. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome, everybody! welcome to "the daily show"! i'm trevor noah! thank you for tuning in! thank you all for coming out! thank you so much! let's do it! let's do it! our guest tonight, here to celebrate this week's series finale of the hit show "broad city," abbi jacobson and ilana glazer are joining us, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) yes! also on tonight's show, the mueller report is finally out. plus, democrats have a new plan that will totally work this time. but first let's catch up on today's headlines. ♪ i.s.i.s. four years ago, they had a terrorist state spreading across syria and iraq. but this weekend, their last neighborhood was officially gentrified. >> more breaking news this morning, the i.s.i.s. caliphate is crumbling, the last i.s.i.s. strong hold in syria has fallen, that's according to the u.s.-backed syrian democratic forces. you will remember at the height of their power, i.s.i.s. controlled, look at this map, an area the si

trevor? or is it vladimir noah? ( laughter ) >> trevor: come on, dude! i'm not russian!>> trevor: dude, are you wrist ning to yourself right now? just accept that trump beat this investigation. >> well, then we need more investigations. what about his tax returns? what about his casinos? what about how his son ain't got no chin. they ain't got no chin! they go from chin freight to the mouth and the throat. supposed to be something in between. between the mouth and the throat is supposed to be the chin, and it's gone. follow the chin! >> trevor: calm down, dude! why are you so hysterical? >> because we've got to get this man out of office, trevor! i haven't slept since 2006. i can't go five minutes without refreshing twitter. we have to get this man out of office. there's got to be a way, brother. >> trevor: the 2020 election is coming up. why not just vote? >> we could frame trump for murder. i know a dude looking to get rid of a body. we'll wait till trump leaves and plant the body in the white house. >> trevor: roy, that's just crazy, man! >> right, we'll do it at mar-

i'm trevor noah.tudent an insanely talented musician, a super nice guy, here to chat and play us a song off his new album gary clark, jr. is joining us, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) also on the show tonight, why 2019 was the worst black history month ever. roy wood, jr. with a magical "cp time" and kim jong un breaks president trump's heart. but first, let's catch up on today's headlines. ♪ israel, it's the country that three major religions call "the holy land." but today the people of israel are saying holy crap! >> breaking news out of israel where prime minister netanyahu has been indicted. the israeli attorney general announcing on charges of bribe bring and fraud. >> netanyahu allidged accepted more than $100,000 worth of cigars and sam shane from a man he gave political and business favors to. >> trevor: that's right, israel's prime minister has been indicted for corruption. and look, guys, i'm all for corruption, but you have to have standards, report? how are you going to be a world lea

>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show," everybody! thank you so much for tuning in! i'm trevor noah. thank you for coming out. thank you for coming out! thank you all for coming out! welcome to the show, people! let'let's do it. our guest tonight is amazing, author, a physician, and the new president of planned parenthood - leena wen is joining us! ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: also tonight, joe biden might have a running mate. roy and ronny have march madness and slavery reparations are coming -- maybe. let's catch up on today's headlines. following last week's mass shooting in new zealand, the whole world came together to offer thoughts and praise. new zealand was, like, thanks for thoughts and prayers but we want to do something also. >> new zealand's prime minister taking swift action following terror attacks on two mosques there. she's announced a ban on almost all military style semi-automatic and assault rifles. >> new zealand will ban all semi-a

♪ >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show," everybody! thank you so much for tuning in! i'm trevor noah! thank you for coming out! yeah, yeah! let's do it! let's do it! our guest tonight is a filmmaker and producer with a new documentary series called "the atlanta child murders." will packer is joining us, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) also on the show tonight, airline safety videos are lying to you. why socialism is so hot. and the congressman who's suing a cow on twitter. so let's catch up on today's headlines. ♪ first up, if you've ever gone on twitter and shit-talked a politician for fun, i hope you have your credit card handy because now you're going to have to pay up. >> republican congressman devin nunes is suing twitter and several users for more than a quarter billion dollars. >> he claims they defamed him. among the tweets he references is from a patrioty account @devinnunesmom, and another if we have questions about strip clubs or hookers we'll cal

. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: i applaud you! i applaud you! welcome to "the daily show," everybody! thank you so much for tuning in! i'm trevor noah! our guest tonight, let's do it, y'all! our guest tonight is a grammy-nominated rapper just out with his first novel. you know him as logic. bobby hall is joining us, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) also on tonight's show, robert mueller's not going away. jussie smollett says no collusion, and a wardrobe malfunction that's literally out of this world. so let's catch up on today's headlines. jussie smollett. a month ago, the em"empire" actor was attacked by two trump supporters who turned out to be nigerian weight lifters who turned out to be american brothers. but now the story is getting weird. >> breaking news this hour, chicago prosecutors have dropped all charges against em"empire" actor jussie smollett. >> i have been truthful and consistent on every single level since day one. i would not be my mother's son if i was capab

. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah( cheers and applause ) is is there oh>> trevor: oh, ye. welcome, everybody! welcome to "the daily show." i'm trevor noah. thank you for tuning in. thank you so much for coming out! thank you! and thank you! thank you! let's do it! let's do it! let's make a show. our guest tonight is a fascinating human being. she is a social psychologist with a fascinating new book about implicit bias. dr. jennifer eberhardt is joining us everybody. ( cheers and applause ) also on tonight's show, the good news in the mueller report, the hot new democrat, and the man who won march madness. so let's catch up on today's headlines. ♪ ♪ first up, the moon. getting there was one of america's greatest achievements. but what if america could get there again? >> a bold declaration by the vice president today. the trump administration wants u.s. astronauts back on the moon in just five years. >> last december, china became the first nation to land on the far side of the moon and revealed their ambition to seize

>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. (cheers and applause). >> trevor: welcome to the "the daily show," everybody. thank you so much for tuning in. i'm trevor noah. thank you for coming out. thank you so much for coming out. yeah! yeah! let's get into it, let's get into it let's do t let's do it, let's do it. our guest tonight, you know him and you love him from "year eye" on netflix, karamo brown is joining us, everybody. also on tonight's show trump is bringing down airplanes, how dumb kids get into college, and why your air pods are trying to kill. but first let's catch up on today's headlines. first up, some exciting news for people without do not like dieing in a plane crash. >> breaking news, president trurp says-- trump says the united states will issue an emergency order grounding all boeing 737 max 8's after reviewing evidence from the ethiopian airlines crash, the u.s. is essentially the very last country to ban the aircrafts from flying. here's the president. >> any plane currently in the air will go to its d

www.captionmax.com >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: yeah! welcome to the show! welcome to "the daily show," everybody. thank you for tuning in. i'm trevor noah. thank you for coming out. thank you, thank you, thank you! thank you all for coming out. take a seat. let's do it. our guest tonight-- i'm really excited is a u.s. representative from the great state of texas, and the only black republican from the house of representatives, will hurd is joining us everybody. ( cheers and applause ) also on tonight's show, kellyanne conway has the weirdest marriage, and desi lydic on the women who invented men. so let's catch up on today's headlines. first up, let me officially welcome you to spring. yeah. it's the first day of spring. you can feel it? you can feel it everywhere. here in new york, the winter street urine has begun to thaw. in philadelphia, gritty is shedding his winter coat, yeah. and in washington, d.c., ben carson is coming out of hibernation. yeah, very cool. but it turns out, there are som

. ♪ >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: how are you doing? how you doing? ( cheers and applause ) welcome to "the daily show," everybody! thank you so much for tuning in! thank you for coming out! i'm trevor noah! good to have you out here! ( cheers and applause ) yeah! yeah! take a seat, let's do it! our guest tonight is an author and an activist from the hit show "top chef," padma lakshmi is joining us, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) it's going to be so much fun! also on tonight's show, mitt romney is an alien, an election in north korea, and the women behind the worst men in history. first, a lot of news needs you attention today so i hope you all snorted your adderall, because i will be honest people, today, there's too much news. luckily too much news is just enough news for a segment we call "ain't nobody got time for that." ( cheers and applause ) all right, let's get straight into it with the biggest story to rock american colleges since the invention of the red solo cup. it's

www.captionmax.com >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: oh, yes! welcome to "the daily show," everybody! we're back! i'm trevor noah! our guest tonight is the dutch historian -- take a seat! too much fun! take a seat! our guest tonight is the dutch historian and author who went viral when tucker carlson told him to (~bleep ) off. rutger bregman is going us, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) also on tonight's show, president trump has three new scandals, michael jackson gets canceled, and why joe biden would be a terrible r&b singer. so it's going to be a fun show. i've missed you all. i hope you're good. ( applause ) because i am not. this daylight savings thing is trash. i feel like i'm hung over and i didn't even drink. not only did we lose an hour, it was a good hour. 2:00 to 3:00 a.m. on the weekend. we're in the club having a good time and it closed out of nowhere. why don't they schedule daylight savings for 4:00 p.m. on a friday? yeah! daylight savings! that's my proposal. i'm running for presi

. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show," everybody. thank you so much for tuning in. i'm trevor noah. let's get into it. you guys are great. let's go! let's go! let's go! thank you for tuning in. our guest tonight is an author and activist, really, really fun perfect joining us on the show and activist for l.g.b.t.q. rights. jacob tobia is joining us, everybody. ( cheers and applause ) but first, let's catch up on today's headlines. ♪ ♪ first up, if you're watching this, it means you survived yesterday's instagram, whatsapp, and facebook crash. or as the millennials called it, "the end of the world." >> millions of people went through social media withdrawal yesterday. >> facebook down, instagram down. what we're learning about a worldwide outage. >> the outage is believed to be the biggest interruption ever suffered by the social network. >> facebook, along with its other platforms instagram and whatsapp, were down for hours yesterday f

. >> comedy central's "the daily show" with trevor noah device into president trump's twitter feuds andavorites like the cinco de mayo taco bowl tweet with a plug for the trump tower grill. and appropriately framed in gold, a master work, the cofefi tweets. we know those who can envision those tweeting on a golden presidential throne. >> look at me. i'm donald trump, it's 2:00 in the morning. blah, blah, blah, blah. kim jong-un. >> or step up to the tablet and create your own mocking nickname. >> jake tapper's nickname, according to the trump generator, wimpy jake tapper. >> trevor noah believes president trump's twitter feed is the key to his appeal. >> he's almost a savant when it comes to his tweeting. there are tweets he has written about the future that have come true. he's predicted things. we just don't appreciate him. >> mostly about himself, though, unfortunately. >> yeah, well, that's genius, in my opinion. i mean, to tweet things about yourself as a future president and then it comes true is just like, you know? that's -- we have to honor that before we die. >> and these dail

chime] >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) ♪ >> trevor: whoo! yeah! welcome to "the daily show," everybody! welcome to "the daily show," everybody! thank you so much for tuning in! thank you for tuning in and thank you for coming out! sit down! let's do this thing! oh, man, i'm so excited! our guest tonight is the star of the biggest movie in america right now. so excited to have her back on the show, lupita nyong'o is joining us, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) also on tonight's show, the secret tax on women, the worst best parents, and i'll show you the right way to cut a bagel. so let's catch up on today's headlines. brexit, it's how people in the u.k. say we're (~bleep ) screwed. and now things are more brexit than ever. >> the future of print, one of america's closest allies, is undern right now as the brexit deadline looms. >> in a last-ditch effort to end the brexit deadlock, british prime minister theresa may promised parliament she will resign if it backs her withdrawal plan. if may's plan

>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show," everybody! i'm excited. our guest tonight is the governor of washington state and a democratic candidate for president in 2020, jay inslee is joining us, everybody! ( cheers and applause ) going to be a fun conversation. also on tonight's show, bern's near-death experience, ronny chieng is here to save the planet, and apple thinks you're not looking at your phone enough. first, let's catch up on today's headlines. president trump. as much as i hate to start the show talking about him, he is the president, although maybe someone should tell him that because this weekend instead of doing normal president stuff, he was on twitter unleashing a record 50-tweet tirade that he had even some of his supporters a little worried. >> president trump just glued to twitter over the weekend, some 50 tweets. >> a twitter typhoon ripping everything from the steele dossier to making claims mueller should never have been appointed. >> pres

male announcer: from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, "the daily show with trevor noah" presents... ♪ [mocking accordion music] - [giggles] ♪ - president trump clashing with nancy pelosi and chuck schumer over border security during an explosive sit-down. - nancy pelosi and chuck schumer together with the president, clashed big time over border wall funding. with a december 21 deadline to avoid a government shutdown, the clock is ticking. - trump is demanding $5 billion for a border wall, and as you can imagine, democrats would rather release obama's original kenyan birth certificate than give trump that wall money, which is why this meeting turned into an absolute mess. - you want to shut it down. you keep talking about it. - no, no, no, the last time, chuck, you shut it down... - no, no, no, 20 times-- - and then you opened it up very quickly, and i don't want to do what you did. - but you said it is effective. - can i be-- can i tell you something? - yeah, you just said it's effective. - house democrats who just won a big victory... - elections have consequences, mr.

male announcer: from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, "the daily show with trevor noah" presents... ♪ [uplifting music] ♪ - major news from the white house-- someone just got fired, but not the person you were hoping for. - all right, we do have breaking news about a staff shake-up. - omarosa manigault-newman, better known as omarosa to people who like to watch "the apprentice, she will be leaving the white house effective january 20th. - general kelly was tired of it. he was tired of all the drama. kelly confronted her. she was very vulgar, very, um... she was cursing. she tried to go see the president. security alerted general kelly. he came back down, told secret service to take her out of there. - wow. - she was escorted off the property. it was very ugly. it was high drama. - oh, yeah! the trump administration is having its season one finale, people, i'm loving this! that is so wild. can you imagine being there when general kelly was fighting with omarosa? something like, "goddamn, this some bull! i'm sick a this crap! [bleep]!" and then omarosa was like, "okay, fi

