. stephen moore will be here next. stephen moore. ♪ announcer: get on your feet for the nastiest bull in the state of texas. ♪ ♪ here's to the wildcats this i gotta try .. bendy... spendy weekenders. whatever kind of weekender you are, there's a hilton for you. book your weekend break direct at hilton.com and join the weekenders. with e*trade you see things your way. you have access to the right information at the right moment. and when you filter out the noise, it's easy to turn your vision into action. it's your trade. e*trade. it can seem like triggers pop up everywhere. luckily there's power

>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! i'm trevor noah! thank you so much, everybody, and thank you for tuning in! my guest tonight former chair of the democratic national committee! donna brazile is here, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) an exciting conversation with her. do you remember the muslim ban, muslim ban, do you remember the muslim ban? ( laughter ) back in january supreme court shut down president trump's attempt to shut down travel by seven countries saying it targeted religion. trump went back to the drawing board and came up with something totally different. old ban. new ban. wow! so different. so the white house said this new executive order has nothing to do with muslims, and yesterday a hawaiian judge told donald trump aloha! >> breakingews, a federal judge just put a temporary halt to president trump's new travel ban. >> derek watson, a federal judge in hawaii, ruled that executive order amounts to discrimination, writing a reasonable objective observer would fi

from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah.> trevor: welcome to the daily show, thank you so much for tuning in, i'm trevor noah. my guest is a rapper and activist, you probably know him from-- residente, everybody, really excited for that. but let's begin tonight's show with the world of thought. >> we are less than a week from baseball's opening day but president trump will not be heading to the ballgame. >> the washington nationals said president trump has declined an invitation to throw out the first pitch when they host the marlins. >> a little history lesson, william howard taft threw out the sermon yal first pitch in d.c. for the senators on opening day back in 1910. sparking a new custom that 13 future presidents including george w. bush and barack obama would par take in. >> trevor: oh no. why isn't donald trump going to honor this classic presidential tradition? it's throwing a baseball, not releasing his tax returns. come on, trump. so president trump says he has a scheduling conflict. that's why he says he can't do

central >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! thank you so much for tuning in! i'm trevor noah! we have a great show tonight. from msnbc, chris hayes is here, everybody! chris hayes! ( cheers and applause ) first, do you guys remember house speaker paul ryan, part time fitness model and health care flop? after health care fell apart like a two-dollar burrito, president trump said he didn't blame paul ryan but the next day said they should watch the judge jeneanne show the next day. >> paul ryan needs to step down as speaker of the house. >> trevor: i'll never get used to people who speak like this! ( laughter ) i hope this is how trump fires everyone from now on. hey, rhine, steve do yo doocy wd like to have a word with you... ( laughter ) it was obvious to everyone trump was trolling ryan, but last night paul ryan explained we've all got wrong eyes. >> did you guys talk about the tweet he sent out to watch the show on fox? >> yeah, we did. he called me. he actual

♪ ♪ >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noahcheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! thank you so much, everybody! wow, you guys are amazing! i'm trevor noah so excited to have you here. my guest tonight is one of our favorites. laverne cox is here, everybody, joining us once again! ( cheers and applause ) there is big news to get to. first, let's warm up with a tale of romance in the white house. >> a photo of ivanka sitting in the president's oval office chair is getting a lot of attention on twitter. shows her sitting in the chair. she's with canadian prime minister justin trudeau and her father president trump standing behind her. in a tweet yesterday she captioned it "a great discussion with two world leaders about the importance of women having a seat at the table." >> trevor: i'm sorry. that photo shows the importance of women having a seat at the table? your dad rete you sit at his desk. that's not a woman in power. it's talk your daughter to workday. ( laughter ) don't get me wrong, it's a love lo

♪ >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noaheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! i'm trevor noah! thank you so much, everybody! thank you for tuning in. i appreciate it. my guest tonight, great friend of the show, egyptian satirist bassem youssef is joining us schmed ( cheers and applause ) very fun conversation. if the past two months are anything to go by, a good chance, america will spend the next four years cleaning up after this carrot-tinged toddler. ( laughter ) but good news, it might not last four years because thanks to this toddler, we may not make it that long. >> overseas for the latest on the nuclear threat from north korea, the regime announced this weekend it tested a new engine that could fuel a nuclear missile that drew a sharp response from president trump. >> he's acting very, very badly. >> trevor: this is the secret to trump's success -- he uses language that everyone, even pets, can understand. ( laughter ) he's acting very bad. bad north korea. bad. bad. kellyanne, off the couch.

. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: thank you! thank you so much! welcome to "the daily show"! i'm trevor noah! thank you for tuning in! my guest tonight is the co-creator to have the tv shows "empire" and "star." leeld ilee daniels is here, eve! in the house! ( cheers and applause ) i'm so excited. first up, breaking news. >> well, the numbers are in. the house healthcare bill a ekey part of the new administration's agenda has been analyzed. >> the nonpartisan number crunchers in the congressional budget office determine 14 million people will join the ranks of the uninsured next year alone with 21 million in 2020 and 24 million in 2026. >> trevor: wow. 24 million fewer people will have health insurance? but which 24 million? i smell a reality show! ( laughter ) now, look, unlike republicans, we like to spend time with our healthcare numbers. so we'll jump into this tomorrow, that's assuming trump doesn't invade sweden -- half a joke and half a warning to the people of sweden. befo

. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the "daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show." i'm trevor noah. thank you so much, everybody. and thank you for tuning in. my guest tonight from the fake news, jake tapper is here everybody! ( cheers and applause ) joining us. in the studio. but let's get right to the big story. last night, donald trump gave his first speech to congress as president. and unlike his inauguration, everyone showed up. ( laughter ) bernie was there, and, unfortunately, so was ted cruz. mitch-- mcconnell-- yeah mitch mcconnell was there. is it just me or does mitch mcconnell always look like he's seeing the end of the world? ( laughter ) his face... like, that's the kind of face you make the first time you see your parents having sex. ( laughter ) anyway, everyone was gathered in the capitol to hear the president speak. and from the start, you knew it was going to be a special night, because not only did trump seem to enjoy relating to humans. he even wore a non-red die. laundry day will

system] >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! i'm trevor noah! thank you for tuning?! my guest tonight is correspondent from the failing "new york times" and author of the book about africa's first female president helene cooper is joining us on the show! let's begin with plan oat earth while it's still here. >> donald trump signing the executive order to cancel the obama administration's clean fowler plan. >> president trump taking a sledgehammer to environmental regulations. >> new order allows for new coal minus and rescinds six executive orders from president obama in regulating carbon emissions. >> years of protecting the environment swept away in an instant. >> trevor: years away swept away in an instant much like the coast of florida. you know why i think donald trump hates the environment? because he looks up to mother nature and he's like, you did this to me! you did this to me! ( laughter ) what the hell is donald trump doing? just when we've begun to ac

i'm trevor noah.have a great show tonight michigan guest tonight is a director and legend from all our lives, john singleton is here, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) here to talk about his new tv series "rebel." but first, we begin tonight with terror in the skies. >> united airlines sparking outrage for refusing to let girls on a plane all because they were wearing leggings. >> the outrage began at denver airport sunday when two girls were denied flight on to a united flight by the gate agents for wearing spandex leggings. shannon watts tweeting she's forcing them to change or put dressing over leggings or they can't board since when does united police women's clothing? >> trevor: you would think they would like leggings because you couldn't hide anything. no, sir, you're not hiding anything, go on, go on ( laughter ) united actually made the girls put on more clothes. it was reported the girls were at the gate wearing leggings and they were, like, do you have clothes to put on? one of the girls w

. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! i'm trevor noah! thank you so much, everybody! thank you for tuning in! my guest tonight, actress, singer, hashtag style goal -- jennifer lopez is here, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) jennifer lopez in the house! but first, let me ask you a question -- if you had a job and a lot of people thought you were pretty crappy at that job, so crappy that, after you left, people never wanted to see your face again, when would be the best time to make a comeback? easy, when donald trump gets your job. >> george w. bush is back in the public eye. >> former president bush has been busy lately bouncing his way through a publicity four tore his new book. >> he has been doing interviews for "portrait of courage." >> a lot of us were rough on george w. bush. i hear everybody say the same thing, boy, i miss that guy. ♪ who do you think you are >> a little bit of dancing. >> and i'm sober. >> trevor: go george! go george! oh, look a

i'm trevor noah!y guest tonight from the band hurray for the riff raff, linde lindalyndalee segarra is here. i'm so excited. a video from a police stop in arkansas. what you're about to see is shocking. >> if a police officer ever pulls you over, there's a way to prove you're stone cold sober. just try a little juggling. that's what an arkansas college student did after he got pulled over for having a broken taillight. ( laughter ) >> trevor: why are people having a good time in america? ( laughter ) the cops pull you over at night, and in the middle of the stop, you're, like, hold on, officer, let me reach into my car. let me reach into my car, officer. yeah, you relax. i'm just going to reach into my car. what are you getting? my white privilege. that's what i'm getting. that's what i'm getting, officer. that's watt i'm getting. ( cheers and applause ) juggling is such a white thing as well, when you think about it. no, the whole concept, you have so much stuff that, at some point, you're, like, i c

i'm trevor noah!y guest tonight from the band hurray for the riff raff, linde lindalyndalee segarra is here. i'm so excited. a video from a police stop in arkansas. what you're about to see is shocking. >> if a police officer ever pulls you over, there's a way to prove you're stone cold sober. just try a little juggling. that's what an arkansas college student did after he got pulled over for having a broken taillight. ( laughter ) >> trevor: why are people having a good time in america? ( laughter ) the cops pull you over at night, and in the middle of the stop, you're, like, hold on, officer, let me reach into my car. let me reach into my car, officer. yeah, you relax. i'm just going to reach into my car. what are you getting? my white privilege. that's what i'm getting. that's what i'm getting, officer. that's watt i'm getting. ( cheers and applause ) juggling is such a white thing as well, when you think about it. no, the whole concept, you have so much stuff that, at some point, you're, like, i c

www.captionmax.com >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! ( cheers and applause ) m>> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! i'm trevor noah! thank you so much for tuning in! thank you, everybody. my guest tonight is a writer for the "new yorker" magazine, evan osnos is here, everybody. we're going to have a great chat with him about russia! russia! ( cheers and applause ) but before we begin, some news from the affecten -- african continent. every year the mo hebron foundation gives a 5made prize for anyleader who steps down when they're supposed to. no one qualified for the prize again this year because no one has stepped down. 54 countries, which, you know what? i'm proud of those o african leaders because they show they have principles -- you think you can give me money to step down? i don't oppress people for money! i do it for the love of the game! ( laughter ) you laugh but soon america will have to do the same thing with president trump. laugh now. donald! it's been 16 years! please! it's only been eight years twice... but let's move

central >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the "daily show" with trevor noaheers and applause ) >> trevor: thank you so much! welcome, everybody, welcome to "the daily show." i'm trevor noah. thank you for tuning in. our guest tonight, maker of some of the funniest comedies around, judd apatow is here with us. first, real quick, do you guys remember nigel farage, trump's b.s.s., and the anti-imglant politician against brexit, the guy who looks like a muppet and smokes? that guy? well don't worry about him. just watch the kid. >> her majesty, it's time to knight mr. farage. if you would like to kneel there. >> don't hurt me. well, thank you. >> you are now sir nigel farage. >> thank you very much. i'm honored. >> my mommy said you hate foreigners. >> no, no, listen, girl, no, no, no. you're not supposed to say that. that's very naughty. >> trevor: no, no, no, no, no! i don't normally like kids, but that one can stay. that one can stay. how did they find the only five-year-old with a hard opinion on immigration? and look at her, she's all cute being so royal. th

