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Mar 12, 2024
03/24
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. - jarvis, what have we got on an eric cartman? any files on eric cartman?eed to change his status to ripped and sweet. excuse me. excuse me! there's a very important threat to national security. we need to change eric cartman's status. - and that's when i masturbated to game of thrones. i know it was wrong to masturbate, and i know it was especially wrong to masturbate while on duty. - what the-- why do these people keep coming here? - but i am done forever with game of thrones. forever! - next please! [bell rings] - thank you! all: yay! - congratulations, brother! how do you feel? - i--i feel really good! [all cheering] - wow, those people over there seem like they're having fun. - i can't think of anywhere i'd rather be then at the dmv with all you wonderful people. now let's all pledge allegiance. i pledge allegiance... all: to the flag... - what the hell is going on here? this is the dmv. there will be no joy here. - uh, people keep showing up and telling us what they did wrong. - hey, i'm just trying to renew my license. how much longer i got to wait?
. - jarvis, what have we got on an eric cartman? any files on eric cartman?eed to change his status to ripped and sweet. excuse me. excuse me! there's a very important threat to national security. we need to change eric cartman's status. - and that's when i masturbated to game of thrones. i know it was wrong to masturbate, and i know it was especially wrong to masturbate while on duty. - what the-- why do these people keep coming here? - but i am done forever with game of thrones. forever! -...
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Mar 26, 2024
03/24
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cartman is the cause of all our problems, always. doing this? how would we ever get away with it? we do it out in the woods. i know how to get him to go. 'sup, dudes? after school, we're gonna go to my uncle's cabin in the woods. we're gonna have a slumber party and play "counterstrike" all night with no one around to bother us. are you serious?! all night broship "counterstrike" party?! that's [bleep] sweet! does your uncle's cabin have good wi-fi? yeah, but don't tell anyone where you're going. we don't want adults to know 'cause there's gonna be a ton of junk food. bros! dude, that's so awesome! this is gonna be the best night ever! it's better outside with ninja. cookouts are better with master grills that char, barbecue smoke, and air fry. weekends are better with life proof coolers that keep ice for days and have fridge-temperature drawers for dry foods, because everything is better without soggy sandwiches. it's better outside with ninja. there's nothing better than a subway series footlong. except when you add an all new foot
cartman is the cause of all our problems, always. doing this? how would we ever get away with it? we do it out in the woods. i know how to get him to go. 'sup, dudes? after school, we're gonna go to my uncle's cabin in the woods. we're gonna have a slumber party and play "counterstrike" all night with no one around to bother us. are you serious?! all night broship "counterstrike" party?! that's [bleep] sweet! does your uncle's cabin have good wi-fi? yeah, but don't tell...
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Mar 26, 2024
03/24
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you know what we did to cartman! -we did what we had to do. -but we were wrong!oups. everything sucks. yeah, everything sucks. everyone's divided. nobody's getting along. and there's people like your mother who are thinking about voting for a douche 'cause she doesn't have a brain! sharon: go to hell, randy! i don't know what's wrong with people in this town. more and more are agreeing with your mother. i tried getting on community message boards and swaying people's minds, but it always ends up with some asshole talking about vaginas and photoshopping a dick in my mouth. that's where we're at today. everything sucks. here's everything to prepare you for the debates, ma'am. just try and stay focused no matter what your opponent says. don't let him rattle you. he's gonna do whatever he can to try and mess with your head. don't buy into it. whatever he says, just respond with "my opponent is a liar and he cannot be trusted." got it. decision 2016 -- the first presidential debate with moderator lester holt. okay, let's get right into it. our first question is for yo
you know what we did to cartman! -we did what we had to do. -but we were wrong!oups. everything sucks. yeah, everything sucks. everyone's divided. nobody's getting along. and there's people like your mother who are thinking about voting for a douche 'cause she doesn't have a brain! sharon: go to hell, randy! i don't know what's wrong with people in this town. more and more are agreeing with your mother. i tried getting on community message boards and swaying people's minds, but it always ends...
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. - we don't wanna see them, cartman! - there, see? how do you like them apples? ha!ot pubes before you guys did ♪ ♪ i got pubes before you guys ♪ ♪ ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ♪ - cartman, you are so goddamn stupid, it's unbelievable. - ah-ha, don't be jealous, guys. this doesn't mean we can't still hang out. it just means that i matured faster than you. you'll get your pubes, guys, someday. - cartman, you don't buy pubes, you grow them yourself. - wh-what? - when you get old enough, you grow your own pubic hair that's attached to you, you [bleep] dumb-ass! - nah-ah. - yeah-huh. - but then why would scott tenorman sell me his pubes for $10? - because, retard, you're dumb enough to buy scott tenorman's pubes for $10. - you're telling me these pubes are worth nothing? - yeah. - i'm gonna get that son of a bitch.
. - we don't wanna see them, cartman! - there, see? how do you like them apples? ha!ot pubes before you guys did ♪ ♪ i got pubes before you guys ♪ ♪ ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ♪ - cartman, you are so goddamn stupid, it's unbelievable. - ah-ha, don't be jealous, guys. this doesn't mean we can't still hang out. it just means that i matured faster than you. you'll get your pubes, guys, someday. - cartman, you don't buy pubes, you grow them yourself. - wh-what? - when you get old enough, you...