"the daily show with trevor noah" presents... ♪ [lilting string music] - robert mueller gave a list ofam. and those questions have now leaked to the media. and everyone knows, unless it's in a hotel room in russia, president trump does not like leaks. - the president tweeting this: - but you can tell from this tweet that the president is really mad. first off, because he says none of mueller's questions are about collusion, which is not true, because 14 of the questions are about collusion. but i guess if you round down, 14's basically zero. and second--second, he's really mad because he believes that mueller's team leaked these questions to the press. but... what if it turns out the leak is coming from inside the house? - it's very likely, or at least it would make a lot of sense, that the leak would come from trump world. - because people like us on television would be saying that this is a really bad idea, and perhaps he listens to the television more than he listens to his own advisers. [laughter] - being trump's lawyer must be so exhausting. no, just think about it. he won't liste

male announcer: from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, "the daily show with trevor noah" presents... [folksy music] ♪ - gender is a complicated topic these days. and gender reveal parties are just adding fuel to the fire. - "the arizona star" has new video showing an explosion at a border agent's gender reveal party that apparently sparked the 2017 sawmill wildfire. agent dennis dickey admitted to accidentally starting this fire that burned 47,000 acres in the santa rita mountains. - he was sentenced to five years' probation and ordered to pay restitution of more than $8 million. - damn. the guy was trying to have a gender reveal party and ended up burning down a forest. that's like, "congratulations. it's a lawsuit." like, these gender reveal things are getting out of control because when it started, it was just, like, popping a balloon. now people are setting off explosions, like it's a bomb. you're setting off a bomb. it's gotten so violent, i feel like we're a month away from a gender reveal drive-by shooting. it's a girl, mother[bleep]! [imitates gunfire] ah! enjoy

nyong'o is already reaor her next lm, she's going to play trev trevor noah's mother.f will and nyong'o's sit down. check out our web extra. don't forget to log into hear the entire interview of nyong'o unedited. you can find it in your >podcas. ext week, willie sits down to talk about the comedian's of his days on "saturday night live." >> coming up this morning, organ and i will answer your questions, use the hashtag "sunday >>> we've got those temperatures right now t wing tom up under that march sun. we've got 30s and 20s out there across theboard. it's going to be a little warmer than yesterday. we're topping out in the lows today but then we start to fall a little bit. rain tomorrow, upper 50s. cold on tuesday, uer 40s, and then back in the upper 50s as we gradually start to rise when we get to wednesday. again, expect those temperatures to be in the low 60 today. increasing clouds, but rain specifically tomorrow afternoon. a new way for clients and colleagues to network. if you have moderate to severe plaque psoriasis, every day can begin with flakes. it's a rem

nyong'o is already ready for her next film, she's going to play trev trevor noah's mother.f will and nyong'o's sit down. check out our web extra. don't forget to log into hear the entire interview of nyong'o unedited. you can find it in your podcast. >>> next week, willie sits down to talk about the comedian's of his days on "saturday night live." >> coming up this morning, morgan and i will answer your questions, use the hashtag "sunday >>> as you're getting ready for your sunday, please don't forget a jacket. you won't need your umbrella unless you're spending the night somewhere. monday morning we expect rain. dry conditions, cold temperatures, 40 degrees in san jose, morgan hill 39. up to the santa cruz mountains also in the 30s. your daytime highs will be climbing into the mid and upper 60s in some areas, upper 50s, low 60s along the coast. >>> next up on "sunday today," forget going out to lunch. a new way for clients and colleagues to network. if you have moderate to severe plaque psoriasis, every day can begin with flakes. it's a reminder of your struggles with psor

here is trevor noah. >> little disappointed. it's like coming down the stairs on christmas morning. were hoping for a brand-new bmx but instead you find santa's dead body. we have footage from when he found out that mueller had let him off the hook. >> when it comes to donald j. trump's collusion with russia you did not collude. [laughter] >> he went on to say that is every liberal in america. that part was funny. that may be the most truthful moment of the week. the problem is when politics becomes the center of thesehe comedy shows and the narrative begins to fall apart, things turn nasty very fast. >> over at trump tv, they will agree that this was a terrible terrible thing and they want revenge. if you got rid of all of the conspiracy theorists propagandists, liars, fox news would be a bunch of empty couches. >> wait a minute. they promoted a story line that fell apart, but you are theha liar, propagandist, and conspiracy theorist? i'm not following this at all. >> laura: i literally have never seen the show but was he a big hit across the pond? >> no, he's a south african. >> l