- ♪ >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noahrs and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! i'm trevor noah! thank you so much, everybody! my guest tonight is a supreme court correspondent for "slate," dahlia lithwick is here, and i'm really excited that she is because we're going to get her insight on america's possible new supreme court justice neil gorsuch! yay! but first, in america today, few people have more difficult job than press secretary and white house minion sean spicer. ( laughter ) his job is to communicate policy, serve as the administration's public face, and sometimes explain that just because somebody happens to be at their vacation home a lot doesn't mean that they are on vacation. >> in his first eight weeks in office president trump has made at least ten trips to the golf course. he regularly used to criticize president obama for spending time on the course. how is his golf game any different? >> well, i think two things. one, you saw him utilize this as an opportunity with prime minister ave to

. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! i'm trevor noah! thank you so much, everybody! thank you! my guests tonight, el-p and killer mike run the jewels are here, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) it's going to be a fun conversation with both of them. but first, they say a picture is worth a thousand words. but some pictures are worth just three letters, wtf. >> the president led with leaders from historically black colleges and universities. >> social media erupted after a picture emerged with kellyanne conway with her feet on the couch in the oval office. >> trevor: no, no, no! i'm sorry, what the hell, kellyanne conway! how dare you disrespect the oval office! that was one of the most sacred -- i'm sorry, i can't do this. ( laughter ) i know i should be doing this. i know people are angry. who cares about the feet on the couch when you have the asshole behind the desk? ( applause ) because at this point, honestly, i think this is kind of funny. some peop

soundwriters™ >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! thank you so much for tuning in! i'm trevor noah! we have a great show for you tonight. singer zara larsson will be with us here tonight, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) but first, breaking news from the vatican. >> a little girl's family may never let her forget her meeting with pope francis. >> this little 3-year-old took the holy father's skull cap, all caught on video, estella westrick of atlanta, gave the pope a kiss and grabbed his hat. the pontiff got it back, he was laughing. >> trevor: ha ha ha! that was funny! i hope it was worth eternity in hell. ( laughter ) you know what the worst part is? the pope almost had to switch to his backup hat, the fedora, the international sign of celibacy, a child undressing a priest for a change. that's a story. ( audience reacts ) i take your oohs and put them in my ooh jar. thank you very much. moving from the infallible to the soul-fallable. president trump. he generates t

central >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show." i'm trevor noah. thank you so much, everybody. and thank you for tuning in. we have a great show for you tonight. from the new movie "chips," actor michael pena is joining us, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) we'll have a lot of fun chatting to him about the film. but first, let's just say you won a big soccer game in south africa. what's the one thing you should definitely not say in your postgame interview? this. >> thank you very much for this, for giving me this. and i appreciate my fans, also. my wife and my girlfriend-- i mean, my wife. yeah, sorry. i'm so sorry. my wife lizu, i love you so much. >> trevor: gooooooooooooooooo sleep on the couch tonight. ( laughter ) "my wife and my girlfriend-- oh, my girlfriend, no my wife. look at that." african sean spicer over here. the guy just thanked his wife and his girlfriend on live tv. i bet he's going to go home and find an empty apartment with the red card on the bed.

central >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the "daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show." i'm trevor noah. my guest tonight is author tressie mcmillan cottom. we are going to be talking about education in america. this is going to be a really exciting conversation. i've been a fan of herself for a long time. and, of course, happy international women's day, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) happy international women's day. we'll be talking more about that later. but first, if you're watching tv right now, well, your testified might also be watching you. >> a new document dump by wikileaks is making explosive allegations about c.i.a. hack tools used to spy on people. >> among the documents released, secret techniques that exploit security vulnerabilities in common electronic devices like phones and smart tvs to spy on their owners. >> the 8700 documents posted on wikileaks reveal a range of c.i.a. programs with code names like after midnight, and brutal kangaroo. ( laughter ) >> trevor: sorry, brutal kangaroo.