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- dude, i am not going to lose to cartman's stupid turd sandwich. a vote for turd sandwich is a vote for tomorrow. - there, you really want that asshole to win? - i'm not voting. - what? you gotta vote, dude. haven't you seen the "rock the vote" stuff or puff daddy's "vote or die"? - i just think this whole thing is stupid. - kenny, we have got to make stan understand the importance of voting, because he'll definitely vote for our guy. - yeah! - how was school today, stanley? - it was ridiculous. we have to have a new school mascot, and we're supposed to vote between a giant douche and a turd sandwich. - what did you say? - did you just say that voting is ridiculous? - no, i think voting is great, but if i have to choose between a douche and a turd, i just don't see the point. - you don't see the point! oh, you young people just make me sick! - stanley, do you know how many people died so you could have the right to vote? - mom, i just don't think there's much of a difference between a douche and a turd. i don't care. - you don't care! you really wa
- dude, i am not going to lose to cartman's stupid turd sandwich. a vote for turd sandwich is a vote for tomorrow. - there, you really want that asshole to win? - i'm not voting. - what? you gotta vote, dude. haven't you seen the "rock the vote" stuff or puff daddy's "vote or die"? - i just think this whole thing is stupid. - kenny, we have got to make stan understand the importance of voting, because he'll definitely vote for our guy. - yeah! - how was school today,...
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and meet some friends of mine ♪ - and so it is with heavy hearts that we say good-bye to mabel louise cartmankin, it's almost over. - why couldn't the funeral have been on a school day? - and now let us bow our heads in a moment of silence and reflect on how mabel touched our lives. - god, she didn't take this long to die. - and now we release the doves to symbolize the lord taking mabel into his arms and giving her everlasting peace. - peace. - great. now can we go? - no, sweetie, we have to tend to some of grandma's business. - ohh! god damn it! - "and so i leave my stocks and bonds "worth an estimated $14.12 to be divided amongst my loving family." - mom, i wanna go home! - in a minute, sweetie. this is important. - "my loving son stinky, i leave you the house in nebraska. look after it as your father and i did." - blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. - "to my grandson eric, "you were always my favorite fat little man, my perfect round little pudding piler." - oh, god, you have to embarrass me even in death, grandma. - "for you, eric, i leave, "from my life savings, the sum of $1 million, to be t
and meet some friends of mine ♪ - and so it is with heavy hearts that we say good-bye to mabel louise cartmankin, it's almost over. - why couldn't the funeral have been on a school day? - and now let us bow our heads in a moment of silence and reflect on how mabel touched our lives. - god, she didn't take this long to die. - and now we release the doves to symbolize the lord taking mabel into his arms and giving her everlasting peace. - peace. - great. now can we go? - no, sweetie, we have to...
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Mar 27, 2024
03/24
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yeah, she's fatter than cartman. yeah... hey ! for just $5 a month you can sponsor a child.card number. did they say if it's waterproof ? hello, is this sally struthers ? what did she say ? shut up butt part, i'm trying to hear ! ass rammer. yeah, we want to adopt a starvingethernopian. when do we get the sports watch ? just a second fat ass ! youvas deferens. hello, no, no, it's a... vas deferens ?! ( mumbling ) oh. do we get the watch right away ? do we get the sports watch right away ? she says we do. cool ! cool ! i get to wear it first you guys. i can't wait to get out of school and get our teiko sports watch. yeah, but i get to wear it first, i said it. children, children... to honor this special time of year, we'll be doing a canned food drive. does anybody know what a canned food drive is ? yes eric. when they cut up a chick's stomach to get a baby out. no that's a cesarean section eric, but that's okay. remember, there are no stupid questions, just stupid people. a canned food drive is when we collect canned food for poor people who can't afford to eat on thanksgivi
yeah, she's fatter than cartman. yeah... hey ! for just $5 a month you can sponsor a child.card number. did they say if it's waterproof ? hello, is this sally struthers ? what did she say ? shut up butt part, i'm trying to hear ! ass rammer. yeah, we want to adopt a starvingethernopian. when do we get the sports watch ? just a second fat ass ! youvas deferens. hello, no, no, it's a... vas deferens ?! ( mumbling ) oh. do we get the watch right away ? do we get the sports watch right away ? she...
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. - [in a high-pitched voice] ooh, there's cartman, we should invite him to the party for sure.aw. [knocks at door] [gasps] - miss hilton? miss hilton? - ugh, where am i? ew, this room is all middle-class and small. - miss hilton, we've talked it over all night and... while your offer is enticing, i'm afraid we just can't sell you our son for $200 million. it'll have to be $250 million, cash, up front. - oh, hamburgers. - yay, mr. biggles, you're mine forever. - please, i don't want to live with her. she's snores real bad, and she has a huge nose, and this squishy thing that lives in her pants. please, please, don't sell me to her! - all right, butters, tell you what, if you can raise the $250 million yourself, you can stay. - how am i supposed to make that kind of money? - it's called working, young man. your grandfather was a coal miner for 50 years. he never complained. get out there and start digging. - yes, sir. i got to mine some coal really fast. - that should keep him busy for a while while we get this transaction finished. now, miss hilton, how shall we start? - okay, t
. - [in a high-pitched voice] ooh, there's cartman, we should invite him to the party for sure.aw. [knocks at door] [gasps] - miss hilton? miss hilton? - ugh, where am i? ew, this room is all middle-class and small. - miss hilton, we've talked it over all night and... while your offer is enticing, i'm afraid we just can't sell you our son for $200 million. it'll have to be $250 million, cash, up front. - oh, hamburgers. - yay, mr. biggles, you're mine forever. - please, i don't want to live...