we go off and we do -- like, like, you know, the show is similar to what trevor noah does and what john" >> jimmy: yeah. >> and comedy central said, "how will your show be different?" and i said, "i'll do all my own field pieces." and then, they went, "that's brilliant." and now, i just spent three months traveling around the world doing stuff, which is horrible. i like being at home. so we go off and we do all of these different field pieces and stuff, and while we're traveling, i get really fat. i'm in between weight at the moment. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: no, i think you look good. >> no, i try to start -- i'm wearing black. so incidentally, you and mark ruffalo had the same outfit. you two have to talk to each other before you're on tv together. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> and i had the same outfit as leno. we need to get together as a a group, but we can't -- anyway, so -- [ light laughter ] we try -- and i get fat. and then, i have to thin down for the show. now what i do is, the only way i get thin is through fat shaming. [ light laughter ] now, americans, you think fat shaming

ed: havhe ed: when you have lost trevor noah. she played his game came out a loser there.. even comedians are sitting back. even fans of elizabeth warren some of my friends in new york city i have plenty of liberal friends come on this is not a win for you. just back away. not a good look. ed: she likes beer. steve: she couldn't get her husband to have a beer with her in the kitchen. what do you think about that? email you was at friends@foxnews.com. we're also on facebook. jillian joins us now and she has a fox news alert. jillian: let's get you caught up starting with. this overnight two american service members are killed during an operation in afghanistan. their identities have not been revealed and unclear how they died. they are the third and fourth american service members killed this year. right now there are around 14,000 u.s. troops supporting afghan soldiers in their fight against the taliban. also breaking right now, ice revealing an illegal immigrant murdered a deputy in washington state. the agency says the mexican man overstayed his work visa. the suspect op

. >> well, when trevor noah does the voice of white privilege -- >> he captures it very well, i thinks very talented. >> a certain she nje ne sais qu. >> the senate will likely vote to declare the declaration at the border. he's prepared to veto it. serve republican senators gathered to vote for a second time to withdraw u.s. support from the saudi-led war in yemen. the house is set to pass the resolution as well. it is seen as a response to president trump's refusal to punish for the murder of jamal khashoggi. >>> jussie smollett is in chicago today. a judge is expected to be assigned to his disorderly conduct case and will ask him to enter a plea. smollett is accused of being the victim of a racist and homophobic attack. prosecutors say smollett staged it because he wanted a higher salary and to promote his career. smollett insists none of that is true and insists he is innocent. >>> you can pre-order an attachment that creates the first 5g-enabled smartphone. verizon is launching a 5g in chicago and minneapolis. it will cost an extra $10 and will roll out to more than 30 other citi

but the daily show's trevor noah says he's not surprised it's taking so long. >> let's been hoest. we shouldn't be surprised that the british are taking this long to leave europe. they're not good at leaving anything. pubs, colonies, why do you think alfred is still living with batman. alfred is still living with batman lobster: oh, you guys. there's a jet! oh...i needed this. no, i can't believe how easy it was to save hundreds of dollars on our car insurance with geico. we could have been doing this a long time ago. so, you guys staying at the hotel? yeah, we just got married. oh ho-ho! congratulations! thank you. yeah, i'm afraid of commitment... and being boiled alive. oh, shoot. believe it. geico could save you 15% or more on car insurance. that guy's the worst. openturning 50 opens theuard. door to a lot of new things... like now your doctor may be talking to you about screening for colon cancer. luckily there's me, cologuard. the noninvasive test you use at home. it all starts when your doctor orders me. then it's as easy as get, go, gone. you get me when i'm delivered... ri

trevor noah is in a lot of trouble with people on social media about his comments on the rising tensionsg racist and insensitive, accusing him of mocking the war or possible danger of war through a bollywood stereotype. so the line that he delivers was that a war between the two countries would be the most entertaining, adding it would also be the longest war of all time, another dance number, hence the bollywood references. he did apologise, as i say, saying that he explains his comedy process, for example that he uses comedy to process pain and discomfort, and he pointed out that he had even made jokes about his mother being shot in the head. but he did then say i'm sorry this hurt you and others, that's not what i was trying to do. so what else have we got on there? the ted baker story we have obviously been covering, and the police conspiracy to rape, those allegations from victims. let's look at this turtles and taught us his story. philippine police found 1500 turtles a nd story. philippine police found 1500 turtles and tortoises in duct tape, they came out of luggage opened in the